Over and over I get asked, “When are you going to have another?” or “Are you going to have another?”
But why? Don’t you want her to have a sibling? You’re so good at...blah, blah blah blah blah...
I don’t want more. My typical response, aside from the one above, is “but I already have perfection. Why mess that up?”
I love my child, I love her as much as I love her dad, which is to say a lot. But no, I don’t want another child. Why? Well, you’re about to find out all the reasons.
I am an extremely observant person. I notice everything. I notice your idiosyncrasies, your smile, your tone, your lies, the things you do well and the things you flat out suck at. However, my momma didn’t raise a fool, and I know how to keep things to myself. As a teacher, I also know that I am guilty of having favorites (it’s never who you think it is). If you combine those two, it can lead to disaster with multiple children. It can lead to me comparing my children, and them competing with each other instead of having a healthy relationship. Screw that. No thank you.
I am selfish. I want to provide the world for my child, and also pursue the dreams Z and I had way before we thought of having children. Right now we are able to do that. We can travel the world, save for her college (if college is still a thing in 18 years), and enjoy our home without having to worry about expenses too much. If we were to add to our family, we would not be able to afford to live in this city let alone do all of the other things. Because I am selfish and want to be able to give my daughter every chance to succeed in a world that is crazy, financially it makes sense to only have one child.
I am tired. I assume most people have heard of postpartum depression. Thank GOD, I did not have that. Actually, having Esther took away most of my anxiety issues, which is a plus. I had an extremely easy pregnancy, a long labor, and then postpartum shock (not depression). Babies are hard to take care of, go figure. It requires energy you don’t have, sleepless nights, boobs on the ready (if you go that route), and changing the lifestyle you had. It’s a wonderful change, but for me, the first six months sucked. I couldn’t run whenever I wanted, go to the store easily, or even take a shower. Combine that with going back to work before maternity leave ended and I was spent. I was tired, and had to choose between being the teacher I wanted to be or the mother I wanted to be. I chose my family. Having another child would mean even more energy spent that this introvert doesn’t have. Which means I wouldn’t just have to chose between work and home. It would mean choose between work, a toddler’s energy, and a newborn’s energy. Once again, screw that. No thanks.
“But aren’t you afraid she’ll be a brat?“ ...Have you met her father. There is no risk of that happening. Nerd, geek, maybe. Brat, no.
“But, don’t you think she’ll miss out on the sibling experience and having a lifelong friend?” Yes, that is my biggest fear in regards to this, but I have also learned that cousins (Dom I’m talking to you) and friends can be as close or closer than family. So, she’ll have the chance to make her family her own.
“But, it’s actually easier in the long run with more kids because they can entertain each other.” Maybe, or maybe they’ll hate each other...that’s just biblical. I mean, seriously, read the OT. Also, I have the best, BEST, siblings in the world. I have three strong people I can turn to outside of my small family. They understand me and support me. But, when I was younger I was horrible to my younger sister. My husband also had an unpleasant experience with sibling. That could also be Esther’s or this unknown baby’s story. Screw that. No thanks
“But...but...but” There will always be “but” and the what-if’s. But ultimately, my family, uterus, or life are not up to anyone else. What happens to my family is up to my husband and myself.
Lastly, having Esther was a miracle. You may scoff, but I know what I know. She was a miracle from God (but for another time) I was told several years ago that having a child would be extremely difficult. Having another might not even be an option. So in addition to everything else,is it not easier to make the choice to not have more children, than to not be given the choice at all?
