Adventures of being Black in an 'alt' scene...

[bungcar]

[3-aem]

i drew peaches in water (art study)

[teaboot]

HOLY FUCKINHG SHIT BRUH

[gazafreee]

Children in Gaza are not only losing their homes, but also their sight and limbs. The pain is unbearable for any mother to witness. My son Qais was badly injured in the recent attacks, and I have no money to treat him. I beg you from the bottom of my heart—please help me save my child. Any donation, no matter how small, can make a difference.

This is not an isolated case:

1. Many children are blinded by leftover Israeli ordnance or direct bombings.

2. Hospitals are overwhelmed and often refuse treatment without payment.

3. Mothers like me are left helpless, unable to provide food or medical care.

Please don’t look away. If you can see this, then you still have the power to act. Qais is only two years old, and he deserves to heal, to play, and to live. Help me give him that chance. Share, support, Donate—whatever you can.

Donate Now Here

If Qais was your only son, would you let him face the same fate or would you help him?

Yes, I Will Donate 😭💔

Yes, I Will Reblog 😭💔

Voting ended onApr 23, 2025

Please stop ✋🚨 you're the only hope to save a child😔😭

Vetted by @gazavetters , my number verified on the list is ( #64 )🍉🇵🇸

[save-esraa-help]

I am a weak and oppressed woman living in Gaza, struggling every day while everyone ignores my suffering. I have no income, no food, and no clothing. Please, I am desperate and willing to clean your shoes or do any work in exchange for any help you can offer. I just need to survive😭💔.

🚨 Urgent Help Needed 🚨

Hello friend 🍉🇵🇸,

I’m Esraa Mounes Al-Kafarna, a mother from Gaza. My youngest needs milk, and my other child requires treatment for a skin disease. The conflict has made survival extremely difficult 💔.

Your support can save their lives. Any donation, big or small, makes a difference.

Please Donate Here: https://gofund.me/d29c8613

Thank you for your kindness.

Esraa Al-Kafarna

@nihildyke

@nii-facedaingeal

@nikolaniks

@nikoptune

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@nina206

@nintendo-666

@nirnrootz

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@normal-is-a-raging-psychopath

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@nosleepforaiba

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@not4200

@not-too-many-eyes

@notadrde

@notanotherbulletclubmember

[fiction-is-not-reality]

How to Backup your Tumblr

I was just semi-complaining that I was still looking for a decent way to backup my +6k posts without having to use paid services or even just wordpress (which has an import from tumblr tool that asks for permission to access your blog and also make posts), when I decided to actually put some effort into my google search. 

Results were positive: I have successfully backed up my blog* 

*By which I mean: everything that I have ever posted.  Not included: drafts, queue, likes, followers, following, comments, notes, chat. 

I followed this method (word by word), and now have a 450 MB folder on my computer with the name of my blog on it containing: 

1. Folder “Archive” (contains .html files listed by month) 2. Folder “Media” (contains gifs and images, mine has +1k files in it; might contain also audios but I have no way of confirming that because I’ve never reblogged an audio post from this blog) 3. Folder “Posts” (contains single .html files, each one a post; I have +4k files in it) 4. Folder “Theme” (contains only my avatar, but it might be a matter of if you have personalized themes or not) 5. .html file “Index” (by opening it it will give you the archive of your blog organized by month; clicking on a month will open up the archive for that month, and you’ll be able to read all the posts for that month as if you were on your blog**, except sans your theme graphic, with each page containing 50 posts)

**I can see gifs, links, embedded videos, tags, number of notes (but I can’t open up the notes, clearly), text is also correctly formatted. 

So yeah, in case anyone wants a very quick way to back up their blog, it took me less than 10 minutes. 

P.S. I didn’t have any issue, but to be on the safe side always check for spyware and virus threats before and after downloading anything. 

[4367345g34]

this is actually really useful if you have an art blog full of years of work that you otherwise no longer have access to the original files. A lot of the art I have in the early days of my art blog are in that boat. I did this process JUST for that reason and I was pretty astonished at just how many pieces of media it backs up! (literally all of it) Drawings I didn’t even realize were sitting in my archive due to having been posted to text posts or undercuts, or untagged for years! It’s worth it if just for that, even if tumblr isn’t shutting down or deleting your blog.

[blackscenesolidarity]

Submissions now open

I wanted to do this when I first opened the site, but with all the stuff going on in the Goth/Industrial scene, this gave me a shove. So any Black person, and even other People of Color. Please share your stories of interaction with the Goth Industrial scene. If you’ve experienced anything overt or even microaggressions. I would like to compile experiences since it feels like we don’t have a say here.

[blackscenesolidarity]

Update: I realize in a scene like this, it is probably not the best to add a name if you don’t feel comfortable doing so. For submissions, I can give you a pseudonym if you don’t feel like having your name out there. That’s fine. Thank you to all that have shared and followed thus far.

[blackscenesolidarity]

Submissions now open

I wanted to do this when I first opened the site, but with all the stuff going on in the Goth/Industrial scene, this gave me a shove. So any Black person, and even other People of Color. Please share your stories of interaction with the Goth Industrial scene. If you’ve experienced anything overt or even microaggressions. I would like to compile experiences since it feels like we don’t have a say here.

[relapsedrivethead]

Reblogging to boost the signal. Please share your experiences with the blog and share it out. Thanks!

[blackscenesolidarity]

Colorblindness in Goth/Industrial

There was an issue in the scene not too long past involving a well known musician painting their face black and their lips pink for shows across the country. It took someone to call out the use of blackface online and it caused a hell of an uproar. A large amount of predominantly White fans felt that the call-out was unnecessary and reeking of ‘SJW’ nature. The furor grew and grew to the point that the person in question issued a lengthy statement of how they believe they are not racist and everything had been blown out of proportion.

This is where it grew from frustrating to ‘bang your head on the nearest unforgiving surface’ frustrating. The insisting that it wasn’t ‘classical’ blackface and it was ‘just art’ and people need to ‘lighten up’ was peppered between words of encouragement for the party. However, there was something else I noticed that irked me. There were quite a few people asking ‘why isn’t there any Black people saying anything about this?’ At first I felt compelled to say something, but I fell back. This was reminiscent of all the times White people demanded information from People of Color as to why their transgressions were wrong under the guise of education. Also, it felt like we were being used as a shield of sorts. Like the old favorite ‘I have Black friends so I can’t be racist’. On another side of it, it was also troubling to consider that there aren’t many People of Color within the scene. And even if there is a small group, some may not feel comfortable speaking out on this.

I have a few theories as to why that might be the case:

- The ‘I’m not your mule’ theory. Black people have to deal with racist microaggressions on the daily. To see something play out like this leaves one feeling they can take a few routes. However, if you’re just tired of diving in constantly and trying to explain to people that they might be doing messed up stuff? You don’t want to engage in conversation with someone that has the verbal equivalent of a brick wall. That is stressful. Stress in turn shaves time off your life. Sometimes we don’t engage for our own health.  It may not be the immediate and correct action, but prioritizing health is key.

- The “I’m not like the rest of you” theory. (this theory will tie into the next one, so please bear with me) There could be people of color within this scene that feels they transcend their race and such things as racism are beyond them. That there are ‘far more pressing matters in the world’ to be bothered with an antiquated notion like racism. Or the idea that something that can be considered a macro microaggression is ‘even that serious’.

- The ‘pick me’ types. These types of folk are everywhere, no matter what the scene. Approval and the sense of belonging will essentially override anything that is considered damaging. See also, the ‘cool Black friend’ archetype, also known as the ‘you’re not like other Black people’ etc. Also can also come about from being ostracized from a group due to not having specific tastes that conform to their initial group but finding shelter within one that accepts them. More often than not, that person will prioritize protecting that group at all costs.  Whenever those types realize what they have bought into long after the fact, it takes a while to unpack all that negativity.

I don’t wish to speak for all People of Color on this; I can only speak to my experience as a Black woman in this general scene. For a scene that was fostered by non-white PoC and the LGBTQIA, it has become gentrified in its own way. This scene preaches inclusiveness and refuge for those that don’t feel like they belong in society. That’s why I am disappointed by the water carrying done in the name for a person that engaged in accidental racism and glommed on to the concept that it’s ‘just art’. This brings me back to the small amount of Black people that might be active in this scene. I realize that some areas are far more progressive than others, but for the really progressive ones there are exceedingly regressive ones. People who are dyed in the wool scene kids probably cannot fathom the idea of feeling unwelcome in a place that is a point of refuge for them. However, that is an actual thing. If I didn’t have my initial introduction to this scene by someone I trusted, I would have been content to listen to the music. Due to the nature of what’s going on and add to that growing societal tensions, it is easy to see why some wouldn’t feel comfortable going to a show if there isn’t something in the way of backup coming with them. It does seem an extreme sort of reaction, but when there is this type of mental gymnastics going on to deny some rather suspect actions, you have to expect the worst.

[relapsedrivethead]

Segregation of the Goth/Industrial scene

The topic itself has come up in my mind, but it never really sticks there. However, it took a podcast I listen to regularly (’We Have a Technical’) to make me reconsider the subject. The title may seem extreme, but I hope to explore it so it would show why I used the word. 

The podcast itself mentioned darker alternatives to music outside the Goth/Industrial scene. It feels like the scene has imposed an embargo on exploring any outside music that doesn’t fall into whatever rubric some have on the subject. It really isn’t like Goths and the like have the market cornered on distorted synths and spooky mumbling through a mic. You wouldn’t know it at times, but moving on. 

What do I feel keeps people away? The idea of genre purity. It’s amazing to think that a genre can feed on itself and expect innovation when it can be compared to an ouroboros. The distancing between scenes and an almost dogmatic devotion can be harmful. It staggers progress and doesn’t excite the mind as much as it could. It becomes same old, same old. There is a lot out there that we can learn from and expand into. 

But, another thought surfaces; any excursions to the seemingly outer realms of music could come down to the tastemakers in the scene (DJs, bloggers, podcasters, etc.) Others that aren’t seen as being properly vetted have their recommendations taken with a giant grain of salt. However, if there is someone that has an unassailable standing, then and only then is that foray somewhat ‘sanctioned’, so to speak. The more I think on it, the separatist mindset of some in the scene feels like self preservation and a fear of being wiped out. There is no innovation without exploration. It’s a trite line, but it does work. You can’t cling to Bauhaus as the gold standard in an ever changing world. There are more things out there! Yes, even in the much maligned and reviled ‘mainstream music’ we’re all supposed to detest. Try something new. You might learn something.

[relapsedrivethead]

The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

I’ve been going through the book “What Are You Doing Here?” by Laina Dawes, and lately, I’ve been highlighting and nodding at more parts than I thought. One particular part stuck out to me during my reading down time. There was a section speaking about being the only Black person at a metal event and when you happen to see another Black person, you almost feel safe. I can assure you that I’ve felt that way before too at industrial shows. And there’s another thing that was mentioned as well: there’s a weird thing that happens when there’s another Black person in a predominately White setting. It almost becomes quasi adversarial.  I didn’t put two and two together until I read that, but I have honestly felt that way at a few shows. You would think if there is someone else that you can commiserate with, you’d feel a little safer. But for some reason, it’s like you feel jealous and suddenly have a very anti-Black moment and say ‘why are they here?’ It’s an ugly thought and I’m ashamed of it, but at least in my older age, I can spot it and realize how trashy it is. I think I figured out why I felt that way and it’s no less shameful. It goes along with the whole idea of feeling inherently special when there’s honestly no call for it. 1 Black person = oh, that’s pretty cool. 2 = I guess that’s alright. 3 = oh shit it’s a gang. (the last one has been a running self deprecating/harmful joke) I can tell you, it’s a bitch deprogramming your mind from that. Example: I’m part of a music group on Facebook and decided to show off a shirt I had bought from one of my favorite bands. People liked the picture, so no huge deal at first. Then, a dude flips out and declares that ‘A Black girl into industrial music is like a unicorn’. Yeah, like that isn’t creepy AT. ALL. At one point in my life, I would have luxuriated in that praise. And it’s shitty. It almost feels like I had to choose between being anti-Black and toss Black folks under the bus or shoulder the title of being ‘model minority’. Either way, it doesn’t feel good. Which brings me back to the original feelings of contention. It came down to those feelings. It never occurred to me at that time to just enjoy the bands I came to see and just chat up the other Black person in the room. For all I know (now), they could have been scared shitless for being in a room of what could be considered Schrodinger’s Racists. I was really acting no better than the gatekeepers that like to deem what’s acceptable scene wise. 

So that’s one thing that needed to be unlearned. 

[papermagazine]

All Hail Amber Rose

[relapsedrivethead]

Queen Chin-checker Extrordinaire!

[relapsedrivethead]

Your faux outrage is showing.

Earlier this week, I received a crash course in what the industrial scene is capable of in sheer volumes. There was a news article released saying that Kanye West was planning on doing a David Bowie tribute album. Personally, I thought nothing of it since Bowie’s influence reaches far and wide regardless of genre. Industrial folks rose up seemingly en masse and shouted it down as a travesty, calling it disrespectful, etc.

For what it’s worth, the article was found to be fake later on in the day of its release, but it didn’t stop the opinions of how horrendous of a person Kanye is and how he shouldn’t have the nerve to even touch his music. I rolled my eyes and went about my business. Now here is where it just went sideways. The next day, a petition was circulating for Kanye to not do a Bowie tribute album (even though the story was unfounded.)

Really? Is the very idea of that so appalling that it needs to be put down in some very questionable ways? I admit, I’m a casual Kanye fan at best. I enjoy his work and yes, I can acknowledge that he can be problematic at times. But if your biggest complaint about him is that he’s a braggart and should humble himself? That’s questionable within itself.

“But Kanye is so disrespectful! He’s bringing down music! He’s objectively terrible!”

Okay; just because your little pocket of friends all agree doesn’t mean everyone agrees he’s shit. Also, demanding for someone to humble themselves when other artists are out here with zero production credits are bragging like they’ve come up in the world is just suspect. As a side note, it’s very possible that they hate Kanye’s persona and feels it’s indicative of who he really is. In a scene where people can slather themselves in grease paint, gas masks and questionable borderline Nazi paraphernalia and consider it a stage persona can’t get that. Yes; everything in rap is super serious, you guys. The cars, rims, mansions, the popped bottles; all of it. 

Apart from my bad attempt at sarcasm, another point can be brought up. I’ve found that in this scene, rap music has been taken to task on its content repeatedly (misogyny, homophobia, etc.) but if called out in industrial? Apart from the few pockets of dissenters? Hardly a peep. Allow me to use some hood vernacular with this: Take care of home first before you wanna start duffin’ folks out for their shit. If you wanna get folks out the paint so damn bad? Use that clout where it counts. Misogyny in industrial? Get ‘em out. Neo Nazi bullshit? Get ‘em out. So on and so forth. 

However, back to the point: Kanye and Bowie. David Bowie was all about cross genre music. He went on MTV and pointedly asked why there was a lack of Black artists on their network. So to have the temerity to speak on his behalf when he was all about equal rights is arrogance. Ask yourself this; if it was any other artist, would you have the same reaction? Or would you say that this is okay, acknowledging that Kanye in your mind was somehow a dangerous thought. There are so many awful covers of great artists and no one is writing a petition to get them to stop. Music is not a sacred thing; it’s something that’s shared between all of us and if you feel the need to protect the so called purity of a genre, you are definitely not helping. At all. 

As a final thought, you know how some people like to complain that the scene is dying? Mostly due to some of the self appointed gatekeepers that believe that good industrial stopped in the mid to late 90s and everything else is shit? Congrats; you’re sharing the same gatekeeper space as them. Reflect on that. 

[relapsedrivethead]

"This shit is weird: thoughts on why Black people may not be accommodated in certain scenes"

Industrial is weird within itself. It's a niche genre where there isn't a lot of crossover these days. And it's overall homogeneous. There's a running joke that industrial is run by the White Bald Guy Collective, but it's not far off from an underlying problem. There are women, queer people, and a few PoC in the genre as performers, but it is overwhelmingly White. However, there are PoC fans of the genre, but some don't attend the shows or hit up club nights. I know it differs from scene to scene in each area, but there are some things that make PoC steer clear of events like this and opt to stay in and enjoy the music at home. I can only speak to my experience as a Black woman in this case (but if there are others that had experiences, please share). For the most part, I lucked out because I had someone with me at the time to help me navigate the local club scene, but I'd be lying if there wasn't resistance in general. First off, I met with a lot of scorn within my own community. Buffalo isn't as open minded in some cases as those puff pieces on news sites make it. It feels like if you deviate from what is prescribed as the norm, you deserve the shit that gets heaped on you. I used to go to a club called the Continental, and on my way there, I had to pass another club that was predominantly Black. I didn't necessarily dress up like a club kid, but there was a lot of verbal abuse that came with walking by them and going to "that weird bar." Next: old guard Goths. There are some that are chill about the newer fans coming in and learning from there. But if you don't have what the more close minded ones believe to be some type of status, you're an intruder. No matter how much you might like the Smiths. Hopefully I can get more in depth with this since it's too unwieldy a topic to jump headlong into on Tumblr.

[relapsedrivethead]

Sorry for the silence

Life has been less than..well..good. But at least there is a show coming up that can smooth that over for a bit. SIC is doing a New Year's Eve show in Buffalo and I'm doing the flier design for it. Man...it stinks being an out of practice graphic designer.

[relapsedrivethead]

Watching ‘Dear White People’ got me to thinking a bit..

I did a few blog entries about the whole being a Black face in a predominately White place, but after watching this movie, it actually got me to thinking a bit more about my experiences in counter culture environments. I don’t intend for this to go over as a ‘woe is me’ type thing, but it feels like I got hit with a delayed okey-doke in a way. When I first got into different music, I didn’t feel all that welcomed in the Black community. To be honest, there wasn’t a huge feeling of community in school anyway. I got into alternative/grunge because of a boy (dumb reason), but it did open a whole new world view for me. 

And unfortunately, it came with other fostered behaviors that shaped my mindset. This is what most people refer to as the ‘Special Snowflake Syndrome’. I inadvertently became the ‘cool’ Black girl that the White kids wanted to know. It’s an easy enough pitfall to experience, especially when the initial attention you’ve received always verged on the negative. With that, my mind was being gassed up with thoughts of ‘not being like the other girls’, etc. That’s when the anti-Blackness was seeping in kinda bad. 

It seems that with some White people, if they feel they have a token Black in their proverbial corner, they feel a bit more comfortable showing off their casual racism. I’ve also found that it comes from some of the most liberal minded folks. Which often makes it even worse. However, not knowing any better, I went along with it. I became the figurative Rolodex on what would be considered ‘Black culture’ and when something terrible happened involving Black people, I was appointed the unofficial spokeswoman for the Black race. 

I think back then part of me enjoyed the attention. It was negative attention but I wasn’t able to discern between the good and bad. Slowly but surely, I thought I was better than other Black people. It didn’t help that the feeling was reinforced by other Black people I met that found my music taste and subsequent lifestyle change into Goth was less than normal. It was often supplemented with statements like ‘demonic,’ ‘Satan worshipper’, etc. The more that happened, the less guilt I felt with disassociating myself from other Black people. It grew over time: bullying in school, passive aggressive statements out of school and in club situations, etc. Before you know it, it became one hell of a self-hate spiral disguised as false self esteem. It took years to realize how much I hated myself, and it was pretty sad.

Would I take it back? No. I learned a lot from it and helped to shape me into the person I am today. And to go back to my original point, re: Dear White People: there was a character that didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere, least of all with Black people. It took some time, but he found his own way and stood up for his own principles. Maybe that’s why I wrote this. I hope someone out there reads this and recognizes some of the behaviors I indulged in and can hopefully pump the brakes on theirs. Here’s hoping, right?

[relapsedrivethead]

When is it okay to go down the trope road?

I was messing around on Facebook and I ran into some things that both Matt Fanale of Caustic and Alex Reed of Seeming had mentioned. It had to do with interviews given by music magazines and other online scene sites. Caustic mentioned that a question he’s received is “What challenges do you face as a white guy in this genre?” Alex Reed had mentioned some other standard questions that have lost traction over the years. I had mentioned that very one in passing and he agreed that it was one that had lost it’s merit. 

It got me to thinking about that question in general. Why would that be a taboo question? I have a probable theory in regards to it. In the industrial scene, it seems rather homogeneous: white guys. Sometimes there are bald white guys, but that’s another running joke for another day. There are women and other PoC in the genre, and I’m sure the question has come up at one time or another. However, when should it be used if at all? 

If an artist has a formative experience that pertains to said question, it’s quite possible that the artist will bring it up without significant prompting. On the flipside, if you are interviewing a rather prominent artist that has well documented experiences, you owe it to yourself to look these up and avoid the beaten path. Always do your research, folks. The interviewee will thank you for it.

I feel that you may be able to skate on this premise when interviewing someone that’s considered relatively new to the game and has gained some notoriety. Even while keeping that in mind, still do your research. Treat each interviewee with respect and do your best to make the interview process as engaging as possible. 

[relapsedrivethead]

Unspoken agreement between scene folks.

Think back to a concert you attended; could be a current one or a favorite that sticks out in your mind. Now the bigger question: do you remember the opening band at all?

If not, that’s a bit of an issue. Granted, most go to local and out of town gigs just for the headliners alone, but the openers are just as important. They help in setting the tone for the overall gig and gets the crowd hyped for the main act. If they do their job correctly, the openers can add to their fanbase. On the flip side, if the band bombs outright, the repercussions are small but memorable in the worst ways. Now this is where the unspoken agreement is vital. When a promoter takes a chance on doing a show, it really is just that. Taking a shot to bring good music to whatever city they currently reside and making a good impression on all those involved. Money changes hands and a tentative trust is built up. The openers trust the promoter to bring on people that are 100% on their game.

If a promoter thinks highly enough of a band to bring you on with a national or even an international act, you better do your damnedest to show up and show out. And why is that? Well, the promoter trusts you to do your job. The fans inadvertently trust you do put on a great show because you happen to be opening for one of their favorite groups. Lastly, the headliners trust you to do well because the promoter thought enough of you to bring you into the gig. That’s a lot riding on the openers, but us performers seem to come alive when the odds are stacked against us.

Did you know there’s also an unspoken agreement between concert goers and promoters as well? There is, and allow me to fill you in on it. Promoters want you to come to the ENTIRE SHOW. Not just the headliners, but the full show; from start to finish. When fans ask what time each band is going on, it’s quite rude whether most know it or not. Each band deserves a chance to be heard out. Some have traveled a long way just to play the one show and go back home. Speaking from experience, it’s disheartening to see people ask when other bands go on under the pretense of getting there “when the show gets good.” Promoters rely on the attendance of concert goers to encourage more bands to give their chosen city a shot as a viable scene town. When people ask things like that, it’s doing everyone a disservice. So keep that in mind when someone happens to utter the dreaded phrase, “the scene is dead since there are no shows coming up.” Please show them this as a reminder that we all have a job to do to keep our janky DIY scene together. Uphold your end of the agreement.

[nosdoog]

i just released a pdf collection of art (40 images!!!) ive cobbled together for $3.00 (or more, should you want to) and if you wanna snag it you can click like, any piece of this text!!! i know, you can click any part its fucked up, technology is amazing

i love you very much! please help me continue existing in this CAPITALIST NIGHTMARE with either a purchase or a reblog! it means a lot even if you just took a quick gander at this post <3

[relapsedrivethead]

Reblogging so I hopefully remember this later, but also BUY FROM GREG HE IS THE BIGGEST SWEETHEART EVER. :)