RickyBeDreaming

I die every night just to be reborn every morning.

[rickybedreaming]

Dear VM

My aunt passed away not to long ago. When I say not to long ago I mean at a Wednesday at 11:40pm on April 18, 2018. I had just left the hospital like 20 minuets ago. I was there all there. We expect her to go quick when her family decided to pull the ventilator and sign the do not recast, but she held on. She fought it for almost 10+ hours. She was not ready but her mind wasn’t there. We/I couldn’t see her end up like Shinda. Oh god no that’s already to painful to watch yet end up with a second member of our family. It was painful to watch her come off of it. Struggle to breath. Watch her struggle with her heart. The nurse told us she’s heavily sedated but, I’m sure she still felt something. When she went to the hospital on the 7th I knew she wouldn’t make it. I just knew. My last words to her were I know you’re not coming back, I’ll miss you. Please tell my dad I miss you. Please tell him how much I love him. I love you too and I’ll miss you, but please pass in peace and give him that message to me. Pari Pune Vadi Mummy.

[rickybedreaming]

My GSM

I’d follow that man to anywhere he goes. He’s gone on to limb for me twice back to back and I truly do appreciate him. He’s a nice kind hearted man who knows the business. I wish he was the end all be all but he isn’t yet. You have my respect sir.

[rickybedreaming]

What could have been

Wow. The girl who got to me the most just added me on insta. I didn’t realize it was her but damn. What life could have been with her. She’s married, has a kid and everything. Wow. It’s just weird.

[rickybedreaming]

Does anyone still follow me? I feel like I’m talking to a ghost.

[rickybedreaming]

Hey you know that awkward moment when sucidial thoughts kick back in? Well 'tis me!

[rickybedreaming]

Does anyone still follow me? I feel like I’m talking to a ghost.

[rickybedreaming]

I honestly think I'm not ready for a relationship. Idk I just can't seem to find anyone who feels right? Am I am asshole for feeling so? I read all these post and blogs about serial noncommittal guys on tumbler and stuff but I feel Iike I'm one of them. I feel like a asshole for doing so but at the same time no one feels right.

[rickybedreaming]

How dare you say I can't provide for my family. Fuck you bitch!

[rickybedreaming]

Idk how I felt about this date. She's corky for sure. Weird and corky, I kinda like it. One hiccup to her, her ambitions. I couldn't get a sense for that. She's like me before I figured out what I want to do. She really does remind me of myself; but slightly different. I thought when she didn't kiss me it went bad but... we talked when we both got home.

[rickybedreaming]

Back to square one

Here I go again.

You know when you've been playing a game and you keep dying at the hands of a boss or camper and you just can't seem to get over it so you keep going at it only to die eveytime and get your ass handed to you each and every fucking time and you start over in the same fucking spot every fucking time?!!!

Well that's my love life.

I though I finally found a way, I thought I fnally figured out a way to win my love life but... ha!

How wrong was I

How stupid was I.

How naïve was I.

You say you'll never forget me but yet you forgot me while I was talking to you.

You say you'll never forget me but yet you forgot as soon as I said good morning to you.

You say you'll never forget me but yet you forgot as soon as he messaged you.

You say you'll make time for me but yet you never do.

Because he's always around you.

Because he's always on your mind.

Because he's always holding your love for his dog hostage over you.

Because he's always trying to make you forget he cheated on you.

The signs were there.

The signs were there.

You talked about him a lot.

A fucking a lot.

The first date that was our topic of conversation. Your fuck ex a topic of conversation.

But I'm stupid, I'm infatuated by a smile.

But I'm stupid, I'm infatuated by a smart mind.

But I'm stupid, I'm infatuated by the thought of finally get over the boss that is my love life.

But I'm stupid, I'm infatuated by a prospect in my mind.

But I'm stupid...

But I'm just fucking stupid.

Here I sit to shit, broken heart.

Known I'm broken but yet I wish you the best

I'm back to square one again.

But I wish you the best of luck and more importantly

Live long and prosper.

[rickybedreaming]

Sad to say, maybe 5 people will miss me when I'm gone. If I'm lucky.

[rickybedreaming]

The wall

You built a wall that I can't climb

It seems to get higher and higher

Daily I make that treck

Only to be knocked down to my feet

You've been hurt before yet I have too

Yet everyday I brave the feet

The day my wall is up

You refuse to climb

Yes you called me by my name

Yes you tried to at first

But you didn't persist

You didn't persist as I do

My wall is a small hike

Whereas your wall is a mountain

That I can't climb

I honestly think I need to let you go. You're not ready and I'm to tired. I need something real but I'm afraid of the unknown.

[rickybedreaming]

What could have been

Wow. The girl who got to me the most just added me on insta. I didn't realize it was her but damn. What life could have been with her. She's married, has a kid and everything. Wow. It's just weird.

[rickybedreaming]

Found out what happened to the girl I met off of tinder; she's grown up to be quite a woman.

[rickybedreaming]

Also found out my ex is pregnant. Not my kid, it's been way to long for that with her.

[rickybedreaming]

She said she's good... she didn't say anything actually. Just ghosted one me.

[rickybedreaming]

Hmmm

I had a good date, let's see if she felt the same as I did tomorrow.