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Info post
I am a polyfrag system with like 10 main alters. We post whatever and random thoughts here.
This is a side blog of mine from @moonbearblue where I post random thoughts and whatever I want stuff now I guess. Random thoughts of mine mostly while I am on ambien my nightly sleeping pill.
Me when severe dissociative disorder is actually severe and I have to go to the hospital :(
Does anyone elses littles create cooking disasters? Who let the three year old cook a burger??
When one of our alters that formed in childhood is literally an (introject?) of the literal hat man? I used to see him in my room as a kid sometimes or in the distance when I was fully awake.
I still can't really explain it away as DID or some weird hallucination because I didn't have access to the internet much as a kid and had no idea what the hat man was until years after I stopped seeing him. Creepy. But also I saw him as comforting or at least not upsetting as a kid for some reason.
I have to remind myself a lot that going through quiet periods for my DID symptoms is actually normal.
Does anyone else use they/them pronouns as their main pronouns in public but in like a plural way? I just realized that's why despite feeling like a guy most of the time I still prefer they/them pronouns.
We don't really wear different clothing styles as the idea of being so obvious makes us anxious but we do have clothes that are specific to each alter and sometimes get in arguments about it.
When I get glasses and literally can't deny my DID because some alters need them and some very obviously don't. Its so weird to have physical evidence and I am having a lot of trouble figuring out who needs them and who doesn't.
Time to play the, "Is it a crush or do I just not know how to experience affection without turning it sexual because of my abuse" game!!!
I hate online shopping for clothes. My brain doesn't do numbers enough for me to understand sizing charts. What is a girls juniors? I know these are big enough for me to fit but idk which one I should pick.
Does anyone else have one alter that goes onto systemcringe and fakedisordercringe a lot for some reason? I am not sure why he is going on there, like bro we would probably get posted there.
When literally all the friends I told that my ex SA'd me brushed it off and stayed friends with him and if I do anything about it I am scared I will have no friends :(
Me making up a thing I did wrong that in the last session that was definitely find and not actually wrong, and then apologizing for it at the next therapy and my therapist telling me I made it up has been a repeating theme of therapy.
Shoutout to my friends who stayed friends with me in middle school when I was telling everyone I could speak to demons and let them talk through me. They watched me start speaking in a deep voice with an accent and saying I was a demon and were just like, oh thats just how they are sometimes, time to go to class. And I really appreciate that lmao.
I normally don't swear but my god my professor is batshit insane and I am dropping his class
Not being able share anything irl more than surface level about your experience without people accusing you of trauma dumping is a really isolating experience
Darker than what I normally talk about on here so TW: CSA/SA vent
I hate how I redo patterns from childhood that make me constantly get revictimized over and over. Two of my high school boyfriends were sexually abusing me and generally abusive throughout the whole relationship with them. The next partner was sadly so much better compared to them them that I stayed with him too long. He kept telling me that I must have been exaggerating or making up what happened to me during those relationships because he knew me during them and I never acted weird or told anyone. I should have broke up with him when he said that. Why didn't I? Why did I stay with these horrible people when they were hurting me. My dissocation is terrifying because it literally causes me to dissociate the bad parts of a person like I did with my dad as a child to survive.