I’m not going to go on at length about this but like I feel like people don’t recognize the weight of autism being basically “You Feel Everything Different And More” because our world is fundamentally structured around the assumption that sensations and feelings and experiences are consistent across different people. therefore what the “average” person can handle without physical pain or psychological harm is what everyone Should be able to.
and when you’re autistic things often hurt you more. or things hurt you that don’t hurt others. and you’re basically brainwashed into thinking nothing is “really” as painful or as frightening as it feels to you because Normal people can recover easily from it, and the problem is you, why can’t you get over it.
And if you know you’re autistic, you know that others don’t feel what you’re feeling, but you can’t prove that.
And it just fucks you up so badly. Because it’s not about if “what happened was bad enough.” Your distress and pain are completely private experiences that you will never be able to prove to anyone, and that’s the end of it.
Like the subjectivity of experience is just such a cruel joke. People have to take your word for it that the lights hurt you
To take the example further. Everything in the world is built around the assumption that the lights don’t hurt. And asking you to be in the room for long periods with the lights that hurt you is always going to be a reasonable request, even though something that causes most people equal amounts of distress and pain would not be.
And if you are visiting a place that you’ve never been and you ask “are the lights the ones that hurt” they’ll always say no because to them, to almost everyone, that’s true
And you don’t know what people will say when you say “this hurts me.” If they’re kind maybe they will believe you. But probably they will say “no it doesn’t.”
And you hear that so much you can’t even tell if you are in pain anymore. Maybe everyone feels this way and you are just worse
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