[rkrose]

goodbye, and thank you rookies ♡

hey rookies. it’s eri. how’re you all doing? i hope that, even despite the hard hitting news, that you are taking care of yourselves. it’s a little bittersweet knowing this will be the last time i get to check in with y’all. i never imagined writing this post. i’ll admit there were times where i sat and thought, yeah, it’s time to leave. you’re too old for this. this is a waste of time. but i could never bring myself to actually do it. i stuck around through the good and the bad, held on for as long as i could . . . until the very end, which leads us here. 

a lot of you have probably heard this before but for old times sake; i joined rookies back in july 2015 for the first time with rkseokmin. i can’t remember much about the muse but i do remember being beyond intimidated joining rk. i began roleplaying on tumblr in 2014 and in efforts to avoid joining rookies, i actually created my own idol rp apollokrp. anyways, i don’t think i went anywhere with rkseokmin, so along came rkkyungri in august 2015. and she didn’t last too long either. i finally decided to give rookies a third try and i brought rksana. and guess what!? i dropped her too. i didn’t make my return to rookies until may 2016 in the midst of season three of the mgas. the original rookies blog was on it’s way out and i bit the bullet and revived a muse from deltakrp. that muse would be none other than juyeonrk.

but enough about me, more about them. the reason i’ve stuck around all this time. please be wary, trigger warnings about mental health, toxic relationships, therapy etc. are discussed.

rkrose joined rookies back in july 2016. if we’re being specific, rose wasn’t my first muse but she is the muse people usually associate me with. rose for the most part was just a girl from down under who played the guitar. she sung ballads and had no dream to pursue a career as an idol. early on in the peace, she rekindled her relationship with past flame from her youth, kangjoon. in december 2016, rose participated in the kt & royal contest. to my surprise, she won the singing portion of the competition and became a royal entertainment trainee. rose was the dahlia of the royal garden. in march 2017, rose and kangjoon parted ways for good and rose rekindled a very passionate, albeit unhealthy relationship with a fling from her past which come the summer of that year, threw her into the depths of depression. the end of 2017 approached and with that came the announcement of royal survival, the group which created luxe. rose auditioned with a dance cover of kehlani’s personal and ranked major on her first episode. her ride throughout that entire show was a rollercoaster but she made it to the end of the show only to be eliminated in the final episode. ultimately, she knew that she wasn’t ready to become an idol ( nor did she know if that’s what she wanted ). in december 2018, rose signed onto royal for another two years and she fell for her close friend and fellow australian, chris; her boyfriend of nearly two years, her rock, her favourite person. rose sadly spent a good part of 2019 and all of 2019 contemplating leaving royal entertainment. and who knows, if december had of come along . . . she might of actually done it. 

come the end of the year, rkrose leaves royal entertainment permanently and gives up on her dream of becoming an idol. she probably feels immensely guilty for it but she decides that pursuing her dream is more important. she probably returns to her roots of youtube covers and small gigs before she eventually signs on to an indie label. maybe if she gets the opportunity, she forms a band or joins one and gets to pursue her dream of becoming a rockstar ( the girl played acoustic guitar, electric guitar, bass, keyboard and piano . . . and she sung? hello wasted potential!!! ). and if it’s possible, she and chris stay together and eventually date publically, openly. there’s lots of travelling and music and love and dogs and dinners and wine nights. rose goes home to australia twice a year to visit her family and to watch her niece grow up. and maybe somewhere down the road, rose and chris get married ♡ ( it’s the happily ever after she deserves )

and in another universe, rkrose stays with royal. the eventually end up debuting the second generation of royal girls ( probably after they try to stage a coup or something ). i worked tirelessly to earn rose 25/25 leadership, so with a bit of luck, she debuts as their group’s leader and main vocalist ( we were working on 25/25 high notes, she would of had the whistle register . . . the power ). over time, rose does a little bit of modelling and acting, ultimately finding comfort in hosting a radio show or podcast. she would live out her contract as an idol with her group and ultimately, when they were ready to go their separate ways, rose would pursue music independently and hopefully with a guitar in hand. chris is definitely in the picture still, and hopefully they go on to do as they would in the other scenario . . . only on a much more public scale. rkstraya forever ♡ 

a few rkrose inspired songs . . . don’t dream it’s over - crowded house, landslide - fleetwood mac, don’t let the sun go down on me - elton john and george michael, here comes the sun - the beatles, unchained melody - the righteous brothers and hungry eyes - eric carman.

juyeonrk joined rookies back in may 2016 initially, however due to lack of muse and resources ( wjsn was still a very new group ), i dropped her. she returned to rookies in september 2016 for good this time. she’s gone through a few faceclaim changes; first to seungyeon of clc and then to saerom of fromis_9. eventually, my final change was back to the original fc of eunseo of wjsn, because no one else does happy, tall dancing gay like she does. juyeon is probably the most consistent muse i’ve had. she’s always been a very bright, happy girl who dreamed of becoming an idol. juyeon auditioned for season three of the mgas with choreography to g-eazy’s calm down. of course, she failed which i think probably led to me dropping her the first time. juyeon was never priority throughout my rookies journey until the last year or so. in 2017, juyeon was cast through hongdae talent fest with choreography to wild thoughts. as someone who dreamed of becoming a nova trainee, juyeon found herself auditioning privately with sphere to a cover of nsg nct’s cherry bomb. juyeon received high praise for her audition and through this, she became the cherry bomb of sphere. it has a lot of meanings, but i always envisioned it as a way to express juyeon’s duality. despite her pretty looks, she’s actually an accomplished hip hop dancer, gymnast and athlete. juyeon wasn’t given a lot of opportunities throughout her time at rookies until her final year here, but one of the best opportunities she had was loving seoyoung, better known now as yena of luxe. it took them so long to finally confess their feelings. this year, they celebrated one year together ♡ this year in march, juyeon got the opportunity to take part in project heartz; which would debut sphere’s new girl group. this would be my first shot at having an idol muse, and unfortunately my only and last opportunity. in july, juyeon was revealed to feature on yuzu’s debut album and at the end of this month, juyeon would of been revealed as the eighth girl of heartz, their choerry. 

juyeon has one outcome. she debuts as byeol, which is korean for star with the mini album byeol, a-side is love cherry motion and b-side is puzzle. she later goes on to debut with sua and sera, forming odd eye circle. in july of 2021, heartz officially debut. juyeon is apart of the dance and rap line, although she’s proven herself to be a capable vocalist too. throughout her early years, she appears on various variety shows; with her group mates and later solo. juyeon stays with heartz until the very end. eventually when they go their separate ways, juyeon finally comes out to the public. this is her final form. she plans to advocate for lgbt+ representation within the entertainment industry, and she doesn’t let her identity hinder who she is and how she performs. because to her, hiding such an inherent part of herself has been the biggest hindrance of her career. juyeon probably signs with seoyoung’s label and becomes somewhat of a dance / rap mentor, i totally see her on s survival show or two. also see her campaigning for animal rights or something? pearl, mobi and steve gonna inherit some wealth! and she definitely marries seoyoung. without a doubt. she couldn’t imagine spending her life with anyone else.

a few juyeonrk inspired songs . . . love cherry motion - choerry byeol, sweet crazy love - heartz: odd eye circle, girl front - heartz: odd eye circle, cherry bomb - nsg, black on black - nsg, get ready for this - 2 unlimited, girls like girls - hayley kiyoko and same love - macklemore & ryan lewis ft. mary lambert.

rkjaebeom joined rookies back in november 2019. he initially came to rookies as the dearly beloved rkyounghyun as i saw day6 for my twenty first. looking back, jaebum was a combination of two original characters of mine. i didn’t realise this until recently! nonetheless, he’s become one of my favourite muses i’ve ever had. in my later years, male muses became very hard for me to write but jaebum was so endearing i just . . . adore him, really! there isn’t much to say about jaebum really. he never wanted to become an idol, he wanted to pursue music and he did, only to lose himself in the midst of it. it’s how he found art and tattooing! jaebum joined rookies as a romantic partner for hyuna of k.arma and they just . . . became one of my favourite ships. his love for hyuna was so unbelievably strong. he really did worship the ground she walked on. jaebum was always so immensely genuine and he really loved the people close to him. i’m so sad i can’t say more about him.

nothing really changes for jaebum. he continues to work from his studio as both a tattoo artist and a musician. he still sings, still creates his own stuff and he probably starts to slowly reach out and collaborate with people. he isn’t sure he wants to return to the band / underground scene, purely out of self-preservation. he finally proposes to hyuna, and he waits until she’s ready to take the next step. he confesses he wants to start a family with her someday, have a nice place together and all their cats. realistically, the closest jaebum gets to being apart of the “idolverse” is becoming a producer / lyricist for one of the big five. he respects idols but that life just . . . isn’t him.

in an alternate reality, he comes an idol ( i always pictured nsg tbh ) and i don’t know how that would really work out for him, but it’s still funny to think about! 

a few rkjaebeom inspired songs . . . wow. - post malone, humble beginnings - bazzi, a very strange time - g-eazy, face to face - ruel, beautiful - bazzi, city of angels - 24kgoldn and the entire black panther soundtrack.

so, that’s it. this is it. this is my official goodbye to rookies. it’s so hard to try and form a coherent goodbye to a place that’s been apart of my life for the past four going on five years. it’s going to be so hard reminding myself that i don’t need to stay up until three in the morning writing replies for the next day’s activity check. we haven’t always seen eye to eye. i haven’t always been the most positive person, nor the easiest person to deal with. there were times that i was annoyed or angry, times i wanted to drop everything and just disappear. but rookies got me through a lot of hard times in my life. i joined in my senior year of high school and this month it’s been four years since i graduated. this past year i wish i could of dedicated a little more time to the roleplay, just knowing we’re here now . . . it sort of sucks. i never got to see my muses debut or really pursue their dreams officially, but i know they get to. or at least in my version of the future they do.

i just want to say a super special thank you to the mods of rookies; past and present. i thank you so much for everything you have done. keeping a roleplay of this size afloat for seven years is no easy feat but y’all did a great job and did what you could with what you had. to royal and sphere; thank you for welcoming rose and juyeon with open arms, for putting up with them and me. to my heartz friends, my heart aches that our girls didn’t get to officially debut together. but these past few months have been so wonderful, i’m so grateful for each and everyone of you. i’m happy to know what we’ve gotten together and decided where our girls end up. may they walk the flower path together for a very long, happy time. to nana, 2/3 of my rookies ships are with you and i’m so grateful to of gotten to know you these past few years. you’re a joy to write with and i’m gonna miss writing our headcanons and talking about our muses together. to lemon, thank you for being so patient and kind. i’m so grateful we got to write out at least a piece of seoyoung and juyeon’s love story. to ani, thank you for giving juyeon chungha. i’m so grateful she got to have someone like her in her life. and i’m so happy knowing they got to pursue their dreams together. i’m also really grateful i got to become closer to you ♡ . . . and to keith, rose and lari; thank you for rkblackpink! thank you for four wonderful years of four bestfriends taking on the world. i’m gonna really miss y’all. and to everyone else, even if i didn’t mention your name. i thank you. if i wrote with you, thank you for shaping my muses’ journey and even if we didn’t write together, thank you for shaping the universe in which we all were apart of. 

okay, i need to start wrapping this up. but i will say, i was always hesitant joining new roleplays because they never last and i knew rookies would always be there. to me, rookies always has been home. i feel calmer and more level headed about all of this than i thought; i do feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders. i feel like i got most of my sad thoughts out. i’m going to try my best to go forward remembering the good times we all got to have. thank you for the past four years of the most wonderful memories rookies. i hope that you and your muses find peace, wherever you may end up. you can find me on twitter @luvyounqk or on discord, just ask for it! and you will hopefully see me at legacy and mokseong, i’m gonna try some new roleplays out. i also have an indie blog, @metanoire . . . which i’m still working on. i might be putting au versions of my muses on this blog. and maybe just maybe, i might end up returning to the admin side of things, hehe . . . we’ll just have to wait and see.

     but until then, take care rookies ♡              from the typist of rose, juyeon and jaebum . . . eri.

[rkrose]

@lavieenrose  ∙   bounce bounce 🏀

[rkrose]

feel something.

JISOO.

unfortunately, days like so are a commonplace for adults like them. jisoo can understand. sometimes, there are no rational explanations as to why they happen or why they won’t stop happening. they just do. terrible days are plenty and scattered in-between great and average days. as they go about their daily life, it is often just a question of what kind of day awaits them as soon as the morning sun rises. yet just as soon as it starts, it is also quick to end. jisoo supposes that is what is good about it; the tide will turn once you close your eyes and fall into sleep.

“that’s good to hear.” she answers, a small comforting smile on her lips. “at the very least, you can rest and relax now. truthfully, i don’t know what home holds but i always feel ten times better as soon as i step through our door when i’m having a bad day.” perhaps it is because this is the only place in the world where she knows with absolute certainty that there are no expectations needed from her. it is here that when she fucks up, things would still remain the same.

immediately standing up, she walks the short distance towards their kitchen. “perfect, i can make it right now for the both of us.” the meat was already out and defrosting so she sets out to gather all the other ingredients needed for the recipe. “thank you. fair warning, though, this would be my first time making this.” there is an amused glint in her eyes. “so i apologize in advance for turning you into my guinea pig. if it’s bad, just be perfectly honest.” she laughs a little as she picks up a chopping board. “i would appreciate it very much.”

home is the place where rose can be herself. void of any judgment or criticism, she needn’t hide behind a facade either. keeping up appearances at royal and seocho was tiresome, putting on a brave face in times of exhaustion or complete, utter sadness or anger. there was a knack to it, for sure. but rose was just grateful to be home, within the confines of the apartment she shared with her best friends. this was her safe place. rose manages a smile for jisoo. she was right. “maybe that’s just the magic of home?” rose suggests with a small shrug. finding a place to call home, in a foreign country hadn’t come easy for rose. in the past, she had called many places and many people home, but this place seemed to be her only constant.

rose’s curiosity is piqued, and rose can’t help but follow jisoo into the kitchen, a good few paces behind her. she’s starting to feel somewhat normal again. gone is the dizzy feeling in her head and that overwhelming sense of dread knowing that tomorrow inevitably must come. it’s nice to just be in jisoo’s company. the older female had a very calming, graceful aura that left rose feeling at ease, which helped ease the awfulness that was the day gone by.

“well, there has to be a first time for everything.” rose chimes, folding her arms across her chest before she leans onto the top of the kitchen counter. she watches jisoo intently. cooking. even that felt like a rarity these days. it was something rose missed doing, something she wouldn’t take for granted. it was so much easier to just eat at the cafe within royal. she treasured the nights chris cooked her dinner, or the nights she managed to get in the kitchen and get her hands messy for once. rose chuckles before holding up her hand, wiggling her pinky in the air. “okay, i promise.” she chimes. “i also promise to hold you accountable if i get food poisoning from this!” 

[rkrose]

— girl talk.

LISA.

she looks over at her friend with slight surprise that she had spoken about it with so many people and not her. lisa briefly wonders if they would have ever talked about it if she hadn’t brought it up. after all, they had came together, walked through the doors of royal on their first day with all the hopes in the world and the knowledge that they would get each other through it. lisa herself hadn’t talked about it with anyone, just quietly thought about it on her own until jisoo had brought it up a few weeks ago. but then again, maybe her and rose just didn’t have that kind of friendship. she was going to bring it up, to say something about how she had spoken to gahyeon and not her, and maybe make some sort of disguised joke about how she thought they were closer than that, but she decides not to, because it probably doesn’t matter.

“yeah, me too.” she’s always said that she doesn’t care about royal. whether she debuts here or debuts somewhere else doesn’t really matter to her, as long as it’s somewhere, as long as she feels like she’s doing something fulfilling. so jisub has never really given her anything that she wanted to hold on to, and from her first appearance on royal survival up until the finale she always knew that she had no loyalties to him. but now she has friends here, and she wants to debut with them, and maybe that’s the only other thing keeping her here,

“i guess i’ll see how i feel in the next few months. maybe there will be rumors of a new girl group debuting, now that de:code is out.” not that any of them are guaranteed a spot, which is another problem. if they wait all this time and get cut last minute, is it really worth it? “i wish we just knew, that they would just tell us right now if we’re going to make it or not and not just keep us here waiting.”

in that moment, rose’s heart feels heavy. a part of her wanted to talk to lisa about all this, to truly open up and get everything off of her chest. just as she had with chris, jisoo and yoojung. but a part of her couldn’t bring herself to do it, to be vulnerable with lisa. deep. it never really was their thing, even despite being so close for so many years. rose’s unhappiness felt safest tucked away from the world where no one could see it. she had done it before, surely she could do it again? it could also be fear that loomed over the head, the thought of lisa being mad at her or telling her she was ungrateful. but she knew lisa. in her own way, she would be beyond supportive and also understanding. rose couldn’t shake her reason for keeping the secret, but she had bared it now.

she hates that her loyalties lie with royal. if she had of been more brave, perhaps she could of been in the midst of a debut project at sphere. maybe if she was more gutsy, she could throw all of this away and pursue music in her image, the way she wanted to. the way she never would be able to if she followed this path. that was something she had come to terms with, accepted some while ago. it surprises her. she didn't anticipate feeling so restless, though. “we can only hope, i guess.” rose says with a sigh, looking down at her hands. it had been two years since luxe made their debut, long anticipated. rose thinks back to royal survival for a moment.

“it doesn’t make it easy either, seeing our friends come and go.” rose says softly, thinking about the likes of yoojung and yuzu who had sought out greener pastures elsewhere, at sphere. she couldn’t blame them. she was jealous of their ability to do that. “who knows, by the time we get the chance to debut, none of us . . . the actual second gen, are gonna be here to see it happen.” she sighs, looking across to lisa, pausing for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “did you ever think about auditioning for sphere’s debut project?” 

[laalisas]

rosé :: lovesick girls 

[rkrose]

wait a minute.

KANGJOON.

she proceeds in mimicking a fangirl which makes him laugh even more.

it’s been a while, since their last interaction and kang joon couldn’t deny he didn’t missed talking to her. rose had been a big part of his life back then, a person of trust and love, someone who he still held dear, more than he liked to admit after their break up. things had been awkward between for a while. he had never quite understood the reasons of her leaving him. sure, their company had found out about them, but if they would have just laid low, he was sure, they would have been able to overcome it all. but things apparently weren’t meant to be, and both of them had moved on, and now after a while, after time had healed superficial wounds, there was no bad blood left between them. that’s how he saw it. but who knows what was going on in rose’s little head.

he cackles and nods at her response. “well, yeah. but back then, you were fangirling over jaehyun instead. it’s really strange to hear you call me oppa.” he says with a teasing tone, while shrugging his shoulders. with a hum, amber coloured eyes muster her from head to toe. “plodding along? how come?” contrary to him, most of her best friends were in royal with her, while he once again was left behind to see his beloved go on their own way. the dream of debuting with the closest friends was something she was still able to dream, kang joon however had simply to accept that sooner or later, everyone dear to him would leave him. “how things are for me? hm, i wonder.”

the older man answers with yet another shrug of his shoulders. “it’s kinda overwhelming at times, and i still struggle with adjusting myself to this new life. feels like i’ll be a rookie forever.”

“you’re so right. i’ll try my luck with jaehyun next time.” she murmurs, tucking her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. she thinks back to her cameo in dream knight and the overwhelming embarassment that came with that one episode she appeared on, and the latter secondhand embarassment she felt for de:code. “and i know, right? i need mouthwash. it doesn’t sound right coming from me.” rose says through gritted teeth. she could thank her abroad upbringing and the discomfort that came with certain honorifics. rose had always called her friends and boyfriends by their names. honorifics to her were just foreign, but she had to use them at some point.

might as well be to poke fun at her friend.

“not much is going on for us girls.” rose admits candidly, biting her lip. she shrugs awkwardly. “it’s just practice and evaluations at the moment, sadly.” she says with a sigh. there wasn’t much she could do. all she could do was endure her day to day and hope that something would come of their situation. rose is taken back by kangjoon’s response to her question. she thought he would of been happy, but she gets vibes from him that don’t seem entirely positive. he seems a little out of it. rose purses her lips, looking up towards him with a puzzled look on her face. 

“i’m sorry to hear that.” rose murmurs. she doesn’t know why she envisioned him to be happy, content with his current position. maybe he really was. but wasn’t that the ultimate goal? the big debut. the dream actually coming true. maybe it was naive of her to make such an assumption. but she too was unhappy. “but you’ll get there. i know you will. it takes time, it all takes time but it’ll be worth it in the long run.” she says in an attempt to comfort him. “you’re destined to be a lot more than a rookie, joon. i know it.”

[rkrose]

— as i am

LISA.

lisa laughs brightly, forgetting for a moment that she’s supposed to be singing for this evaluation, and she doesn’t want to be dramatic but it really does seem like certain death. worst case scenario, they’ll kick her out when they realize that she can’t sing, but the worst case scenario rarely ever happens, so she doesn’t think that will happen. and at the very least, she knows that there are other royal girls who love this, and should she be happy that other people get to shine?

she is, but it’s more complicated than that, and that’s where she always gets stuck, even if she tells herself not to.

but she is happy for rose, because rose is her friend, and maybe this will even be good for her. now that she’s forced to focus on her vocals this month and put her dancing on the backburner, maybe she’ll take a note from the other royal girls and actually make something out of her voice. maybe the vocal trainer won’t even have to yell at her next month ( unlikely, but she believes in the power of positive thinking ). what she means is, it’s not the end of the world, and she should stop talking about it like she’s going to die because she had to sing one month.

“you’re right!” she laughs, already thinking of the options in her head, mentally going through her ( messy ) closet and trying to think of the bathing suits she would bring. it’s not every day that they have the possibility of going on vacation, so she should take the opportunity and plan as much as she can and take as many pictures as she can. but then she sighs, looking at her friend. “but i guess we don’t know if we’ll actually get it, right? so maybe we shouldn’t get our hopes up.” she pauses, pursing her lips. “but…..if we did, we should totally get seafood. i heard it’s amazing there.”

rose can only just begin to imagine what’s running through lisa’s head regarding this evaluation. she knew that she wasn’t a fan of vocal heavy evaluations. to lisa, they were probably the devil. but rose got that, understood it. lisa was a capable dancer, and she could rap. why should she waste her talents on something she didn’t feel confident in? regardless, rose put her faith into lisa for this evaluation. she knew that she would somehow manage to do an amazing job. all she had to do was not overthink it. and rose knew that she would be going into this evaluation as her best self, performing honestly, given the rare opportunity to sing for once ( which really does feel like a rarity these days ).

she smiles. gosh. a holiday, a real holiday sounded so nice. somewhere far away, with good food and a new, vibrant culture to get lost in. the temptation to go somewhere that wasn’t australia on her holidays at the end of this year were real. the question was whether she got to come back to royal after they finished. rose thinks about her own wardrobe. she has a few sets of swimwear she could probably drag out from the back of her wardrobe. “i’m just gonna pretend that we’ve won it. winner’s mindset. that’s a thing, right?”

“i wonder if there’s any recommended places we eat at, or at least visit.” rose murmurs, pulling out her phone and bringing up google. “ah, busan. for a whole weekend. i would love to go there away from the company someday, if . . . y’know . . . a girls trip would be nice. me, you and jisoo. to the beach and beyond~”

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Flowers teach hope and patience. Flowers teach tenderness. Flowers teach futility and amazement. You know me, I am always willing to learn. Besides, it is spring. The beautiful forces of nature refuse to remain silent and I feel like observing everything.

Katherine Mansfield, from a letter to J. M. Murry written c. April 1922 (via siikens)

[laalisas]

Rosé + Ice Cream

[rkrose]

SEPTEMBER EVALUATION ♡ ROYAL ENT. ⇢ blackpink’s . . . kill this love ( distribution )

evaluation day couldn’t come quick enough for rose. the month of september had gone by in a flash, and looking back, rose actually found herself feeling somewhat sad. working with jibeom and bella had been wonderful. the two, although she hadn’t met them before nor really gotten to know them, had been easy to work with, cooperative; both threw great ideas forward when it came to working on this evaluation. and for that, rose was grateful. it made bringing this whole thing together that bit easier. so it’s a little bittersweet when they all step into the studio together for their evaluation, gathering in the center of the room. rose manages a soft thank you and a good luck before they give their bows and introductions to their coaches and superiors. 

rose doesn’t opt to wear anything flashy or showy for this evaluation, instead she opts for an all black silhouette; baggy cargo pants, a cropped long sleeve atop of a black sports bra and a pair of well worn combat boots. her pale silvery purple hair stands out against the sea of dark that is her outfit, so that works well in her favour. she thinks she ought to head back to the salon and see if they can get it back to blonde. rose takes a deep breath, shaking out her limbs as they prep for the beginning of their evaluation. she closes her eyes for a moment, as if to center herself. the intro of kill this love blasts through the speakers of the studio. game face, on. 

after a sweet hi, there’s always a bitter bye. after a very crazy high, there’s a price you have to pay. there’s no answer to this text, i’ll always fall for it, yes. i’m a slave to my emotions, screw this heartless love.

rose feels herself sighing internally, out of relief. the relief it gives her to finally sing again. the dancing part of the evaluation hadn’t bothered her either, as this group’s choreography was a little on the easier side. rose’s first verse is that of one of their rappers, it’s more spoken than rapping. jibeom and bella take their pick on the rap parts leaving jibeom and rose to share the vocal portions of the song. the choreography wasn’t sexy or overly feminine either, but there is some emphasis on executing the movements correctly in order for them to be impactful. 

what do i do? i can’t stand being this weak. while i force myself to cover my eyes, i need to bring an end to this love.

let’s kill this love. 

the first chorus sounds throughout the room, all three of them chanting let’s kill this love. it’s actually pretty cool, impactful. rose could only imagine what it would be like if say a group of seven or eight were doing it instead. the first verse after the chorus emerges and jibeom and bella have their moment to shine, rose copying the choreography she remembers learning from the dance practice rather awkwardly. 

lucky me, lucky you, after all, in the end we lie, so what? so what? if i end up forgetting you, so sorry, i’m not sorry.

they move through their second chorus, the end is near. there is a a loud, drawn out droning sound as the three of them stand in formation, looking over their shoulders at the coaches, saluting. suddenly, all three of them whip around in unison as rose sings the next part of the song; in english, lucky her. 

we all commit to love, that makes you cry. we’re all making love, that kills you inside.

we must kill this love, yeah it’s sad but true. gotta kill this love, before it kills you too. kill this love, yeah it’s sad but true. gotta kill this love, gotta kill.

the only thing missing would be an entourage of back up dancers to make this routine that little bit more impactful. but rose thinks the three of them manage fine on their own. jibeom and bella join rose in what sounds like a mission, a declaration to the world. this is probably her favourite part of the song; the choreography is quick paced but impactful, it looks good. nothing rally’s a bit of wow from the audience like an encore at the end of a song.

let’s kill this love.

[rkrose]

SEPTEMBER EVALUATION ♡ ROYAL ENT. ⇢ preparations . . . 

it was one thing after another with these evaluations these days. but at least, to rose’s relief, she was able to sing again. she certainly wouldn’t missing modelling. her immediate reaction upon hearing this month’s . . . theme was confusion. were they that out of ideas that they had to look to astrology? okay, so maybe rose wasn’t totally opposed to the idea, but it still felt a little out of place. besides, rose didn’t know anyone else with her star sign, so that made things a little more complicated. she’s introduced to two new people upon preparing for this evaluation, both from trc entertainment, a couple of years younger than rose in both experience and age. they’re jibeom and bella, and from first appearances, the two both seem nice enough, easy to get along with. rose is hopeful that they actually do end up getting along. it’ll make for a better evaluation.

the three of them manage to get together one day and start discussing possible songs for their evaluation. and to rose’s surprise, everything in thrown down on the table. at first, some research is needed, given the song is supposed to emulate the energy of one’s star sign. aquarius, as the group had read, were assertive and independent. also confident, wanting to be unapologetically themselves; it seemed easy enough, there were bound to be many songs fitting for that concept. rose honestly wasn’t phased by what the group chose. after all, she was just grateful to be able to sing again. after some discussion, the trio finally manage to come to a decision.

it’s nice to be back in the studio, learning a new routine with new people. although rose loathes her day to day routine normally, doing something out of the ordinary had been refreshing. and both jibeom and bella had been good to work with, not that she wanted to be surprised but it could be daunting working with new people, especially given rose’s current state and lack of internal mental motivation. together, the three of them learn the lyrics to the song and then the choreography, before merging it together into what one would hope to be a feasible, enjoyable performance. rose is hopeful, as she always is. after all, her optimism was at it’s peak when she got the opportunity to perform. 

[blackpinknet]

ROSÉ ♡ W Korea × Tiffany&Co

[rkrose]

feel something.

JISOO.

she was home earlier than the other girls that day; the eagerness to wash off a day’s worth of exhaustion the very motivation that has her running for their doors as soon as the work hour ends. jisoo was ready to let the night run its course. preferably with good food and some entertainment. her evening routine circles around the promise of relaxation these days and maybe that is because she thinks this is truly what she needs the most. her days of shopping until her feet aches were long over. after all, nothing can quite make her feel like a normal human being than whatever it is that their home can offer as a remedy.

with her legs tucked comfortably underneath her body, she was nursing a cold glass of lemon water while exchanging messages with her mother. the living room is empty except for her, and noiseless except for her occasional sighs of frustration or short bouts of laughters as she reads her mother’s messages. when she hears the front door unlock, a greeting was poised at the tip of her tongue but she pauses, watching rose basically drag herself around the apartment. the younger’s exhaustion is unmistakable so much that she fails to feel her presence as another occupant of the room. maintaining her silence for rose’s benefit, she waits until the other turns to take notice of her. when she does, jisoo smiles softly.

“evening.” she murmurs in response. “not a good one, i suppose?” placing her phone down, her mind immediately refocuses on the task she’s about to embark on. “have you eaten? i can cook dinner for us. while i’m not the best at it yet, the salmon recipe i found online promised to be easy enough for my skills.” hopefully, food can help ease rose’s tiredness even for a tiny bit.

amidst her moping, stumbling into the apartment and collapsing onto the nearest somewhat flat and comfortable surface, rose hadn’t noticed the older female sitting in their lounge room. jisoo looks comfortable, relaxed; far from rose’s current state of exhaustion. she awkwardly shakes her head. “nope, far from.” rose murmurs. she manages to push herself up into a sitting position, brushing stray strands of hair back from her face. she then loosens the tight ponytail atop of her head, once lilac toned hair, now silver, falls around rose’s face. she manages a sigh.

“just one of those days, i guess.” rose says with a shrug, fiddling with hair tie around her wrist. she glances across to jisoo and gives the older female a smile. “it’s okay though, i’m home now. all is well.” she wasn’t lying though. she felt an instant sense of calm wash over her the moment she stepped through their front door. even if she had stumbled down the hall and fallen flat on her face, home was the one place that hadn’t changed in some while for her. it hadn’t had to.

rose scratches her head, figuratively. she wasn’t sure. she had eaten today at some point but it probably wasn’t half as appetizing as one would hope. she looks around awkwardly, biting her lip. “i won’t say no to that if you’re offering,” rose chimes softly. she didn’t want to inconvenience jisoo though. but how could she say no? “salmon, hey? it’ll be great, i’m sure. i put my trust in you.” rose gives the older female a little clap. she wonders if she could stand long enough to actually help jisoo with dinner, considering she would be the one eating part of it.

[rkrose]

— girl talk.

LISA.

she wants to give rose the definitive answer of no, she won’t still be here. it’s been so long since she signed, and she’s watched people who joined much after her debut sooner. at some point it takes a toll on you, and she’s realizing that she’s spending her twenties locked up in a basement, not getting to hang out with friends or date like a normal person in case someone sees and kicks her out for breaking her contract. isn’t that what she’s always wanted? to post whatever she wants on social media, to go out drinking until nighttime, to get hangovers and lay in bed all day instead of having to go to training.

but even if she wants to say that, she knows it’s not that simple. she’s given so much of herself to training that to give up now seems like she would be wasting all those nearly four years. “it’s december for me too, remember how we came here together? it doesn’t seem like that long ago but it seems like forever at the same time.” how many evaluations has she gone though now? how many classes has she attended? and how much longer would she have to wait to be able to actually debut?

“i don’t know….” she says tentatively, putting her phone down next to her to look at her friend. “i would have said no before, because i can move on and do something else with my life. but now that i’ve been doing this s-pop thing and i walked in fashion week…i don’t know.” she never thought that she would be one to grapple with things like this, and she’s always been the decisive type, but maybe a life decision like this wasn’t one to be made lightly. still, she wants to know what her friend thinks, maybe to get some clarity in the fact that they’re in this together. “how about you? are you going to?”

lisa was right. the both of them had joined royal at the same time, through the same competition. that december felt so long ago, yet also like yesterday at the same time; and four years felt like an eternity yet nothing also. how had they delved so deep into this world yet barely scraped the surface? rose wonders who she would be if not for royal. where would she of gone and just what would she of become? would she of eventually found her way back to the shores of australia? it presents her with a lot of what ifs and maybes, questions she can’t answer. questions she isn’t sure she wants to answer, or at least confront right now.

rose watches lisa carefully, listening. her hands folded in her lap, she mindlessly fiddles with the bands of silver wrapped around her fingers. she gives the other a thin lipped smile, a curt nod. rose can’t say the same, she can’t feel the same. she didn’t have s-pop, and she sure as hell didn’t have fashion week. rose didn’t have anything at all tying her to royal other than that sense of loyalty, which plagued her head and kept her weighed down. it’s the reason rose kept herself from auditioning for sphere’s debut project. she could of hit that whole thing out of the park.

how about you? are you going to?

rose takes in a deep breath. she manages a shrug. “i don’t know, i really don’t.” she says with a sigh. she’s been going back and forth on all of the possibilities, all the outcomes for the entirety of the year. even after a heart to heart with her sister, rose still felt uneasy. “i keep going back and forth on the idea.” rose murmurs, pulling a plain silver ring off of her index finger, running her fingertips over the smooth metal. “i’ve spoken to . . . chris, alice and jisoo . . . gahyeon too,” she winces at the last name to leave her mouth. “i’m tired of being tired, y’know? tired of waiting.” she falls back against the back of the couch, slipping the ring back onto her finger. “we’re not getting any younger, either. unfortunately.” 

[rkrose]

feel something.

♡ ╎ @rkjisoo ;

rose’s feet feel heavy as she trudges up the hallway of her apartment complex, fumbling for her keycard that’s somewhere in her bag. her apartment feels like it’s a million miles away, even if it’s only a few floors up. it’s just been one of those days. one of those incredibly long, tiresome and beyond frustrating days. for the most part, when she was in a good headspace, rose enjoyed her training. it was bearable, sometimes even pleasant. she would go to seocho or royal, endure her lessons, practice her evaluations and over lunch she would converse with her friends and her fellow trainees. it was easy done, a routine almost. but today . . . everything just went wrong.

she miraculously makes it into the elevator, white knuckles on the railings as she braces herself for the few second ride up to their floor. rose dips out and shuffles down the hall, eager to discard her bags and fall face first into her bed or whatever soft surface she can find herself. without any hesitation, she unlocks the door of jisoo, lisa and her’s apartment and inside she goes, kicking off her sneakers before stumbling down the hall. she manages to kick the door to her bedroom open with her heel on the way, tossing her bag into the room as she b-lines for the living room.

and onto the couch she flops, face first. rose flails her limbs for a moment, but she’s relieved to be home. she feels like she’s been lying there for a good while. with much effort, rose manages to roll onto her side only to be greeted by her beloved housemate. “evening, jisoo.” she chimes, giving jisoo a little wave.

[rkrose]

◸ memory lane

CHRIS.

chris can’t help but listen. he fully understand that rose has grown attached to the company, to a place she has spend so much time, with people she has trained for years. it was only natural to not want to do such a thing as debut with anyone else but those people. he could relate to it, however, he wasn’t the type of person to get close with many. on a deeper level than something surface level. rose was different however, in way too many ways he couldn’t describe.

“you never know, royal seems to always be plotting something. could be interesting to stick around instead of bouncing off to sphere.“ he can’t help but glance at his girlfriends hands, nodding his head at the answer he gets “enough is good.“ he nods his head, looking back at rose with a wide smile on his lips. sphere had the tendency to have their idols drop like flies, chris was definitely surprised that the same didn’t happen to their trainees.

“yeah, trc…“ he says with a hum, looking back in front of him and forcing the swing he was on back into motion. “i’m actually not sure anymore you know. debut and all that.“ he explains with a small shrug. “not sure how sphere is gonna feel about another boy group, kt seems to be making shit up as well, haven’t seen some of the lads in ages. royal and sphere have their own groups…“ chris pauses with a shrug “trc is pretty much the only way to debut sometime soon, but knowing trc… we’re gonna wait for a while.“ he laughs, smile wide as he looks back at rose with a raised brow “plus, i like the our trainees. a lot. it would be neat if they let us debut in a band, we have the potential but…“ he purses his lips, not wanting to blame the potential new girl group sphere was forming.

rose watches her feet, swinging a little more. she shrugs, giving her boyfriend a thin-lipped smile. although she liked the idea that maybe royal were scheming, she didn’t like her chances. royal were too focused on luxe and de:code, among other trivial things, to give their trainees the time of day. “you’re right.” rose says with a nod, looking across to chris with a smile. “beats having to see you everyday.” she pokes her tongue out at him, swinging back and forth on the swing just that bit more. she’s torn between loving and hating the idea of being in the same company as chris. part of her knows she would adore having someone to talk about music with, someone to be creative with. that and just . . . seeing him more often, would be nice.

she raises her brows, surprised by chris’ answer. “oh, really?” rose asks, cocking her head to the idea. that was a first, or at least she thought it was. but rose knew that chris really wasn’t idol material. he had more potential to live out her dream. maybe he could do it for the both of them. he was right though, either way he was going to have to wait it out. all of the big companies had established boy groups, with no plans for new ones anytime soon. trc on the other hand could surprise everyone and drop teasers tomorrow or have everyone waiting another ten years. they weren’t predictable at all. “waiting a while is okay for me.” rose says with a smile, leaning against the cool metal chain. “don’t think i could bare not seeing your handsome face everyday.” 

rose sighs. her dream, right there, so far, far away from her. not even a possibility. she could go independent maybe if this royal thing didn’t work out, if this trainee life thing really wasn’t for her. rose flutters her eyelashes towards chris. “you maybe wanna . . . talk to sphere and get them to take me for a band?” she says in somewhat of a cute tone. “i won’t even sing! i’ll actually settle for a guitarist position. even bass or keyboard. or you know what, the bloody triangle.”

[lavenderosie]

ROSÉ 🍦 ICE CREAM M/V