Thoughts From My Mind

[rethinkingthoughts]

The 12-Hour Goodbye That Started Everything

A spurned woman confronts the question: When you lose love, should you even try to get over it?

Interesting take on heart break. 

[rethinkingthoughts]

Personality Classifications

Personality tests and classifications provide a way to help better understand yourself. Although each individual is unique, these classifications aim to cluster groups of people together based on common attributes of their personality. These tools are helpful for understanding some of your actions and behaviours; however, as with any clustering algorithm, there is room for error. It can be easy to begin living life bound by the classification that you fit into, taking its suggestions for how to behave and interact with yourself and other. Keep in mind that these models are static. The mind is dynamic. Personality tests act as a great beginning point for training your internal mental model of your behaviour and personality, but as with any model, new data needs to be fed in so the model becomes more refined and accurate. Experiences along the way outside of the personality test will help mold your understanding of who you are far beyond the simple clusters defined by a personality test. As more experiences accrue, these data points will help you get ever closer to a true understanding of self.

[rethinkingthoughts]

Conservatives and Small Government

If conservatives are all for a small government for political issues and a free market economy, are they just lazy? It seems like conservative politicians are always trying to “let the market work itself out” or “give the power back to the states.” Do they just want to get paid for sitting around and doing nothing? Does kind of sound like the American dream. Maybe they should consider slashing their own salaries so there’s less deadweight loss in the economy.

[rethinkingthoughts]

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

C.G. Jung

[rethinkingthoughts]

Ready, Set, Reset

New place, new people, new things can give the impression of a reset on life. But when the memories come rushing back, I quickly realized that an external reset isn’t the same as an internal one. I wonder what it takes to reset internally, if it is possible at all.

[rethinkingthoughts]

There's a lot we've lost, but so much more to be found.

Jason Mraz

[rethinkingthoughts]

Climbing Gray’s Peak

A couple weeks ago, I was invited to Colorado by Level 3 Communications to interview for a job. They were nice enough to fly me out on Saturday for a Monday interview so I could have the weekend to explore Denver and the surrounding areas. I took this opportunity to go do some outdoorsy stuff. Colorado, known for its high altitudes and rocky mountains, is home of some of the best hiking and rock climbing in the US.

I decided to tackle one of the 14ers of the Rockies on Sunday. After running into some guys bouldering in a state park the day before, I was told that I should show up early (before 8 am) to Gray’s Peak so that I will have ample time to climb the mountain. It wasn’t because the hike is so long that it takes the whole day. It was actually due to the weather. Denver and the surrounding areas are known to have storms around noon everyday. Getting there early means you’ll be on your way down and hopefully finishing up by the time the storms start to come in. No one wants to the be the lightning rod on a 14,000+ foot mountain.

Opting not to take the advice on Saturday night, I decided to sleep in on Sunday so that I can be well rested for both the climb as well as the interview the next day. After all, the interview is probably the more important of the 2 events. I ended up waking around 8:30 am and would out at the base of the mountain just before 10. The drive up to the base of the hiking trail was actually quite rough. I was driving a loaner Toyota Camry that was definitely not built for driving on dirt roads. After this experience, I fully understand the purpose of an SUV. If I end up moving to Colorado (if the job comes through), I will definitely have to buy a car with a little more clearance. 

At first, I had a hard time finding the trail. I wasted a solid 20 min wander around the trail  head trying to figure out which dirt path to follow. People were camped all around the trail head from the night before. Most of the tents were empty as people had already began their ascend hours ago. I was lucky enough to run into a camper that was still around. He pointed me in the right direction (across a wooden bridge on the right hand side) and I was on my way. 

The first half of the climb was not bad. The ascend was slow and the trails were not very tactical. The thing that took me the most by surprise was the snow. There was a lot of snow still on the ground! I was definitely not prepared for this, as I was wearing athletic shorts, hiking boots, and a rain jacket. Because the weather was warm, the snow as slowly melting and gave every easily under my weight. I foot sunk into the snow many times, covering all the way up to my knee. 

As the treeline faded away, I knew I had crossed the 12,000 ft mark. The hiking became more intense. The paths were less defined and much rockier. Parts were covered with snow that was slick as it continued to melt under the sun. Additionally. i began to feel the altitude. At this point, the thin air was affecting my performance. My pace slowed down and i had to stop more often to catch my breath. This was also the point I began running into people who were descending from the peak. These were the folks who arrived at the base of the mountain at 8:30 and were on track to finish the hike before 1 pm. They cheered me on with encouraging words; however, when I asked them about how much was left, the answer was quite grim. I had only made it halfway up, and the climb only got more difficult from here. 

After another hour of hiking, the folks coming down from the top began to warm of an approaching storm. At this point, it was around 11:45. I was told that I had at least another hour to go before I could finish and the storm is suppose to roll in around noon. The clouds did look a little ominous. It was at this point, I met a couple who were also hiking from out of town. The girl was from Texas and the guy from Ireland. They had just come from New Mexico. We chatted a little with another lady who was descending. She advised us to turn around, as that’s what she had done. She didn’t make it to the top. The couple decided to call it quits for safety’s concern; however, I decided I’d try to see how far I could get. After all, I was only an hour away from the peak. And if there is a storm coming, in the hour, that just means I have to go even faster to avoid it. 

The turns on the trail became more frequent as I got closer to the summit. At this point, I was tired and there was not enough oxygen in the air to support the labour I was putting my body through. I took a break at every kickback, sometimes in between them as well. As I looked down at where I came from, I saw there was a man in his mid-30s hiking by himself up the trail. He did not stop for a break, just continued at a steady pace. He was catching up to me. My competitive side got the best of me and I pushed myself as hard as I could to get to the summit. 

As I rounded the last corner I saw the summit of Gray’s Peak. There was a semi-circular wall made from stones that symbolized the summit and a piece of paper on the ground with the words “Gray’s Peak 14,015 ft” on it. I walked past the small wall and looked out into the distance. The mountain ranges were absolutely stunning. I felt a sense of accomplishment. I had conquered something. I yelled into the distance, but heard no feedback. 

The man behind me summit the mountain shortly after me and we  helped take each other’s pictures. His wife had to stop halfway up because of the altitude so he was in a hurry to get down. We descended together. He eventually left me behind as he was faster than me and I needed time to rest. As I started back up after my rest, I saw him run down a giant snow bank and skip all the kickbacks on the trail. I decided I’d take this route as well and make descending much easier. 

Running down this snow back was no joke. It becomes really hard to stop yourself because the mountain so steep. Additionally, your feet are going really deep into the snow. I wiped out multiple times (once head first into the snow) on this descend. It was probably the most fun part of the hike. 

The rest of the descend was relatively easy. I had caught up with someone who I passed while I was still climbing up the mountain as they were climbing down and we ended up going down the mountain the rest of the way together. His name is Wyatt and he is a college drop out that is trying to get into the army. We had pretty deep talks. We shared about our different outlooks on life and how it is actually reflected in the way we climbed the mountain. 

Wyatt, to quote himself, is someone who “has trouble finishing.” He can’t seem to persevere and get to the end of a task. He almost finished his undergrad in Oklahoma, but was a few credits shy. Instead, he enjoys the process. He came out with is dad and another family friend to climb that day. They decided to also climb Torreys (the neighbouring peak) and left him after they got to Gray’s. He really enjoyed the views from the climb 

I am a more goal oriented person. I have a place in mind I want to get to and I will try to do everything I can to get there. In fact, the more painful the process of getting there, the better it feels at the end. During my hiking, I tried my best to enjoy the views, but what I really loved the most was that feeling of getting to the summit and yelling into the vast mountain range. This was on full display when Wyatt asked me if I had seen the two small lakes / ponds we passed on the way down. He thought it was beautiful and was his favourite part. I totally missed it because I was so focused on getting to the bottom of the mountain. 

All in all, I’m really glad I did this. Not only does it check something off of my list of crazy things to do in my life, it helped me learn more about who I am. This climb fully exemplifies my goal oriented nature and the tunnel vision I get when I have my mind set on something. It is a reminder that I need to take a moment each and everyday to stop and smell the roses. Notice the small things happening around me and just enjoy where I am in the current moment. 

[rethinkingthoughts]

To experience the world uninhibited by our psychological and emotional barriers that we carry with us, that is true freedom.

Mike Kreder - Level 3 Communications

[rethinkingthoughts]

Alienating the Alienation

The weather yesterday was miserable. It poured during the morning and in the afternoon with a very small break in between. Needless to say, I was caught out in the rain a number of times throughout the day; however, on my way back from bouldering, the skies finally started to clear up. I was on the 7 train heading into Queens when around 8 pm, the skies cleared and the glorious sunset shone through the clouds and the Manhattan skyline. Because of the moisture in the air, I could see the beams of light coming from the sun making their way past the skyscrapers and into my eyes. The whole scenery was very storybook-like. 

The more amazing thing is that this event caused almost everyone on the train to turn their heads and watch. In New York, especially on the subway, people tend to keep to themselves as they are engrossed in their books, music, or phones. But this simple event, an event that actually happens everyday, caused everyone to leave their bubbles for just a few minutes, and marvel at the beautiful of the Earth and our city. People’s faces brightened with smiles as the rays of sunshine touched their skin for the first time that day. It seemed like, for just those few minutes, the city put down its walls and allowed for a moment of vulnerability and emotion to be shared. 

As the train turned, we all noticed that a beautiful rainbow had formed on the opposite side. I watched as everyone stretched and turned their necks to try to get a peak at this natural spectacle. Children were overjoyed and conversations between strangers began to arise. For this moment, in a city of 8 million people, I felt a sense of community. 

[rethinkingthoughts]

Highway Tolls

I was driving back to New York after a hard hike on the Appalachian Trail this weekend. As expected, going both toward and away from New York City, you have to add ~45 min to 1 hour’s worth of travel time to your expected arrival time. There seems to be traffic jams all the time everywhere in New York. As expected, when so many people live in such concentration, it’s bound to happen. Or so you would think...

What I began to notice, and this isn’t the first time, is that the traffic pile ups on highways specifically tend to happen before places with toll booths. This is most noticeable on the bridges into and and out of the boroughs. Think about all the time that is wasted waiting to pay the government some money to go on the highway. I wonder if this is actually a loss generating business model when you account for the opportunity cost of people waiting in line. 

If the average person makes 40k a year, their hourly wage would be about $20/hour. Given that people tend to value their weekend more than their weekdays, I would give the value of a weekend hour a 25% increase in value compared to a weekday hour, placing it at $25/hour. The average toll to enter / leave NYC is about $15 (cheaper or more expensive depending on what bridges / tunnels you take). If driving out of New York adds approximately 45 min to the original commute time you would have to the destination if you were anywhere else in the world with smooth traffic, the opportunity cost due to waiting in traffic ends up being $18.75. Seems like net net, we are down. For the government to break even when thinking about opportunity cost, the delays in traffic caused by tolls would have to be less than 80% or 36 min of the 45 min delay.

What if we gave the majority of the $18.75 back to the commuters? Let’s say instead of adding 45 min onto the commute time, we no longer have tolls and instead added only 10 min or additional commute time. The opportunity cost of the commuters now sits at $4.17. If the government were to collect toll revenue via another channel such as charging per registered vehicle, or even just enforcing EZ-Passes on all vehicles which are registered in NY State (or even in the country for that matter. Would make it much easier if the whole country ran on the same toll system.), the same revenue can be collected but you’re costing the passengers less. They are only down $19.17 instead of the $33.75 they were down using toll booths. The government would also save on labour costs because you no longer needed as many workers (if any) at the toll booths. 

[rethinkingthoughts]

A certain type of perfection can only be realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.

Kafka on the Shore - Haruki Murakami

[rethinkingthoughts]

Our world revolves around people finding ways to take other people’s money.

[rethinkingthoughts]

No One Knows

My friend texted me today telling how nostalgic it felt while he was back visiting our college. He was walking through the tunnels and hanging out at the old spots where he used to study. There are still all these students there going through finals week and studying up. He blends right in physically, but is totally in a different state of mind mentally.

Isn’t it crazy that no one knows? 

We walk by so many people everyday, each with usually a expressionless face. There is recognition of the physical presence of that person for a second, but then it is gone. Is there a recognition of the mental presence of that person though? Usually not. Unless the person physically looks to be in an emotionally unstable state, we assume that things are okay. We don’t even consider what these people are feeling. Even when someone looks to be in emotional distress, it is still hard to approach a stranger and try to be helpful. It’s none of our business right?

Perhaps this complete disregard for other people’s emotions, regardless of whether they are being displayed physically or not, is what contributes to the alienation we experience when we move to a new place. A bigger place. After all, our close ones only become close when we share emotional experiences with them. Maybe if people were more open to both sharing and receiving feelings and thoughts, the world would be a less lonely place.

[rethinkingthoughts]

Online Dating

I recently joined a couple online dating platforms in an attempt to simply meet some new people. While I was on one of these, I connected with someone with the following in their description: Isn’t it strange and remarkable that we’re informed of each other’s existences for a split second, then forget all about it? Ah, the wonders of modern technology.

And it is incredible. In a city with over 8 million people, we need online platforms for us to meet someone new. Besides the obvious infiltration of mobile technology into common life, is there really something that a computer algorithm knows more about relationships than ourselves?

Perhaps from a scientific standpoint, it may in fact be true. My knowledge of machine learning is limited, but I’m sure trends do exist and a relatively accurate model could be developed based on historical observations to match people who are “likely to succeed together.” But what is that saying about our deep emotional connections that we form with our friends and loved ones? Can they really be calculated? What about the “unique” individuals, the ones who don’t fit the model?

The central limit theorem is astounding. When you sample any distribution, the distribution of your samples approaches normal as your number of samples increases toward infinity. But in life, you don’t get infinite chances to formulate your own model for your dating preference. Not even close. So we rely on the dating model developed by aggregating samples across a large number of different people, creating a generic individual’s dating model. It is strange and remarkable that we’re informed of someone’s existence for a second, then forget about it. But it is even more strange and remarkable that we believe that a generic dating model designed to best fit everyone’s dating preferences is the model of choice, that our preferences must be similar to the preferences of the general public. Yet when we create the profiles, we try so hard to stand out in a sea of people utilizing the same dating model to select their matches. It all seems so feeble. 

The amount of lonely people in New York looking for some kind of real human connection is a sad case. It becomes sadder when you realize the number of opportunities we give up each day to just say hi, to make that connection from strangers to acquaintances, is so astronomically large. But the saddest thing is that our choice of substitute for those real interactions are the platforms nested in the hand-held devices we have trusted with essentially all aspects of our lives. 

So I said to this person, hey why don’t we ditch the screens and just meet up, thinking that this person, of all the people out there, sees what I see and feels what I feel. But at the end of the day, even if we do meet up, both of us have already succumb to the alienation of online dating, as we would have met under the guidance of the every thing that is severing real human interaction.

[rethinkingthoughts]

Surrender to the eternality of now

- Jason Mraz

[rethinkingthoughts]

Traveling in China and Hong Kong

When I traveled alone for the first time in 2014, I had the “find yourself” experience. I felt scared, but excited. Shy, but confident. I experienced new cultures and discovered aspects of my personality I didn’t know existed. This time around, after a bad break up, I was looking for something similar. I wanted to remember who I am outside that relationship and connect with myself at a deeper level. What do I like? What do I not like? Why did I like what I like?

The initial leg of my trip was spent a home in Shanghai with my family. Nothing too interesting here, although I did realize that I need to call home more. My grandma is home alone during the week if my dad is out traveling (which is most of the time). Her days goes by with her reading the paper, playing Tetris, and maybe doing some chores. It’s interesting to see what people are like when they are older. Because of the circumstances she grew up with in China, having hobbies like playing music wasn’t really an option. It becomes apparent that at her current age, an age where people should be spending time doing what they like to do, that she doesn’t really know what she likes. Here, it becomes apparent that having hobbies, not even just as a kid, but as an adult as well, is really important. It gives you a sense of purpose after retirement as you age. 

After a couple days at home, I spent some quality time with my dad climbing Huangshan. The views were astounding. The craziest thing was that my dad, who used to be in better shape than he is now, climbed up with me instead of taking the cable car. We started at around 2 pm and didn’t get to our hotel on the mountain until 9 pm or so. Aside from the views which everyone talks about, my biggest take away from the trip is my dad’s feelings toward our family. Although he’s been working in China since 2004-05 and has been away from our family for that long, he does want to be a part of our lives. Especially myself and my sister. He got to see me grow up some which is good, but he did not get a chance to see my sister grow up. Come to think of it, I’ve missed the key years of my sister growing up as well while I was at college and now working. I’m sure he wishes he was around. The one thing he did say to me that really stuck was that when you’re older, all you really have are your children. It’s fine to have a great career, but at the end of the day, the thing that matters the most is still time spent with the kids. He told me to call him more often. And it is true, I never call him. I usually just figure he is too busy with this job. Leaving that mountain, I told myself I’d do a better job of calling my dad. He is far away, and although he does choose to make it that way, it doesn’t mean he thinks it’s more important than the family. 

The last leg of my trip was a 1.5 day stay in Hong Kong. Stayed at a place called Ho Ho Hostel right by the Jordan stop. Pretty much the best place I could have picked. This part of the trip I was by myself for the first half, then met up with some friends for the second half. Some awesome things happened.

I sang with a local band underneath Times Square in front of a pretty big crowd. I have no record of this.

I met some Australian people (Dean, James, and someone else...) before heading into Lan Kwai Fung and partied on the streets until 2 am. This isn’t really my scene at all but figured I’d give it a try. Again, no record of this.

I met an old Canadian couple at a coffee shop near Mongkok. The husband used to run a 3rd party ATM business in Vancouver before it got too sketchy. No record of this.

Struck up a conversation in the ICC bar (highest rooftop bar in the world) with a finance/accounting guy from SF, a fashion marketing guy from Shanghai, and a lingerie designer/professor from HK. Very interesting conversations. I did get their contact information.

Got sweet potato flavoured soft serve from McDonald’s that was SO GOOD!

Had dim sum 

Saw Citi Priority

Caught up with some old friends

The great part about traveling in a foreign land alone is that, no one is really judging you. If they do, you’ll never see them again anyway. This type of environment really allowed me to be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. I don’t think I “found myself” on this trip as much as I did in my trip to Japan; however, there was definitely some rediscovery. I realized that I liked meeting new people and getting to know them. I liked listening to where people come from, what they’ve done, what their aspirations are, and how they view the world. People are different and I really enjoy listening to them talk and finding out how they are different from me. I don’t think this is anything new that I didn’t know about myself before, but it was definitely something I hadn’t enjoyed in a long time. I miss it.

If I had to put a word to this trip, I would say this trip was about care. Caring for the elderly and their needs (or lack there of), caring about family, and caring about my personal satisfactions. Obviously there are a lot of other things to care about as well, but for now, as I get back on my feet, I’ll start by caring about these things first. 

[rethinkingthoughts]

Reflecting on Life Plans from my Pre-College Years

Master Plan (Thoughts from summer 2010 - Age 18)

Go to UC Berkeley

Double major in Chemical Engineering and Economics

Get really awesome at badminton

Meet the love of my life

Make drastic contributions in alternative energy technology

Save the world from the energy / global warming crisis

Be married by 25

Have kids by 28

Execution (Fall 2010 - Now - Age 24)

Go to University of Rochester

Failed in execution of Education Master Plan

Switch out of chemical engineering after 1st year

Attempt to triple major in economics, statistics, and chemistry

Major in economics and statistics

Failed in execution of Concentration Master Plan

Enter the financial services industry

Accept a job without good exit options

Failed execution of career Master Plan

Senior year crisis leads to MCAT

Score decent, but realize it doesn’t make financial sense

Fall in love with potentially “The One” after college

Make mental commitment to be with said “One” for life

“One” leaves due to variety of reasons related to trust, distance, etc.

Failed in Personal Master Plan

Takeaways

Failure of education plan was beneficial

Allowed for greater growth in knowledge

Gave space for larger variety of interests

More opportunities to take advantage of during post secondary education

Failure of concentration plan seems to have negative impacts

Lack of technical knowledge prevents exploration of different career paths which require more technical backgrounds

Social science degree is perceived as “easier” compared to STEM degrees, causing hindrance in career advancements

Social science degree does not feel fulfilling

Failure of career plan looks bleak, but may have better outcomes

Dead-end job does not give skill set to move into more technical/quantitative roles

Underutilized, causing feelings of insecurity about future career and natural intelligence

No value-add to society

Failure of personal plan still TBD

End of relationship still affecting daily life

Realizing lack of ability to be single

Loss of confidence