A space to vent, my dood @releasingkelly - Tumblr Blog

Boy has me allllll fucked up. I feel like he genuinely cares about me and that's a turn on. He asks me if im okay without me prompting him if i seem a lil off at work. So sweet. I kinda think after jon fished for info from me (asking me if i like him) he's been a lil different- more enthusiastic about making plans and idk though maybe I'm just reading into it too much i can't fucking tell. I just wanna spend time with him when we're all alone and i wanna touch him cause it makes my body feel electric.

I feel like he stopped flirting w me at work though. Or just all together. But then i feel like he sends mixed signals. Damn idk. I hope it's because he doesn't want ppl thinking we like eachother .

When i was showing him someone on tinder i feel like he quickly switched subjects. Same with the other day when i told him i got the weed pen from ryan.

I really like him and i just wanna know if he feels it too or if I'm crazy 🥴

#12-29-24

I feel like ella and claire always know what to say, or give the best advice. I'm not sure if it's because they offer "fresh" perspectives as we call and catch up every so often and don't talk as frequently as i do with bree/ryan/mom/dad. I feel a let down/disappointed by how ryan responds to me when i express worry about things. It's like he doesn't know how to reassure me at all. If I'm having a bad moment he almost always makes it worse instead of helping me. He's aware of this but i feel like he doesn't do anything to change it-he could read articles or talk about it in therapy or fuck, even ask reddit how he could be more supportive. But he doesn't. He just gets all mopey and sad that he can't help me. And what am i supposed to say to him in that instance? Oh no it's not fine because you never know how to be fucking helpful when i need your help the most. I feel resentful because of it tbh.

Idfk ugh

He's right, that i can't stop pointing out the bad things he does and that I'm more focused on that. But i do my best to thank him when he does things i appreciate

Hdhdjdhdjjsjsjd

Him bringing that up makes me feel like i can't bring up any issues i have w him now

#3-5-24

I'm tired of disappointing myself tbh

I feel like there's a 1,000 lb weight on my shoulders. I feel like everyone expects me to be there for grandpa like I'm not greiving too. Like i didn't just lose both my grandma grace and my nana in 3 days. I can't fucking worry about him and if he's okay bc my life just got turned upside down and i will never be the fucking same person again. My heart is forever changed and i don't know know to go forward. Idk how to deal with this. This is my first time losing someone and not only did i lose one person i lost two people who lived on opposite sides of the country. I know they were old and they werent gonna live forever but i have no idea how to heal and go back to living life normally when this shit is anything but normal

#8-18/19-23

I'm starting to think I'm not made to have adult friendships (I'm just in a sad mood and being silly). Rn mofos are letting me down. I need people to be there for me while this shit is happening

#8-18-23

leondore

I'm so tired of taking care of my nana and having her be so rude to me. I'm pulling back and interacting as little as possible. I've been so involved in helping her that i've put her before myself so much in these last couple of weeks that she's been hurt and I'm really starting to see how that has done nothing but hurt us both. Half the time she doesn't even want the help. I'm tired of feeling bad. I'm tired of putting her above me. I want to feel good on purpose. I want to take control of my life and the way i feel. I want to do more things that make me happy and feel good. I want to find the beauty in the world around me. I want to savor beautiful moments and beautiful food and beautiful emotions and beautiful experiences and beautiful people. I want to feel the wellbeing that is being broadcasted to me. I want to feel things closer to the way my inner being feels. I want to start making small steps back to myself, back to my inner being.

My backyard is woods/swamp and it connects to other houses that also have woods/swamp in their backyards and i have this one neighbor who is blasting music and it's taking all my self control to not be petty and rude. I shouldn't be able to hear their fucking music when I'm in my house god I'm so frustrated. Fuck them. I'm going absolutely feral.

One thing about me is that if someone is ignoring me for multiple days or longer, i will not be the first person to break the silence. I don't care if it turn into weeks

#5-24-22

Met a guy on tinder and we really hit it off and I'm kindaaaaa scared imma fall for this mfer oh lawd

#7-10-21

SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME,

IN LOVE THAT YOU MUST,

PLACE ALL YOU'RE GIVEN,

IN INFINITE TRUST

#AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA THIS LYRIC #7-6-21

It's rlly frustrating being close to people who wanna complain and talk about utterly depressing shit cause I'm at a place where my energy isn't consistent enough to hear that and feel good so i just wanna leave the convo when it's just trains going in the direction i don't want it to. And like i care what ppl think abt me in that situation.....but FUCK man i don't wanna feel like shit and yeah i am fucking selfish because I CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL

#6-11-21

I'm fucking jealous of everyone who has seen frank ocean live.

#6-10-21

I CAME TO VISIT

CAUSE YOU SEE ME LIKE A UFO

#6-10-21

Shiiiiiit dawg. I've been trying to figure out for a miiin why i have such a hard time being seen and showing myself but i just fucking realized it's bc when i was a kiddo i would cope by hiding where i wouldnt be found (closets, under the bed, side of the bed) and being alone and then i would get sad and tell myself no one loved me or cared about me and like wow. No wonder i have issues w beinng seen. I literally would hide to feel safe, so exposing myself feels unsafe. Wow wow wow wow wowwww. The answers really ARE simple. (Also I'm not even high. What a bonus))

#2-14-21

Lol why do i even have mutuals if none of them are gonna support me (like my posts). Unfollow unfollow unfollow. Done giving energy and getting absolutely nothing back.

This rlly is coming from somewhere huh. Better heal that

#2-14-21

I WANT TO RIDE A FUCKING BIKE GODDAMNIT

No not sexually

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A space to vent, my dood