RetailMonsters

This will be my blog about the unruly customers I deal with.

[fuck-customers]

When customers decide they don't want something when they're checking out with me, they will somehow always think I want them to put it on top of the candy shelves when I'm standing right here. I literally have a spot under my register to keep these such items. "Oh I don't want this shirt anymore, instead of handing it to the cashier who is a foot in front of me, why don't I just set it on this shelf of candy over here and make them leave their register to grab it." What fucking logic is this.

[retailmonsters]

I always ask "oh, was that your such-and-such?" or "did you still want the product?" and when they say no "oh, I'd be more than happy to take that for you! " while I hold my hand out for the item with the biggest customer service smile ever.

[fuck-customers]

I’m so sick of people constantly telling me to look happy at work, both customers and managers alike. Look, this is my face; I have a bitch face that always makes me look either super angry or super depressed. Can’t help it. I smile when I’m on register, but when I’m on floor doing cleaning and stocking, I’m gonna use my normal, blank-faced expression. Not like there’s anything to smile about at work anyway! Just leave me alone and let me do my job and stop commenting on my appearance, thnx.

This better? -Abby

[retailmonsters]

I close and reset registers at night and one manager always asks me why I'm not smiling. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was I supposed to look inviting while I carry thousands of dollars out in the open?" That shut him up.

[fuck-customers]

Everyone knows by now that the dress code policy allows tshirts, different color shirts, and jeans now, right? As long as the tshirt doesn’t have anything offensive on it we are allowed to wear it. I just heard a cm got in trouble for wearing a Jurassic Park shirt. Wtf. How is that offensive? I’m waiting to be reprimanded for my Batman tshirt tonight now. -Abby

[retailmonsters]

Policy says no words or screen printing.

[fuck-customers]

Pop Quiz:

When the card reader says “Approved, remove card,” do you: A) remain motionless and stare blankly at the screen for an uncomfortable amount of time B) Look directly at the message on the screen, then ask me if it’s time to take your card out C) Try to sign on the pinpad (that is telling you to tale your card out) with your card still in, even though it hasn’t prompted you for a signature and there’s no place to sign D) Remove your card, sign when the pinpad prompts you, respond with a simple yes or no when I ask if you want your receipt, and be on your merry way

(Hint: if you answered with anything other than D, you are wrong and your cashier hates you)

[retailmonsters]

E) Sit there and talk to the cashier/customer behind you for 10 minutes while the thing blares obnoxiously for you to remove the card, driving everyone else around you insane

[fuck-customers]

I know this is an extremely minor and petty thing but like I really don't understand why asking if they want a bag is such a tough question for some people, like, "do you want this in a bag?" "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....hhhhhhh......."

[retailmonsters]

We give people with food stamps their bags for free. My favorite thing is when I ask if they would like a bag and they just go "I HAVE FOOD STAMPS" okay. So. Would you like a bag?

[hyrude]

i was in a thrift shop the other day and they were playing the most unsettling variations of normal christmas music, culminating in this rendition of the 12 days of christmas except it was like 12 guys all singing over each other and going “no!” and interrupting the lyrics with random other phrases until they deadass just started singing 5 golden rings to toto’s africa. can anyone confirm that this is a real song and not that i stroked so hard i astral projected into a universe where everything is somehow worse than it is here

[flaminggoosememe]

https://youtu.be/2Fe11OlMiz8

I remember listening to this in grade school. I am going to go get some Chinese food.

[pizzopaps]

this is what my anxiety attacks sound like

[nursephantump]

like this post if you support dreidel man

[retailmonsters]

They played this in our store the other day and I almost cried over how bad it was.

[retailmonsters]

Chip Cards

Me: Go ahead and insert the chip on your card. Them: OHMAHGAWD These things take so long and are so inconvenient. *inserts card and continues to blab on and on bitching about how long it takes, meanwhile the card reader is blaring a noise for you to remove your card because its been done while you bitched* Me: You can remove your card. Them: Oh, this one's much faster than the others. Moral of story: Shut UP and just do it. It doesn't take that long, your rant does!

[retailmonsters]

Would You Rather: Retail Edition

Because why not? Would you rather have 3 customers yell at you over something you have no control over in a row or hear "that means it free!" from every customer you help in one day? Would you rather be handed $100 bill for a small order, a bunch of small/ $1 bills for a large order, or all coins for a mid-range order? Would you rather be told stories by every single little old lady in your line or be hit on by little old men? Feel free to answer. Feel free to add questions! I thought this would be a fun way to blow off steam and find what the bigger peeves are.

[fuck-customers]

Anon who gets annoyed at questions from customers about medicine, is the reason I nearly have a panic attack when I have to ask a question about medicine when I'm sick. I usually just try to get through the sickness so I don't have to ask anyone.

Some questions are perfectly okay. At worse the employee doesn’t know since they haven’t taken it. But, like I said, even if I didn’t use the product myself I’d at least relay any info I knew about it through anyone I knew. Or I’d ask a coworker. The only time it ever annoyed me was when someone asked me for detailed instructions on how to do a project I myself have never done. It was especially bad if they got annoyed with me when I couldn’t answer that or help them. But if the question is “I’m looking for medication for x problem” I don’t think that qualifies as the same as “which product is BETTER”. An employee is likely able to point you in the direction of medications for that issue, but they can’t necessarily tell you which works better. So if you’re just asking for medications that are specific to a certain illness chances are they CAN point you in the right direction without being annoyed. Like, you have back pain? Well here’s icy hot and some ibuprofen. Or if the question is “does this have acetaminophen in it?” they can likely answer that too with a quick look on the box. There’s questions they can help without knowledge on the product, but there are questions you cannot answer without experience. -Abby

[retailmonsters]

Quick insert! Some places, if you have a pharmacy, employees that are not the pharmacist cannot recommend medications or give comparisons or recommendations! There is possibility of being fined for doing so in some areas!

[fuck-customers]

i work in customer service as well but i always get nervous when i go makeup shopping and they don't have something. i never want to ask because i don't know if they have a back or not for more testers or extra colors if that makes sense. are there any sephora or ulta employees that can answer this?

[retailmonsters]

I don't work at either store, but the sephora I shop at has drawers under their display that holds their extra stock and the ulta I shop at, generally if it isn't on the shelf, they don't have more.

[fuck-customers]

No, I don't need help.

Something that really irks me is when people, specifically older men, ask me if I need help carrying something. Just because I’m a teenage girl doesn’t mean I’m struggling.

Yesterday I had a guy ask me if I needed help when I was stocking packs of water bottles, and today I was lifting a stocking tote and a guy asked if I needed help lifting it. And sure, these guys were nice about and seemed like they were genuinely just asking if I needed help, but really. If my supervisors didn’t think I could handle it, they wouldn’t task me with it. And it’s part of my job anyway? Like a question on every retail application is ‘Can you lift up to X amount of pounds with or without reasonable accommodations?’ just for this reason. I’m getting paid to do this. And besides, what are you, as a customer, gonna do in that situation? I’m not allowed to have a customer ‘help’ me. If I needed help I would be seeking out one of my coworkers.

Maybe I’m overreacting a little, but this is a huge pet peeve of mine. Personally, I feel like it’s a bit sexist to assume that because I’m a girl I need help with everything. Especially when I’ve lifted heavier things gardening in my own home.

[retailmonsters]

This! Or when someone asks for help out and a girl walks up and they go "so is someone coming to help me?" or "YOURE going to help me out?" and shit like that. Like, yes. Unless you go and hunt someone down yourself or decide to do it yourself, I am the one helping you. And I HATE "I don't understand why they send you girls out to help us old people. Why can't they have the boys do it?" I'm a grown ass woman that don't need a man to do my lifting, if you need a man to do it, bring your own, because I'm sick of your sexist ass.

[retailmonsters]

PSA

Here's another PSA from yours truly. Be aware, telling your cashier that they "have amazing skin", "have beautiful skin", "have the perfect complexion" can come off as very creepy. Especially if they've seen Silence of the Lambs.

[fuck-customers]

So you're telling me as a customer service associate in a neighborhood market, I'm supposed to run a combination of smoke shop, money center, site to store, and customer service/returns (WHICH ARE ALL SEPARATE DESKS IN THE SUPER CENTERS), fill in as CSM at times, including every day during the actual CSM's lunch, and help the CSM open and or close, and or fill in for any Cashier gaps due to lunches, breaks, or callouts, but.... I make the exact same as a regular cashier....

Hell no. I’d be walking out. That is overworking their employees right there. -Abby

[retailmonsters]

This is how I worked my way up.

[riflegarden]

today at work a man brought a pug in on a leash and that pug was so excited and happy to see me it was as if we were old friends who havent been in contact in 7 years i felt so loved in that moment

[riflegarden]

today a bassett hound came in and wagged her tail so furiously all of her loose skin started to jiggle and she was so pumped to see me i want more dogs to come into my store they make my life whole and worthwhile

[riflegarden]

I’m so glad this came back cause a golden retriever named Milly came in today who put her paws on my register counter and wanted to say hi to me and I loved her so much and I scratched her ears and she gave me that classic dopey dog smile 

[riflegarden]

yesterday a girl came in with her boyfriend and in her hand was a tiny tan colored dog that she told me was a chihuahua/pekingese mix and he had a severe underbite and one little canine tooth was poking out and his ears were like bent at the tips and i immediately commented on how amazing he was and she goes omg thanks do you wanna pet him and i was like there is literally nothing more i want to do while being on the clock right now than to pet this incredible tiny dog and he was so sweet and licked my hand and his name was spike 

[riflegarden]

yesterday these people came in and put a blanket into one of our shopping baskets and it started to move and i was like omg whats in there and they set it down on the counter and the blanket kept moving and the suspense was so good like is it gonna be a cat is it gonna be a ferret maybe a lizard and then the smallest chihuahua ive ever seen in my life popped her little head out and licked my finger and i died 

[riflegarden]

A baby german shepherd named Jonathan came in tonight and since i was on the sales floor and not behind a counter i say to the owner omg can i pet this angel and they were like yeah of course and i crouched down and Jonathan ran into my arms and almost tripped over his puppy feet it was 12/10

[riflegarden]

TODAY a german shepherd named london grabbed one of our lanterns off the shelf and was carrying it around and the owner was like, “london no, we’re not getting that” and gave him the merchandise she was buying instead and he carried it to me and dropped it on the counter at my register and i could have cried 

[skellydun]

why is it always ice

[retailmonsters]

Oh my god.

[fuck-customers]

someone said: "The uniform for Walmart is a collared shirt of any color and black or khaki pants. It doesn't matter if you're wearing a blue shirt."...... that is incorrect. the shirt needs to be either blue or white.

I worked there briefly a long time ago and can’t remember if that’s the case or not. I’ve seen employees wearing the khakis but I’ve seen numerous types of shirts. Our walmart seems to be more lax. As long as the shirt isn’t a t-shirt they seem to be allowed to wear it. -Abby

[retailmonsters]

I've seen different colored shirts in the smaller stores.

[gasstationdiaries]

Stupid Shit Customers Say Part 3 of Many

“Can I get three packs of the black Marlboro blacks?”

Wait…so what color are they? I have no idea.

[retailmonsters]

I love when I try to clarify menthol or non-menthol when they ask for the Marlboro blacks and they just look at me like I’m stupid. Like, I don’t smoke, but I can still differentiate better than you? Green stripe or red stripe, shorts or 100’s? Figure our your shit! And don’t get me started on when they just say the brand! “Can I have the Marlboros?” I will literally list every single variety if you can’t be specific you shithole.

[jaebeomah-deactivated20180714]

I don’t smoke either, but with Marlboros this is pretty easy to understand, the Reds are their “normal” ones, meaning they aren’t light, ultra light or menthol. But that’s just me.

When they say Marlboro blacks they mean the blacks with the red stripe, and if they want 100s they usually let you know. So there’s sort of no reason for you to be so rude about that..

[retailmonsters]

I just saw this response. So. There are two types of Marlboro blacks, in kings and 100s. One is non-menthol, one is menthol. They are both called Marlboro blacks so if the customer does not tell me the ones they want specifically, and I grab the wrong ones, and I ring them out, and they don't notice the TINY LITTLE COLORED STRIPE on the Marlboro blacks is not the color they wanted, I have to do an entire return process to get them the right ones. Or a customer comes up and says "Marlboro special blend 100s" I instinctually grab the reds because that's generally what that means, right? I can't count how many exchanges I've had to do because they meant lights on my two hands and feet. So when someone walks up and just says "Marlboro" to me, I'm gonna fuckin ask what they want to clarify so I don't get their cigarettes wrong and inconvenience them with a return process and inconvenience the other customers in line behind them because THEY COULDNT TELL ME WHAT FUCKING CIGARETTES THEY SPECIFICALLY WANTED. I know cigarettes and their different kinds. I'm not a moron. But if the person smoking them can't figure out how to tell me what they want and I get it wrong because of their incapabilities, that's not being rude. When there are Marlboro reds, lights, ultra lights, menthol, light menthol, ultra light menthol, 72 reds, 72 golds, 72 silvers, 72 menthols, 83s, 27s, and MORE, saying "gimme marlboros" doesn't mean shit.