✧ ✧ back then i was starry eyed
synopsis. lohen was not your boyfriend. he was the weirdo that kept trying to ambush you.
— content. 15k words · lohen x f!reader · reader has abyssal powers + hands like skirk's legs · lohen is down bad and touchy, but also wants to fight · canon!lohen but he's soft around reader, mentions of blood, injuries, and death · reader is socially unaware and awkward · mentions of the other mondstadt chars.
— foreword. this idea struck me when listening to 'starry eyes' by the weeknd, hence the title. this was actually gonna be longer bc i had sm more written and planned, but it'd become too long, so i'll definitely do a part two for this one at some point. if aspects of reader's past seem odd, that's why, so part two will deffo explain more even tho this already gives some context. reader's hands were very inspired by skirk's legs, bc her design is peak. please enjoy :)
— header credit: songpyeon990 on twt.
“how many times do i have to tell you?” your tone was sharp, but you never once turned to face the culprit. instead, you wandered into your bathroom and flipped on the lights, meeting lohen’s elated eyes through the mirror. “to stop breaking into my home whenever you feel like it?”
“awh. bunny, i thought we both knew you were kidding about that.” lohen’s mocking statement echoed through your bathroom, leaving you to roll your eyes as you washed your face and threw your hair up, watching as he casually got comfortable on your bed.
You switched off the rather rudimentary lights in your bathroom with your sharp nail, ignoring lohen’s eyes following you around your bedroom as you slipped off the clothes you’d been wearing. meanwhile, you slipped on a loose tank top and turned off the lights to your bedroom, slightly amused by how lohen threw back the covers with an eagerness in his movement, pulling you into his cold body the very second you were within reach. his arm curled around your waist, and his head came to rest in the crook of your neck, the grown man purring slightly like a pleased cat as you felt a small peck placed on your ear, leaving you flustered but quiet as your tired body melted into his arms.
lohen was not your boyfriend.
in fact, he was merely a man whom you’d come across one morning as you were walking through the forest, attempting to find more herbs for your healing potions. not many people dared to enter the dense and dark forest located outside dornman port, where the sun’s rays could never really reach. but that was the very place you called home, where you lived in your comfortable cabin with your pets; well, they weren't really your pets but small animals who’d found their way to your home. your black cat, salem was trailing after you, nipping at any stems of mint she’d spot, earning a head pat from you as you’d break off all the mint, placing them into your wooden basket. your cloak was thrown over your head, its long back concealing you from behind as your starry hands reached out for the stem of mint.
“well, that’s not what i was expecting this morning,” you whispered to yourself, shielding the cat behind your leg as an arrow came flying at you, damn near piercing right into your left eye, if you’d not caught it merely centimetres away. quirking an eyebrow at the intrusion in your part of the forest, you crouched down, running a comforting hand over the shaking cat while trying to spot whoever had tried to shoot you. in spite of his well-hidden figure in a bush with a camouflaged cloak thrown over his back, you’d already spotted the man with mint-green hair crouching with a crossbow in his hands, his aim directed right at you. “i don’t know who you are or what you want. however, please refrain from using such crude weapons near my animals.”
you wound your arm back, squinting one eye to determine where the best aim would be before you launched the arrow back to its owner, watching as it penetrated the tree within a blink of an eye… and then fell apart due to the sheer force of impact. a little too much power in that throw, you sighed to yourself, turning back around on your feet and heading back to your home with baby salem running on ahead, clearly very spooked by the situation. some would say it wasn’t exactly wise to turn your back on an enemy like that, but something told you that he would not be trying that move again. you were proven right when no more arrows came flying at you.
on the other side of the forest, vice captain lohen felt a fluttering in his chest that he had never once felt before. when was the last time he’d seen someone catch an arrow or someone anticipate one of his ambushes? he’d seen your hands, the starry and entrancing purple-toned arms, resembling an ever-expanding galaxy, but actually being a byproduct of abyssal power; you were definitely the woman he had heard rumors about, and he was determined to get closer to you, wanting to see just how strong you were.
during that very night, beneath the full moon and starry sky, you left your home once more with another basket clutched in your hands, your loyal cat following your trail happily. this time around, your goal wasn’t to find more mint but to gather some apples hanging high in the trees. each time you were in need of the produce hanging in the trees, you always resorted to venturing out at night. you were well aware that no one would be out that late and thus, not risking anyone seeing you use your abilities to gather the fruit. the basket was placed on the ground, your cat plopping down next to it with a sleepy meow. you stepped back, finally able to remove your cloak and bask in the moonlight. waving your hands around and mentally manifesting your abilities, the apples began flying to your basket, plucking themselves and making your work easier; the sort of simple but powerful spell you didn’t need anyone to witness.
people were afraid of you already. you didn’t need to intensify that feeling.
“i am aware you think you’re being discreet, but your hair stands out in the bushes,” you called into the forest, now seated on the ground with a half-eaten apple in your hands as your hair swayed around in the wind. your eyes may have been closed, but nothing ever seemed to catch you by surprise anymore. “are you here to ambush me again?”
out of the woods came a man holding a crossbow and a pistol, his crimson eyes standing out in the dark night, especially against the mint-green hair. he was dressed in a knights of favonius uniform with armor on, but not the standard uniform, leading you to believe that he might hold a higher title. your eyebrows shot up slowly as he directed the crossbow right at your head, a sick grin playing on his reddened lips as the surrounding winds swept his hair.
“and who might you be, little lamb? hiding out in these woods all on your own…” lohen trailed off teasingly, tapping his pistol against his chin as he pretended to think, glancing around at your surroundings. then his eyes suddenly snapped back to stare at you, a predatory grimace overtaking his sharp features. “a little suspicious, hm?”
for the first time in your life, you found yourself taken aback by his sick grin, finding yourself genuinely appalled at his words. “little lamb? i don’t know you, sir. i would prefer if you didn’t refer to me with such… odd words.”
“and you’re polite, hm. truly makes me wonder why someone like you is hiding in these woods.” lohen tilted his head in curiosity, eyes scanning over your seated form. he couldn't help but notice how you didn’t seem to fear him, nor fear the weapons held in his hands.
you let out a sigh, honestly finding this more troublesome than not. you hadn’t been anywhere near mondstadt city for months, if not years, and you were quite convinced that you and alice had made a rather lucrative deal for both, but now you were being bothered by a knight. even so, you were simultaneously fairly convinced that a knight should not be acting on his own, nor should he have been pointing weapons at a civilian. but even the strong winds couldn’t deter him from pointing the crossbow at you, and as your eyes took in the slight fangs poking into his reddened lips, you could tell he was genuinely enjoying this standoff. mindfully pushing yourself to your feet, you brushed off any dirt off your dress and directed your eyes back to him.
lohen’s eyes had fallen to your hands, stunned by what he was seeing. it was as if your hands were alive, the stars and shimmer within moving as you moved them, resembling a look into the galaxy. darker at the fingertips and steadily becoming lighter as the delicate shade of purple met your natural skin tone, your hands weren’t real limbs, he could tell. as you raised your head with a sigh and brushed back your hair, his eyes finally met yours, and once more, he was left stunned at your left eye. much like your arms, it was a deep purple, a lush black color at the center, slowly fading into a gentle shade of lavender around the outer corner. in the very center of your eyes was a diamond shape, almost resembling a shard of glass in that same delicate lavender tone—a stark contrast to your other, which still held its natural color and a regular-shaped pupil.
“you tried to ambush me earlier and failed miserably. you will fail again, knight of favonius. for your safety and the sake of my sanity, i’d like to end this conversation now and return to my home.” you picked up the basket from the ground, which was now filled to the brim with red apples. the knight across from you had gotten rid of his pistol and crossbow, but within the blink of an eye, he came charging at you with a spear. “you people never do give up, do you?”
he was faster than anyone else who’d come at you on the surface; you had to admit to yourself just as you dodged his lunge at you with that sharp weapon. rapidly placing your basket back on the ground and throwing out a hand, your manifested scythe hovered just above your hand as you grabbed it. you narrowly stepped to the side before holding it up to dodge the flying attack the knight was attempting to land. lohen jumped back with a loud thud, grinning happily at the adrenaline coursing throughout his veins, especially once he spotted the weapon in your hand. the same shades of dark purple, almost black, running around the sharp blade with various chains wrapping themselves from the edge of the blade to the staff itself, the color steadily losing its darkness until reaching the very bottom, where a lavender dragger protruded from the bottom. just like your hands, the scythe’s appearance seemed to be alive, its exterior seemingly pulsating and stirring like a true galaxy. but what really caught lohen’s eyes was how the entire scythe seemed like it was made of shards of glass, reflecting stars and moving matter.
“it blends in with your hands,” lohen exclaimed and even he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so impressed, seeing how the blade of your scythe was one-to-one with your hands. that made it difficult for him to spot your grip and thus hindered him from calculating what your next move might be. “what matter is that?”
“none of your business. i don’t wish to fight you, knight. i would rather you put down your weapon and leave me alone.”
“no can do,” he sang as the two of you began moving in circles around each other, an unmoving standoff that could explode at any time. “you’ve piqued my curiosity now, bunny.”
“consider me uninterested, knight.” your words sharpened, and lohen could see the tightening of your fingers around your weapon, anticipating an attack. “leave.”
“awh, but that would be boring. and varka told me i’m not allowed to pick fights with the other knights anymore, so i’ve seriously been itching for a good fight.” lohen sighed in frustration, rolling his eyes as he thought back to varka’s lecture after he’d jumped a pair of knights in the wild.
your eyebrows came together in confusion at his words, and whilst you had admittedly not socialized much in the past many years, you were quite convinced that this man was not normal. “uhm, did you ever consider that if this varka is telling you not to pick fights, he might have a point? it’s not nice to ambush people.”
lohen merely laughed at that statement, throwing his entire head back and letting his loud laughter echo throughout the silent forest. your eyes immediately caught sight of all the frightened birds flying away and the small squirrels rushing into trees. “you think i ambush people because it’s fun?! …well, actually, it is fun. but i do it ‘cause everyone else is weak. they’re weak and powerless.”
‘you’re still so weak!’ the man had laughed at your wounded form on the dirty ground, poking your broken leg with the tip of his shoe, as you let out a cry of despair. ‘powerless, useless, hopeless. what did sven even think when he picked up someone like you?’
you’d like to think you were a healed woman, someone not haunted so blindly by her past that she would commit ferocious attacks at such memories, or even attempt to hurt anyone else. you’d like to believe that such words did not trigger you, nor did they prompt you to make rash and unpleasant decisions. but you needed him gone this second. the moon was still high in the sky, your pets were most likely all asleep, and you truly had nothing to spend the rest of your night besides sleeping. however, this man clearly wanted something from you, which you could not provide.
you were used to people needing you for tasks, using you for their benefit only to toss you aside, but something about his request seemed so oddly different from all the others, yet it remained a request you did not wish to honor.
lohen had already noticed the difference in your stance, the glint in your eyes far away despite them being fixed onto his figure. the smirk on his face widened significantly when he noticed the small tick in your posture, noticing how your stance suddenly didn’t seem as rigid, as guarded. you were the woman klee had seen the other day, a conversation he had overheard between klee and kaeya outside the headquarters. klee was insistent that she had seen a woman with starry arms and a large cloak, claiming the woman was chasing after a boar, which held a small rabbit in its mouth. without harming the boar, she had managed to retrieve the rabbit and vanished within seconds, leaving behind no trace. kaeya seemed to not entirely believe klee, assuming this was another one of her overly enthusiastic stories. however, lohen had a different opinion on this situation, which would ultimately lead him to track down where someone had last spotted a person wearing a cloak.
a gust of wind brushed both of you just as lohen took off running, twisting his leg as he jumped into the air with his weapon raised high into the air, hoping to strike you with his foot to entirely immobilize you, then strike with his weapon. but the world turned before lohen’s head could even process it, and just as he thought he was still in the air, he’d find his body slamming into the ground. a rough groan escaped his throat as the pain began spreading throughout his body. his eyes, which had fallen shut on impact, struggled to open once more, especially as lohen felt a weight settle over his middle, something pushing into his sides and rendering him unable to move whatsoever. opening his eyes back up again and… wow.
“are you done now?” you asked the man beneath you, whose arms were pinned down against his sides by your legs, your body sat across his middle and your thighs pressing into his arms, effectively rendering lohen entirely useless in this situation. your arms were crossed over your chest with his polearm pressed against your skin, held behind your arms.
lohen had never seen himself as someone lustful, as someone who had ever laid eyes upon another person with the intent of courting them. he had never walked through the streets of mondstadt and felt as if someone was his type or that someone had piqued his interest. but now beaten to the ground in a manner that his brain still couldn’t fathom, feeling the warm skin of your thighs pressing against his cold hands; feeling you sitting on him with your arms crossed, staring down at him with a bored expression, he really understood it. he understood that feeling people often discussed, feeling butterflies in their stomachs, feeling flushed around certain people, or wanting to spend more around someone. but perhaps differently from those, for lohen did not feel butterflies, nor did he feel as if you were the only and one for him.
however, there was a buzz running across his cold skin, a sense of wonder growing deep inside his chest. he knew there were people stronger than himself, the grandmaster being an example, but not even varka had ever moved this rapidly. and lohen was sure that there was no better view than being beaten by someone stronger, the feeling of blood coursing in his ears and adrenaline flowing.
“uhm, are you alright?” you leaned down, uncrossing your arm to pat lohen’s cheek in confusion as those crimson eyes stared spellbound at you. he wasn’t even trying to break free, you realized, nor was he attempting to get you off; rather, he seemed rather content. “knight whose name i do not know, please answer me.”
“lohen, my name’s lohen.” his hazy eyes were trailing across your face, and if you noticed the way they skated across your body, lingering a little too long on your exposed throat before returning to your eyes, you pretended to not notice anything. “fight me.”
“tomorrow. i’ll be back tomorrow. fight me again.”
“…lohen, i think you’re misunderstanding something here. i don’t wish to fight you.”
lohen’s lips spread into a sort of smile that made a shiver run down your spine, a smile that just embodied the same glint of insanity you were seeing in his eyes. even with his arms pinned down and his chest desperately inhaling oxygen, he seemed so content trapped below you. “but i want to fight you, bunny.”
lohen became a regular part of your life.
after that first night, when you’d eventually climbed off him and watched as he stumbled through the forest again with a dopey smile, you had hoped he was kidding, possibly a little confused from the harsh hit to his head. but you were mistaken, as the very next night, you’d narrowly dodge a dagger zipping your direction while you tried to collect some flowers from the nearby lake. once more, lohen would attempt to attack you but be overwhelmed and slammed to the ground, staring up at you with another demented grin.
“you’re too slow on that attack,” you stated in correction, catching lohen’s wrist in yours and twisting it, causing him to drop the dagger, yet not make another sound as if he refused to admit he was hurt. “most people wouldn’t be able to dodge that, but those with speed can. it could lead to your demise.”
usually, you refrained from offering him any advice, compliments, or even small talk as he tried to attack you. instead, you’d effortlessly dodge all his attacks and end the night with him beneath you, looking mysteriously pleased by his position as if the idea of ending up on the ground was appealing to him. but you had never claimed to understand other people, especially not someone as convoluted as lohen. gradually, you began thinking that perhaps his company wasn’t all too bad, even if he did only come by in an attempt to finally catch you off guard.
“hm, i don’t think anyone has ever dodged that before. good work, bunny.” lohen wrenched his hand out of your grip, poking at the front of his dagger as he gathered it from the ground. “i’m impressed.”
“don’t call me that, and i do not care. if you insist on showing up every day, i’m expecting to see some improvement from you.”
certain aspects about your disposition often irked lohen, leaving him to stare at you in silence for longer periods of time. your tone would often slip, as if you were imitating how someone had once spoken with you; this especially became very apparent to lohen whenever you’d pass a comment or advice about his fighting style or what he should improve on. your tone lost any and all emotion, not that it held much before, and you seemed mentally distant. fighting did not seem to be enjoyable to you, which lohen found puzzling given how strong you were. but he was no idiot; your abyssal-created limbs and abyssal powers made it quite obvious that your background was clearly not one filled with joy or to be deemed normal by any means. varka and jean would probably lock him in solitary confinement if they learned that he was spending his evenings getting his ass kicked by someone with abyssal powers, but lohen could tell you had absolutely no intention of harming anyone. hell, at that point, you hadn’t even fought back yet whenever he came at you, resorting to merely taking him out when you were done dodging his blows.
yet one evening, a mere few weeks after lohen had begun his routine of bothering you every night, you’d decide to actually fight back rather than back away. so as soon as lohen charged at you with a dagger raised high and a confident grin on his face, you sidestepped him like usual. but instead of merely stepping away and leaving him to ready another attack, you rapidly curled your fingers around the dagger in his hand, feeling his reluctance to let go just as you ripped it out of his hand, whipping around to strike right at his throat. however, you obviously had no objection to killing the man, so a mere millimeter away from his jugular, you halted your movement. panting heavily and eyes wider than you’d ever seen before, lohen stared down at you with an unreadable expression on his face.
“that was so hot,” he muttered lowly, eyes falling to where your starry hand was still pressing the very tip of the blade against his throat. “so you do fight back sometimes.”
“i was getting tired of merely acting like a punching bag—one who keeps winning.” you shrugged and dropped the dagger onto the ground, taking a few steps back from him. “and besides, you have shown improvement. it would only be right of me to acknowledge that.”
still, what you did not notice until stepping back and seeing the crazed glint swirling around his crimson eyes, was the trickle of blood leaking from his throat. you were sure you’d not physically pierced his skin, but something about him made you feel as if he was crazy enough to have pushed his own body forward into the blade, just to feel his own skin breaking. with a roll of your eyes, you motioned to his neck, wanting him to take care of it. in true lohen fashion, however, his hand shot up and dipped into the blood, but upon seeing the crimson fluid on his fingers, his grin only intensified.
“you are a lost cause,” you mumbled in annoyance, walking back to him and ignoring the way he was scrutinizing you, instead raising a hand to his throat. a small murmur later with your finger swiping over his cut, his cut stitched itself together, as if it had never even been there to begin with.
lohen could not take his eyes off you, no matter how he wanted to. the feeling coursing through his veins when you finally struck back, pressing the dagger to his throat with such a bored expression, yet making sure not to hurt him. even now, your cold but illuminated fingers skimmed across his throat, sending shivers down his spine as your two-toned eyes flicked up to meet his, then falling back down to his cut. he was truly more fascinated than he had ever been before. he wanted to know everything about you: where did you come from, why did you live all the way out here, how did you obtain abyssal powers, but most importantly, were you stronger than everyone else he’d ever fought before?
whenever he was fighting you, landing hit after hit, thrown to the ground, or shoved to the side, he didn’t get that same feeling of hopelessness. that same feeling of weakness. because he could see that you didn’t perceive him as being weak or beneath you—you didn’t judge him from his human body or mortal strength. moreover, you continuously kept your guard up, never once underestimating him, even if you did have more strength and faster reflexes. you may never directly express an appreciation for his dedication to becoming stronger, but you certainly did not seem to mind either, no matter how many times you’d roll your eyes at him.
that became a new part of your routine, too, even if lohen was no longer able to visit every night due to restrictions on entries and exits for the city. whenever he did come by, you would allow yourself to summon your weapon and parry his attacks, no longer shutting him down immediately, but rather sparring with him. when he would inevitably get injured due to his erratic nature or underestimating your strength, you’d push him to the ground and gently apply one of your ointments to his healing scars, running a finger over any fresh wounds, and offering him potions for comfort. he would always refuse the potions, insisting he didn’t mind the pain—and he would always be adorning a slightly deranged grin whenever pain coursed through his veins—but still let you heal his wounds.
“i’m starting to think you’re getting injured on purpose, lohen.” you shook your head at the man, who was sprawled across the lush green grass just outside your home, hands covering his lean torso in an attempt to heal the nasty cut.
lohen shrugged from his position, staring at you with admiration in his eyes, content to spend the rest of his night here. the beating of his heart had increased rapidly, so had the rush of blood he’d heard, when you went to parry his attack like always, having not realized that lohen’s movements were slightly different. perhaps reckless, perhaps a stupid move, but lohen decided to reach for your scythe, hoping to capture your weapon and use it against you, only to be struck with the blade. that was how he now found himself staring up at you and the starry sky behind you, loopy and slightly hazy from the loss of blood, but nevertheless enjoying the sensation of blood escaping his body and your hands resting over his cut.
“your hands feel so cold, so glass-like.” lohen’s incoherent mumbling became a bit louder, and you noticed the faraway gleam in his crimson eyes, clearly not completely in control of what was leaving his mouth due to the sheer shock to his body. luckily, he wasn't in serious danger, for you’d already started healing him. his mind was perpetually in that fragile headspace, so you merely let him continue his tangent. “like shards of glass. but there is this buzzing, bzzh, bzzh, i can hear it.”
“it’s the abyss calling,” you softly whispered back to him, applying an ointment to his now-healed skin to ensure no scarring. “they cannot reach anyone through my hands, nor can they hope to corrupt anyone. but the abyss is alive, forever moving and eternally tempting.”
“why are your hands like that, bun? your eye, too?” lohen quirked his head to the side in bewilderment, furrowing his eyebrows up at you, just as you lowered his shirt over his torso again.
you pursed your lips in an attempt to ponder whether you wanted to tell him. lohen had been coming by for the better part of a month now, mostly to fight you, yes, but simultaneously providing you with some company. the reality of your life was that you did not spend any time around other people, confined to your forest with your pets and the surrounding nature. whilst you didn’t hate that, enjoying the fresh wind and serene nights, you did yearn for some sort of human contact. the thought of telling lohen everything was terrifying, particularly what could’ve led to such vast changes in your appearance, but unlike the other citizens of mondstadt, he hadn't ridiculed you or seemed to be scared of you. rather, his fascination with your altered appearance didn’t seem nefarious or out of fear, but more so out of simple curiosity. he was obsessed with strength, wanting to become stronger and faster, and it seemed to you that he merely sought to gain experience from you, not to gain knowledge about your body or past.
“i won’t tell you too much,” you muttered to him just as you sat back down again, lifting his head to rest on your legs and his body to rest comfortably on the bed of grass. you reached for the thin blanket thrown to the side, covering his body with it. “but what i can tell you is it happened many years ago, when i was much younger. back when missing children in mondstadt were not given as much attention as they are now, when people could go missing without anyone batting an eye.”
lohen’s mind tried its best to pay attention, to hang onto every word spoken by your reddened lips in the wind, or to cling onto how your warmth was seeping into his bones, but sleep was poking at him. the blood loss’ effects were catching up, and so were the efforts made by his body to heal. in harmony with the soft blanket and your body’s heat, he was sinking into an early slumber beneath the stars, leaving himself wholly at your mercy.
unbeknownst to yourself, your hand would soon instinctively find his hair, running through the green strands and gently detangling knots there may be, working out the dried blood. lohen reminded you of your pets, sleeping in your lap peacefully, so in your head, it made sense to merely do for him what you’d do for them. you knew your lack of social interactions had warped your ability to relate to and communicate with others, making it difficult for you to understand what was considered normal and what was considered inappropriate. lohen sort of felt like a hyperactive bunny to you, oddly clingy in this pursuit of his goal, yet not someone who’d trust easily.
when lohen awoke the next morning, perplexed and confused, he would find himself still lying in the front of your garden, but with your cat named salem sitting next to him alongside a few birds and a fox. none of them would seem particularly scared, even if lohen’s weapon was by his side, just within reach to murder all the animals. his head felt foggy, and he had a bad taste in his mouth, but archons, he could not remember the last time he’d slept so well, so blissfully, and without waking a single time. the morning dew was still lingering in the air, with the grass slightly wet and the trees swaying in the delicate breeze, shielding him from the sharp sun. beside his side was a small basket of fruits and a few buttered slices of bread, alongside a large glass bottle of water, and a note.
i’ve gone to pluck my herbs as per usual, but i did not want to wake you. your wounds should be entirely healed, so i’ve left some foods for you to have for breakfast. the animals will keep you safe.
lohen crumpled the note up with an odd grin, feeling his own eyebrows coming together at the weird tightness he felt in his chest as he picked up an apple, biting into it, pleased with its fresh and crispy skin. “interesting,” he muttered to himself as he waltzed out of the forest with the basket wrapped around his arm, steadily munching his way through all the food as he took sips of the water.
and if someone asked him later about the basket, questioning his nightly escapades and the handmade woven basket in his hand, well then lohen would merely offer a wink in their direction and head back to his home.
he didn’t want anyone else to know about you.
lohen’s visits to your home every day proved very useful to him, enhancing his combat abilities; even the grandmaster had offhandedly made a comment about lohen being faster in his attacks, pleasing the young man. becoming stronger, faster, and more powerful—these were the things he longed for so desperately. he never wanted to find himself in another situation of being too weak, too powerless, like he had been when he’d been kidnapped as a child, and likewise when he faced off against the sinner rerir, only to be reminded of his own shortcoming. being rushed away from the sinner, watching grandmaster varka through narrowed eyes as he held his own against rerir, only furthered lohen’s desire to become a substantially more powerful version of himself. someone who didn’t need to be rushed away from the battle due to injuries, but someone who could hold his own, someone who could win against an enemy like that.
“you swing your arm too much when striking.” you caught lohen’s arm in yours, rapidly kicking the other hand away as he attempted to bury his dagger into your torso. the grin on his face was maddening, showing his sheer determination in growing stronger, and you had to admit that you’d come to enjoy these spars with lohen. “it makes it easy for someone to counter your first attack. the second attack was good, though; it just needs to be a little faster.”
fighting was never something you had enjoyed as a child, finding it bothersome and needless. you simply failed to understand why people would pick up weapons and spill blood, when they could merely hold a conversation and aim for coexistence. that was why you absolutely adored your home in mondstadt, living just outside dornman port with your parents and your little kitten. your neighbors were wonderful, always so friendly and kind, sharing their produce with your parents and so on. everyone in the village got on great; all the children were friends, passing all hours of the day together, and all the adults regularly held dinner parties and traveled together, when headed out for work.
“taking the time to understand someone is harder than fighting someone,” your mother would whisper to you as her hand ran over your hair, the two of you sitting on your porch, watching two of the neighborhood children in an ugly discussion.
“only if it’s not necessary. if you can solve a situation through mutual understanding, then why not take that route? but the anemo archon has blessed us all with freedom, and if that freedom is threatened, then we must fight.”
but at the sore age of ten years old, an ulcer of darkness and evil would open in the depths of the forest, discovered by one of the children during a game of hide and seek. most adults would never make it away before black smoke would engulf them, leaving behind nothing but screams and cries for the children to run. you didn’t remember much besides one of the older children grabbing your arm, dragging you out and away from the village, where you’d grown up. at your short height and surrounded by older children, you’d seen nothing more than monsters abruptly appearing from the forest, trying to chase you down with savage snarls and bloodthirsty grunts.
and that is when a large crack would appear in the ground, swallowing every single child present. in that dark place, nothing but emptiness and sorrow swirling in the air, the air heavy with death and desire, you and every single child of your village would be divided into categories: vision holders, potential, and useless. every child deemed useless, those unable to use abilities of any sort, with no fighting experience, or without a vision, would be slaughtered, fed to the creatures lurking everywhere around you. the vision holders would be dragged off, locked into cells unlike your own.
but the potentials category was the one with the most attention focused on it. you never saw any of the children divided into either of the categories again, only to learn years later that none of them had survived, forgotten in this harrowing world of crumbling walls and surroundings manifested at will by your kidnappers. your role as in the potentials secured you a fighting chance, to not be slaughtered immediately like your own peers.
but that wouldn’t save you from your own personal nightmare.
“you’re injured again,” you sighed and forced him to sit down, smacking his wandering hands away to wash away the dried blood across his firm chest, working meticulously beneath the moon.
the abyss order, as you’d later learn, was the name of the organization, yearning for more abilities to add to their ranks, more numbers and feats. whilst the vision holders could be transformed into useful monsters of the highest caliber, your status as potentials gave you a different purpose: to foster unique and powerful skills for the benefit of their organization. the two who joined you in this category were expected to fight to harness the power of the abyss and become able to wield its immense power at a greater level than regular monsters, which would make them capable of targeting larger foes of the order, such as archons.
however, you were a healer, a potion maker. your mother had been known as the woman with magical hands, who would be able to create all sorts of potions: healing potions, strengthening potions, speed-boosting potions, and many more. you descended from a long line of natural witches, people with the ability to truly harness and embody the spirit and power from the surrounding nature—people who would never gain vision, for the heavens never sought to reward people with abilities beyond their control. the abyss longed for that power, you would later learn; they needed someone like you with the ability to harness the abyssal powers to constantly and consistently empower their forces, improve the longevity of their pawns, and elevate their prowess.
“what’s the fun in fighting if i’m not getting injured, bunny?” lohen laughed off the pain coursing through his body, lying leisurely on the damp grass. your hands delicately wiped all the blood away, and you began applying your own ointment, fingers cold but soothing on this inflamed skin. “especially if it means you’ll treat me this well.”
the words spoken by lohen merely made you roll your eyes, causing him to laugh boisterously at your reaction. he had heard people speak to others this way when interested in them, and whilst he was definitely interested in you, just hearing those words in his own tone made him cringe. lohen was quite self-aware, though, just as much as he was observant, so he was able to understand that as he struggled with normal social interactions, so did you. none of you seemed to communicate the same way he saw others do, but he simply continued staring up at your gorgeous eyes, enthralled by how they moved across his skin with such delicate focus. others would have been flustered to have him lie across the grass with his chest out, toned arms folded behind his head, knowing his intense red eyes were watching their every move with daggers available for his disposal.
but that did not seem to faze you, at all. in fact, it was as if you preferred if he kept his eyes on you, all so you could make sure he was fine. you hadn’t opened up entirely, not that he expected you to, since he hadn’t exactly been forthcoming about his own past and his desire to become as strong as possible, but certain things had been deductible about you, lohen would claim. it was obvious from your fighting style that you’d learned to fight for the sake of survival, not for leisure or power, like him. you were skilled at fighting, probably one of the best he knew alongside the grandmaster and acting grandmaster, but unlike everyone he knew, you didn’t seem to fight for glory or victory.
“you are lucky i’m an adept healer.”
“that too, although i don’t usually consider myself one.”
lohen scoffed at that statement, choosing to let his gaze venture away from your puzzled face, your fingers halting in their mission to wipe off the residual ointment from his chest. “bun, you’re the only person besides varka who’s ever dodged my dagger attack; i would argue you’re an adept fighter, too.”
“hmm…” you trailed off as if you were truly taking his words to heart, wiping your fingers off on the flimsy rag beside you and throwing your loose hair over your shoulders. you flopped back on the grass across from him, leaning slightly back with your palms pressed against the ground beneath you. “perhaps you’re correct. i don’t typically think of myself as someone who relishes in the feeling of fighting, but i presume i do have a certain appreciation for it now, unlike before. your nightly attacks are proving to be beneficial for us both, then.”
“awh, i knew you liked having me around, bun-bun, even when you uphold that infuriatingly polite tone with me.”
“what? would you rather that i speak informally with you?”
“duh, obviously,” lohen hoisted himself off the ground to sit upright, meeting your eyes once more, a teasing smile on his lips as he poked your forehead and noticed your eyes adjust inward to focus on his finger. “you don’t talk much with others, do ya?”
you wrestled with his words in your mind, letting them ruminate as you tried to see things from his perspective instead of your own. meanwhile, lohen kept gingerly poking at your head, fascinated by how your eyes were firmly locked on his, yet you were far away in your own head, leaving you more defenseless than ever. typically, this would’ve been lohen’s chance to strike you—to finally gain the upper hand and show you what he’s made of. but for once, lohen didn’t have that urge to one-up you, to harm you merely for the sake of his own satisfaction; not when you’d become comfortable enough around to allow yourself to let your guard down ever so slightly. so on second thought, he decided to pursue his venture of getting his hands on you, poking away at your soft skin and letting his fingertips run over your features in fascination, trailing over your face and down your throat as if you were nothing short of a masterpiece.
and, wow. now all the touching he saw between couples made sense; the gentle caresses to a partner’s face or a light hand always hovering above their stature made sense to him. you felt ethereal beneath his touch, soft and warm, just like something out of a dream. the glint in your eyes was magical, faraway yet drawing him in, and he knew that if he voiced this out, you would probably call it the abyss’ calling. however, lohen knew better. he knew that whatever about you that kept making him broaden his own views of society, people, and perhaps human connection wasn’t the abyss or its presence within you, but rather the light that shone from every crevice of your being, from every gaze you bestowed upon him.
“i’ve never really been welcome anywhere, where other people may be present,” you finally spoke up again after a few minutes of silence, halting lohen’s movements with your own hand, staring down at him with an open glint in your eyes. “alice is the only one i’ll talk to, and those conversations are usually quite short and to the point. it’s been a very long time, since i’ve had a regular conversation with anyone.”
lohen didn’t seem too shocked or surprised at this information, eyes briefly dropping down to your hands, then back to meet your eyes. “well, you’re doing oh-so-wonderfully, sweets. i’m loving this conversation.”
“you love when i kick your a—, i mean, when i gain the upper hand.”
“nuh, uh,” lohen tutted teasingly, his fingers drifting up to press against your mouth, his thumb running across your soft lower lip as your eyes met his in confusion. god, he was so happy you were so socially unaware; otherwise, you’d realize the weirdness of him deftly touching you so intimately. “don’t sugarcoat your words now, bun. say what you were gonna say, no filtering.”
you shook your head in faux annoyance, wrapping your fingers around lohen’s and pulling them away from your face, letting your hands fall to your lap. “when i kick your ass. you just like it when i kick your ass. are you happy now?”
“elated, bunny, so elated, goddamn elated.”
“lohen, you are such a bizarre person.”
the evenings spent with lohen began unfolding differently, still retaining the original purpose but with something more profound blossoming between the two of you. it began as small touches, mostly lohen taking every chance he could to caress your hands or let his eyes linger over your form, sometimes gliding his dagger along your smooth skin, all while you simply stared at him, wondering what the glint in his eyes meant. admittedly, seeing the attention he paid you, never letting his eyes falter from you no matter what and always listening when you spoke, made you feel special in a way you’d never felt before. you could feel the air had changed between you, when you performed your usual takedown, keeping him pinned into the grass by straddling his waist, keeping all your weight in your legs as you hovered above him.
still that sick smile on lohen’s face, his crimson eyes freely devouring every inch of your skin with a shameless hunger in his eyes, made you feel warm like never before, a shiver running along your spine. his hands wiggled beneath your legs and managed to glide his fingers over your thighs, humming to himself, finding solace in watching goosebumps rise behind the trail of his cold fingers.
“your skin is so warm,” lohen muttered in fascination, amused by the slight flush on your cheeks as your eyebrows furrowed, clearly perplexed by your own reaction. “you like that, bunny?”
“i… i’m not sure,” you admitted awkwardly, feeling conflicting emotions rising in you. something about the way he was staring at you felt like pure hunger, something different from how anyone had ever stared at you, but in a manner that made you feel good; that made you feel wanted. “you’re messing with me, lohen.”
“i haven’t even started, and you’re already as jumpy as a little rabbit. bunny suits you well as a nickname, heh.”
the fluster creeping up your neck and spine, spreading into your cheeks, felt like too much at once, awakening a sense of urgency within you. swinging your leg over his abdomen, you flew to your feet before lohen could even attempt to grab you, leaving the man still on the grass with a cheeky smile dancing on his lips, folding his arms behind his head. your legs were already leading you backward, hands uselessly hanging by your side, as you tried to make up some excuse to escape from his hold over you. “i, uhm, salem needs me, i think. get home safe, lohen. it’s due to rain tonight; be careful on your way back,” you rapidly murmured to him and ignored the scoff at your lie, turning back to run back to your home. “what the hell?” you slammed the door behind you, leaning against it with exasperated breaths escaping you, legs giving out as you slid down the door and rested on the floor.
“goodbye, bun. don’t miss me too much now! i hope you’ll dream of me—i know i’ll be enjoying my dreams tonight.”
lohen soon began being assigned to considerably more important missions, taking more charge of his unit, of which he was the vice captain. you were not sure exactly what had happened with lohen, but whenever he did come by, no longer able to swing by every night, he seemed hurt. your usual training sessions steadily became a rest and recuperation outlet for lohen, being healed by your glass-like hands imbued with the abyss, all while he rested his head in your lap. often, he would stare up at you, fascinated by how devoted you seemed as you performed your soothing healing remedies on him, never leaving behind any scarring or pain. you’d even stay with him, allowing him to rest in your company, often sliding your fingers through his strands.
“you know, if any of my company members saw me like this, they’d think i’d gone crazy.” lohen was lying across your sofa in your home, the candles flickering in the warm living room, as your fingers gently removed the dried blood from his hair.
your eyebrows furled at his words, trying to make sense of exactly what he meant. but then, you began to speculate that perhaps anyone who knew you would’ve felt the same way about you. just a few months prior to this very moment, you lived all on your own in the forest with no real human interactions, connections, or relationships. you had a deal with a mage, you had your lovely pets, and you had your own company; nothing more, nothing less. but one incident had entirely altered the course of your life, and now here you sat, in your own living room with one of the knights on your lap as you meticulously cared for him in a way that you didn’t think you would ever be able to once again. your hands, previously gazed upon as cursed and evil, were the same ones softly nursing him back to health. whereas others had feared you due to your abyssal hands and the abyssal shard in your eye, lohen didn’t just seem fascinated by both, but more so curious about them.
he didn’t seem to just treat you or your abyssal features as a weakness, a power, or something foreign to your person, but instead, he considered them part of you and who you were. labeling your hands as a curse or ogling your eye intensely, both with poor or uninformed intentions, always somewhat discredited your past and how much you’d fought to be where you were now. nonetheless with lohen, well, he may have initially approached you with an intention of growing stronger, but even from that first interaction, he never made you feel overly aware of your own features, nor did he seek to fear them or you.
“i don’t think anyone has ever perceived you as being anything even remotely close to sane, lohen,” you murmured with a soft grin, amused by how his eyes shot open to glare playful daggers at you. “but i’m sure they’re all curious as to where you disappear at night, even after long missions with sustained injuries. you really should start heading back to the medics with your squad, instead of trying to make it all the way back here.”
half of lohen’s armor had been dropped on the floor, and so had his shirt, leaving him in just his bottom half of clothing, lying shirtless on your sofa. you’d wrapped large bandages around his torso to further protect the healing ointment you’d applied on his wounds, as well as healed the smaller cuts and bruises on his chest area. admittedly, as you began spending more time musing over your odd relationship with lohen, you found yourself identifying things that were closely pointing to perhaps something more complicated than just companionship. your limited knowledge and lack of social awareness did make you wonder exactly what was transpiring between you two, but something about his company kept awakening emotions you didn’t think were still present within you.
“why would i ever go back to those upright medics, who’ll give me an endless amount of lectures about staying safe, not being reckless, blah blah blah, when i could just come here?” lohen gestured towards you, a warmth in his smile. “where you’ll take the absolute best care of me.”
you rolled your eyes at his flattery, ignoring the way he chuckled at your reaction, and instead focused on securing the last bandage. his signature spear was standing against your wall, stained red from the dried blood, alongside his daggers thrown to the floor haphazardly. luckily, your cat was soundly asleep in your bedroom and nowhere near the weapons, but you still knew you’d have to get up and clean the blood off. well, you didn’t have to, but you didn’t want all that blood staining your floors.
“i’ll take care of it soon,” lohen suddenly spoke, catching your attention at the way he’d somehow read your mind, following your eyes over to stare at the weapons. “i’ll have to leave soon.”
“lohen, i do not think you should be moving right now. your wounds will be entirely healed soon, but you seem exhausted. maybe you should just get some sleep here.”
“are you finally letting me sleep at your place? take a man out for dinner first, bun.”
the snicker that escaped lohen as you swatted his chest was unlike any other, not laced with any sort of excitement for fighting or adrenaline, but rather sounded so innocent, so boyish. it was unlike any other you’d ever heard from him, but also the first time in many years you’d witnessed someone laugh so freely, so happily; the last time would be mere hours before your entire life fell apart. your hand fell limp to lohen’s chest, a soft smile sliding into your face as he carried on laughing, small crinkles forming beneath his eyes as he squeezed them shut. his chest was buzzing under your hands, attesting to his presence in your home and existence in your life.
eventually lohen’s laugh quieted down, and as his crimson eyes slowly peeked open, they instantly caught sight of the softness with which you were gazing down onto him. you’d never looked more serene, more peaceful than you did in this moment, and even lohen couldn’t help himself from reaching up and letting his fingers slide around your cheeks, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone. the warm lights in the living room delivered a glow to your soft skin, making you seem like nothing less than an angel. even with your hair messily thrown up and small specks of his dried blood staining your hands and arms, you’d never looked more beautiful than you did right now, gazing down upon him with an abundance of fondness and tenderness.
“you’re so beautiful,” lohen whispered in awe, feeling a surge of emotions passing through his body as your lips spread into a shy smile, rolling your eyes fondly. “especially with my blood on you.”
“you’re so odd.” you smacked his hand away, giggling at his stupid little comment, finding that his oddness was precisely why you felt so connected with him. no sane person would make a comment like that, but conversely, no sane person would actually feel flattered by such a disturbing compliment. “you are very lucky salem likes you.”
“salem is the only one who likes me? oh, bun, don’t be like that. i know you love my company.”
you patted his chest gently, leaning over to grab a blanket to throw it over his figure as you flicked your fingers, extinguishing all the candles and throwing the room into a state of pure darkness. the tiredness on lohen’s face had been as obvious as ever, and even if he kept insisting he wasn’t tired and didn’t need sleep, you were not oblivious to the way his eyes would try to fall shut, clearly readying him to sleep. even as the lights went off, lohen would try to protest and insist he was ready to get up and train again, but your hands kept him pressed into the sofa, keeping his head firmly resting on your lap. with soft pressure applied to his scalp and the whispered humming from you, lohen soon fell asleep in your lap, and not long after, your own eyes would shut as your head fell backward, leaving the two of you soundly asleep in each other’s presence.
sometime later that same night, lohen would awaken and find you asleep, still sitting up on the couch. perhaps he would be crossing anyone else’s boundaries, but lohen had never been one to care much for boundaries, and he also knew you didn’t process things like others. some would argue he was taking advantage of that as he pushed himself up from the sofa, stretching and feeling the lightness in his body as his wounds were fully healed from your magical remedies, cracking his neck and fingers loudly. sliding his lean arms under your knees and wrapping one about your waist, he gently picked your limp body up from the sofa and made his way through your home, kicking open the door to your bedroom and settling your sleeping body on the bed. you appeared as beautiful as ever, peacefully asleep and free from all the burdens he knew you carried on a daily basis.
“oh, don’t mind if i do,” lohen murmured to himself as he climbed onto your bed, aware that he may well be crossing every single boundary you had and invading your privacy, but also assuming that if you were comfortable enough to let him fall asleep on you, then you’d be comfortable enough to let him sleep in the same bed as you. he knew varka would’ve had his head for climbing into your bed and pulling your sleeping figure into his arms without your explicit consent; adorno would’ve never allowed lohen to merely make such bold assumptions, and even jean wouldn’t have hesitated to chew him out about his insolence.
so he allowed his arms to wrap tenderly around your waist and pull you into his own body, your head falling to rest against his warm and firm chest, his one hand gently massaging the back of your neck, the other gripping your hip tightly enough to leave behind a bruise. your breathing was steady against his chest, your hands eventually settling against his cold skin as you fell deeper into sleep. lohen’s own eyes began fluttering once more, but as he held you close to his body, he knew he never wanted to let you go ever again. no matter what it took or who tried to stand in his way.
lohen would not come by over the next few days, leaving you alone to your own devices. you awoke a few days ago and found yourself tangled up with lohen, his head tucked beneath your chin as he rested on your chest, his arms secured around your waist, with your legs wrapped around each other’s. he was soundly asleep, and admittedly, even if you had no idea how you ended up here, you slid your hands into his mint-hued hair and let your sharp nails graze across his scalp, causing him to softly hum like a pleased cat, snuggling deeply into your chest as if he was trying to get even closer to you. when he'd woken up, a quick peck pressed to your forehead was all lohen gave you besides a lopsided smirk before he bounced out of your bed and rushed through your home, leaving you dazedly staring up at the ceiling, a hand drifting up to press against where his lips had just been.
you let out a sigh in your own kitchen, sealing the last few of your newly made potions, and putting them into the usual basket. alice had been by a few days prior, requesting more potions and assuring you that someone would be by as always to pick them up, flashing you a toothy smile and offering you some sweets in return. the sun was beginning to set outside, casting beautiful orange and pink rays of the setting sun into your living room as salem lounged on the sofa, mirthfully stretching in the soft light. lohen had made sure to clean any blood, which had dripped from his weapons, surprising you when you saw a small, rushed drawing of a bunny on your floor using water.
“who are you waiting for?” you found yourself asking salem as she dashed off the sofa and walked to the door, making noises and scratching at the door. she’d been doing it for a few days, and whilst it had initially confused you immensely, you now knew that she was waiting for lohen to come by to scoop her into his awaiting arms and offer her cuddles and small words of affection. “he'll be back soon enough, baby.”
or, so you’d hoped. lohen had carved a space into your life, your home, and even your heart. how your relationship evolved from him ambushing you numerous times, to him now being comfortable enough to seek you anytime he was injured, and sleeping so peacefully in your bed, you did not know. however, it was something you didn’t even realize that you needed so desperately. before lohen, you were so accustomed to spending every waking moment on your own, to never being able to tackle any of the battles brewing within your own heart due to a lack of social interactions. having said that, lohen’s persistence in fighting you endlessly had inadvertently caused the mental block you’d formed around your combat abilities to steadily crumble to pieces. his persistent and endless desire for strength, which would periodically force you to actually tap into your own power, had guided you to accept that this power was indeed yours; that your skills may have been developed due to bad intentions and horrible circumstances, but that couldn’t define the power you held. you were more than someone who just had abyssal powers, more than someone to fear.
a knock on your front door resounded throughout your home, and salem’s noises grew louder, as you tried to make her quiet down, rushing for the door. somewhere deep in your heart, you knew that it wouldn’t be lohen. it was most likely going to be the person whom alice had sent to pick up the potions, but you still allowed yourself to hope. lohen would never knock, but maybe this time around, he was too injured to even try to open your door, or he wanted to ambush you the very second you pulled the door open. frankly, you didn’t care which one of these options would prove to be true, for you simply wanted to see lohen. you wanted to push your fingers through his soft hair and feel his crimson eyes staring down at you with unbridled obsession and affection, to feel his cold hands wrap around your neck in greeting.
“uhm, greetings,” the person standing on your front step spoke nervously, rubbing the back of their neck as they attempted to avoid eye contact with you, someone who clearly was not the man you’d been expecting. “i don’t mean to intrude… or something.”
“no, you’re fine. my apologies if i’ve made you seem ill at ease. i was just… caught off guard. i was expecting someone else.”
“vice captain lohen, perhaps?”
your eyebrows curled inwards, hand tightening its grip around the door handle, as you began eyeing the person from top to bottom. "excuse me?” and perhaps this really wasn’t how you’d like for your newest social interaction to unfold, but something about the tone of this person made it obvious that they knew more than they let on. you didn’t like that.
“sorry, sorry, i didn’t mean to say it like that,” the blonde girl standing on your porch in a beautiful white dress stated, her companion a floating fairy-like girl with a sweet smile on her face, but both seemingly very nervous about the stoic expression on your face. “lohen asked me to come get you.”
you quirked an eyebrow at the young girl, letting your eyes glide over her entire body before moving on to her companion, mentally assessing both. the girl was clearly much stronger than she seemed, an immense amount of power present within her being, despite the awkwardly nervous smile on her face. the companion with her didn’t seem to hold all that much power, but you did find yourself examining her outfit a little closer, noticing some familiar elements. nevertheless, you could tell that they were not ones to fear or be wary of. that also became your conclusion once you saw how their eyes flickered down to your hands and then back up to your eyes, never letting them linger on your darker hands.
“where is lohen? and why would he send someone else?” you questioned the girl and her companion in confusion, leaning down to scoop a saddened salem into your arms, letting a finger run along her head.
the girl cleared her throat nervously, finally prompting your eyes to notice the specks of dried blood sitting on her dress, and a few dirt marks streaked across her skin. whilst her floating companion seemed fine, she seemed as if she had come straight from some sort of fight. your eyes drifted past her to view the now darker sky, tasting the small drops of rain beginning to trickle from the sky, and perhaps that ugly feeling that’d been brewing in your stomach would prove to be true.
“lohen got injured whilst fighting a horde of abyssal monsters,” the girl finally spoke with saddened eyes, noticing straight away how your eyes widened and your hands halted their movement. “he’s really injured, but he won’t let the medics touch him or heal him. he is insistent that only you are allowed to even come near him.”
“he was found in the forest by grandmaster varka, hurt but still fighting. varka killed the monsters and brought lohen back, but he won’t let anyone in. he keeps pointing his sword at anyone who comes near him,” the traveler explained with newfound vigor once she realized how affected you were about this news, setting the cat back on the floor as you stepped away from the door. “says you’re the only one who’s allowed to come near him, let alone touch him. he asked me to come find you and bring you to him. he told me to tell you that he knows you haven’t been to the city in years and have bad memories associated with it, but he’s hoping his little bunny will entertain his request.”
you had already thrown open a small bag and began to throw in some of your ointments and potions, panting heavily at the thought of lohen being fatally hurt and bleeding out, but refusing treatment. if he’d been fighting abyssal monsters, then he was definitely tainted by the darker forces that aimed to devour and usurp the ones they came into contact with; you couldn’t have that. once you had all the things you needed, you didn’t hesitate to slide on your shoes and throw your cloak around your shoulders.
the travel through the woods and into areas that you had not been near in years upon years, was long but felt like the quickest journey of your life, as the three of you ran as fast as you could… or at least, two of you ran as fast as you could, whilst the third did her best to fly at the same speed. it was no surprise to you that the traveler was fast as well, able to keep up with your heightened speed as you ran throughout the rain, wetting your cloak. under any other circumstance, seeing the large city gate of mondstadt city would’ve made you feel sick to your stomach, prompting you to turn back around and never come back, but this wasn’t about you. this was about lohen, potentially on the brink of death, all because he opted to be a selfish asshole. so even as the people in town began staring after you, whispering about your hands and in disbelief about your eyes, your ears caught something about an honorary knight; you didn’t stop, and nor did the blonde girl by your side. your feet hit the ground with immense speed, sending the forming water puddles flying as you darted up the stone stairs of the town, following the traveler.
“he’s just in here,” she yelled over the loud rain, head whipping back to see you nodding, as she led you to the headquarters of the knights of favonius. the guards standing outside nodded at her, but as soon as their eyes centered on you, their brandished weapons came up to form a blockade in front of the large doors, glaring daggers at you. it was no surprise to you that they would be so hostile, but somehow, it still seemed to send a pang of hurt through your chest; had you really become so accustomed to lohen’s indifference to your appearance that you’d forgotten why you isolated yourself?
“honorary knight, we cannot follow this individual inside the headquarters!” one of the guards spat in disgust in your direction, speaking respectfully to the blonde girl by your side, but refusing to award you the same courtesy as their eyes scanned every inch of your physique.
the traveler’s posture immediately straightened up, and you could see the confused exchange she had with her companion, clearly not having expected such a harsh tone from the same knights, who were evidently more polite in their interactions with her. but frankly, you could not seem to care much about his unwavering dislike for you, or the way he was glaring at you like you were the dirt on the ground, for your mind kept reminding you of the crimson-eyed man waiting for you. so as you took a step forward, willing to make yourself enemy number one, an arm shot up to prevent you from even getting close. your eyes snapped over to meet the traveler’s warm eyes, and you found that she was already watching you with a warm glint in her eyes.
“i appreciate your concern, but the grandmaster and acting grandmaster agreed to let her in. vice captain lohen is in critical condition, and he needs her to heal him,” the traveler reiterated herself once more, still as polite as before but with less warmth in her tone, as the rain poured down onto you. “don’t you trust me?”
somehow, that seemed to do the trick. you could tell with ease that the guards were not pleased whatsoever, still glaring daggers into your being as they moved away from the door, instead grabbing the handles and pulling it open. you could hear their murmured dissatisfaction with you being allowed inside, and of course you knew it was due to sheer vigilance, with your hands that were clearly related to the abyss and your eyes, resembling a shard of a mirror, reflecting the darkness of the abyss. you weren’t oblivious as to why you were feared, but as you rushed after the blonde girl, ignoring the way all the knights in the hallway seemed to keep their hands on their weapons when they spotted you, there was a sincere desire to be believed rather than perceived, to be acknowledged and not condemned.
“he’s in here,” the traveler panted as she leaned forward, hands bracing against her own knees. “grandmaster varka and acting grandmaster jean are also there. i… i got you in here because lohen asked for you, because i believe he’d never be so adamant about someone untrustworthy.”
“i appreciate that,” you replied, speaking for the first time since the three of you departed from your home. nodding in agreement, you tightened your grip around the bag held in your hand. “i can understand your reluctance, but i truly appreciate your willingness to vouch for me, miss traveler.”
“i know someone else with similar attributes as yourself, abyssal hands and abyssal powers. she’s not a bad person, so i’m willing to believe your past doesn’t make you one, either. but that’s as far as my goodwill goes. this city, its people, they’re all very precious to me.”
you let out a heave, understanding the unspoken meaning of her words, even if the companion at her side seemed perplexed by the riddles in which she was speaking. “i understand. thank you.” you gave her one last nod before letting your hand press against the handle of the door, inhaling a deep breath, then pushing open the door to the room.
the first thing that hit you was the scent of blood, its potent and iron-heavy scent lingering in the enclosed room, alongside an underlying scent of dirt and sadness. your eyes were struggling to comprehend the scene before you, but it was as if your feet knew to move on their own. your eyes weren’t able to catch any glimpse of the bed, nor the culprit of all this blood, as there were a few figures standing in your way. an extraordinarily tall man, dressed in armor and with an aura of power surrounding him, leading you to believe he was probably the grandmaster. the woman next wore similar colors of clothing and armor, her arms crossed over her chest and hair up in a ponytail, but exuding an energy laced with power as well, most likely the acting grandmaster. hearing the door open had caused both to turn around, their eyes zeroing in on you, as you felt them assessing you silently, creating a physical blockade between you and lohen.
“ah, so you’re the woman he’s been yammering on and on about?” the man gazed down at you with a large smile, one that was meant to be seen as friendly and easy, but laced with an underlying sense of curiosity and hesitation; he was wary of you, and rightfully so. “never thought lohen would be one to create such a deep connection with someone like you.”
“uhm, i’m not sure who you are, my apologies,” you quietly stated back, trying your best to look past him and find lohen, but alas, unable to even look anywhere past the man standing in front of you. “but i was informed that lohen is very injured, and i would like to be able to attend to him.”
the woman seemed to indicate she wanted to protest, as if she wanted to object to your request and kick you out, and you couldn’t really fault her for that. you were an unknown to them, both a stranger in their domain and also an unknown factor; you knew your appearance being so intricately linked to the abyss would not benefit your credibility. but the older man, whose eyes had never once faltered away from your stature, let a large grin overtake his features as he moved aside, granting you access to lohen for the first time.
“jean, let her through,” he spoke calmly as he nodded for her to move aside, which she did, but not without shooting him several confused glances. “i have a good feeling about this.”
your eyes immediately set on lohen and a gasp escaped you before you could even begin to process what the hell you were staring at, your feet moving you forward towards his bed, where his incredibly injured form was laid. blood was leaking onto the floor, despite the several layers of bandages crossed over his torso and wrapping around several of his limbs, a testament to just how much blood he’d lost, both in his fight with whoever caused these wounds and also in his wait for you. the bag you’d brought was dropped onto the floor, and you ripped off the cloak, throwing it onto a nearby chair as you leaned over lohen’s crippled form, your eyes scanning his entire body in an attempt to assess what state he was truly in.
“h-hey baby,” lohen’s meek voice spoke in a whisper, leading to a coughing fit as you shook your head, trying to dissuade him from speaking anymore as blood trickled from his mouth. “knew you’d come.”
“lohen, for the love of barbatos, stop talking!” your hand clasped over his mouth in frustration, not wanting to see him hurt himself anymore. beneath your hand, you could feel a smirk crawling onto his face, his tongue darting out to lick your hand, but you didn’t budge whatsoever. instead you reached into your bag and pulled out a small vial of something, rapidly moving your hand away to drip some of its content into his mouth, letting lohen just about process what you’d done before his widened eyes fell shut and his head collapsed to the side.
a hand came to grip your shoulder, hard. the woman from before pulled you back with a firm hand and a hardened line on her face, glaring at you, as you calmly sealed the vial once more and met her eyes. “what did you just feed him?”
“it’s a healing potion. its purpose is to kickstart his body’s natural healing process from the inside to decrease the blood loss and inflammation, while also helping his muscles relax and not cramp as frequently. it’ll also allow his mind to turn off and no longer feel the pain, which will allow me to aid his healing quicker.” you felt no need to be offended by her harsh tone or the glare directed at you, for you were understanding of her hesitance towards you; after all, you had just fed her knight an unknown substance and caused him to pass out.
“jean, lohen trusts her, so we must do the same. lohen might be kind of crazy, but he would never resist treatment if he didn’t trust her. also, i’m kinda sure she’s the one he’s been sneaking out to see, ya know? the one who kicks his ass and heals all his wounds, somehow making him stronger.” the tall man injected and slowly detached her hand from your body, having somehow picked up on your discomfort in feeling her unwarranted touch on you, even if it was an obvious reaction.
you didn’t wish to say anymore to them right now, wanting to keep all your attention on lohen. nodding gratefully at the older man, whose eyes seemingly widened at your ability to understand whatever silent hint he was giving you, you stepped around the two and crouched next to lohen’s bedside, placing your bag on the mattress. most of the basic materials you would need were already in the room, and so, you tied your hair back and rushed over to the basin in the corner, thoroughly scrubbing your hands and nails, before rushing back to lohen’s side.
your attention narrowed in on the unconscious man before you, a pang of sadness shooting through your heart at the sight of him. several large gashes were present all over his body, blood oozing profusely from every single one of them, with copious streaks of dried blood painted across his fair skin. there were a few smaller puncture wounds on his legs, as if he had been attacked from below by something piercing. his face was scratched up, blood dotted all over his skin, and you knew most of it probably wasn’t his, but that didn’t stop the uncomfortable sensation coursing through you. surprisingly, none of his bones seemed broken or even remotely close to fractured, meaning you wouldn’t have to take into account that he may have injuries that were not visible.
you spent hours concentrating on lohen and his unconscious form, sometimes letting your hand halt their movement and your eyes merely take in the sight of him, contesting the troubled emotions settling into your own bones. you hated seeing him like this, knowing he’d most likely been ambushed and was unable to receive any backup. you also knew he was never one to back out of a fight, and while you really admired that, you wholeheartedly wished that this one time, he’d just abandoned the fight and sought shelter. firmly washing all the blood off his body with a wet washcloth, you never once noticing the steady rotation of company captains taking turns to guard lohen. none of them wished to admit it out loud, but even with the grandmaster’s approval, they were wary of you and wanted to keep an eye on you themselves; the rumors of your starry hands and shard-like eye had spread like wildfire already, people hearing about your hands, which looked like a moving abyss of darkness with stars bound within, and your eye with the glass shard-shaped pupil.
grandmaster and acting grandmaster varka and jean had the first shift and watched quietly as you diligently washed every splatter and drop of blood off lohen’s skin, once more revealing the fair skin of his with a slightly paler tint than usual due to the vast blood loss. they were quite surprised to see the sheer delicacy of your movements, never once pressing too vigorously into lohen’s skin or scrubbing any of the stubbornly dried blood, as if you didn’t want to hurt him even if he wasn’t awake to feel it. eula and kaeya got to lean back against the door with several candles lit, witnessing your steady hands sew some of lohen’s wounds back together before letting one of your fingers gently apply ointment onto the stitched skin.
varka had been very specific during the shift swap: do not interfere in your work and do not question anything you were doing.
however, you hadn’t heard this as it had been stated outside the door, all because none of the knights wanted you to overhear their conversation. they were all steadily beginning to notice the silent care in your presence and the tenderness in your eyes and hands, always displaying such devotion and attachment to lohen—something they never thought they would see for a man like lohen. your heart kept beating in your heart, and your hand kept working as devotedly as it could, but occasionally, your eyes would flicker up and stare leisurely at his face. the mole beneath his eye moving ever so slightly as he breathed peacefully, his lips slowly regaining their usual red nuance, and his long lashes framing his eyes. the shade of his mint-green hair seemed different due to the warmth of the room, but it was still so unmistakably lohen.
“i’ve never seen someone like her before,” albedo offhandedly remarked out loud to himself, standing against the door as he noticed you brush a hand over lohen’s forehead, closing your eyes in relief as you checked his temperature.
“those hands are a mark of the abyss,” diluc replied just as quietly, his arms crossed firmly over his chest as he kept his vivid red eyes locked onto your figure. once he had heard about lohen’s request, he felt an instant urge to make his way to the headquarters, and witness this for himself. perhaps it was because he was curious about lohen’s stubborn request, or perhaps it was due to his gut feeling, telling him that someone living so far removed from civilization must be someone unique. and boy, was he correct. regardless of whatever varka had said or the observations kaeya had thought out loud upon shift swap, he simply did not trust you, nor did he believe that you were someone with no ill intention.
after all, the abyss and its monsters were known to be bloodthirsty, vengeful, and cruel. why would he believe that someone carrying traits of that same force would be of righteous intention or with upstanding morals?
but days would pass, and even someone as initially wary as diluc would gradually begin to truly discern the genuine feelings between you and lohen, even if the latter wasn’t awake to testify. your ointments were clearly working as lohen’s instinctual accelerated healing abilities, courtesy of his cryo vision, began working their magic quicker than usual, stitching together his skin and healing his wounds beautifully. he was still in a deep sleep, and when varka asked you about that, your voice would break as you explained how the potion wouldn’t allow him to wake up until sufficient healing had taken place. in the many following days of various people shuffling in and out of the room, no longer keeping an eye on you but more so coming by to check on lohen, they’d taken to noticing your silence. how you never spoke beyond the one answer you’d offered to varka, instead gazing down at lohen with nothing short of fiery devotion, your hands either running lovingly through his hair or gently caressing his face.
it was a late night in mondstadt when you suddenly stirred awake from your sleep, confused by that weird feeling you were getting, glancing around the room to see everything looking perfectly normal: lohen was asleep, but slowly healing, and there were no knights or company captains keeping watch tonight. but that is when that sound reached your ear, jolting you up from the wooden chair and rushing to the window, throwing open its lock as your eyes locked in on the horde of monsters rushing towards the city.
abyssal energy was reeking off them, but you were also susceptible to that energy, sensing it quicker than most others. the two guards at the city gates had yet to spot the horde, both half asleep by their posts, and you swore beneath your breath as you debated what to do. you really did not want to leave lohen here on his own, having spent the past few days caring for him. however, that horde of monsters was undoubtedly too much to handle for a mere two knights, and you knew the chances of backup at this hour were barely nonexistent.
“just go, bunny,” a voice coughed from behind you, eliciting your head to snap back to see lohen’s crimson eyes crack open every so slightly, eyeing you with a teasing smile on his dry lips. your knees almost gave out under you, rushing to his bedside as you collapsed onto the bed, a hand immediately finding his cheek as the other checked his wounds, eyes frantically scanning his body. that was until a pair of fingers gripped your chin, forcing your eyes up to meet his, lohen staring at you with so much tenderness in his eyes, you were truly wondering if this was a dream. “i-i’m sure you’re tired of fighting me only.”
“i don’t want to leave you,” came out a whisper from your lips, your eyes observing how lohen’s teasing smirk melted into something more sincere, his fingers sliding around your cheek to cup your face in his hand, pulling you down.
his nose was almost touching yours, a breath escaping his lips and hitting your cheeks, assuring you inwardly that it was indeed reality and not a dream. “baby, i’m telling you to go. if not for yourself, then go fuck them up on my behalf,” he grinned, taking longer than usual to utter his words properly.
your hands slid up his warm chest, curling around his cheeks and letting your fingertips gently slide along his scalp. your thumbs were brushing over his cheekbones, a soft smile sliding onto your face as that stone in your stomach vanished, no longer leaving you in a state of limbo, not about this situation and not about your emotions for lohen. you could tell from the fluttering of his eyes that he did not have much energy left, dangerously close to falling back into a healing sleep. so before he did fall asleep, you allowed yourself to lean down and return the favor he’d once bestowed upon you, pressing your lips against his forehead in a soft kiss.
“get some rest, lohen. leave it all to me.”
rumors were beginning to spread around a dark figure spotted outside mondstadt multiple nights in a row, slaughtering abyssal monsters left and right. people had spotted the figure holding a pair of daggers and a sharp spear, both looking eerily similar to the weapons usually brandished by vice captain lohen. however, it was very clear that the person wasn’t the vice captain. not only was it abundantly clear that the person was a woman, but nobody had heard the usual cackle let out by lohen whenever he got to viciously slaughter monsters, instead being someone who maneuvered quietly but effortlessly.
“am i correct to assume you did this?” varka would question you a few days later, showing you pictures taken by a kamera, which showed you on the ground with a dagger jabbed into the side of an abyss mage. he’d been out of town alongside his forces, trying to track down the source that had made it possible for the abyssal monsters to appear, who’d then bumped into lohen and inevitably met their gruesome end.
you were sitting on the corner of lohen’s bed, your hand clasped tightly in his as you were leaning back against his chest, his chin resting on top of your head. lohen had fully regained consciousness yesterday, refusing to let go of you for more than a few seconds, insisting he needed you as close as possible. everyone coming by to visit had been promptly shocked to see lohen’s possessive behavior around you, glaring at anyone who’d dare stare at you for a beat too long, even leveling varka with a glare. all the wounds on his body had healed nicely, leaving behind minimum or no scarring whatsoever, which pleased lohen immensely, causing him to shower you with teasing praises, all while you tried to escape his suffocating embrace.
“perhaps.” you kept your tone as neutral as possible, merely staring at the grandmaster with a bored expression, triggering a laugh from lohen whose lips pressed against your hair in amusement.
varka dropped the pictures on the floor and rubbed his temple. “lohen was enough to deal with. why did he have to go find someone as proficient in fighting as you?”
“i have good taste, varka.”
“yeah, yeah, whatever you say. heal up, lohen. and don’t be so foolish ever again.”
many days later, you would be outside in your garden, watering the plants beneath the bright moonlight as you yawned, ready to head to bed. ever since you’d been to the city to deal with this situation, varka had become insistent that you should swing by on your own, doing his very best to make you feel included. but tonight was one of those calm nights, which felt like your life before you met lohen. you’d spent the day picking herbs, and plants, and collecting small bugs, all used to make new potions. wrapping them in your basket and placing them on the table in the living room, you were ready to head back into the city tomorrow and hand off the potions.
you had peeked around your garden one last time, then headed back inside. after making sure your door was locked and the windows were closed, you let out a sigh and headed into your bedroom, stretching as you threw up your hair, heading into the bathroom. after taking a quick shower and changing into a loose shirt, which didn’t belong to you, you walked back into your bedroom only to find a familiar, crimson-eyed man sitting leisurely in your bed, cleaning his dagger with a handkerchief.
“lohen, how many times do i have to tell you to stop breaking in?” you let out an exasperated sigh, not surprised to see lohen simply dressed in a pair of loose pants in your bed, his chest displaying some of the scars he’d obtained over the many years of being a thrillseeker. “just use the front door.”
“and where’s the fun in that, bunny?”
lohen was not your boyfriend.
but he was the same man who’d brought happiness back into your life, who’d seen you when everyone else was oblivious of your existence.
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