I'm back again! I'm going to attempt to reserve this post to "navigating life after Traumatic brain injury"
That is if my #tbi brain don't get the best of me and I start rambling about everything else 😂🙄
The organ which is the essence of everything I think and feel has been traumatically injured 😱
"Can I get a band-aid for my brain, please" 🙋
If only it were that simple, right? 🙄
I feel as a theif has broke into my skull and went through the cabinets and corners of my brain and has stolen my most important and precious belongings. Everything is fair game for brain injury to take and damage.
Now, it's been my ongoing mission to recover these things and place them back where they belong. But, like any good detective knows, this will not be easily done without some tenacious investigative work. 💪
When you recover these things, they are likely to be damaged. Maybe some missing parts. Broken and bruised. As you recover these items, you also have the task of attempting to place these things back EXACTLY where they were taken from. Impossible!
I have to rearrange these items because I can't recall exactly where they were when they were taken from me. As I recover the pieces, I will arrange them back to something that looks similar to how it was before but not quite the same.
"What if I don't find all the pieces that were stolen?!"
Well, that's okay too 😊 not without saying it can be incredibly hard to come to terms with not recovering your " missing parts". Our brains are banks that hold invaluable things, personality, emotions, memories, the very basis of how we function in life, the list is neverending. When these things are hijacked , the impact can be profound. But just maybe if we can learn to become more accepting of this "new normal" we can be more productive individuals. As for myself, Its an ongoing process to arrive at that "acceptance" destination. Which in part is what this blog is about 💕
I spent the first year or more after my injury in a sort of "Brain injury training course". Laying out the groundwork for my life that had been so suddenly rearranged. That year was undoubtedly the toughest, crawling my way around this new reality like a newborn. My emotions fluctuated, my reactions were intense. I was quick to respond without thinking anything through, and those responses weren't always nice 😡 Shout out to my family and friends for dealing with that for the first year, I'm positive I was a pain in the 🍑😂. (not to say I'm any less of a pain in the ass now 😂) With time and treatment, those things leveled out. 🙏
I withered so much time away being angry and asking "why me". Angry at myself, angry at God for "letting this happen", angry at the universe for letting me suffer. I felt as if the brain injury itself was just rotting away my mind.
It wasn't until I was talking to a former coworker I realized how negatively self absorbed I was being. I will be eternally grateful for that conversation and her bringing that issue to light.
"Lindsey, you've literally been given a second chance at life, your going to sit here and 🤬 waste it being mad at the world?".
I was offended at first! How could she say that to me?! I was injured, I was broken .
I had to sit with that thought for a minute before I responded (which proved I was capable of thinking before responding 😅) It didn't take me long to realize she was right. I needed to change my outlook. I was here, I had the tools to overcome this. I just had to put one foot in front of the other, so to speak 😊
I definitely still have many struggles, but so does everyone else. The world is not going to "give me a break" just because I have a brain injury.
The struggles I feel that impact me most are related to my physical appearance, but again, that's my own internalization of what I see in the mirror, not because anyone has told me I look weird or different. I'll be the first to tell you I'm not comfortable with what I see in the mirror when looking at my face (related to injuries from the accident) . Which is something I'm still working to overcome, with cosmetic surgery AND working within myself to make sure I have the right outlook- and that's OKAY 😊
The only person who can be responsible for how you will recover is yourself. I encourage anyone to always have the most optimistic attitude possible when it comes to yourself and how you bounce back.
Wherever you are in your recovery process, remember IT is OKAY. Progress, however slow or fast is still progress. Don't spend too much time in your own mind and think of things you could have done differently. These bodies that serve home to our souls are human, prone to damage, illness and error. There's nothing you could have done differently, you are where you're supposed to be. Brain injury isn't a "punishment", it's something that happens because we are human. God isn't up there handing out TBI punishment cards to us that misbehave on Earth (not to say you don't have to answer for your actions, but that's an entirely different blog post not related to this at all 🤨) with that being said it's up to you to deduct your own reasoning and purpose from your situation. As crazy as my journey has been, I can look back and identify a reason and purpose or lesson for every single tough time along the way.
As a final note, remember to laugh! 😂 laugh at everything, laugh at yourself if you have to (lord knows I do) there's definitely something therapeutic about finding humor in your own situation!
Thank you guys for reading!
Love and light to all of you🕯️❤️
As always, if there's anything I can ever help you with or discuss with you, just message me, find me on Facebook or Instagram, send a smoke signal etc...😂
