Something about Lillie’s desperate, repeated apologies make Lusamine’s stomach turn. She wants to snap something, tell Lillie to be quiet and stop looking so terribly pathetic– but she manages, for once, to bite her tongue.
As Lillie voices her concern, Lusamine turns a withering stare (a stare that says, I could not care less what you think) onto her– but then she seems to relent, saying they could walk together “for a bit.” Lusamine sweeps an errant lock of hair behind her ear and straightens with a sigh. Her eyelids flutter for a moment at some remaining dizziness, but she seems to be– mostly– pacified.
“Your opinion is noted, Lillie,” she says stiffly, professionally, as if to an employee, “But not needed at the moment. The thought of resting for even a moment longer is positively maddening…” She pauses, thinking, and carefully corrects her voice, making it softer, gentler. “Surely, even the nurses would agree that a little walk and some fresh air will do me good, no?”
She tries to smile, promptly fails, and instead breathes another, harsher sigh out through her nose. After a moment, she quietly adds:
“I’m sure you could use it as well.”
By her limited perception, slipping unpredictably in and out of lucidity, Lillie had hardly left her side. It was impossible for Lusamine to tell if that much had been motivated by love or a simple lack of trust, but, either way, it was disgraceful, and Lusamine was more ashamed and resentful than she was touched. Her daughter has no business doing this– watching her mother with the vigilance of a Luxray, having to walk on eggshells to compromise with her over something as simple as a midday stroll…
Or had it become evening now? To no surprise, Lusamine finds that she can’t remember.
Once again, she tries to get to her feet. She fares better this time, pushing herself up with the aid of a visitor chair. It’s a bit inelegant (which means she loathes every second of it), but it does the trick; she takes a moment to steady herself, folds her hands neatly in front of her, and fixes Lillie with an expectant look.
“Well then… Let’s try this again, shall we?”
she’s completely brushed aside, as usual. it’s as if nothing had ever changed. as if she never escaped the aether foundation, never known the loving home of kukui and burnet, never met her friends, never helped nebby and never stood up to her mother ... well, it happened for her friends, but to her, it’s as if it means nothing. she’s back where she started -- trapped in a cage, walking on eggshells to prevent her mother’s feelings being taken out on her. ‘ children would be better off if they listened to the adults around them. ’ maybe not fun sun, moon, hau, even gladion, but her ... of course, for lillie ... she may as well put on the clothes her mother picks out for her and become that perfect ‘ nihilego ’ doll ...
so lost in her abyssal thoughts, lillie doesn’t even notice her mother getting to her feet. if she had known, she would’ve helped -- so it’s probably better that she didn’t notice. after all, her mother likes to act as if nothing’s wrong even when the poison is still impacting her body.
her lips are pursed so tightly, in such a moping look, it must look dreadful to her mother, who values appearances above all else. she tries her best to put on a smile, at least a look more cordial, but she can’t. this is all too much. she feels like she’s suffocating. she thought she was free.
but she remembers she’s the one who volunteered to take care of her mother, telling gladion he’s heir to the aether foundation, anyway, and that he doesn’t get along well with mother regardless, and it won’t help mother’s recovery to bicker with him ... she feels like crying, like screaming, like running away again, but she doesn’t. of course not. she seals her fate when she looks into her mother’s eyes ( who looks at her like she’s a business partner, not her daughter ) saying, “ of course, mother, ” and opening the door for her to lead.
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