Holiday seasons are for lists
1. Don’t speak to your parents for months
2. Accept help from your dad one time
3. Make everything about you
4. Have no one come after you when you take 2 steak knives into your room with the door locked
5. Walk downstairs, see your mom zombie in front of the computer without ever noticing you, take her pill bottle from her wrist surgery
6. Play Violent Femmes’ Kiss Off as you swallow the 37 pills with a shot of whatever you had lying around
8. Write the note with emphasis on insults to your parents
9. Walk downstairs and tell your mom to call into work for you tomorrow even though you wouldn’t really be missed there either
10. Have your mom scream as if she cares and your dad ignoring the screams because he doesn’t
11. Try to run away but decide to sit in the corn field because your energy is low now
12. Give up like you give up on everything , because it’s only been an hour and you haven’t even faded out yet.
13. Drink the charcoal , show your mom the marks on your neck, stare at your moms self pity until you can’t remember anything else
14. Take note of how the white walls and the drug addicts at your forced “mental rehabilitation” facility are not actually reassuring at all
15. Respect the fact that your haircut and 112 pounds at least makes you resemble the girl from Girl, Interrupted
16. Realize how much music would make this better
17. Stay a night at the Econo Lodge with your secretly drunk mother because her husband gave her the ultimatum of housing her depressed failure of a daughter or staying married for the insurance
18. Live in a state of constant disappointment until you at least figure out what you want to experience years of debt to study for, to pass the time until you actually can die
19. Move constantly, because no place will ever feel like it needs you.
20. Have a cycle of hookups with older guys who don’t care about you, never have any real connection with anyone, never feel not alone anywhere you go
21. Decide to spend your life in debt for a degree that only reminds you how fucked the world is
22. Never embrace the idea of total sobriety
23. Just keep going until the world crumbles