Restaurant Rants

[restaurant-rants]

You know you're having issues when you have a nightmare about your GM killing your favorite coworker

[restaurant-rants]

restaurant conundrums

grenadine or blood

[btsxlami]

PHILLIP I THOUGHT U WERE DIFFERENT!

[restaurant-rants]

The best surprise today was walking into the "break room" to find all the cooks on break watching Dragonball Z. Best day ever.

[burgrs1994-deactivated20151224]

me: hi how are y’all doin today customer: good how are you me: im great how are you

[restaurant-rants]

some places will take your check at the hostess stand, and even if they don't, it doesn't seem like that far off an idea. not everyone's worked in a restaurant.

Our servers literally tell everyone, "here's your check, I'll be right back to take care of that when you're ready." but nobody fuCKING LISTENS

[restaurant-rants]

Got the dead end run around today. Checked bank. No money. Weird. Checked ADP direct deposit card. Nothing there either. Checked UltiPro. Said I was paid today directly to my bank account. THEN WHERES THE FUCKING MONEY? Called the bank. There is no pending deposit. Called corporate (AT 8 in the fuCKING MORNING) and I'm taken to a fucking VOICEMAIL RECORDING. Called my manager. She says to wait for the ASM to call me back. He never does. I have to call HIM, 7 HOURS LATER AND AFTER CALLING THREE TIMES. Gives me a number that he says will give me somebody who can help me. SAME FUCKING NUMBER IVE BEEN CALLING ALL FUCKING DAY. Leave a message for corporate, send it as urgent. thanks foR NOTHING YOU SHRIVELDICKED NUTFUCKS AN ENTIRE PAYCHECK IS GONE ANd all I fuCKING GOT TODAY WAS "Oh man I'm sorry that happened well we can't do anything about it good luck!"

[restaurant-rants]

Guess whose paycheck literally disappeared into cyberspace?

[restaurant-rants]

Internal Responses, Pt 4

Guest: do I pay up here (host stand)?

Internal Response: YEAH LET ME JUST RING THAT UP ON OUR GIANT INVISIBLE REGISTER, YA TWAT

[restaurant-rants]

Internal Responses, Pt 3

Me: Hi, how are you?

Guest: Two

Internal Response: I hope animal carcasses rain down from a giant glowing cloud and cover you in rotting flesh

Me: :)

[restaurant-rants]

Internal Responses, Pt 2

Me: it's going to be about 5 minutes' wait.

Guest: BUT I SEE OPEN TABLES RIGHT THERE

Internal Response: WELL SINCE I'M OBVIOUSLY A FUCKING MORON WHY DON'T THEY JUST HIRE YOU SO YOU CAN DO MY JOB SINCE YOU MUST KNOW EVERYTHING

[restaurant-rants]

Internal Responses

Guest: Can we just pick a table?

Internal Response: According to the Please Wait to Be Seated Sign, YEAH GO RIGHT A-FUCKING HEAD

[restaurant-rants]

Picking out something you like

Jewelry: yes A car: yes Shoes: yes Your table at a restaurant: go fuck yourself

[restaurant-rants]

WRONG ANSWER

Me: How was everything today?

Guest: thanks bye!

[restaurant-rants]

Lady on Phone will be "L"

L: When is your happy hour?

Me: Mon-Fri ____ to ____

L: is like the whole menu on Happy Hour?

Me: errr, no. Just certain items.

L: List them.

Me: Excuse me?

L: I want to know which items are on Happy Hour.

Me: *getting flustered because guests are coming in and I'm both the host and busser and I don't have time for this phone conversation*

Me: Appetizers, beer, and mixed drinks.

L: well how much are they?

Me: *GRRRRRRR*

Me: Different prices ma'am.

L: well you need to tell me how much each thing is

Me: excuse me?

Me: *imploding, mouthing "IM SO SORRY" to guests standing in front of me*

L: UGH well is it like 50% off or what?

Me: no ma'am they're all just discounted prices

L: ugh okay fine well I guess that'll be all--

Me: THANKS HAVE A GREAT DAY

[restaurant-rants]

Things I Wish I Could Say to Guests

Guest: I don't like this table!

Me: That sounds like a personal problem. Sit the fuck down.

[restaurant-rants]

trying to be polite to a rude guest