âCanât we just talk about it instead of skating from it? I think weâve wondered enough..."
My eyes had not shifted from his back since the moment his snores filled the room. I had no idea how I currently felt about the man that I lay next to in bed with now. All I knew was that I longed to stare at his freckle-spotted face and trail kisses along the sharp edge of his jawline. I desperately wanted to cup his cheeks in the palms of my hands and slap them hard out of anger and frustration right after.
The perfume I smelled on his body only a few hours earlier eventually faded away, but left a burning sensation in my nose. The scent was very soft and sweet, but I could tell it was meant to be noticed and linger on the body for a long period of time. I tried to imagine her. Short. Light skin. Long, dark hair that most likely didnât belong to her. Or maybe it did because she was one of the foreign ones. Dark brown eyes. Fat ass. Flat chest. Snug clothes to catch even the slightest curve on her body. I imagined him meeting her in all types of places. The club. One of his concerts. Dubai. A supermarket here in Virginia.
My vision of his back became blurry due to the tears that welled in my eyes. I didnât know if they were there because I was so angry or extremely sad. Before thinking, my hand reached out to palm his back. It was cold and damp compared to my warm hand, which caused him to tense up a little and shift to face me. I gasped a little and expected his eyes to fall on mine, but was instantly relieved to see him continue to snore lightly.
Maybe I deserved to lose him. I basically stole him away from Kae, so it would make perfect sense for another girl to steal him away from me. Plus I continue to secretly go out with Nate, although I believe it's completely innocent. Why should I be angry with Chris secretly going out with girls when Iâm going out with one of my best friends and lying about it? I really have no reason to lie, but I still continue to do it.
âIâm going out with Livi today.â
âJust going shopping for a while, Iâll be back in no time.â
âI want to get some fresh air at the park. Alone.â
The crazy thing is half the time I donât say anything at all. But Chris never says anything either, not anymore. I continued to stare at him, mentally tracing the contours of his face, and wondered if another girl did the same while he was lying in her bed as well. If we both kept this upâwhatever this wasâ we would end up crashing and burning, karma consuming me first because of what Iâve done.
Karmaâs a bitch, but you gotta give the smart bitch credit; she always comes around.
Gently, I maneuvered my way closer to his body, my eyes still on his face. I placed a soft kiss on his slightly parted lips and planned to leave it at that, but my body had plans of its own. My arms snaked their way up his tattooed chest and to his cheeks as my lips repeatedly pecked his and gradually became longer. A groan, almost inaudible, left his mouth. I proceeded by trailing one of my hands slowly back down his body and let it linger right above his waist. My lips momentarily paused and I stared at his closed eyes before slipping my fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers to grab his member. Once again, his body tensed and his bottom lip caved into his mouth. I used my free thumb to pop it out again and leaned in to bite it softly, causing his eyelids to lift and his brown eyes to stare into mine.
His lips shifted slightly to say something, but a low groan came out instead as I began to stroke him underneath his boxers; His stiff and hard nature presented itself against my palm not long after. He pulled me even closer to him by cupping my face in his hands and kissing me deeply. Before I knew it, he was on top of me and then I on top of him; we repeated this action for a long time as the sexual tension steadily rose with the ferocity of our kiss. In a matter of moments, the sound of our faint moans and heavy breathing filled the room as we began to slowly make love.
You would think that I wouldâve been upset to find the spot next to me empty and cold. If this had happened a few months ago, I probably would have been.Today, like many other days though, the empty spot was normal and I was so insensitive to it that I simply rolled out of bed to get ready for the day.
However, walking in the kitchen to see Chris standing at one of the counters was not normal.
âWhy are you still here?â I asked immediately once I was fully in the kitchen.
He turned around and blinked with a blank expression on his face. âUh, because I pay the bills at this house.â His body faced the counter again as he placed two donuts on a plate and proceeded to turn and hold it out in my direction. âBreakfast,â he mumbled. I shook my head and grasped the handles of my purse a little tighter.
âEat. Eat with me, Rayne."
My breath caught in my throat at his sudden assertiveness. I almost thought it was more of a plea until I looked into his eyes and realized they were just as empty with emotion than our bed was this morning. I met him half way across the kitchen to grab the plate, walked back to set my purse on the counter opposite him and picked up a glazed donut to take a small bite out of it. The whole time, he watched my every move, making me more anxious to leave than ever.
âWhat?â I asked with slight annoyance in my voice as I set the donut back down.
He shook his head before breaking eye contact. "What do you want Rayne?"
"I mean what do you want from me? Do you want a bigger house? A new car? What is it?"
I stared at him almost bewildered and definitely confused. "I don't want anything from you, Chris."
"Do you want to get married?â he asked quietly. I stared at him for a moment before following his gaze to my bare finger. Like every other normal morning these past few months, I took my ring off before leaving the house. It was his suggestion actually since our engagement wasnât officially announced and since the media had recently started to notice me. Watching him stare at my ring finger now, however, made me feel guilty for something he didnât even know about. I quickly rubbed my hands together, hoping he hadnât seen it, although I knew it was too late.
"Rayne, we have a problem, a problem that we still have yet to fix. If this is how it's going to be when we're married then--"
"Then what?" I cut him off. âThen we shouldn't get married?"
He clenched his jaw and remained silent for what seemed like a long time. "You said it, I didn't," he said with a slight shrug. I shook my head slowly, picking up my purse in the process.
âI donât have time for thisâŠâ I mumbled before walking out of the kitchen and then out of the door.
âI donât think he wants to get married anymore,â I said to break the silence in the hotel room. Nate looked down at me from beside him and instantly wrapped a comforting arm around me. He was still quiet for a while before he spoke.
âWhat makes you think that Rae? Did he say this to you?"
I sighed. âWell not exactly, butâ"
âNope, stop right there.â He turned to face me with a concerned look on his face. âNot trying to stereotype here and also not trying to take Chrisâ side, but I know you women have a way of misinterpreting what us guys say. If he didnât say verbatim âI donât want to marry you Rayneâ then thatâs probably not what he meant."
I glanced down, rethinking the whole situation. âHe asked me if I still wanted to get married and brought up the fact that thereâs a problem in our relationship thatâs still unresolved. So basically, if the problem was still there while we were married, thenâŠâ I faded off. Nateâs eyebrows rose, waiting for me to finish.
âIâm pretty sure you can guess the rest."
âOr did you guess the rest for him?"
Exhaling slowly, I cupped my face in both hands. Nate did have a point. I jumped to conclusions too fast this time without letting Chris finish his obvious concern about our relationship. However, how else was I supposed to act when my fiancé comes in at all times of the night smelling like another woman?
âI think Chris might be cheating on me,â I blurted out of nowhere.
Nateâs jaw practically dropped down so hard that I thought it would break off and hit the couch we were on. I quickly covered my mouth as if I could swallow the words I had just let out back down my throat, but it was already aired out. Nate had just heard my deepest, darkest thought that I had avoided admitting even to myself and I didnât know how I felt about it. From the expression still painted on Nateâs face, I would say he was about as bewildered and in disbelief as I was.
âR-rae, Iâ,â he stumbled at first, staring up at the ceiling now as if the right words hung from it like an invisible chandelier. He cleared his throat to try again, but by this point I had rose from the couch with my purse and walked towards the door.
âI shouldnât have said that. I mean⊠heâs an entertainer, heâs around women all the timeâŠof course all the signs look bad but...â I rambled on more to myself than to Nate, who quickly followed me to the door and was now turning me around to face him.
âRayne, if all the signs are there and you really think this, thenâŠâ His voice faded by the end of his sentence but I already knew what he was implying.
âHe wouldnât cheat on me. He promised.â I shut my eyes before tears could rush to them and breathed deeply. âEverything will be fine, we can fix this."
I heard Nate sigh and felt him take two steps away from me. Opening my eyes again, I saw a look of disappointment on his face. Deep inside, I knew exactly why Nate could have looked at me this way, but I wouldnât dare bring it up just to start an argument with him, not now when I needed his companionship the most.
âNate, Iâll see you another time. I have to go attempt to fix this."
He nodded quietly and stepped close to me again to embrace me tightly. Mumbling in my ear, he said, âRae, Iâm always here for you. Remember that, okay?"
I pulled away and half-grinned at him before leaving the hotel.
When I pulled up to the driveway, I was only half-shocked and relieved to see one of Chrisâ cars parked outside of the garage. He had been waiting for me to come back. Although I decided before I left Nateâs hotel room that I was gonna talk to Chris, I still hadnât thought of what I would say. I couldnât directly confront him about cheating without solid proof instead of just inferences; if he actually wasnât cheating, it would make him think I no longer trusted him, making our whole situation all the more difficult.
So what would I say to him?
After ten minutes of going back and forth in my head, I finally got out of the car with a âWhatever happens, happensâ sort of attitude and bravely walked inside. I found Chris moving two suitcases to the living room and my heart almost hopped out of my chest.
âWhere are you going?â I immediately asked.
âL.A. I have a few gigs and business to take care of,â he said as he dropped them beside the couch.
I was a tad relieved, but still suspicious. âWhy didnât I know about this? According to the amount of bags you packed, it seems like youâll be gone a while...Am I not invited?"
âOf course you are, only if you want to go,â he sighed, âI just booked these gigs last night and with all the drama we got going between us, I havenât had the chance to talk about it."
I bit my lip and took a seat on the couch. âSo we do have some sort of drama between us then,â I stated more than asked.
âI honestly donât know what this is between us, but itâs definitely not us. Itâs like every time I walk in here, thereâs a big elephant in the room that neither of us wanna talk about. Iâm just tired of skating around it at this point, so Iâm gonna confront it. Rayne, ever since your hysterical pregnancies, youâve pulled away from me and I really think you should seek help from someone. "
My eyes widened at him. âYouâre blaming our problems all on me? Iâm not the one who comes in at all times of the night or who is barely around!"
âRayne, first of all, you of all people know what comes with me being famous and shit. I work late nights and early mornings but at least I come back home to you and only you. In fact, Iâm around more than you think. If you werenât gone all the time to wherever the hell you always go now or pushing me away, you would see that,â he said more calmly than my previously heated statement.
âBlah, blah, blah,â I mumbled and rolled my eyes.
He chuckled, but I knew it wasnât because he thought any of this was funny. âYou know what⊠we have two options: one, we can both get on this flight to LA and continue fighting or make up somewhere along the way. Or two, I can board the flight alone so we can have even more space between us than we do now. Your choice though."
I glared at him and remained silent. We stared at each other much like we did earlier, but this time with a lot more intensity and irritation. It wasnât until we heard a car outside honk that we broke our glance.
âThereâs my ride,â he muttered. âI guess this will be a solo trip after all."
I shook my head at his comment and stared at a mark on the wall so I wouldnât have to watch him leave. Once he was out of the door, all of my irritation went along with him and I was immediately stricken with grief.
This wonât even be the worst of it all, I bet...
ellievsbear
