BEHIND THE VEIL.

almost anything can be trained to resist its instinct. indie dr. bedelia du maurier from nbc's hannibal. semi-selective / private. brought to life by manon.

[butscrewmefirst]

psa: you deserve good things.

way too many people on my dash have been having a hard time lately, and it breaks my heart. completely breaks my heart. i follow people that i believe are wonderful human beings, people that i think are beautiful inside and out, people that i have complete faith in. they are kind, they are caring, they are giving, they are responsible, and they are so many other things that would take me hours to list out.

but most of all, every single person i follow DESERVES GOOD THINGS. all good things. they deserve happiness and love and appreciation. and as i’ve said, it breaks my heart when the people i follow ( when anyone ) feel as if they deserve otherwise. i want everyone to be happy and i want them to know how absolutely wonderful and talented and loved they are. 

please be nice to yourself. put yourself before others if it’s what you believe to be the most necessary thing. there is NOTHING wrong with putting yourself first in your own life, because it’s you that has to live your life and not anyone else. if you want to be happy then you need to do what’s right for you. i’m not saying hurt others for your own sake/well-being — never hurt others if it can be avoided — and i’m not saying to leave people behind or wrong them just to better yourself. all i’m saying is that you need to do what’s best for you while still continuing to be the amazing and kind person i know all of you are.

good things come to good people, and i know all of you are good people. be nicer to yourself, and give yourself a lot more credit. you may feel stuck in life, you may feel like you’re not doing anything right, but trust me when i say things will get better and you will be stronger for everything that happens to you ( good and bad ). only recently have i started to feel like i’m on the right track. not two months ago i felt lost. i felt bored with life. i was SO unhappy with my job and kind of everything. i was desperate to find something that made me feel whole and worthy again… and i ended up finding what makes me happy. a few things, actually. and i didn’t expect that to happen.

tldr; BE NICE® TO YOURSELF. GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE APPRECIATED. YOU ARE WORTHY OF ALL GOOD THINGS. PUT YOURSELF FIRST. DON’T HURT OTHERS. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. i love you all so much. ♥

[detcdecker-blog]

[detcdecker-blog]

detcdecker‌:

                                                 it’s all true.

[butscrewmefirst]

discount comms.

as i’m trying to save up money for singing and acting (and an eventual move), i’m doing a discount for my icons and other graphics! IM me or send an ask my way and we can discuss the specifics of what you’re wanting. i’ll try my best to make sure i can get to your icons / graphic(s) within a week or less of your request, but please be mindful that i’m a full time worker that still needs to make ends meet for herself!  if you’re not wanting any type of commission, please consider buying me a ko-fi or donating to my pa.ypal. thank you so much for reading this, and i hope to be able to make you something soon! — xoxo manon ♥

ICON PRICING: ( examples here )

100 icons: $5 USD 200 icons: $7 USD 300 icons: $9 USD 400 icons: $12 USD 500 icons: $15 USD if you’re wanting more than 500 icons we can discuss a specific price for you!

GRAPHICS PRICING: ( examples here )

promos / banners / online&offline / starter&main call: starting at $4, but will increase by $2 with each additional image used for your request (i.e. you want 2 images in your promo, it would be $6, or if you wanted 2 images for a promo and 1 banner and 1 mains call image it would be $10).

[butscrewmefirst]

discount comms.

as i’m trying to save up money for singing and acting (and an eventual move), i’m doing a discount for my icons and other graphics! IM me or send an ask my way and we can discuss the specifics of what you’re wanting. i’ll try my best to make sure i can get to your icons / graphic(s) within a week or less of your request, but please be mindful that i’m a full time worker that still needs to make ends meet for herself!  if you’re not wanting any type of commission, please consider buying me a ko-fi or donating to my pa.ypal. thank you so much for reading this, and i hope to be able to make you something soon! — xoxo manon ♥

ICON PRICING: ( examples here )

100 icons: $5 USD 200 icons: $7 USD 300 icons: $9 USD 400 icons: $12 USD 500 icons: $15 USD if you’re wanting more than 500 icons we can discuss a specific price for you!

GRAPHICS PRICING: ( examples here )

promos / banners / online&offline / starter&main call: starting at $4, but will increase by $2 with each additional image used for your request (i.e. you want 2 images in your promo, it would be $6, or if you wanted 2 images for a promo and 1 banner and 1 mains call image it would be $10).

[butscrewmefirst]

discount comms.

as i’m trying to save up money for singing and acting (and an eventual move), i’m doing a discount for my icons and other graphics! IM me or send an ask my way and we can discuss the specifics of what you’re wanting. i’ll try my best to make sure i can get to your icons / graphic(s) within a week or less of your request, but please be mindful that i’m a full time worker that still needs to make ends meet for herself!  if you’re not wanting any type of commission, please consider buying me a ko-fi or donating to my pa.ypal. thank you so much for reading this, and i hope to be able to make you something soon! — xoxo manon ♥

ICON PRICING: ( examples here )

100 icons: $5 USD 200 icons: $7 USD 300 icons: $9 USD 400 icons: $12 USD 500 icons: $15 USD if you’re wanting more than 500 icons we can discuss a specific price for you!

GRAPHICS PRICING: ( examples here )

promos / banners / online&offline / starter&main call: starting at $4, but will increase by $2 with each additional image used for your request (i.e. you want 2 images in your promo, it would be $6, or if you wanted 2 images for a promo and 1 banner and 1 mains call image it would be $10).

[resistinstinct]

( believertrue ) — patient

    PROVIDING  A  THANKFUL  NOD  AS  HE  STEPPED  IN  ,    mulder  kept  his  hands  in  t  he  pockets  of  his  coats  as  he  sent  an  eye  all  around  .  it  really  was  a  nice  place  .  green  eyes  didn’t  even  stray  to  her  ,     ❛     you  know  ,  i  do  enjoy  a  little  natural  lighting  myself  .     ❜     maybe  he  wouldn’t  go  for  the  large  windows  she  had  but  the  sentiment  was  there  .  straightening  himself  up  ,  his  head  tilted  .     ❛     better  than  expected  .     ❜     a  candid  response  .  there  was  also  that  wariness  …  doctor  du  maurier  was  someone  they  needed  but  also  held  at  arm’s  length  for  this  case  .

     mulder has never been one to share much . . . but she cannot fault him that . he is working a case , and she doesn’t need to know what’s happening at every twist and turn . after all , she imagines they all suspect she’s still in contact with one hannibal lecter . though bedelia will never confirm such a suspicion , it is true . loosely . she only tells him what she feels he needs to know , and at this point it is just enough for the fbi to nearly be on his trail , but unfortunately still a step behind .     “ that’s good to hear . . . what brings you here ? more questions , i imagine ? ”     tone is even and soft , the doctor keeping a straight face as she always does .

[detcdecker-blog]

[detcdecker-blog]

detcdecker‌:

                                                 it’s all true.

[resistinstinct]

( xgraham ) — colleague / lover (?)

       “ I should find a partner somewhere else. It wouldn’t be a match like ourselves, but I would probably try. Thinking about staying out of it, Bedelia? ”

     bedelia quirks a brow at him , a slight grin set upon her lips .     “ — since when have i stayed out of things , will ? ”     he needn’t find this partner somewhere else . she’s right here .

[resistinstinct]

( soulofsea‌ ) — patient

SEA GAZE WILL LIFT, level with the other. the doctor is right that not a single soul deserves a fate this hellish, but still her assumption that there is some sort of reason is wrong. there was no rhyme, no reason to her name being pulled from that glass bowl. no reason as to why a whole nation laughed at her misery, no reason why an entire city continues to laugh at his. “it’s your job to say this,” words are mumbled beneath quickened breath, heart felt pounding through her shirt. finnick has always told her to watch what she says around these people, and yet today she cannot help herself. “¿cual es la razon, then? clearly i must be too stupid to understand.”

     “ no , it’s my job to help you , annie . i have no script , and anything said in my office stays in my office unless you say you want otherwise . ”     words are shockingly firm from the doctor , but she shows no signs of wanting to take it back or apologize for being so harsh in her articulation .     “ i’m not sure i’m the person that should tell you the reason . it’s not something to take lightly or in the heat of anger . ”     hardly an answer annie wants , bedelia imagines , but it’s all she can give right now . there is a larger plan at work here , and she knows of only a few that are aware of and working towards it . telling the wrong people at the wrong time could derail everything , and the psychiatrist is among the few that are high up enough to keep an eye on president snow ; after all , the man has sessions with her at least three times a week .

[resistinstinct]

( behaviorisms ) — colleague

     “I think your first instinct is towards self-preservation,” Will says finally. Maybe that’s the difference between them–whatever he tells himself about choosing the winning side, about maintaining neutrality and plausible deniability, some deep and essential part of him knows better. Knows that he’s walking into the river with the dead tied like rocks to his feet and knows he’s dragging them all–Jack, Hannibal–with him. 

     It feels strangely like therapy, this conversation–he could almost imagine them to be seated across from each other in Hannibal’s office armchairs–and can’t let himself imagine that, because this is a performance for Jack as much as it is an interview–

     If Jack weren’t here, he might have asked did you like it, did you despise him for setting you up like that or were you grateful for the justification, the opportunity? He thinks again of Randall Tier and wonders if it hadn’t been a murder attempt at all but a gift. He’s moved and unsettled all at once, though he doesn’t let more than a flicker of it show in his eyes.

     “The trap is set,” there’s the slightest hint of regret in his voice that vanishes in an instant, an audible trick of the light. “He gets lost in his own taste and cunning, you said. He’s also…single-minded, when there’s something he wants.”

     he is not wrong . self preservation is important for bedelia to maintain in any situation . . . even in the worst case scenario . can anyone truly blame her ? of course such a desire can be seen as selfish , but it isn’t as if bedelia du maurier is close to anyone . who would she even be hurting ?     “ is that a bad thing ? ”     she replies calmly , expression unchanging ; the blonde will give nothing away .

     there is something in his eyes as he looks her over , something she recognizes . . . but it is not something she wishes to recognize . hannibal and will have much in common , even if the man before her isn’t aware or willing to admit it .     “ and what does hannibal lecter want ? ”     bedelia returns without missing a beat , watching him just as closely as he watches her . she is under a microscope in this room , jack crawford and will graham both hoping she’ll say something that will help their case . however , she knows not what they want to hear , even if she DOES know more than hannibal than she’s letting on . . . some things need to be kept private , though , right ? doctor - patient confidentiality , she’ll argue , if they insist she be more forthcoming .

[butscrewmefirst]

ooc.

this is a long read, but PLEASE BEAR WITH ME AND READ IT THROUGH! it would help me so much!

okay so you know how i say to follow your dreams / do what makes you happy and to not let anyone discourage you? well i’m about to follow my own dreams. i’ve been taking voice lessons for a few weeks now (i did it years ago too but only for a little while, and i was in chorus and all county chorus for roughly 3-4 years in elementary school), FINALLY got my electric keyboard in, and my roommate (the awesome babe she is) got me a mic and mic stand / holder. 

this is something i’ve always wanted, but i forgot about it for the longest time. i sing every single day, be it in the shower, in the car, hell even at work or at the grocery store. as a kid i’d always think: one day i’m gonna be a professional / famous singer. but then you grow up and realize oh that’s a silly kid’s dream. well i don’t think it is for me. not anymore. my family wants me to go into the mi.litary, and admittedly i wanted to for a little while too. they offer great benefits; retirement is great (if i stayed with the military long enough), and they’d pay for me to go back to school (as well as get me in shape, teach me organization, etc. among so many other things). however, THAT option is always (i use always loosely, as nothing lasts forever) there for me; singing won’t necessarily always be there. and i want to make singing happen. 

i’m working full time still, as my bills need to get paid and i need to be able to keep myself afloat. however, i want to move beyond this. i’m taking voice lessons in order to better my singing, and i got an electric keyboard to better my piano skills. but ALL OF THIS ADDED UP (both in the long term and short term) is so expensive. i know this path is my choice, and i’ve accepted that (along with the financial burden it may be on me), but if any of you are willing to HELP ME OUT and donate just a few dollars for my journey i would so greatly appreciate it. 

i can’t do this alone. i need help, be it mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. no one can fully do anything alone, and i’d rather take this journey with all of you if i can. i’ll be making a youtube channel as soon as i can so that i can start posting videos, but i need to be able to set my mic up correctly first and i want to get better at singing, period. in the mean time, i’ll link my ko-fi as well as my pa.ypal below in case any of you have a few spare dollars to give to a struggling singer! and FEEL FREE TO REBLOG THIS POST, as it helps me gain some visibility as well!

ko-fi | pa.ypal

i love you all so much, and i wouldn’t be where i am today without all of you. i’m more confident and determined than i’ve ever been, and i have all of you to thank. if you’ve got advice for me please feel free to IM me, as i could definitely use it! — xoxo manon ♥

[butscrewmefirst]

ooc.

this is a long read, but PLEASE BEAR WITH ME AND READ IT THROUGH! it would help me so much!

okay so you know how i say to follow your dreams / do what makes you happy and to not let anyone discourage you? well i’m about to follow my own dreams. i’ve been taking voice lessons for a few weeks now (i did it years ago too but only for a little while, and i was in chorus and all county chorus for roughly 3-4 years in elementary school), FINALLY got my electric keyboard in, and my roommate (the awesome babe she is) got me a mic and mic stand / holder. 

this is something i’ve always wanted, but i forgot about it for the longest time. i sing every single day, be it in the shower, in the car, hell even at work or at the grocery store. as a kid i’d always think: one day i’m gonna be a professional / famous singer. but then you grow up and realize oh that’s a silly kid’s dream. well i don’t think it is for me. not anymore. my family wants me to go into the mi.litary, and admittedly i wanted to for a little while too. they offer great benefits; retirement is great (if i stayed with the military long enough), and they’d pay for me to go back to school (as well as get me in shape, teach me organization, etc. among so many other things). however, THAT option is always (i use always loosely, as nothing lasts forever) there for me; singing won’t necessarily always be there. and i want to make singing happen. 

i’m working full time still, as my bills need to get paid and i need to be able to keep myself afloat. however, i want to move beyond this. i’m taking voice lessons in order to better my singing, and i got an electric keyboard to better my piano skills. but ALL OF THIS ADDED UP (both in the long term and short term) is so expensive. i know this path is my choice, and i’ve accepted that (along with the financial burden it may be on me), but if any of you are willing to HELP ME OUT and donate just a few dollars for my journey i would so greatly appreciate it. 

i can’t do this alone. i need help, be it mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. no one can fully do anything alone, and i’d rather take this journey with all of you if i can. i’ll be making a youtube channel as soon as i can so that i can start posting videos, but i need to be able to set my mic up correctly first and i want to get better at singing, period. in the mean time, i’ll link my ko-fi as well as my pa.ypal below in case any of you have a few spare dollars to give to a struggling singer! and FEEL FREE TO REBLOG THIS POST, as it helps me gain some visibility as well!

ko-fi | pa.ypal

i love you all so much, and i wouldn’t be where i am today without all of you. i’m more confident and determined than i’ve ever been, and i have all of you to thank. if you’ve got advice for me please feel free to IM me, as i could definitely use it! — xoxo manon ♥

[butscrewmefirst]

ooc.

this is a long read, but PLEASE BEAR WITH ME AND READ IT THROUGH! it would help me so much!

okay so you know how i say to follow your dreams / do what makes you happy and to not let anyone discourage you? well i’m about to follow my own dreams. i’ve been taking voice lessons for a few weeks now (i did it years ago too but only for a little while, and i was in chorus and all county chorus for roughly 3-4 years in elementary school), FINALLY got my electric keyboard in, and my roommate (the awesome babe she is) got me a mic and mic stand / holder. 

this is something i’ve always wanted, but i forgot about it for the longest time. i sing every single day, be it in the shower, in the car, hell even at work or at the grocery store. as a kid i’d always think: one day i’m gonna be a professional / famous singer. but then you grow up and realize oh that’s a silly kid’s dream. well i don’t think it is for me. not anymore. my family wants me to go into the mi.litary, and admittedly i wanted to for a little while too. they offer great benefits; retirement is great (if i stayed with the military long enough), and they’d pay for me to go back to school (as well as get me in shape, teach me organization, etc. among so many other things). however, THAT option is always (i use always loosely, as nothing lasts forever) there for me; singing won’t necessarily always be there. and i want to make singing happen. 

i’m working full time still, as my bills need to get paid and i need to be able to keep myself afloat. however, i want to move beyond this. i’m taking voice lessons in order to better my singing, and i got an electric keyboard to better my piano skills. but ALL OF THIS ADDED UP (both in the long term and short term) is so expensive. i know this path is my choice, and i’ve accepted that (along with the financial burden it may be on me), but if any of you are willing to HELP ME OUT and donate just a few dollars for my journey i would so greatly appreciate it. 

i can’t do this alone. i need help, be it mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. no one can fully do anything alone, and i’d rather take this journey with all of you if i can. i’ll be making a youtube channel as soon as i can so that i can start posting videos, but i need to be able to set my mic up correctly first and i want to get better at singing, period. in the mean time, i’ll link my ko-fi as well as my pa.ypal below in case any of you have a few spare dollars to give to a struggling singer! and FEEL FREE TO REBLOG THIS POST, as it helps me gain some visibility as well!

ko-fi | pa.ypal

i love you all so much, and i wouldn’t be where i am today without all of you. i’m more confident and determined than i’ve ever been, and i have all of you to thank. if you’ve got advice for me please feel free to IM me, as i could definitely use it! — xoxo manon ♥

[resistinstinct]

psh wahhttt I don’t like @empathicdesign THAT much lol never >.>

[felicitysmoak-archived]

[resistinstinct]

( basichumanform‌ ) — lover

       stella manages to speak while working, ensuring both her words and the job are done to PERECTION. ❝ red is the color of passion, of blood. it is associated with the roman god mars, god of war. all of those things describe you, my love, but THE DARKER HUE…it speaks to your subtlety, to the poise and sophistication which often prevent your passions from running wild. not that you don’t let your true self out to play occasionally. ❞ she can’t help but suck a mark into the skin of bedelia’s neck as she finishes painting her nails. ❝ passion BURNING behind a subdued veneer. as i said, very you. ❞

     is stella really so eager to push things into a more intimate realm so soon after painting the doctor’s nails ? she’ll chuckle before the sound turns to a hum , eyes hooded over as the other woman kisses along her throat .     “ you know me so well , hmm ? ”     no one knows bedelia as well as they think they do , but stella has admittedly come the closest . she’ll allow a soft moan to fall from lips now as stella sucks a mark against her flesh , careful not to move her hands too much as her head remains back against the other’s shoulder .     “ how did i get so lucky ? ”

[resistinstinct]

( soulofsea ) — patient

WHEN WILL SHE BE DISMISSED? the anxiety of sitting still, of listening to this woman, looking at her — it’s nauseating. her questions border on insensitive, the way she pushes for answers that barely exist. “because … because i hate this. all of this.” if she had the nerve, she’d stand up and leave. this couch, this office, this city. she’d leave all of it behind. forever. it’s such a simple request — to head back home hand in hand with her love, to live out her days in peace and quiet — and yet so unattainable at the same time. “it shouldn’t have been me. i should be dead.”

     their time is almost up , but bedelia worries for the young woman seated before her .     “ you’re right that it shouldn’t have been you , but you’re wrong that you should be dead . ”     words are firm now , the most firm she’s been with annie , and she’ll lean forward onto her knees so that the other knows she is serious .     “ it shouldn’t have been you that was chosen to go out there and kill others — it shouldn’t have been anyone — but we cannot change what’s happened . ”     has she given too much up to the other ? can annie tell that the doctor doesn’t support the games in the slightest ? in her own way bedelia is attempting to let the other know where she stands to hopefully incite and encourage trust .     “ but what has happened has occurred for a reason , annie . you are HERE for a reason . ”