7 Times the Casual Sex Became less Casual
Pairing: Dr. Frank Langdon x reader
Summary: you and Frank — your long term best friend — had been sleeping with each other for a month and had sworn that you both wanted something casual and fun. But as time went on, it was surprising how uncasual things started to become with you two. 7 times the casual sex became less casual.
word count: 9,764
warning(s): friends with Benefits! This fic isn’t smut per say? It’s got very minimal smut but a lot of sexual language.
authors note: you can find this on ao3 as well here, but i think the Pitt fanfiction is really popular on tumblr so why not post it here too?
I don’t really use tumblr a lot but I’m a huge fanfic writer and i want to get my work out there!
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You and Frank — your long term best friend — had been sleeping with each other and had sworn that you both wanted something casual and fun.
It all started one night when you had lost a patient — a two year old with a heart condition — and were feeling vulnerable. Frank was fresh out of rehab, going through a separation when he had appeared at your apartment after your shift, end of July. It was almost too easy, how quickly he got you into bed that night.
You had chatted on your couch and caught up, you had comforted him on his upcoming return to the ED, and he had comforted you by reassuring you of your medical decisions. The second you leaned in for a hug you both slithered your bodies into each other further, kissing for the first time, and rocked by the electricity, one thing led to another and you had — for the lack of better wording — fucked your best friend.
It had you wondering why you had never done that before…why you were even mad at him a year previous — when he had gotten caught with the drugs. While he was in rehab you couldn’t stop wondering how he sounded, and looked like….you had missed him, and that night was your surrendering.
Soon after, you both had decided that you wanted to do that again, but not in any serious romantic way.
You had sworn it was casual, you had no desire to fall in love anytime soon — you had a history of heartbreak you didn’t want to keep — and for the first few months things were by all accounts casual.
But as time went on, it was surprising how uncasual things started to become with the two of you. You didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had with Langdon, but couldn’t help but notice when things felt, well…romantic…between the two of you.
The first time you noticed, was when you got ready for work together one morning.
You and Frank had been nakedly intertwined in his bed, when his alarm went off, and due to it getting more dark in the morning in September, you were still unbearably tired.
You groaned as you both woke up, 6:00am, you wrapped your arms tighter to him under his comforter, placing kisses along his neck.
“Hmm, stop,” Frank groaned as he rolled over to face you. “gotta get up.” A reply which made his voice husky and sexy from the sleepiness.
Before letting him go, you pulled him down as he hovered over you, and kissed him passionately with enough fever to make him want you again right then and there, until he pulled back and sighed saying,
“Christ, you’re gonna kill me one of these days.” His blue eyes locked to yours, and his smirk increased.
“You’re such a morning person.” You groaned. “God I can just see how energized you are by looking at your stupid face.”
Frank rolled his eyes.
“Can’t help it, some of us were just made for the grind. Now let me go.”
You went slack, letting him go, rolling over onto your back and closing your eyes, before your alarm on the other side of the room went off as well. Frank chuckled from his side of the room, facing the window as he dressed into his scrubs.
You sat up, and watched him get dressed, you found him embarrassingly attractive in his black scrubs, and he knew it. But for some reason, as you watched him he didn’t tease you, instead looked at you softly.
“I know you hate mornings, but we gotta do it. So rise and shine sweetheart.”
Frank walked closer to you, picking up your scrubs from the floor, starting with the shirt, he pulled it over you, then wordlessly, you stood up, holding onto his shoulders, you stepped into your scrub pants as he held them for you accessibly.
Frank finally pecked you on the lips lightly, assumadely subconsciously, as you reached for your stethoscope and you realized, as he opened his bedroom bathroom door, that he had never done that before.
Frank spat into the sink, and almost as if you were the only one overthinking that little interaction, Frank emerged from the bathroom to say,
“I made you a key.”
“What?” You said, exiting Frank’s bedroom, having remembered your toothbrush was in the ED’s on-call room, instead deciding on putting your shoes on, and hoping you had misheard what he had just said.
“I said,” Frank paused, grabbing his messenger bag, and baseball cap. “I made you a key, seemed more convenient than waiting for me to get off shift when I run over, you always come to mine anyways since I live closer to the ED.” He shrugged.
He reached into his bag, pulling out a gold key and dropping it into your hand, which you reluctantly held out.
Frank slipped his shoes on, and opened the front door, you stood wordlessly in the kitchen, thoughts looming behind your eyebrows, Frank turned around to face you.
“You coming or what?”
You nodded, and walked out the door behind him.
The second time you recognized it was when you had accidentally stabbed Frank.
You had been at a hospital gala in October downtown Pittsburg in some auditorium, when you had turned to Frank during the dinner portion of the night, and whispered something filthy in his ear, you had not known whether what you said was really that hot or whether it was the singular glass of champagne you had making you believe it was, nonetheless Frank turned to Robby and Dana and excused the both of you. Frank was tense the entire drive home, clearly excruciatingly turned on, and he subconsciously sped your car through the lanes to your apartment, glad that Abby had the kids that week.
There in your apartment he kissed you hungrily, as you dropped both your bags and his foot kicked the door closed, you didn’t bother turning on the lights. You slipped your shoes off just as Frank did, very hesitantly removing your lips from each other, before starting again, this time making out as you slipped each other out of your clothes, it was perfectly orchestrated every time you did that.
He knew all your most sensitive spots, where he could kiss you to get you to unravel, and you knew his, and were excited every time you touched him in a way that made him react just as you had expected him to.
When you had reached down to palm his crotch, he groaned into your open mouth, before his lips clamped back down on yours, and you laughed into the kiss as he grabbed your hips and backed you against your kitchen counter. Your hand snaked its way to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair, Frank whined and he placed his hands back on your hips, running them up and down, something you had told him drove you crazy one day when he had insecurely told you he didn’t know whether he satisfied you enough.
“What are you doing whispering those things to me around Robby and Dana?” Frank asked, as he moved his mouth to your neck, sucking as he trailed up to that spot behind your ear. “Do you get off on that, huh?”
You whined as he pressed you closer to the counter, his right hand trailing down your front before reaching your crotch.
“I like being your secret.” You whispered. “Although, I will say, they’ve all probably caught on that we’re–”
He kissed you to shut you up, and you smiled at the embarrassment you knew he was feeling.
You wanted to take dominance, so you turned him around and slammed him against the counter, slipping your tongue into his mouth, and listening to him moan when you pulled back to kiss his neck. You kissed him again, pushing him gently toward the bedroom and as you did you reached for the light, and instead your hand knocked something over in the dark, and with a crash you heard and felt something fall in between you and Frank, you disregarded it, assuming it was your wooden spoons, but Frank pulled back swearing in pain.
“Sorry, is this okay? Did I hurt you?”
“Well I’m pretty sure what you knocked over was a knife.”
“No its fine, its probably just–”
Frank turned on the light switch with his left hand.
“Well, I’m pretty sure this is a knife.” He said, lifting his foot.
Frank had — not only a massive boner — but your large paring knife stabbed through his raised foot. You immediately stepped back, knowing that you couldn’t remove the knife until you got to the hospital, and that you were in fact the most careless sexual partner in the world.
“Oh my god, I am so sorry.”
Frank sighed, “This means we have to go to the hospital.”
You immediately grabbed his arm, draping it around your shoulder.
“I know,” You replied, he limped toward his clothes, now much more wrinkled than before.
“Where all our coworkers are.”
“I know, Frank, we won’t tell them anything okay?”
You helped him put them on, and threw yours on as fast as you could before limping down to the parking lot and shoving him in your car.
When you got to the ED, you and Frank embarrassingly walked through the ambulance doors, in wrinkled clothes — the ones you were wearing to the gala — and spotted McKay. Dana and Robby fortunately for you, were off shift probably still at the gala. McKay gasped when she saw you.
“Holy moly, did this happen at the gala?” She asked.
You and Frank shook your heads at the exact same time, your cheeks both pinking up in fluster.
“That would’ve been a much less embarrassing explanation.” Frank grumbled.
McKay led you both to a room, and you helped Frank on the bed. You turned to put some gloves on, reaching for the box that hung on the wall. McKay stopped you.
“I got it, just stay with him while I get a suture kit.” McKay turned to Frank. “And you. You know the deal, no opioids, just tylenol okay, I’ll go grab you some. You both are going to explain what happened when I get back.”
Frank gave her a weak thumbs up.
McKay stepped outside of the curtain heading toward what you assumed was the medical supplies closet. You stood beside Frank. Once McKay was out of earshot, you turned to him and he smiled at you sheepishly.
“God, everyone acts like I’m on the verge of a relapse.”
“You know she was just following your directive order, McKay understands as much as anyone that people change.” You gave him a serious look, your heart making you feel a strange way when he fake pouted at you, before he tilted his head up and down in agreement, his hair falling on his forehead.
“I know, I’m just being an ass.” He whispered. “We should’ve turned the lights on.”
“To be fair, we were kind of preoccupied.”
Frank laughed, and you instinctively reached down and grabbed his hand. You held it firmly. You had held Frank’s hand during sex before, fingers intertwined while he pinned you down to the bed, but you had never outside of that context. It felt nice to be in public and hold him, even if it was just holding his hand.
“I’m so sorry Frank, I understand if this puts you off, we don’t have to sleep together anymore, that was totally my fault I was careless, and I don’t want to put you in danger ever and—”
“Okay, stop,” Frank interrupted. He pulled your hand up to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. “First of all there is no one I’d rather be sleeping with, you’re my best friend. Secondly, it wasn’t your fault, it was like, a cruel act of fate, it was the universe or something.” He shrugged.
You reached over with your free hand, softly running your hands over his hair.
“You’re my best friend too, you know that.” And when you said it, it felt like an ‘I love you’. Like you were laying your soul out on a platter.
You frowned at yourself, looked down at Frank’s foot and out of fear of the feeling you felt in your chest when you looked back up at him — him looking at you like he was in love with you, and your gratefulness that the knife only landed in his foot, not somewhere vital, your gratefulness in not losing him again — you dropped his hand quickly. He frowned.
“Everything okay?”
“Yea, yea…I’m just gonna go check on McKay, will you be okay if I leave you for a second?”
“Yea,” His eyes looked at your bottom lip, then scanned your face. “Yea, go, I’ll be okay.”
You rotated on your feet and walked around the curtain, toward McKay who was at the hub charting, with the suture kit ready. She placed her chart down, rested her arms on the counter in front of her, and looked at you in the way someone might if they were about to interrogate you. Like a mother who just knew you had told her a lie to actually get high with your best friend.
“Come on, spill the beans.”
You sighed. “You cannot tell anyone. And you can’t laugh.”
“Come on, I’ll be so chill.”
“Oh my god, just– promise okay, promise you won’t laugh.”
“Fine, I promise”
Before you spoke, you looked around to make sure you and McKay wouldn't be heard by others, and you spoke with a soft tone.
“We were making out in the kitchen, in the dark about to have sex, when I knocked the knife on my kitchen counter over by mistake, and then…well, now it’s in Dr. Langdon’s foot.”
You could tell she was trying not to laugh. She took a breath and made her expression serious.
“Wow okay…Dr. Langdon and you? Huh, everything makes a lot of sense now.”
“What?”
“Oh come on, you guys are attached by the hip, more than regular best friends should be. Even Abott was noticing how often you leave work together.”
“Unbelivable.” You muttered.
“So is it just casual sex or–”
“Oh my god!” You whined, like an embarrassed teenager.
“God, you sound just like my son, okay I’ll stop.” She chuckled.
You gave her the biggest eye roll of the century.
She turned to you, “You do know I’m gonna have to tell his ex-wife right?”
“Really? Oh my god.”
“About the injury I mean. Just the injury.” She clarified, clearly loving how mortified you already looked, god she was so good at embarrassing people, probably had a lot of practice with her son.
You blushed in embarrassment.
“Right, yea, Tanner will want to know too.”
“Alright, let's give Dr. Langdon some tylenol.”
You grabbed Frank’s chart off the hub, and followed McKay back to Frank’s room.
The third time you noticed, was when you helped him shave.
When you walked out the ED you heard a swarm of laughter from the hub behind you as you walked into the night. It had been a while since you heard that kind of laughter on shift…Frank had broken his arm when he had slipped on ice one day in November and had been out for a few weeks, he was the one always cracking sarcastic jokes.
Frank had gotten off shift before you that day and you watched him walk through the ambulance door, and his feet slipped from under him comedically, and he fell on his right arm. There was a lot of laughter then too, especially from Robby, who was the one to patch him up and order him some paid rest at home.
That’s where you were headed now.
When you got up to Frank’s sad divorce studio apartment, where you had been many times before, you pulled out your spare key, actually enjoying it as you unlocked his door. You had used it many times since he gave it to you, mostly because you wanted to fuck him, and one time because your upstairs neighbors were having a rager and you couldn’t sleep — you took a liking to Frank’s couch that night, while Tanner stayed in the guest bedroom. This time Abby had taken Tanner for the last week before Frank got his cast off to let him rest. When you entered, you had noticed first and foremost, that Frank was sprawled in his bed, his door open, wincing in pain, and that Frank’s facial hair had been coming in thick and you found that attractive as hell. You decided to help him relieve some of his pain with tylenol and with a blowjob, and when you finished Frank had begged you to help him shave his face.
“Why? It looks so good?” You asked, holding his face in one of your hands.
“I like to be clean shaven. Plus it's so hard to take care of.”
You pouted at him for a minute, ironic that you had just sucked him off and now you were being tasked with shaving his face.
“Please,” He begged, pouting back at you. “You know I’m right handed, I’d do it if I could…but it’s fine, I’ll figure it out with my left hand—” He went to get up, when you shrugged.
“Hey, no no, I’ll do it. I want to take care of you, even in nonsexual ways.”
You grabbed his hand and both got off of his bed, him in his boxers only, you still in your scrubs. You instructed him to sit on his bathroom counter, and he did begrudgingly. You grabbed his clippers, razor, and then shaving cream from his medicine cabinet.
“No painkillers in there this time around.” You said absently. “I’m really proud of you for getting clean, I’m sorry I never say it.”
A year previous, Frank had promised you he was clean, and you tore his bathroom apart, finding painkillers not only in his medicine cabinet, but also under his sink. This was a day before you also found out he had been stealing drugs from work.
At the time you felt like you didn’t know him at all, like you had lost a best friend, but now you trusted him fully. You felt the change in him the moment you saw him for the first time again, and you began to trust him even more as the days went on. You just were scared of losing him to a feeling that was beginning to bloom in your chest, a feeling you were too scared to address just yet.
“Hey,” He looked at you seriously. “Don’t nic me.”
“I won’t.”
He gave you a skeptical look, you glared at him.
“Do you trust me?” You asked.
“Yes.”
“Then let me help you.”
First you started with the electric clippers, shaving sections of his beard in lines. Then when that was done, you switched to a standard razor, shaving what was left. Silence fell over you for a second and it felt intimate, the clippers part was easy, it was fast, what felt intimate at that moment with the razor in hand, was how close your face was to his. It felt strange, not bad, just strange. You had your face close to Frank’s while you fucked, while you kissed, even while you were just friends without the benefits. But now with the added details and emotions it felt like Frank could see right through you, like he could tell what you were thinking.
The scraping of the razor against his facial hair interrupted your thoughts.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry. I really thought I had the pills–my addiction under control, and I didn’t know how much it would impact you when you found out. You were the most important person to me…still are. I never should’ve made you feel unsafe.”
“That’s honest, and sincere.” You said, a little surprised, but grateful.
“That’s what they sort of teach you to be in rehab.”
“Well, I forgive you, I’m just glad you’re back with me now.” You went along the other side of his face now, pausing to shake the hair off the razor.
And that was all that needed to be said really, you were tired of missing him, and arguing, this time…you didn’t have to do any of that, you could just be there with your best friend. You could also fuck him, and experience a new level of intimacy you hadn’t with him before, and you were grateful for that too in a weird way.
When you finished shaving his upper lip, you smiled, and he turned around to look at his face in the mirror, then back at you before jumping off the counter to stand in front of you. He reached over with his left hand, applying aftershave to himself somewhat sloppily.
“You did a much better job than I do, even when my arm isn’t broken.” He smiled. “Why don’t we take care of each other this way more often?”
You shrugged.
“Maybe because it feels less good than sex?”
Frank shook his head.
“Feel this, it feels pretty good.”
He turned to you, and booped your nose before leaning his face close to yours, and rubbing his soft freshly shaven cheek against your face. You burst out laughing as he did, and realized the romance in it, as he kissed you, making you smell like aftershave. It was childish, not sexual, it was playful, not foreplay. There was something in that that reminded you Frank was perfect for you, in more than one way. He was right, it did feel good.
“I hope you break your left arm next time, so I don’t have to smell like aftershave ever again.” You replied, pushing the thought away.
He smirked, pulling you by hand into the bedroom.
“Now, let me eat you out as a thank you.”
Now, you couldn’t argue with that.
The fourth time it became less casual, Frank was the one who had noticed something about you. He had noticed how great with Tanner you were.
One day nearing the start of December, while he was running late from picking up Tanner from Abby’s — he had been swamped with traumas, and was catching up on charting — he had turned to you for help. He was surprised by how willing you were to help him out.
“Listen,” He had said, sitting at the hub charting, “I promise I would never put this on you…you’re not my partner or anything–”
You gave him a look that was interpreted as, ‘get to the point’. He fought back nervous laughter, unsure as to whether you could tell his coolness and casualness he swore he had for your situation was literally being hung by a thread. You crossed your arms over your chest.
“Tanner is a really punctual kid, he gets upset if I’m even a minute late, and I promised him we’d put up the Christmas decorations tonight, but I have so much charting to finish up on and–”
“Hey, I got it, I’ll pick him up, just send me Abby’s address.”
“Thank you so much, I texted Abby letting her know, I promise I’m almost done.”
“Just one thing,” You stood awkwardly in front of him. “What if Tanner asks how I know you?”
Frank paused. What he wanted to say was that you were his partner, but that wasn’t entirely true.
“Just tell him you’re my best friend.”
You nodded.
“Sure, I forgot we’re also best friends, not just fuck buddies huh.”
You grabbed your car keys and hurried out the ambulance doors, he felt a ping of relief.
Frank would never admit this to anyone, but you were the only person he would willingly ask for help from. When Robby had caught him with the drugs, a day after you had found his stash in his apartment, he knew that he could go to you for advice and to console him. He was glad he didn’t at the time, he didn’t want to put that responsibility on you, and now it was nice to have your help for things like picking up Tanner. And yes, sometimes sex.
When it all started, he really did want everything to be casual between you two. He went to your apartment to look for comfort from his best friend, but couldn’t help but give in to you. You had been as perfect as you were before he went to rehab, and you were the reason he fought so hard to get sober. He wasn’t ready to get his heart broken again the way he did with Abby, he was so scared to lose Tanner too, scared Abby would fight for full custody, he couldn’t lose the most important kid in his life, and his best friend too, so of course he agreed to the casual relationship. But God things were becoming less casual as the days went on.
He also wouldn’t admit it to anybody, but sometimes…okay most times, the part he liked the most about having sex with you, was that he got to hold you afterwards, that he got to kiss you like he loved you. He really did think you were beautiful too, he liked the fact that he knew every inch of your body, and what made you feel good. He liked the way you looked in his shirts, and your effortlessness in saying intelligent things.
And he couldn’t help but think about you during shifts, not always in a sexual way, and would watch you as you bit your lip in concentration and admired how carefully you carried yourself…how much you advocated for your patients and how everyone in the ED seemed to gravitate toward you. You had been Dana’s favorite that week, he knew because he had seen you share a cupcake on break.
He shook the thoughts out of his head, and took to the charting, hoping Tanner was okay.
When Frank finished his charting he hurried back home, praying to God that Tanner hadn’t thrown a tantrum, he didn’t want to throw the role of a parent onto you just yet. When he hurried up the stairs, into his hallway, and unlocked his apartment door, he saw you and Tanner on the floor. You were sitting with him, in front of a big decorated Christmas tree in front of his apartment window, you had managed to untangle the lights in the bins he got from Abby — she had gotten the other half of the ornaments in the divorce — and had opened the rest of the decorations. You also managed to navigate the kids channel on his TV, putting on his favorite show.
“It’s almost done! Good job buddy.” You said, raising your hand in a high five toward Tanner.
Tanner immediately high fived back, “Can we–uh can we put more on this side?” Tanner asked, and just as he did, you looked up at Frank, noticing him now.
“Hey, look, your dad’s home!” You said, in a childlike voice, he had never heard you speak that way before.
Tanner got up and turned around running into his arms. Frank picked him up and closed the door with his foot, dropping his bag and walking toward you.
“Hey kiddo, looks like you started without me.” He said, ruffling Tanner’s hair.
Frank looked down at you, he watched you mouth a ‘sorry’, he shook his head.
“I like your friend.” Tanner replied, and Frank and you both laughed.
Frank put him down and let him explore the rest of the ornaments that needed to be put up. You looked up at Frank as he took his jacket off and threw it on the couch.
“Sorry we started without you, I guess Tanner and I share a love for Christmas.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, keeping an eye on Tanner, who now navigated toward the couch. Tanner crawled onto the couch, and under Frank’s jacket laying down and yawning. Frank could tell he was close to falling asleep, and was sad to have missed it.
“Yea, I forgot about your weird obsession with Christmas.”
“Hey, you have a weird obsession with Halloween.”
“Not the same,” He said, pausing to look over at Tanner who was now asleep. “I’m sad I wasn’t able to help him decorate.”
Suddenly you grabbed his hand and pulled him down on the floor next to you. Frank resisted the urge to wrap his arms around your waist and bring you onto his lap. You had never really discussed what was too uncasual between you, but that was surely something that qualified, and he didn’t care, he wanted you, now more than ever. Your kindness to Tanner and your reliability made him want you always.
“Hey, the other half still needs decorating. He’s not going anywhere.”
He had needed to hear that, his son wasn’t going anywhere, and he was glad you were the one to have said it.
You took Langdon's hand and pulled him further down to the floor, toward the Christmas tree.
“What are we doing?” Frank asked.
“Just wait.”
You had instructed him to lay down and put his head under the Christmas tree with you, from below he could see all the lights and assorted ornaments in a different way. He turned to look at your face as you both laid there, he knew just from looking at you that you found such joy in seeing the lights this way. The size of the tree was huge, but still small enough that it forced you both to be close together, and this wasn’t unusual for him to be that close to you, maybe in this context it was though, he felt a romance in it. He didn’t flinch or move as you placed your head on his chest, in fear that the moment would be gone forever. He wanted to see joy on your face all the time, to be the reason you had joy on your face all the time, and he knew then that what he felt was much more than lust, much more than friendship, and that it was real. And he was so incredibly fucked.
“I never got this Christmas spirit you have.” He admitted. “But when I look at you and see that joy on your face, I guess I kinda do.”
You turned your head off of his chest to look back at him and there was something in the way you looked at him that made Frank wonder whether you felt it too.
The fifth time you noticed, was when you had yelled at a patient.
You could feel yourself stretching thin throughout your shift, it was 7:00pm in December and the end of your shift was in a couple hours, but at the rate you were going you’d be surprised to get out of the ED by 9:00pm.
You sat down at the hub across from Robby — your back to the ambulance bay doors — with a sigh and started typing in your charts, your feet and back were killing you and you had a headache. The chatter around the ED that day was higher than most days, and you had just finished up with 4 patients, one who needed intubation, the other who was coding for an hour before Robby called it, and the other two were basic wounds that needed sutures.
You swore if you had to do another set of sutures on wounds caused by skating or ice hockey accidents you were going to throw a fit. It didn’t help that the harsh lighting of the ER was making your head pound.
It also didn’t help that you hadn’t seen Frank in 10 days outside of work — the longest you’ve gone without having sex with him, and also the longest you’ve gone without hanging out with him as friends — other than when he was forced to go to rehab.
What a lot of people in the ED knew — despite you insisting they didn’t — was that you and Frank were always big texters.
Before Frank went to rehab, if you left your shift at different times one of you would get home and immediately send a text about something that you had discussed at work or about something that reminded you of him or him of you. If you left work together — and were too tired to hang out at one of your apartments — he’d walk you to your car then say, “I’ll text you later about that thing I was talking about”, and he always did. Or you would walk him to his car and say, “I’ll send you that link to the article I told you about”, for you, an excuse to have something to text about. The conversations would last for hours, you felt like you never ran out of anything to text about, and you liked that his banter sounded good in text too.
When Frank went to rehab you were so lonely you started sending stuff to Robby — who told you he was too old to figure out what you were talking about — then when Frank came back, and your sexual arrangement started up, the texting and hanging out started up again too.
You knew you were fucked when you found yourself smiling at your phone, while reading a text from Frank…and when you saw him smiling at his phone one day during shift you had hoped it was a funny meme or a picture of his kids from Abby and not a text from someone else.
But for one reason or another you hadn’t texted or even seen each other outside the ED in 10 days at that moment and it was killing you.
To be fair you were the one who stopped texting first, to test him, you started to feel like sex wasn’t the only thing you wanted, and you didn’t want to ruin your friendship if you said anything, but you also wanted to know whose court the ball was in and you were pretty sure it was his.
You hoped you came off as cool and casual, that you didn’t care it was his turn to initiate and he hadn’t yet, and you knew if he texted you, then you’d be in his bed in a second. But you also knew that you did care. You knew you were going to have to return the key he gave you, to set some distance further.
You looked up from your charting for a second to think, and caught Robby looking at you over his glasses.
“You good, kid?”
“Headache.”
He hummed in acknowledgment.
“Yea,” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “those never go away, not while you’re here at least. But ask Dana for Advil and she’ll grab you some.”
Dana — who was across the room from you checking on room 15 — heard you,
“Advil? You got it kid, after I finish this up.”
You and Robby chuckled.
“She’s got hearing like a hawk.” You laughed.
Robby shook his head and looked back at his computer, you gave Dana a thumbs up before looking back down at your own computer charting. You rubbed at your lip with your fingers in concentration, and you adjusted your seat to help your back.
You pulled out your phone, you put your phone away when you saw nothing from Frank. You pretended to not care, putting on your mask of coolness again. You were in a casual relationship, it wasn’t fair to expect him to see you all the time.
“You seen Dr. Langdon?” You asked.
Robby shrugged.
“I’m surprised you don’t know, you guys are attached by the hip these days.”
You shrugged and looked back at your work. Just as you did you heard the swish of the ED ambulance bay doors open for the first time in an hour, and sighed letting Robby take his eyes off his computer to look behind you, toward the doors as he saw the plea of desperation on your face. You sighed, making the motion to swivel in your chair, but Robby waved a dismissive hand at you.
“Mel’s on it.” He said, his eyes looking behind you.
You nodded, staying focused on the task in front of you.
After about 20 minutes Robby got up and retreated to the support room, where a family he had been helping was. Mohan tapped you on the shoulder. You swiveled your chair to face her.
“Please tell me someone is dying, I am in so much pain right now, I mean fine, I’ll get up either way, but definitely if its less urgent than a code please for the love of god–”
“Jesus, you’re not usually in this bad of a mood,” She squinted her eyes at you, her arms folded across her chest. “Does this have something to do with Langdon?”
You were surprised by her bluntness, you faked a surprised expression.
“Why would you think that?”
“Because he’s your best friend, and I haven’t seen you and Langdon arrive to work or leave work together in days, you guys are usually attached by the hip.”
Fuck. Your avoidance was being noticed. You had thought being formal, and pulling yourself back wouldn’t send any signals to anyone…even Frank. You had wanted to pretend like you were cool with the casualness.
You shook your head, grounding yourself, putting on your mask of coolness again.
“No, I guess we’ve just both been busy,” You shrugged. “Anyways, what can I help you with?” You asked, reaching for the box of gloves resting in the hub.
“Mel is crying in the breakroom because the patient that just came in yelled at her.” Mohan spoke quickly.
You immediately jumped to your feet.
“Why?” You demanded, not reaching for the gloves, your first priority was Mel.
“I think Mel ordered a drug test to consider all possibilities, and she was trying to be upfront with the patient about it, and the guy just started shouting at her telling her she was unqualified and I’m pretty sure I overheard the patient say something about Mel being a woman and how that makes her less intelligent?”
“Room?”
“22—where are you going?” Mohan asked, as you walked away.
You had bonded very quickly with Mel, even meeting her sister, who you knew she loved to death. You had admittedly, also told her about your arrangement with Frank, and she followed up with a few questions that you answered about your feelings toward Frank that she wasn’t entirely satisfied with…telling you she thought you weren’t being as chill as you thought you were. Mel promised to keep it all a secret nonetheless.
You also knew Mel was important to Frank, and Frank was important to Mel so you felt an obligation yourself to get to know her. She was as awesome as she seemed. Mel was a very qualified doctor, and you weren’t going to let a patient tell her otherwise, and you weren’t going to let someone make her cry without repercussions.
You pulled the curtain open aggressively, looking at the patients chart to make sure that Mel was the last person to see them. You didn’t want to be yelling at random patients. When her name appeared, you clipped the chart back to the bed.
“What do you think you’re doing yelling at a perfectly qualified doctor, who was simply trying to help you?” You asked, starting with a reasonable tone of voice.
“She wanted to do a drug test, I told her I don’t do no fucking drugs! Women these days can’t understand anything!”
You scoffed and simply had enough, you felt your headache getting stronger.
“Dr. King is a perfectly qualified doctor, she is the most intelligent and kind person I know, and she didn’t go through medical school to deal with patients like you.”
“I see you’re not any more qualified are you?”
That made your blood boil. If you were Mel you would have also ordered a drug test, there was some evidence to suggest drug usage could lead to brain hemorrhage, you also knew a drug test would explain heart rate and could explain withdrawal symptoms.
“If you are unsatisfied with your care, you can always leave against medical advice.” You felt your voice raising. “But I would highly recommend against it!”
“Well–”
“And another thing!” You shouted. “The most qualified doctors I know in this hospital are women. You think you know more than the doctors here who have years of training in medical school, and labs, and numerous medical lectures and conferences, don’t even get me started on clinical rotations!”
At this point your hands were in the air, and the entire ED felt as if it quieted down. You heard footsteps and scurrying behind you, but ignored it as you took a deep breath to start again.
“AlSO! Dr. King ordered a drug test because you are exhibiting symptoms of someone who has just taken a shit ton of drugs, we aren’t stupid, so it's probably in your best interest to stop lying, and let the professionals–”
Before you could finish you felt arms around your torso, and you yelped, Frank had thrown you over his shoulder. You couldn’t believe his fucking audacity, he hadn’t texted you or seen you in 10 days, and now he’s doing damage control for you? No fucking way. You thrashed, protesting his grip, trying to slither down from his shoulder without avail.
“Stop! Christ, y/n.” His voice came out serious, but a laugh escaped underneath, his hands keeping hold of your waist as he walked you both to the breakroom that was now empty.
He put you down, the door still open.
“What were you thinking?” He shouted, the door still open, god this is so humiliating , you cringed. “You can’t be yelling at patients like that!”
Frank closed the door with his foot, with a slam the noise of the ED was muted. Then Frank pulled some Advil from his pocket.
“Dana.” Frank said before you could ask how he knew. “What is your problem?” He asked.
You took the Advil and went to the sink to fill a mug with water, then quickly took the pills, feeling the anger fill your chest.
“I was thinking that Mel didn’t deserve to be treated like that, and I reacted inappropriately.” You admitted. “She okay?”
Frank stepped toward you as you leaned your back on the sink facing him, placing your mug down.
“Yea, she’s fine now, she saw you screaming at the guy, and told Robby about it.”
“Oh god.” You groaned, squinting in embarrassment. “What did he say?”
“Well thanks to you, he yelled at me to go deal with you.”
“He told you to ‘deal’ with me?” You scoffed. “Oh and by the way, you did not need to pick me up like that!”
“Oh come on! I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t have moved from that fight even if I asked nicely. I also know you well enough to know that something else is bothering you, not just that patient! You tell me everything, why not this?”
“Because you haven’t talked to me outside of work in days! Not even a single text, I thought you were my best friend,” You poured your mug out, you felt like that wasn’t the only thing you were pouring out. “That’s why. It's just back pain and a headache Langdon, that’s it.”
You could physically see the blow calling Frank by his last name had inflicted, but you hated when he was right about you, about everything.
“I’m sorry I should’ve asked.”
“I didn’t know Frank Langdon was capable of asking about things nicely.” Your tone harsh.
“Why are we fighting?” He asked, no yelling, just sincerity.
“Because Frank, I miss you and,” You took a deep breath. “I’m not mad at you anymore about the drug thing. I promise. But when you didn’t reach out, it made me remember how lonely I was without you when you were in rehab. I don’t want to lose you again.” And it’s the most honest thing you’ve said all month.
“Yea, I miss you too, it’s just–” He stopped himself, and you could feel yourself almost giving in to something, there were just so many ways to give in you didn’t know which one it was. “I’ve been–uh I’ve been super busy with Tanner’s soccer team this week, I’m sorry.”
You watched his face closely, and you knew something that wasn’t being said needed to be said. But not right then.
“It’s been a rough day for you, I know you want to stick up for Mel, but you have got to keep your cool or else you’re going to crash and burn.” He sighed.
Right. You had to keep your cool. At work and in the relationship. You nodded.
“Mel’s been very kind to me, I think because she knows how important I am to you to be honest, she admires you so much, Frank.”
Frank had a solid glance at you, but you could tell a blush was breaking through. Why was he reacting that way to you saying that? Did Mel know about how he felt about you, was it more than platonic? Or were you justified in your fear that your feelings could ruin everything between you two.
A warmth filled your chest. He stepped closer and placed his hand on the side of your face. You wanted him to lean down and place his lips on yours, despite you knowing you couldn’t. Everyone was watching, you’d be the talk of the town…or the ED, but you felt yourself melt into his touch, for the first time in your life, a particular kind of melting, that you knew too well, that meant you were done for, that you had lost all your cool then and there. The kind of melting you felt, before getting your heart completely shattered. Frank rubbed his thumb on your cheek.
“You had pen on your face,” He spoke, quietly. The eye contact suggested something like restraint, then said, “I’m gonna go check on Mel. Take a break, I’ll let Robby know.”
He turned to go out the door, his hand on the door handle, then he turned to face you, gaze soft.
“Just for the record, I couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was in there…rehab I mean. I missed you just as much. Maybe more.”
And he was out the door before you could mutter a response.
The sixth time things became less casual was when Frank had picked you up after a night out with Mohan.
Frank had been watching an episode of SVU or something — he couldn’t remember, it hadn't been too entertaining — at midnight nearing Christmas, when you had called him clearly intoxicated. You had apologized to him profusely over and over. He had known you were going out with Mohan and Abott for a couple drinks, something about Christmas movies at the nearby pub, but you must have gotten carried away. He laughed and told you he would come pick you up.
He had only slept with you once again after the fight you had in the ED. But after that, he could feel you pulling back, he wondered if he had hurt you in some way, and even if you felt the same feeling he did. You had even returned the key he gave you to his apartment. He had thought you hated him. He had talked to Mel, and had told her everything that was going on between you guys finally. Mel’s opinion was important to him, and it made him happy to know Mel liked you too. He had finally admitted to himself, and to Mel that he wanted more than just sex. Mel promised to keep it a secret.
So Frank was grateful when you called, but scared that your sobriety would make you hate him again.
Frank drove his car downtown Pittsburg, landing at the pub you had mumbled on the phone. When he pulled up, he spotted you on the snowy side walk with Mohan and Abott. You were all bundled in jackets and Christmas lights glared behind you. He parked and got out of his car to approach you all in the dark.
“Look, it’s Dr. Langdon!” Mohan slurred, leaning into Abott affectionately.
You turned around as Frank stepped closer to you, you were laughing hysterically like a child. You grabbed onto his shirt.
“What are you doing here? I missed you.” You mumbled.
Frank and Abott locked eyes, a silent agreement to keep everything a secret. From that interaction alone Frank knew that Mohan and Abott were messing around and maybe more, and Abott knew the same about Frank and you.
“You called me, remember? Told me to pick you up.”
“M sorry.” You slurred. You turned to Mohan and Abott. “Guys! Frank is here to pick me up, isn’t that sweet?” You asked.
Abott chuckled. Even though everything in that moment was agreed to be secret, Frank wanted nothing more than for him to be someone you could love in public. He was scared that was the reason you didn’t want him, that you were ashamed of him. Not just that you might not feel the same.
“I gotta get this one home too,” Abott pointed at Mohan. “Frank, get them home safe. I’ll see you later.”
“Alright let’s go,” Frank said, taking your hand. His heart jumped when you intertwined your fingers with his. “Say bye to Samira and Jack.”
“Bye to Samira and Jack.” You mumbled.
Frank laughed to himself, realizing — for not the first time in his life — that you were frankly adorable. He helped you into the passenger seat of his car. You went to kiss him, and he pulled away, not wanting to start anything when you weren’t in the right mindset, when you weren’t sober. You sighed, and ruffled, pushing his hands away as he tried to buckle you in.
“y/n, come on, you know how many patients who we’ve seen be severely injured from not wearing seatbelts.”
“I don’t like the way it rubs against my neck.”
“Well, its my car, so I say buckle up.” Frank said.
“I’ll do it if you let me stay at yours tonight.” You pouted.
Frank sighed, he was glad to have his best friend there in that moment wanting to come over, but sad to not know what you were feeling, he really wished he could read your mind.
“Okay, you can have the bed while I sleep on the couch.” He said, pulling the seatbelt over you finally, and clipping it in successfully, he felt he needed to separate you this way till he knew where you two stood again.
Frank closed the door and got into the driver's seat.
“Sorry I called you, I know you’re not my boyfriend or anything but, I missed you.”
“It’s okay really, I’m glad you called, I was starting to think you hated me.”
You giggled as he pulled onto the main drag.
“I don’t hate you. Far from it, dingus.”
There was a silence that ran over you as he drove carefully through the snow, he didn’t know what to say, he knew what he wanted to say: do you feel the same? Instead he went with,
“Did you have fun?”
“Mhm, we watched Home Alone, and played a drinking game to go with it,” That explained the drunkenness. “Samira is so cool! And so is Jack,” You paused.
You began rolling your window down — not a great marker on the Frank Langdon’s perfectly accurate not nauseous to nauseous scale — then you went to turn down the heat — also not a great sign on the scale, Frank’s anxiety to not have you throw up in his car heightened.
“They are such a great couple too, I know they only started dating, but sometimes I wish I had that with you.”
Your confession shocked Frank, he cleared his throat, still hoping to get to his apartment in time for vomit to go either outside the car or in a toilet. He stopped at a red light. Were you saying you did feel the same? Would you remember this in the morning?
The truth was that he wished he had that with you too, and he knew that you speaking that out loud had fundamentally changed your dynamic. He knew that what was going to be said past that point needed to be thought through, needed to be intentional, even if you weren’t going to remember it. He wanted to be as honest as possible with you, if you felt the same, if what you were saying was true, then he wasn’t going to start whatever you were going to be off with dishonesty.
“Really? You wouldn’t be ashamed of me?” He asked shyly, a surprise to himself too that he was being vulnerable enough to ask.
“No, why would you think that?”
“Because not everyone at the ED trusts me entirely anymore, I clearly have a reputation, which is deserved I guess but—”
“Frank, if you woke up one day and decided you wanted me, I would want you just as much, probably more.” An eerie moment of drunk clarity.
He had finally pulled up to his apartment — into the parking lot near the car pressure washers he hoped he wouldn’t need to use — just as you said that, ready to respond, your eye contact piercing through whatever tension you had been upholding for the past few weeks, when you gagged and threw up all over yourself and the passenger seat, then slinked back in your seat to close your eyes.
The worst part was not that Frank’s car was now covered in vomit, it was that Frank had looked at you afterwards and thought, they are so beautiful when tired. Frank took that as his cue to help you get some rest, and got ready to carry you up.
The seventh time you noticed, you finally acknowledged it .
You woke up in Frank’s bed the next day, your head pounding, forgetting that that December 23rd you had drunk way too much with Mohan and Abott, and embarrassingly called Frank. You stretched your limbs under his black comforter, and jolted up when you remembered admitting everything.
Technically, you didn’t actually confess your feelings, but you knew Frank would’ve caught on with how direct you could be while drunk. You had to set the record straight.
You heard vague noises outside, and it had snowed even more, it was Christmas eve. You groaned, took the tylenol Frank had so graciously set on the night stand, and you jumped out of Frank’s bed. You were still dressed in your clothes from the night before, and walked out into the apartment. When you didn’t see Frank, you scurried to the window, beside the Christmas tree and peaked through the blinds. You saw Frank, holding a power washer in his hand, spraying it into the passenger seat of his car, while he was wrapped in winter clothes. You cringed, before deciding to wrap yourself back up in your winter clothes and head down to talk to him.
You trudged through deep snow, to get to his car, and the blast of the power washer, plus the smell of your leftover vomit was enough to make your hangover worse.
“Frank!” You shouted over the sound of the washer.
Frank stopped and turned toward you, he was comedically wrapped in a red scarf, along with a red hat, his trenchcoat zipped all the way.
“Hey, I’m sorry about last night.” You said, walking closer, he put the power wash down. “Seems like I did quite a bit of damage to your passenger seat.”
“It’s fine, it's almost cleaned up.” He shrugged.
“Listen about what I said last night–”
“Hey, its fine, you were drunk and–”
“I meant it. I want more than just sex with you, and I understand if you don’t feel the same, but that’s how I feel and I should’ve said it instead of pulling back.”
Frank smiled, a red glow on his cheeks appearing.
“It’s a Christmas miracle!” He exclaimed. “I want you to know I’m all in, I won’t let you down this time. It was so hard to not want you all this time.”
“God we were idiots, oblivious idiots, literally everyone else could see. McKay, Mohan Abott–”
Frank stepped over to you, and placed his cold hand over your face, the steam coming out of both of your mouths to interrupt your upcoming tangent. Your heart was beating, and you thought, finally, we’re acknowledging what I’ve been thinking all these months. Then as you stepped closer to him, both of your feet gave way from ice hidden under the snow. You tumbled on top of him, and he fell onto his back in the snow.
“I’m so sorry, there must’ve been ice under–”
Frank pulled on the front of your jacket to bring your face down to his, before kissing you, softly, passionately. Like he was loving you, not about to fuck you, like he was trying to warm you up. It was a kiss that said: hey I want you for a long time. You laughed in embarrassment, and you sat up, pulling him into a sitting position too before kissing him again.
“I want all the cheesy romantic stuff, even if it means you’ll break my heart.”
You blushed.
“I won’t break your heart if you promise not to break mine.”
He held out his pinky finger.
“Deal.” He said “Why don’t we start with this.” Frank grabbed a handful of snow and threw it on your head, before getting up and scurrying away from you, the passenger side of his car still open.
You gasped and shook your head, letting the snow fall off, then grabbed a handful of snow yourself.
“You’re dead Langdon!” You shouted, chasing him across the parking lot.
