his words felt like a slap to the face, her entire body now riddled with doubt. only seconds prior she had been sure that she had to tell him and now she was second guessing everything, including them. hannah opened her mouth to speak, a moments hesitation allowing him to speak again before she could. it was a hesitation she would have thanked god for had she been sure he even existed. this was the sign she had needed, a definitive, blaring, neon sign telling her to continue, telling her to just fucking tell him already. for too long, she had allowed herself to sit on the sidelines, had been complacent in the casual relationship they had… if there was one thing leo had been good for it was proving once and for all that what she felt for abel was something more weighted than sex and a good laugh.
three breaths entered and exited her lungs as she gathered the confidence to continue, her body snaking off the bed and to the floor. it was there that she mirrored his stance, her hands instead pressed against her thighs as she began to speak. “i don’t want to lose you either.” she spoke first, a subtle step into unknown and untraveled waters. “and the only thing i want is you.” for a moment she had sworn she hadn’t spoke it, swore the words hadn’t left her lips and instead were spoken by some ominous narrator in a woody allen film. trembling lips, however, proved otherwise. “i - i hate being in a room with you and not being able to touch you and i hate watching someone who doesn’t deserve you touch you… someone who doesnt love you -” hannah inhaled deeply then, readying her admission to be spoken into the stale air of her room. “… like i do.”
silence had never felt so heavy. he had tried to look anywhere besides her, in case his mind played tricks on him and had her feeling ten thousand steps away. but hazel eyes found her as soon as her first breath exhaled, stayed through the first couple of words that his head had to sprout awake and sober for in order to be certain he’d heard her right. ( it hadn’t been until that very moment abel was sure that one episode of spongebob’s headspace was undoubtedly accurate. ) an anxious shiver ran down his spine, too much practice keeping the rest of his body from trembling alongside it. the problem with talking about feelings was readability ; abel was the ultimate failure when it came to applying context clues and though everything she said felt to not have a secondary meaning, his head had already begun picking apart each sentence into incoherent fragments.
“ so.. ” he started slowly and unconvincingly, only making it more apparent it was more so a noise than an introduction to an earnest response. abel used five seconds to reposition himself, now cross legged with hands on his lap and his head bowed only enough for his eyeline to hit the point of her chin. “ when you say love, does that mean ─ ? ” his voice abandoned sound before abel could finish the question, on the likely chance he’d fumble whatever small self confidence he currently harbored. a rough swallow was followed by a second attempt. “ ‘cause i’m .. i know i make an ass of myself a lot, it’s kinda my staple, but i don’t wanna put words in your mouth. ” rather than outright ask whether or not his best friend was in love with him, abel let the quiet settle over them again, save for the steady sound of breathing. naturally, his hands fidgeted. “ you’re in my top three favorite people of all time, hannah. and the other two are my parents, partly because they’re .. y’know, my parents, so i feel like that should say a lot. but i love you too. in all aspects. ” his lips pressed together, as if his body had made a last ditch attempt to save face and refrain from exposing itself completely. “ i have for ─ well, maybe always. ”
titsay
dailybridgerton
areudirty
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