Relief4Peace

Writer, sharing the splatter of my ideas through photography, poetry, and the common word. Original work. All work is under licensed copyright.

[relief4peace]

Stop filling voids with people, instead confront them yourself.

[relief4peace]

Etched

Crazy how You have to fall apart to really be someone.

[relief4peace]

The more I try to make it work;the more I like being alone.

[relief4peace]

Teach me

I want to know what your eyes say

[relief4peace]

We have it all right here, right in front of our eyes.

[relief4peace]

Finding nothing but empty husk of what had once been

[relief4peace]

I warned you I was crazy.

[relief4peace]

Boulders

Maybe it’s the thought of amounting to nothing that fires up my passion. Maybe it’s the voice In my head that says you’ve been through an abundance of trauma and this world is filled with set backs and darkness that maybe that’s why I continue pushing through arm and leg to make soemthing of my self. Maybe it’s the hurricane that I was a victim of when I was 12 or the scare from 9/11 when my mom wasn’t home in time. Maybe it was my dad with his life on the line when he almost died in his sleep or the way I was so scared all by myself when no one picked me up from the bus. Maybe it’s the way my cousin died of suicide when I was 13 or maybe it was me at 14 seeing my mom alive one second and then finding her dead the next. Maybe it’s the depression that filled my lungs or the harsh words that stimulated my brain that brought me to question my worth. Maybe it was before me that created this cycle of darkness when my brother died as a still born. But when I really sit down and think about it I think this world has its ways of choosing who is strong enough. The world throws rocks at everyone’s life’s, stones at others and some get boulders. I’ve seen it happen before. When someone got the unlucky straw and got thrown the boulder. It’s a malfunction in the universes perception of who is worthy of this strong suit. I’ve seen people give up because of the hassle of bringing the boulder with them. Ive seen them stay in the darkness for years and years and make nothing of themselves. So maybe that’s why, why I push so hard to create something of myself, push myself so hard to finish the race but even finish it strong. I have this theory that I go by every single day “one day this will all be worth it, the countless hardships and battles and this boulder that has made a hole in my back for it’s own comfort. All of that will be worth it once I prove to myself that the darkness does not define you and your life is simply what you make it ”

[relief4peace]

If you want the roses you have to get the darkness

[relief4peace]

Optimism

Am I wrong for believing in myself, for wanting the success in the movies, for wanting to be somewhere with so much beauty that it allows my pessimistic brain to relax time after time. I know myself, the self that wants to honor this beautiful world wants to release all the negativity that has happened in my lifetime and turn it into greatness. They say my dreams are unrealistic and I must “grow up” but I am grown. My experiences have shown all the growth that one can fulfill. My dreams may not be one for riches. my dreams may not be generic, they may be grown from the spirits of the movies. Maybe the girl who yearns for the adventure in fictional movie settings created them or maybe the women who has seen darkness in her bare hands, been forced to be this holder of maturity created this dream. Or maybe they worked together. The reality that my dreams consist of may be a step, the dream of wanting a love story and wanting my eyes to lay on everything beautiful. The dream of wanting to help. To really help. I want to touch beings on the part of their hearts that have felt the pain that was in my hands. I want to somehow touch them there with love and kindness so the pain isn’t the last thing they have felt. I want to laugh and sing with ones of different cultures and ethnicity’s in places that people bare to step in, the places you only dare to see poverty on the news. I want to record all my findings, tell of the laughs and the smiles and even the cries. I want to write the words of others and the words of my own on my journey. I want to put it out there for everyone to see, for everyone to hear. All I have is my thoughts and my words; those are mine. Leaving them out there for others to stumble upon. Others to stumble upon this mighty dream of beauty and pain and love. This dream of helping others for the eternity of my life. I want people to know that I do not have to “grow up” the growing up that the mass production of people do here. The growing up that consists of bitterness and so much focus on money and solely living in the bubble of your freshly made food,clothes, and home. That may be how some: “grow up” but my growth is not the same. And the words I have spoken are the template to how growth is so different and some go on one path but its ok for others to go on another.

[relief4peace]

Truth

The truth is we don’t all grow up to be Writers or Singers or Models, most of us will end up in box offices or waitressing. Most of us just grow up to have the mediocre job that we won’t enjoy. Most of us won’t grow up to marry a doctor. We will grow up relying on ourselves. Single mothers, Broken marriages, minimum wage. Following the rules of the superiors with no questions asked. But we are the country people come to. To have this  “better life” this “better living”. Yeah sure here you won’t be jobless but you will be hopeless. You won’t be hungry in America but you won’t be happy either. European countries may not have the money you want but they have the lifestyle you want. The lifestyle of love. The lifestyle of Family. The lifestyle of sympathy and compassion. The great trait of being grateful and never taking anything for granted. If you want money instead then go on come to America for a “better life” but trust me when I tell you they are lying. You are but a number here. Just a paycheck. There’s nothing on America’s mind at the end of the day other than money. How we got this reputation of a “better living “ is beyond me.

[relief4peace]

What Am I

I am a piece of paper Stronger than the devil The ruler of the real world The life ruiner that lost your house The controller that made you starve The dictator that made you work for less The asshole that declined your card The jerk that tore your family apart The ruler that left you with nothing This is what our lives have come to What am I ? -BAS

[relief4peace]

It Oozed through every vein in her body -BAS

Photography by Belen Sanchez licensed copyright

[relief4peace]

Break a leg

Open my eyes like the curtains to a broadway play

Slow and steady and unyielding

Except there’s nothing good behind that curtain

No beautiful dancers or glimmering lights

Just the same old role that i’d rather not play

I open those curtains to be reminded of the lines i will forget; the expectations I will yet again not meet

I open the curtains to be reminded of the lead i didn’t get; the sour words that hurt my head

I open the curtains to see the people that didn’t show up; the advice that i didn’t get

I open the curtains to the critics shaking their heads; the life that will not end

I open the curtains to the dreary days

The days of broken dreams and broken hearts

The goodbyes that came too soon

And the I love you’s that never came

I open the curtains to the scares laughs

The laughs that used to come daily but somehow disappeared

Disappeared from my system and now flow into the others

Flow into the ones who love those laughs not the ones who live for them

I open the curtains to the pools of tears

The tears that drip too often

The tears that drip full of sorrow

The tears that drip black as an empty stage

The sour voices are echoing through my brain

The dreary days feel like broken records

And the salty tears are starting to burn off my flesh

So I decide to close the curtains before the play had ended -BAS

[relief4peace]

Infected

I was infected with every drop of him.

I retained it all inside.

Masking it all like it didn’t strain every inch of me.

I pushed the dark moments so far down below me that I started to forget it was even there.

I tied up the parts of my life that were unfortunate.

Once the gruesomeness of my old life was tied, I Thought I was ok.

I thought I was normal like the rest of the children.

I went on with the rest.

I made my own memories and I made my own childhood without him.

I created my new life.

I created a new life for the years I didn’t have one.

It’s been years and that darkness came back.

It came back in the form of the real thing.

The real human that created the first moment of darkness.

The one who created the lifelessness of my life came back,

the darkest shade that he ever could,

And bursted into millions and millions of shades of black.

He made me feel as if my whole life.

Every day that I recreated.

The days I recreated to cover up the darkness that he showered me with.

He made me feel like it was for nothing because I could feel the bitterness.

The motionlessness.

The sourness that he was letting out just from the air he was sharing with me.

When he came back I could just feel the drips of the shower starting.

The shower of destruction.

From the moment I saw him again I knew he had already reversed the life I recreated without him.

But I just kept trying to push it down beneath me because I just so desperately wanted to be like the others.

I just wanted to be normal.

But this man won every time.

His shades overruled it all.

The shades of black overruled my whole life before me and the life I have yet not lived.

But I just kept pushing it beneath me.

Because veiling it all was the only act I was capable of.

But I pushed it so far beneath me.

Too far down.

That I became numb.

I became motionless.

I became bitter.

I became sour.

I became so many shades of dark.

But the one I was the most was the deepest shade.

I became the deepest shade of dark and now because of him I will never be like the others.

I will never be normal.

From the moment he injected me with his darkness disease I was destined to be just ask dark as the man himself.

-BAS

[relief4peace]

Heart On A Diet

My mind craved you like chocolate but my heart was on a diet from the years of calories I had already consumed

-BAS

[relief4peace]

All I wanted

I remember the ever sweet nothing he whispered in my ear I remember the moist lips that didn’t touch mine goodnight I remember the laughs we didn’t laugh until we cried I remember it all because it, it was all I wanted

-BAS