rainbow of chaos

LET US TOAST  to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof & instant coffee, to unemployment insurance & library cards, to absinthe & good-hearted landlords, to music & warm bodies & contraceptives... and to the "good life", whatever it is & wherever it happens to be. River Patel 29 | they/them musician & co-owner of the broom closet

[riverpatel]

STATS • BIO • WANTED CONNECTIONS 

FULL NAME: river patel AGE: 29 BIRTH DATE: february 7th, 1993 HOMETOWN: new orleans, la GENDER: genderqueer/non-binary PRONOUNS: they/them SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual, polyamorous RELATIONSHIP STATUS: inquire within, beautifully attached to trix stone OCCUPATION: co-owner of the broom closet, musician

more below

CURRENT LIVING CONDITIONS: downtown apartment above the store with Fox & Bowie PERSONALITY TYPE: enfp ZODIAC: aquarius sun, leo moon, scorpio rising LOVE LANGUAGE: physical touch and receiving gifts STRENGTHS: charming, optimistic, playful WEAKNESSES: unreliable, addict, impulsive INTELLIGENCE: slightly above-average INTSTRUMENTS: vocals, guitar, bass, piano, pan flute, viola, and harmonica. PETS: cats named ziggy & stardyst FAMILY: Bowie Leblanc is basically their adopted sibling, LeBlanc family, Fox Lennox is basically family - Moth is their cousin.

short intro.

tw: drugs, addiction, death, overdose, chronic illness

from new orleans, lost parents in hurricane katrina - was taken in by best friend’s family 

left to pursue music career in seattle with his band, it didn’t go well and while they made plenty of contacts and had some minor success - overall river suffered while they were there

the other thing that happened was an increasing awareness of emptiness inside of them, which they started to try to fill with anything and everything they could get their hands on. which was when they picked up their affinity for a few drugs - one that nearly ended their life.

the scare of an overdose and with the advice of their best friend who they finally confided in, they needed to get out of there. they hitched a ride and got as far as colorado

in bradford springs, they learned of an inheritance owed to them when they reached 25 - they used it to open up a record store that doubled as a witchery, selling metaphysical items and services along with a wide range of vinyls

they wear their heart on their sleeve and fall in love quite easy, unfortunately their over devotion and wandering eyes have made it difficult to hold any long term relationship. 

they live in an apartment above the broom closet with bowie, fox, and their cats. 

river still plays music and gets small gigs around the city, or can sometimes be found outside of shops or in the square playing for tips. 

they love dancing, parties, poetry, and music - they also adore talking to people and will be happy to introduce themselves to anyone and everyone

river has type 1 diabetes which they’ve had from a young age, they have to take insulin regularly to avoid bad glucose reactions - they have a pump for short-acting insulin but they don’t often draw attention to it but because it’s been a problem in the past with their partying and more reckless behavior, they were a medical alert bracelet at all times

[riverpatel]

[the-idea-cache]

[riverpatel]

Nah mate, this time it's different man trust me I feel like things might be falling in place And my music's been kinda doing bits too Like I actually might do something great And when I'm gone maybe I'll be remembered For doing something special with myself That's why I don't think that we should talk man Cause when your with me it never seems to help

[riverpatel]

where: friendly paws

who: @trixstone​

They had the afternoon off so River decided they would tag along with Trix to their latest volunteering gig. It was actually quite adorable and wholesome to know that, along with music, Trix had a passion to work with animals. “I think I could make these by hand and if I get help on the easier parts they’ll go even faster.” River held out their phone to swipe through a few of the different invitation ideas they’d seen. They paused to pet the dog that Trix was walking. “Aw, she’s so sweet. I wish there was room at the apartment for her.” River would love to adopt all of the animals, if they had the room. Four people and two cats was about all the apartment could hold considering the stream of traffic and stray humans they seemed to collect on any given day. “And this is what I was thinking for the save the dates.” The showed them the next photo on their pinterest board. “We need to decide on a date first, though. How many more dogs are you walking?” 

[riverpatel]

trix.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───    

                                           Trix failed to see the funny side of any of it, following River’s movements to scoot closer to them as they backed up. As soon as their love attempted to hide the injuries under their hood, Trix’s hand softly swept it back again so they could assess them. “Fuck, babe.” they muttered, confused and angry that somebody would want to harm a hair on River’s head. And while River tried to explain away the reasons for not telling Trix a thing, the singer was shaking their head softly and helping River place the icepack to the bruises. “I don’t care if you want to protect me, something has to be done.” they stated, not raising their voice because of how close they were to River. They leaned back as soon as they heard the money, sighing but not out of frustration but because River was alone and had nobody there to help them. “Jesus…we will have to…we’ll figure it out.” Trix replied, using their other hand to gently hold River’s face. “Where does it hurt? What did they do?” If River wasn’t going to tell Trix then they’d have to try and work out who did it, start looking for red knuckles in the crowd. 

They let out a long exhale. On one hand, it was a great feeling to have people who cared so much that they wanted to protect them. On the other hand, it was River’s fault it happened to begin with. They would have ran or yelled for help or fought back. But, there again, they weren't much for violence unless it was necessary to protect someone they loved and they still hated it. "You're right I have to pay him, in a week. I have a good feeling this guy uses violence as a love language, hon." If they weren't so sore and tired they might go off into a speech about retaliation and how it never solved anything. "Plus it's one of those Southside guys, you know how irrational they are. Nothing's broken and it's not even that bad." It probably felt worse than it actually was. "Just tossed me into things mostly and said angry things. Called me Cosmo so I called him Wanda." They smiled at Trix despite the pain. "Is it too soon for me to admit I'd really love an oxy right now, or three?" River certainly felt bad for saying it but it was true. They sighed again and leaned into their other half, laying their head on his shoulder.

[riverpatel]

fox & company.

-

Everything Bowie knows about Courtney Love, Kurt Cobain, this goddamn album, and pretty much the grunge genre in its entirety is known against her will. It comes with living with River and Fox, an unspoken truth that it’s always only a matter of time before the age-old argument resurfaces. Sitting on the shop’s front counter, she keeps her peace and doesn’t utter a damn word. Normally, she flees anytime the woman’s name comes up, but first, she made her stance clear on the subject long ago. Don’t ask her. But instead of making her way up the stairs and finding refuge in the apartment with the cats, Bowie instead opts to be a silent, albeit confused observer. The mental gymnastics they both go through to state their cases must be exhausting. She’s yet to figure out how they’re able to jump from point A to point W so seamlessly. Who killed who and how and what not, but it’s not her business to worry about it. She keeps her mouth shut and tries following along.

-

“I KNOW you’re not a maghoganist, I’m just saying that the reasons why you keep saying COURTNEY LOVE, let’s say her name thank you, and put respect on it.” Fox coughed a little because he wasn’t used to yelling and then he cleared his throat to continue right on. “A dense lasagna of misogyny, River. Do you even listen to me when I talk about the things I care about!?” he gestured wildly to the air. The accusation of hating Kurt made Fox gasp loudly, a horrified look on his face. “YOU CAN LIKE BOTH OF THEM. THAT’S LIKE SAYING IF I LOVE YOU THEN I HATE TRIX.” Fox made an intense frown and then peeped at Trix appearing just as he said the last three words. “I don’t hate you. Either of you.” he clarified quickly, pointing a ringed finger at the two love-birds. “Love you quite a lot actually.” Fox mumbled but didn’t let himself get sidetracked. “BUT, I’M STILL VERY UNHAPPY ABOUT THE WAY YOU THINK OF COURTNEY.” he glared to River. As Trix spoke, Fox saw a strange look between the two of them and his head tilted like an actual fox for a moment. “What was that?” he interjected politely before his eyes narrowed slowly. “That look.” he clarified, trying to see if he could catch it again. “Bow-wow did you see that? They’ve never looked at each other like that before. What is this?”

.

River rolled their eyes. It was the same shit every time and nothing ever got resolved. The way Bowie had stuck around and Trix intervened this time made them think this was going to be the catalyst. Still they couldn’t stop from being enraged that her music was in their home. “ARE YOU SAYING I’M COURTNEY LOVE?!?” River’s eyes widened and they paced away for a moment like it was the most insulting thing you could ever say to them. Their lips pressed together and their head was starting to hurt. “I love you more,” River mumbled like an instinctive response. It was natural, loving Fox was was the same as walking or breathing, it was vital and they did it without thinking. Their heart just knew. “I’m unhappy you keep bringing it into our house. Just leave it somewhere else. Love the psychotic junkie outside of our safe space.” Their eyes darted between Fox and Bowie then back to Trix, then straight to the floor. Lying was much easier when they were high all the time. “What was what?” River shrugged and bobbed their head trying to come up with something that could be a half truth. “I was glaring at them for interrupting. Like, how can you even get involved when you won’t pick a side? At least with Bowie it makes sense because she’s not as invested in the scene but like we KNOW Trix is.” Did it pass, please Goddess let that pass. ( @trixstone @bowie-leblanc​ )

[vogueman]

Avan Jogia photographed by Raul Romo for Grumpy Spring 2023. Avan wears suit Tanner Fletcher, necklace Mr. Purl, rings vintage and bag Gucci

[vogueman]

Avan Jogia photographed by Raul Romo for Grumpy Spring 2023. Avan wears vest suit Saint Laurent, necklaces Bychari, earrings Hands Remember, bracelet Loupn and ring Laura Lombardi

[weirdobarbie]

AVAN JOGIA for grumpy magazine

[riverpatel]

[leonardospoetry]

Lil' poem today to remind us to have the courage to keep living with an open heart ❤️

[notpedropascal]

AVAN JOGIA Orphan Black: Echoes (2023)

[riverpatel]

trix.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───    

                                           Trix knew that the big reveal would render River’s satellite signal to short circuit. Hence why the singer held onto the secret for as long as they did. The Redacted Love segment of all their lives had been monumental. When Trix first met Fox and River, they would have never guessed something so trivial would cause arguments. So, they kept their mouth shut but as their love for River grew over the years, it finally felt right to be on their side officially. Secretly officially. Trix grinned and laughed at River’s reaction, holding onto River’s face to kiss them and try and subdue the adrenaline. “Yeah, can never be talked about. Ever. That’s the condition, baby.” they teased with a few more kisses. Just as River bid their goodbye, Trix pulled them back for another kiss and then kissed against their fingers before their hands parted. “Okay, but you better not be running off to tell Bowie or Fox. I’ll still marry you if you do, but I’ll be grumpy.” they grinned, giving their love a farewell wink as they went their separate ways.

Trix wasn’t a clingy lover, probably the opposite but there was an unsettled feeling in their gut while River was gone. They kept themself busy, speaking to Fox and Jude and then finding their half-soaked sibster to try and help. Exhausting work, no wonder why they used to need drugs just to have energy. There was a nagging thought in the back of Trix’s mind that River wasn’t usually gone for this long…not that they were counting. A sign from the universe maybe? Trix ventured to find them, following their inner compass to where they thought River would be. Among comfort and aesthetically pleasing details, of course. The concern was immediate when they saw them, Trix’s brows furrowing into a silent anger as a pale finger pointed to the bruising. “Riv, is that-” they bowed their head to see closely and their jaw tensed. “Who the fuck did this?” It didn’t matter how or any events leading up to the situation, Trix was now on a war path.

.

They did say it was worth a shot, they didn't say it wouldn't be a long shot. "Would you believe me if I said I fell down a flight of stairs," River remembered the extent of the damage, "or two?" They offered as a joke, trying to maybe lighten their mood and of course their inability to take anything too seriously. River sighed and pulled the hood of their hoodie up to do a better job of hiding as many marks under clothing as possible. They scooted backwards to lean against the wall for support. "I will tell you all the same things I told Bowie. It's worse than it looks, it was my fault it happened, and I'm not telling you who it is if it means you're going to go pick a fight with them." Not that they had a choice on whether Bowie or Trix adhered to their conditions. They couldn't, however, send anyone they loved to go head to head with a crazed criminal over several cuts and bruises. Nothing was broken, they had all their teeth, and the insulin pump was still working properly. It could have been much worse. "I can tell you they're a dealer or is a dealers boss or something and I don't remember doing it, but I stole a shit ton of drugs from him." River shrugged, embarrassed they were so reckless in such a dangerous way. "I have a week to come up with a grand to pay him back." Which was exactly what they were putting their energy into figuring out how to do.

[riverpatel]

angel.

-

“Please don’t look at me like that,” Angel says before she’s able to catch herself. What’s meant to be nothing more than a thought slips out into the open air between them. “I’m sorry. Ignore me,” She apologizes without real meaning it, shaking her head and looking off with a frown that tugs the corners of her lips downward. It’s just – she knows that look. She knows it well, and the last person she needs to get it from right now is River. It’s a look that says ‘I’m concerned about you’. It’s a reminder that she’s fooling no one. She’s getting bad again, somehow worse than before. The worst pare is, she doesn’t even care. “What makes you think there’s a bad usual?” She tries joking, but it’s still a touch too defensive. Goddamnit, get it a grip. Angel sighs, trying to tuck some of the O’Connor away in exchange for operating like a normal fucking human being. “I’m sorry,” Angel apologizes again, looking back at River and not pulling away when they take her hands in theirs. “I could never hate you,” She tries being reassuring, though she’s certain she’s given them no reason to believe her at all. First the blatant avoidance and now this. It’s a miracle she still has friends, especially River at this point. If there’s one thing she knows for a fact, it’s that she doesn’t deserve any of her friends. Not a single one. “Thirty is pretty fucking old,” She teases, and this time, it comes a little more natural. When her brother hit the milestone, she gave him a hard time so perfectly annoying, it brought her legitimate joy. Even now, the memory brings a private smile to her face. “Wait really? That’s so fucking cool. Do you know when yet?” News of potentially upcoming shows and new songs piques Angel’s interest. “Oh, god. Please don’t write a song about me,” She laughs in spite of herself. “I can’t imagine anything more embarrassing. Not that the song would suck or anything, just the thought of people listening and knowing it’s about me.” Once upon a time, she didn’t mind songs being written about her, but things change.

.

"Only because you said please," River teased, a hesitant smile forming. "No seriously, no judgment. I almost killed myself in a motel room with a busted door. It was room sixty-nine though, hot right?" They nudged her with his elbow a couple times and let out a soft laugh. If there was anything River was good at, it was finding a way to laugh about and through trauma. "I also almost died on a really gross bathroom floor at an underground punk venue. Think the Phoenix basement but a hundred times dirtier. I literally have no room to judge you, but like if you need to talk to someone who gets it I'm here." There were some steps about helping others. River wasn't there yet but they always enjoyed helping people so they weren't going to pause that. They would just be sure to add the disclaimer that they don't have many answers when it comes to the whole recovery thing. The addiction and mental illness part they were confident they were well versed in. "Oh honey, never say never. Now that I don't have anything suppressing or fabricating my personality, who knows what I'll be like. I could be a crazed psychopath. Or super boring. Or maybe just really, really, really annoying." All of which were possible outcomes. River doesn't remember what they were like before the drugs and even if they did it had been over a decade, change definitely happened.

"I know, I'm so old. But I promised I'd wait until I'm forty to off myself since I'm trying this whole new me thing out." They laughed and added a wink in before looking forward again. "I mean I've already started writing some stuff and we've been jamming a little. I guess we'll start recording and attempting the show thing when we feel confident we have something good to offer." River shrugged knowing full well it could be awhile. All of them had to learn how to mesh together again with the addition of Trix who Fox and River had never played music with before. Not seriously at least. "Don't harsh the vibe, baby. I can't help where the muse takes me." They squeezed her hand. "But I promise if I write a song about you I won't tell anyone but you, okay?"

[riverpatel]

trix.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───    

                                            “Oh yeah, proved when Lucifer created you.” Trix laughed, captured by the way River’s laughter sounded to their ears. It was melodic and just as colorful as them. Their relationship was hard to explain to others but there was a deep knowing that they belonged to one another. “You know I’d never let you even if you wanted to.” Trix laughed, a playful show of possessiveness that they knew their love enjoyed to feel. A grin was spread over Trix’s lips as River gave in to the pinky trick, knowing that it would work. They nodded, clearing their throat because Fox was the kind of person that you never wanted to betray. “That’s fine, I can live with you giving me sassy little looks from across a room but there will be hell to pay if this is ever talked about verbally. Telepathically, I can allow.” they said, hooking their finger around River’s and then kissing them softly. “I fucking hate Courtney Love.” they deadpanned after the kiss, looking River deep into their eyes before a small laugh broke out. “There, that’s it. Never to be talked about ever again.”

.

“Mmmm, more like Kali. But I’ll accept Lucifer since I assume you’re one to their many descendants.” River would not be surprised if that were actually true after meeting their very similar half-sibster, though it didn’t explain Millie. Perhaps she got the angel side. “Point is moot. I would never want to.” Ever, ever, ever. Not even for a second. River snorted a laugh and rolled their eyes but didn’t further the banter because they needed to know what this enormous secret was immediately. Considering up until that moment they were one hundred percent sure they knew everything there was to know about their heart. And then, there it was. River’s mouth hung open in shock and they stood corrected. Now they knew everything. They had never thought for a second that they would ever know Trix’s feelings on the age-old argument between River and Fox. In fact they had set it out of their mind as a losing battle. “You have got to be fucking kidding me right now. After all this time? AND NOW I CAN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!?” River stood up and shook their head at their fiancé like a disappointed mother. “You’re just plain evil, my love.” They bent over to give him a lingering kiss. “But thank you for being on my side, I think I may never stop smiling.” They straightened again with the intention to go to the bathroom. “I’ll be back in a few. I need to go absorb this fully.”

-much more than a few minutes later-

They had already gotten the third degree check over from Bowie. Fox had not appeared yet and that was probably for the best as well. They assumed he was off with Trix somewhere and for once River was happy to have the two be distracted away from them. The ice had helped the swelling a good deal but River could feel the bruises start to form, almost in real time. Sadly all they could think about was trying to find something that would numb it and then chastising themselves for even considering it. Needless to say they were in a fun spiral of self-hatred. River’s eyes flicked up when they heard the familiar footfalls of boots move into the little home away from home they had all created in one of the classrooms. They sat up and sighed. Maybe they could just gloss over it, worth a try, right? “Good evening, darling, did you have fun on your adventure?”

[riverpatel]

bowie.

-

“Baby, I’m not trying to hear all of that,” Bowie says, her panic solidifying. Overprotective is an understatement. From a young age, she’s taxed herself with being their protector, a job and responsibility she has always taken seriously. From being kids to now on the cusp of being thirty years old, nothing has changed. Clearly, River is not fine. Fine would be showing up to their little corner of the gymnasium unscathed, and since that’s not the case, there’s absolutely nothing ‘fine’ about this. But she does her best to listen, a sick feeling falling over her as River tells her what happened to leave them in the state they’re in. Goddamnit, she sighs internally and bites back the lecture that’s on her tongue. It would be pointless to tell them this is why they shouldn’t fuck with people like that, but addiction has a way of robbing folks of common sense. Dealers are always going to come and collect, but Bowie doesn’t give a damn. She wouldn’t care if River blew up the dealer’s supplies and put him out of business, that doesn’t give anyone the right to lay a hand on them. As River lowers the ice pack, she can’t help the gasp that leaves her lips, but the shock gives way to a dangerously quiet anger. There’s a shift in her, getting right down to a side of her that’s rarely seen. Still, it’s present in her, and revenge is on her mind and on her heart. “Who was it?” Bowie asks, her voice eerily calm. “I want you to show me who it was.”

.

“I know, but-” they sighed and hummed something under their breath because it was no use saying it out loud. Bowie had their back from day one and they had hers. There was nothing that would stop River from standing up for her. Unfortunately that meant they had little room to argue when it came down to situations like the current one. "Bowie I really don't think it's a good idea for you to meet him. He's kind of scary and really doesn't give a fuck about anything. I totally tried to appeal to him and he just got angrier." They put their hand on her arm with a beyond worried expression. What if that guy hurt her or worse? River was well aware of Bowie’s strength but the physical world left many limits. “I will show you who he is if you promise me, no, swear that you won’t go looking for a fight.” They held up the decorated pinky finger to seal the compromise. There was no way in naraka they would let her know otherwise, it was a matter of safety and she was far too important to them. “I swear, I just have to pay him and he’ll go away. Easy as Bourbon street.” They weren’t one hundred percent certain he would go away but usually that was how people like him worked. Once a debt was paid they forgot the buyer existed and it would be the first time River would happily be forgotten by someone.