I want to clarify something.
I’m in a long distance relationship and have been for a year and roughly five months. As months go by after one year, it was not something we get overly excited about. Childishly so, we did get excited for one year and every month leading up to that.
My mom would always roll her eyes and say, “Talk to me when you reach fifteen years.” Which I would respond with a “will do” or a chuckle.
I feel like older generations struggle with wrapping their heads around the type of relationship I have - not necessarily my mother, as she has been supportive since day one. She may not have been the biggest fan but it was, indeed, something she surprised me with (her reaction, I mean.) A handful of the adults I have told about my relationship immediately jump to the following:
“Are you sure he’s not a catfish?”
“Oh, that won’t last.” (I get this from fellow students, as well.)
To clarify, I have met both of his parents. I have video called with this boy countless times. We call almost daily to talk or fool around on any games we can find to play together. We watch movies or tv shows (using rabb.it) on an almost weekly basis. I talk to his sister who happens to be someone I care deeply about. He is not a catfish, he is indeed a dorky sixteen year old boy from the state he says he is in.
As people who grew up in a time where technology sky-rocketed from pretty much nothing to insane improvements like robots, smartphones, etc......I am positive it is weird to hear from their child that they are “dating” someone miles away.
But, Rin, how could you possibly be dating someone a thousand miles away?
Funnily enough, I get asked this question frequently and he struggles with people at his school even thinking I am a real person. However, it’s just something that is possible. It may not be the safest situation for everyone and in most cases, it’s super risky. You hear about all of the horror stories. But it’s not always like that.
I get it, formerly the term “dating” quite literally meant what we consider the basic dates to be taken out for. Dinner dates, movie dates, etc. Unfortunately, terms alter over time and no longer entirely mean what they formerly did. While I consider myself to be dating this boy who is a thousand miles away, even while we have never met in person, I’d like to explain this.
I get asked questions daily about my relationship in school. “How do you make it work? How long have you been together? How this, how that...”
Long distance relationships are not for everyone.
Just because a LDR didn’t work out for you, doesn’t mean someone else’s won’t work out.
LDRs are difficult. They are not always fun and happy moments that are spent. There will be times you don’t talk for days because you got into an argument. (Honestly, my advice to that is talk arguments out over the phone as calmly as possible because things said have a higher chance of being understood and not taken out of context.)
My exes were not the healthiest of people to be “dating.” They were trouble makers (as was I, admittedly) and my first boyfriend was extremely manipulative. I did not have good experiences with boyfriends in person. That doesn’t mean I resorted to online dating to get away from in person dating because of my bad experiences. I genuinely find Nick to be a good match for me. He’s loving, caring, helpful, and he just makes me really happy. I love the dork to extensive amounts. However, my experiences were something that made it okay in my mind to try something new - which has turned out to be healthy and fine for me.
Not everyone will have the same reactions from their parents as I did. Not everyone will have the same outcome in a relationship. Everyone is different, it’s just finding who is right for you. Others may not consider him to be the best for me but it’s not them who is in my spot of the relationship. Obviously if it was unhealthy, then I can understand why an intervention would be needed. Elders may not understand but you can’t get frustrated or mad at them for not being so accepting because to them, it may be next to unheard of. You have to understand where they are coming from, too.
To those who feel the need to constantly remind me it won’t work out: I appreciate your concern but you can’t read the future. Just let things die on their own if they must. Otherwise, leave it be. Life is full of adventures and lessons that sometimes people need to learn on their own.
Thank you to the people who have been supportive, even while we have had the ups and downs that you’ve dealt with. I struggle with taking things out on other people and it’s learning to control that that I must focus on improving. Regardless, stay awesome.
