Dear dw I don't really know where to start, I'm so astounded by your lack of ignorance regarding every aspect of both mine and your daughters lives. I am writing this, as my dad is refusing to let my mum reply to your hateful, incorrect words, as he doesn't want to start a fight, and your lack of concern for, and treatment towards me is not something they want to start arguing about. You know nothing about me. Not one single thing. You have met me a handful of times, and I could found the number of sentences we have exchanged on one hand. I have serious mental health problems, and I have since I was an early teenager. This started when my mum spent most of her life in the hospital, and I lived at home with my dad and brother, neither whom I was particularly close to. I started with anxiety, and whilst at university that turned into an eating disorder; bulimia. When I met J, and before we were together, my eating disorder continued to get worse and worse. I went to the gym 6 times a week for 1-2 hours, and walked everywhere I could in between. I consumed less than 1200 calories a day, and in between that I would force myself to be sick 3-4 times a day. There was very rarely a day that passes where this wasn't a regular occurrence. This is the reason why I have gained 'excessive weight' as you say, whilst we've been together. Because to you know what I did? I sought help, in a place where mental health services are few and far between, and with the support or Joanie and my parents, I started to recover. I stopped restricting everything I ate, because for 2 years I'd had very little apart from chicken. I hadn't ever been able to go out with friends for food because I couldn't, I didn't know the exact calories and content of the meals that would be there. I went out to drink maybe 3 times between September 2014 and when uni finished, and that was not at all to do with disliking alcohol. I loved alcohol, I loved going out with friends and feeling happy and dancing, but I couldn't do it any longer; I couldn't bare to take in the calories from the drink. I couldn't bare to put on a single pound, because if I did I wouldn't be eating for days. Over the last 2 years I've come a long way. I haven't been sick in over a year, I haven't weighed myself since I began recovery, and I've tried and I've tried to be okay around food. Sometimes I wobble and question everything, and I won't let myself eat some meals, and I'll always try to eat as little as possible. I let myself start to enjoy the thing I hadn't touched in years; chocolate. And I didn't feel guilty about it. I didn't feel guilty about having something I enjoyed. I gave up on forcing myself to go to the gym everyday, because it was not doing anything for my joints, and I was in a hell of a lot of pain a hell of a lot of the time. This, is the reason why I've gained weight. Because my body is now constantly fighting against me to put the weight back on that I'd lost. The food and nutrients I'd kept from it for so long so I could be thin. Whilst I was recovering from my bulimia, we started to notice there were other aspects to my personality that didn't just seem to fit with either the bulimia or the depression/anxiety. Again, I saw someone consistently over my time at uni. I saw the community mental health team, and was referred for psychotherapy, but with a 6-8 month waiting list, by the time the GP had finally referred my to the psychiatric nurse, and he'd referee me to the CMHT, and they referred me for psychotherapy, we were leaving York. When we moved to Hebburn I was referred straight to the CMHT. When I saw them, they decided my case was no longer severe enough to need them, so suggested I only needed the primary mental health team. The date of my appointment with them? The day I ended up moving back to Leeds. Me self harming, that isn't a 'cry for help' or my way of attention seeking. In fact, I hide it from J and anyone else wherever possible. What it is is my ability to inflict pain on myself. Because when I'm so incredibly worked up, the only thing that calms me, the only thing that prevents me from really hurting myself or someone else, is cut. The only reason this time got out of hand was because one of the cuts was quite deep and wouldn't stop bleeding,and because of my immune system I was worried it would need seeing to. Wherever possible I try to involve no one else in my problems. It's actually easier for me, and I calm myself down quicker, when no one is involved. Throughout everything, J has been my absolute rock, and I have been hers, because she has a very difficult story to tell, too. She was there through my eating disorder and my breakdowns, and I was there for her every single day she couldn't get out of bed or leave the house. My parents have supported us both through all of these things, too. My parents know about J's mental health difficulties, and fully support her and help wherever possible with anything either of us needs. Regardless of what you say, you do not understand mental health. Firstly, you cannot possibly understand it, because you have never suffered from any long term, primary mental health problems, and because of that I appreciate it can be difficult to understand. Secondly, from what I have seen, you have in no way tried to support of understand what Joanie has been through. The ridiculous suggestions you have given her in the past has been proof of that. 'Go for a walk', or 'do some exercise', is not going to help someone with depression when they cannot physically get out of bed. Do you know how much she would LOVE to be able to just do those things? To be able to get out and face the world? You need to forget whatever you think you know, about mental health, and about Joanie and I's relationship. The assumptions and observations you make are from second hand information, from someone that still only sees us for a very small portion of our lives. If you want to know about your daughter and our relationship, talk to her. If you stopped making comments about her and her appearance and her performance and anything even slightly negative, and allowed yourself to be open so she could feel like she could actually talk to you, you'd actually learn about her. She's a different person to who she was, yes. She fell into depression, and she's struggled a hell of a lot ever since. But do you know what she needed? You. And you weren't there for her, she couldn't talk to you like she should've been able to. That should be your priority, not our relationship. Joanie is an adult, stop treating her like a child. She lets you walk all over her and treat her like shit because she loves you and she doesn't want to lose you. Your relationship with her could be so great. I know you'd thought you were close in the past, and that I'd changed all that. But you weren't, not really. She was hurting all the way through her teenage years. She self harmed too, did you know that? Was it something you genuinely didn't know, or did you ignore it? Because you sure as hell ignored her suicide attempt when the school rang and told you about it. You see in her what you want to see. She struggled a hell of a lot before we got together, she just hid it more. The difference between then and now is that I don't let her hide it. I support her and let her know it's okay, just like she does to me. I hope when you read this you'll actually take what I say on board, because J could really do with you as a positive figure in her life, but from the amount of times you've spoken with her and she's ended up in tears, all you are at the minute is a negative one, whether that's something you want to believe or not.
baratheonpilled
jacobvanloon
gummygunk
kianamaiart
