La vida de una Bailarina....

What the little voices in my head say

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"As a woman of color who has been heavily involved in the community — none of it felt right. It felt unnatural to talk about my communities in a way that was digestible to donors who had more wealth than I could dream of. It felt eerie to uphold stereotypes through data bias and storytelling so that we pulled on donors heart strings for a gift."

Me, I did a thing :)

https://communitycentricfundraising.org/2020/09/29/5-reasons-your-development-planning-sucks

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Richmond protests, day 50

Yes, protests are still happening. You wouldn’t know with the lack of reporting -- what is still happening isn’t as “sexy” as the discourse that happened the first few weeks. 

There have been a few nights of the helicopters out again. Not too much else to share though.

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Day 9. Grounds have been turned into a memorial. Some stories I’d never heard. Glad I got myself together and came back. @monumentalmemorials #blacklivesmatter #monumentalmemorials (at Richmond, Virginia)

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Richmond protests day 8

Another bad wave. Despite the panic attack, I slept relatively better than other nights. No headphones & the helicopters were not out all night. Not sure if they laid low or stayed towards Cary town with the protestors. I still didn’t not sleep before 1am.

A coworker asks for an update on the org statement and downhill we go. It has now been delayed to give the board a heads up and discuss before releasing. Is it even worth sending more than a week later? If you are not going to acknowledge WHY it took so long. Because we are complacent being silent, we are worried about our funders, we are worried about our board. Not the staff who’s been constantly asked to share our experiences with racism and white supremacy only to have it be shut down or silenced. How triggering is that?

When we share these thoughts — silence. Not until I co sign that the replies roll in. But to my disappointment, the replies are about them. ‘The consultant suggested...’ ‘I shared my concerns and I’m tired what more can I do’ ‘we need to work on our relationships and leadership’. what?!

So I signed off for the day, the weekend.

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Richmond protests day 7

Worked as much as I could today but had low energy.

At night as I watched TV I heard commotion, nothing unusual for the past days. Hoped on twitter for dose of protest updates & saw they were near me, at the precinct. I forgot I lived by a precinct. After a little thought I decided maybe I should walk over.

It took me about 15mins or so. Why? The clothes I had on were all black and I thought that looks suspicious. So I changed. Then I thought I shouldn’t stand out too much, so I changed again. Then, I thought I should wear a hat to make me less noticeable. Ended up just throwing on a purple scarf. But these are the thoughts of black woman wanted to exercise the right to protest.

As I started walked, I saw more cars & ppl than usual in the area. I started getting a little nervous as I heard the chanting and marching but forged ahead. The closer I got to chamberlayne, I started getting sweaty and anxious. So decided to text my neighbor friends just so somebody close by knew where I was, even though they hadn’t reached out all week. No response. But at least someone knew.

As I get towards the corner of chamberlayne, cop cars start speeding down the street and blocking off all the exits/roads. I basically had a panic attack right then and there. I try to make it look like I was going to the store and saw that it was close so I turned around. I started walking back to my house but kept shaking. In hindsight, I’m sure they were blocking the roads to keep the protesters safe. But I was still thinking of all the previous nights of flashbangs, teargas, and violence.

Finally got home & calmed down. Protesting is not my forte.

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Richmond protests, day 5

Drove around town today. Here are some things I noticed -- raw thoughts.

VCU area of broad street looks so surreal. Almost every place is boarded up. Some burnt. Charred streets with remnants of what I’ll assume are tear gas canisters.

There are so many black owned businesses. I saw so many with signs or notices on their boards. But never seen them on a BOB list. We need to do better documenting these places.

There are places that are operating as normal today. Some have no boards, no solidarity notice, nothing. To me that’s a slap in the face to be able to ignore what’s happening. To not make a statement at all means you don’t believe there’s a problem OR you don’t want to lose customers. Which means you care more about money than what’s right. Which is fine — I’m not your target customer & will spend my money elsewhere.

There are police guarding the DOC building. No people at VMFA. None at museum of history and culture. No guards are any other businesses or monuments. Take that as you may.

It’s 2 and there’s snack & water storage already out on some protest routes. It’s 85 degrees right now. Who knows how long these items have been out. I’ve also seen posts about people tampering with these items.

I can’t believe people are still denying racism exists. Because it doesn’t happen to them. Because it is so ingrained in our systems, our policies, our lifestyles. No I’m not angry at the businesses damaged. Because I’ve been donating to them. Ordering from them. I’m angry people keeping pointing out property damage but are missing the bodily damage. The harassment. The murders.

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Good read, but most of Ella’s stuff is. 

(via "Bad Sex," Or The Sex We Don't Want But Have Anyway) 

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Hard to choose top 10. Stay tuned on facebook for all the pics!! #nikkiadventures17 #thisiscuba #girlslovetravel #gltlove #señoritastravel #señoritasabroad #señoritatravels #ΣΛΥ (at Cuba)

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Life is too busy and Nikki it too lazy...but La vida de una Bailarina turned 6 today!

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208/366: Fried Tequila Bites at Wong Gonzalez!

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176/366, Wong Gonzalez. Mexinese cuisine. This is chorizo fried rice! Chill vibes, great food.

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136/366, Richmond Brunch weekend

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34/366- The Bystander Effect

So last night, like every Wednesday night (and all day Sundays), I watched SVU. As soon as I saw the promo, I knew where this episode was going -- the Kitty Genovese case. This has probably been my favorite case to talk about since I learned it in high school. If you have no idea what i’m talking about, just read this article. 

I won’t talk about the case itself, because there’s so much to comb through. But let’s talk about a key effect that received recognition through this case & was central on SVU. Throughout the episode, there was a mix of the bystander effect and the whole idea of “No Snitching/snitches get stitches”. 

The bystander effect is a social psychological phenomenon that refers to cases in which witnesses do not offer any means of help to a victim when other people are also present. The phenomenon asserts that the probability of help is inversely related to the number of bystanders, which means the more bystanders there are, the less likely they are to help because everyone assumes that someone else will help. 

What?! I find it crazy that someone can view any kind of horrific event and NOT step in. And I don’t just mean an event where intervening can put your life in danger. I can understand not stepping in for that case. But what about calling the police? Or helping someone who fainted? Just look at some of these examples (yes, I frequent Wikipedia). If that’s not enough -- for various examples of situations -- watch an episode or two of “What Would You Do?”.

Sonny: “Why didn't you call the police?” Woman: “Lots of lights were on. I figured someone had called already.”

One actor said they didn’t want to overwhelm 911, thinking someone else had called. Yes, because god forbid we annoy people who swore to PROTECT AND SERVE by calling about an emergency too much. To add onto this, social media is HUGE now. People will sooner pull out a phone to record an incident and post the “injustice” or “sad story” later than to intervene or help on the spot. 

I just hope that in a serious situation, I have the integrity to act and intervene/help. So in the words of a great show, “What Would You Do”?

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25/366: Snowmaggedon, day 1....day 4 still looks like a shit show.

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365/365

Last day of the year. I spent it working during the day, and cooking up a storm for NYE shindig at night. It’s my 4th shindig and I love doing it. Staying at home and spending the new year with friends and just relaxing. Not worrying about some crowded club that’s gonna charge 30+ just to get it. Anyways, let me recap on what a year this has been! 

1) Moved into my own place. I love it. I don’t have to worry about other people cleaning, or people being over when I’m not in the mood for socializing. It’s great to be on my own time & decorate the way I want.

2) Started working at Voices. I am SO GLAD I finally got a job in nonprofit and my career has started. I have been there for 8 months now and I can’t complain. 

3) Putting in more volunteer hours. I’ve been helping out alot more at ART180 and various other opportunities that come up. It feels good to give back and take time out of sitting on the couch.

 4) Start blogging again...that one is pretty evident. I think I can up my game though.

5) Be financially secure. This is more in the eye of the beholder. But I have hit all of my 2015 financial goals, which is great! So I am working on bigger and better for 2016. Starting with these car and student loans. 

6) This year I have learned to take time for myself, and became more comfortable doing so. I think I’m so used to doing 100 things at once for everyone else, that I forgot how great it is to do things because you genuinely WANT to. This has included me not working for 2 months, taking solo trips around the country, and being selfish and saying NO when I want..which included being OK with being by myself at times. Finally getting the hang of adulting.

New goals!!! - Get my passport!! I finally printed out all the paperwork, now I just need to turn it in! - Leave the country for vaca. Put that passport to use. - Have traveled to 2 new places - Attend work conferences

Here’s to 2016!

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342/365

Oh my, 23 days left in the year. I’ve accomplished a lot in 2015 -- as evident by my shrunken checklist & how great I feel. I’ve been able to really focus on the things I want and like to do, which is awesome. Finally at 27, I think I’m getting a hang of this thing called life! Can’t wait to see my last “Dear Me” letter to see how many more things I can check off my list. 

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310/365

Well for one, I haven’t written in 100 days. Two...2015 is almost over!!!! I feel like October especially was over in the blink of an eye. Other than that, I have no updates for you Tumblr. Lol. I have been scaling back on socializing and focusing on myslef and work...and so far, it feels awesome. Sometimes, you just need a break from outside responsibilities.