PALOMITA de maíz

Responsibilidades Sagradas y otros pensamientos

[responsibilidadsagrada]

Fall is nigh and everyone knows it

[responsibilidadsagrada]

I saw so many flowers and butterflies on my hike today. Spring is the best what the hell!

[responsibilidadsagrada]

I am definitely more apathetic than I’ve been in a while. I was excited to see people at work, at other coffee shops, at bars, at the store, at home I’m now only excited to see the kitties and the next episode of whatever It’s my favorite time in Austin. Everything is green and birds are always galavanting about. The air is breeding and thick I guess I have a lot I want to explore but it feels impossible right now kind of. I’m not happier with someone. I am happiest doing things alone and my way. It is the truth though I promise I am not proud of it. What is the battle of listening to yourself inside and going against that better judgment? I am having a hard time trusting myself. I love my lonely corner It doesn’t feel lonely And the corner is actually very spacious It feels like I don’t have anything to offer right now And I am mad that someone wants to want me and needs to need me. Anyways How do I get out of this?

[responsibilidadsagrada]

Personally... I know for a fact that they gave their life 

And we shall never forget

I want to live so that I might give mine own 

Everything in the air wants to kiss 

The river flows upstream

This is how I tend to my being

[responsibilidadsagrada]

I have found this home and am running into it.

A mi Mamita

She made the Ultimate Sacrifice and built this home.

I am not fully sure what led her but we are here now.

Elena would say that we have a curse to be alone, without a marriage however I do not feel cursed.

When I am there I feel so close to myself, being with Silvia y mi mamita. Being there is being Together. 

Maybe there is a future of Togetherness for us. 

I am devoted to these women. To these Mothers. 

And yet when I walk into this home of Ours, I also walk into a grave of their silent pain.

My mother tells me of a mother who is cold. A mother with no spirit. This is what was sacrificed for the better life. 

My beloved mamita relinquished herself.

My relationship to Marta is different from the one my mother and Silvia have to her. Mi Mamita is still unsure and doesn’t know what to expect from me. 

Nevertheless, I am hers. She is mine.