An Innocent Lamb
30/04/2021
Every girl desires a man of her dreams, a man who makes her feel she is important when all her life she has just been a burden, a man who fights for her equal rights when the world around is scraping her off them. I, an average looking young girl from a small town was also adhered to such fascinations and it was not long before when the much awaited day knocked the door of my life.
It was a chilly winter morning and everything was cold and still, I was helping maa in cutting vegetables when my father got a call from a man seeking permission to come home and ask me to marry his son if in anyway I find him suitable for me because apparantly his son saw me at a dairy shop and decided to tie knots with me. In the next few minutes after my father hung up the phone, the house turned upside down, he ran to the market to buy sweets and maa started cooking some of her woo-the-guests delicacies leaving no ground for disdain, while I was instructed to get ready and look my best. I draped my favorite blue saree with a golden border and matched it with silver bangles and a black bindi on my forhead making sure his eyes dont get off me even for once.The boy's mother died when he was 13 and was brought up by his father who was a member of the ruling party of the state. My family praised their stars and the marriage was finalized, their responsiblity was passed on and my dreaded fate was set loose.
The initial days after the wedding were no less than a fairy tale but as the time went by the tale took a nasty turn. Every night he used to come home drunk and abuse me, he treated me like a flesh with no feelings and no life while for most part of the day he acted aloof like I was never there. I asked my father to open me a kirana shop where I started spending most of the time in order to stay away from home. It was a saturday night and the sales were usually high on weekends, I closed the shop at 10 and returned home.As I was locking the door, I heard heavy tread of footsteps coming towards me, so I turned to look and a slap came on my face, he asked me with rage that with whom have I slept with holding me by my hair. I pleaded with him trying to justify the crime I haven't even been commited but he turned his deaf ears to me and tied my hands to the corners of the bed, opened my legs wide and took off my salwar and underpants. I tried hard to scream through the dupatta he shuffed into my mouth but to no avail. I could smell the stench of alcohol from his sweaty body over me and then felt an acute sharp pain of something piercing through my vagina, the pain was so immense that I could hardly move anymore. My body was trembling and my clothes were soaked in blood while I started to loose conscienceness. " Your genitals were sewed with an aluminium wire ", the doctor told me after I insisted her to. It took me two months to recover completely with the help of my mother who stressed on launching an FIR against him which I denied, thinking maybe he will change someday and realise my love for him has never faded but I failed to see the avalanche unfolding ahead of me ready to engulf whatever was left of me.
It's been a year since the incident but still nothing changed, neither my time nor him. Some nights he would come late and go straight to bed while some nights he would not come at all. His clothes smelled of ladies perfumes every morning I washed them, but istead of being resent I was relieved. It was one of the coldest nights of december, I felt a mild temperature so I decided to take a pill and lay down for some time but was startled by a shattering sound. He was home and furious finding no food to eat, he yelled and screamed at top of his voice so I told him that I was in a run-down condition and coundn't bring myself to cook anything and asked him if he could eat outside like most of the nights for which he punched me in my stomach. I sat on the floor feeling week holding my belly tight with tears rolling down my eyes. I couldn't take it anymore so I shouted back at him with all the burden I was holding back came rushing through my throat. I told him that I am neither his whore nor a slave and how much ashamed I am for still being in love with him. I told him that I should have married a dog for it would have kept me happier. He kept staring at me with his intoxicated red eyes, his body was shaking with fury, "You Whore", he shouted running towards me and grabbing me by my neck with all his strength, I struggled for breath and digged my nails into his hands drawing out some blood but to no avail. My body lost all its energy to fight, my hands hung motionless and he threw my lifeless body on the bed and slept beside me, his dead wife.
My eyes were staring blankly at the sealing shedding the last drop of tear, my body was numb from all the pain it endured and my heart finally rested after beating tirelessly. The soul left its broken shelter in search of a new abode that would not let it get hurt and would sheild it from the vicious thunder and shameful winds, leaving behind the bruised carcass of an innocent girl who had let herself die living for someone else.











