How to not feel dumb in college? When i was in school, i thought i was pretty smart but then i entered college and it feels like everyone is smarter than me. This is affecting my daily life and studies too. What should I do? How do i start studying again?
Hello đđ»đ Thatâs a common feeling and itâs understandable that youâd feel that way considering youâre struggling academically, and surrounded by smart people. Understandable, but in need of re-framing.
Firstly, the fact that you care about studying is a great sign. The fact that youâre seeking advice is also a great sign. Iâm guessing youâre someone who values personal growth; that trait alone will take you further than almost any other.
Second, itâs important to remember that feelings are not facts. Just because you feel like your peers are smarter or more capable, it doesnât mean youâre right. I think you need to do some reflecting and figure out why you feel dumb.
Try to poke holes in your theory:
In your class, is everyone there above your level academically, or are they just less shy than you about contributing to class discussion?
Has anyone ever commented negatively on your academic ability or intelligence?
Do you have a history of feeling dumb in other areas of your life, such as perceived social inadequacy?
Is your self-esteem low in general?
Were you ever bullied for anything, therefore expect to be attacked or ridiculed when you show âweakness?â
Do you come from a family that values academic achievement and their praise was your incentive, but now you arenât being praised by the people around you?
Do you feel over-shadowed by a sibling? When siblings compete for the approval of a parent, it can greatly affect the self-worth of all siblings involved, because parental approval meant life or death when we were young â and that conditioning is hard to re-wire, if not impossible; our parentâs opinions will likely always matter.
Another way to phrase this question might be, âwhat makes me feel smart?â
The arena you play in makes a difference:
High school is generalized, college is specialized. Youâre here with people who are passionate about the subject, and likely know a lot about it. In high school, you were with a bunch of people who A) most likely did not want to be there and therefore tried less, B) did not choose (most) of the classes they took, and C) may have been bad at those subjects because they didnât care about them.
High school doesnât do a very good job of preparing students for post-secondary. Itâs possible you just havenât yet developed the skills required to excel in post-secondary. You might still be in a learning curve.
Reasons why feeling less intelligent than others isnât necessarily a bad thing:
Lack of knowledge implies opportunity. What you donât know, is out there waiting for you to learn it. Not knowing can be an exciting place if you adopt a perspective that values growth, and is driven by curiosity rather than shame about not knowing.
Itâs important to be surrounded by people who are smarter than you. If youâre the smartest person in the room, youâre not learning as effectively as you could be. Learn to be thankful for the smart people around you; instead of seeing them as competition or as mirrors of your perceived inadequacy, see them as inspiration, and seek their feedback â having a second opinion always helps, especially when theyâre knowledgeable in your field.
Your worth is independent of achievement, competency, or status. Start to re-wire your perception of worthiness in general and this academic perception will follow suit.
I suggest you find a new word for how youâre feeling.
See, dumb is subjective. Itâs inaccurate, because it doesnât represent anything tangible. What is dumb? And by whose metric is âdumbâ measured? Not only that â âdumbâ is not constructive. If your goal is to feel and/or be smarter, you canât call yourself dumb. It doesnât work that way. As Dr. Jordan Peterson says, âIf you want to be strong, stop saying things that make you feel weak.â
âIâm not the smartest person in the room (and thatâs okay)â
âThis person is better at x than I amâ
âI donât know as much about x as this personâ
âIâm not an expert in this (yet)â
âIâm still learningâ
âThey were a beginner once tooâ
âIf they can do/learn it, so can Iâ
How do I start studying again?
Just start. Set a timer for whatever amount of time you think you can tolerate. 5 minutes, 10, 15. More if you can, but make sure you start as low as you think you can handle. This is called exposure therapy. Right now, studying is probably a source of anxiety for you, or it causes you some sort of distress while youâre doing it. Youâre feeling an aversion to studying, so thereâs something about it that your nervous system is trying to protect you from by avoiding it. This is why you need to get clear on why youâre averse, on why you feel inadequate, on why youâre struggling, because now you can make a game-plan. Start small, and build momentum on your small victories. This is how you regain your confidence.
Stay hydrated, fed, and well-rested
Take care of your mental health; rule out (and prevent) other issues that could be contributing to or causing this struggle; avoid burnout and be mindful of your mentality
Talk to a student advisor, professorâs assistant, or professor
Request a tutor if your school offers them, or hire one if you have the means
Figure out what time of day you study best, and try to reorganize your schedule to accommodate if you can
Study in your favourite place â the spot on campus or in your house you feel most creative, alert and productive
Treat yourself with a non-food reward (I think coffee is okay! âșïž)
I hope this helps! Know that youâre not alone, and that your problem is 100% fixable â itâs about mentality, practice, persistence, and self-compassion. Take care! đ
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