i have a great past, so i'm totally fine

levi he/him 22 yo. fandom nerd trans+disabled, fictionkin&cosplayer

[riversofjupiter]

LEVI .ᐟ ﹕ he/him/his, 22. lg(bt). autistic+physically disabled

𖥔 ── welcome to my blog. mostly i just shitpost & make video edits & reblog funnies & sometimes post thoughts from my mind. all of my posts are tagged with #mine unless they're random text posts which are tagged with #txt. my art blog is @adzjpg

fandom oriented sideblogs are @sightbeyondthewalls (aot) + @94pt5fm (stranger things) + @securitycodeemmerich (gravity falls). just for when i become extra insane about my fav sources

main fandoms are attack on titan (spin), vld, stranger things, jjk, mcu, dc, idv & the pitt among others. current interests aside from those include jjba + succession + hayley williams + annabelle dinda

[dent-de-leon]

i saw an ask about how shiro has a lot of anger in him and that he's not the "soft space dad" that everyone makes him out to be. do you think shiro shows any signs of repressed anger or something along those lines?

Alright so, I think the best way to look at this is to cover it the same way I did for Keith–which is to say, where does Shiro’s anger come from? We know Shiro’s changed dramatically since Kerberos. Joaquim has described Keith as someone whose “experienced loss in his life, in his childhood.” Keith’s been shaped by that loss since a young age. But it seems that Shiro’s been in fairly good mental health prior to Kerberos. He was the garrison golden boy, someone cadets looked up to as their hero. The pioneer of a new era in space exploration. He was held in high esteem by his colleagues–until mission failure was scrolling across every TV screen. 

And while there is the notable absence of any parents or siblings–I personally believe he must be estranged from his family–I don’t think it had the same impact on Shiro that being orphaned had on Keith. Shiro was able to reach out to others and still make connections. Others saw him as approachable and amicable. He doesn’t live in constant fear of abandonment. While I do believe he’s a private person who maintains his own walls, he doesn’t shut people out entirely for fear of rejection the way Keith does. He’s more like someone who will put on a facade that everything’s fine and he’s got his life together. But yeah, I certainly don’t think there’s anything that points to him being anything but sweet, friendly, honest and compassionate.

These fits of “anger” don’t start until after Kerberos, so let’s take a look at why. The two common themes for Takashi’s outbursts are due to either 1) lashing out because people he cares about are in danger 

or 2) frustration about what the galra have done to him and all consuming fear that he’s turning into the monster they tried to make him. It’s this loss of autonomy that makes him break down 

And because Shiro identifies so closely with the Black lion, seeing Zarkon try to control her as well makes him furious. It’s not just a matter of fighting Zarkon because he’s the Bad Guy–this is very much a personal fight. “You’re no paladin.” Shiro’s not going to let her be made into a weapon against her will the way he was. “No one commands the Black Lion.” I’d also like to point out in season 3 Keith says “Shiro’s the Black Lion,” and there’s so much truth to that. It might be his lion Shiro’s defending, but the lesson here also boils down to No one commands me. He’s defying Zarkon and breaking free in this scene just like Black 

It’s also important to remember that, just like Keith has his high intensity emotions and abandonment issues, Shiro has PTSD. He was a prisoner of war for a year, and that leaves more scars than just the one on his face. He’s been through a lot, and healing isn’t always going to be soft smiles and perfect temperament. It’s not being able to drag yourself out of bed and constantly berating yourself for being useless. It’s believing you’re your symptoms and you’re just a horrible person. It’s having nervous breakdowns and screaming or crying or punching something in a sudden rage. It’s acting on impulse and doing something you immediately regret. It’s ugly and it’s hard and I’m glad with Shiro’s character arc we still get to see that. It’s not something you should just gloss over.

So again, I don’t think it’s that Shiro has a lot of anger in him or anything. He’s not someone who goes looking for a fight. I think he’s just someone dealing with his trauma and struggling with low self-worth. He’s also fiercely over protective, and that’s where a lot of his “rage” comes from. He’s an incredibly good person, but he’s wiling to act up a bit if it means protecting the people he loves–attacking Matt to save him, throwing away the alliance to rescue Keith, ect. 

He’s someone who will get his hands a bit dirty if it ensures his team’s survival. It’s a kind of instinct that was honed in the arena I think, this knowledge that you have to be willing to compromise some of your beliefs for a cause. Though not to the extent that you’re doing anything that makes you worse than the enemy. It’s a fine line to walk, but Shiro isn’t some infallible, perfect paladin. He’s human and he’s just trying to get by and lead his team as well as he can. The real tragedy is that he was always a good person–and he could’ve lived a relatively happy, long life if not for Kerberos. But even though he’s battle-worn and suffering from trauma now, he’s still so kind and gentle. The fact that anyone can still be so warm and caring after so much was taken from them–the universe really doesn’t deserve him 

[riversofjupiter]

i know this post is eons old now but i'm having thoughts about this this morning and just wanted to add on a little bit as someone who sees a lot of myself in shiro and his struggles.

i really appreciate everything that was said here and and think this was all worded very kindly and in a thorough way, but i do also think it's important to note (as i think someone was mentioning in the tags actually) that to say shiro was in "fairly good mental health prior to kerberos" seems like a bit of a stretch to me.

any person who suffers from a disability or a chronic illness, especially a hidden one like myself, knows all too well the feeling of wanting and needing to prove to yourself that you are capable of accomplishing things without anyone else's help, even if that means you push yourself past your limits just because you want to feel normal and prove to yourself that you can do it. we see that prior to the kerberos mission; both iverson and sanda were persistent in their belief that shiro is "too sick" and therefore shouldn't have been allowed to take part in the mission, especially with it being the farthest and arguably most important mission in the history of the GG. adam even agrees with them when he and shiro discuss it, telling him it might be for the better because he would "only be putting [himself] at risk". shiro's response? "it's worth the risk. you don't need to protect me. this is something i need to do for myself."

this is already proof that shiro not only struggles with self-esteem issues but that he kind of has it ingrained in his brain that despite being the star student and the leader of the GG in a way, he's not yet proven to himself that he's good enough or strong enough or capable enough. the kerberos mission is truly a shining goal in saying to not just the people around him, but to himself more than anyone that despite his growing illness, he wants to persevere with the time he does have left, especially alongside people like sam and matt, people that he loves and who understand him for him. he knows that risk better than anyone. what he says to keith after his conversation with adam is proof of that:

via voltrontranscript

someone in the replies also mentioned something along the lines of the fact that shiro likely would not have developed PTSD (which he most certainly has) in the span of only one year, and i think that's another important thing to note. OP acknowledged that having PTSD (something i also myself deal with) really does affect your mannerisms, behavior, and way of thinking, in my opinion more than other people realize (especially those you are closest with) and that definitely manifests in shiro to me. i really enjoyed reading this analysis from @ganymedesclock (and i encourage you to read the whole thing because there's a million things i could reference from their writings) but this part in particular seems to corroborate that idea that his time at the GG was absolutely resulting in residual trauma

particularly this third paragraph which talks about the walls he has built; that concept of not even realizing when you are pushing everything away to be that pillar of support and take action in a dire situation, at least in my personal experience, is absolutely reminiscent of the things PTSD does to your mind and how you go about facing a crisis or situation that needs a grounding force.

i also believe that's why it's so easy for kuron to slip into patterns of aggressiveness and almost hostility towards the other paladins when he's around. shiro's brain is constantly on survival mode, not only after what was drilled into his head about how to act and how much he needed to set an example/fulfill an expectation at the GG, but especially after the torture he endured at the hands of the galra. you don't just move on from that. there's no doubt he was already facing issues of feeling like a prisoner in his own body due to being disabled and from the pressure of the admirals, so of course zarkon's treatment of dehumanizing him and literally physically torturing him absolutely affected how he interacts with the paladins and skews his self-image even farther. this goes hand-in-hand to me with the idea that OP mentioned where the frustration and anger is partially rooted in that lack of being in control/having autonomy, because he needs to prove that he can be the strong soldier that not only everyone expects him to be, but that he feels he needs to live up to.

i think the anger he holds is absolutely there, and it's justified, too. i agree with OP that he is not the type to search for a fight. he is just so used to pushing it all down to be the mediator/fighter that he has been conditioned to be that it doesn't come out unless his body isn't sensing a critical level of danger or it absolutely has to and he lets it all out. that's not to say that i believe shiro is inherently an angry or aggressive person, but i think it does a disservice to his trauma to say that he is "anything but sweet, friendly, honest and compassionate." of course these are all qualities he possesses, i entirely agree. but i do think on the other hand it is important to realize that the "bad" qualities that stem from the many hardships he has faced throughout his life make up who he is just as much as the "good" ones

[snoomfies]

[the-muppet-joker]

im a trans dude can u please name me

Throckmorton

[fagcrisis]

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

[frankencain]

very important addition (via @growingsad)

[culkin-feverdream]

Just let people say what they want. If they want to say "neuro spicy", it's literally none of your fucking business and it doesn't mean it's infantilization. You all police people way too much on this website regarding words people should or shouldn't say, thoughts people should or shouldn't have, entertainment people can or can't enjoy, and it continues until everything is so tense or rigid it breaks.

[fagcrisis]

no im actually personally going to beat you up with my hands if you say neurospicy

[helga-grinduil]

screencap redraw

[pokeballvictim]

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

[mottesk]

drunk karaoke best karaoke

[shiningother]

i took 50g of music and im starting to black out

[ripdrhomo]

gahhh I hate him

[versoyka]

concept of you

[meowthiroth]

rate the fit

[avxoxo1]

𝕨𝕣𝕒𝕡 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 𝕚𝕟 𝕡𝕖𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕤 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕒𝕣𝕞𝕠𝕣

[lissa]

That's what we're here for.

[dailyflicks]

THE PITT (2025—) S02 | E15

[adzjpg]

free hayley williams stickers!

hi yelyah fans!! i was at nyc n2 and planned to give out/trade a bunch of stickers but unfortunately the venue did not allow them. that being said, i thought it'd be fun to send a sticker or two to anyone who requests one!

here is the form to submit your request! stickers are FCFS, and unfortunately i can only ship within the US. this offer is open until i run out of stock! more info is listed in the form description.

no p4yment is required, but if you feel generous enough to send me a tip my ko-fi is here! thank you to anyone who decides to grab some stickers :))

[jakeperalta]

not using AI genuinely feels like the rest of the world is experiencing some kind of mass amnesia. if someone says they never use it, the immediate response is that can't be true because "everyone" uses it to write their emails or answer their questions. saw a comment suggesting that not using chatgpt to write an essay is "like the 90s". girl I graduated in 2021 and we weren't doing that! how is it that everyone has suddenly forgotten that they were entirely capable of doing these things all by themselves for their entire lives up until the past few years!! am I going crazy!!!