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Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day. #october #stillbirth

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If I could be honest for one second—no one tells you that miscarriages are traumatic. No one tells you because most of the women that have them keep it to themselves, like some sort of secret. Which is fine if it wasn’t expected. So you don’t realize actually how painful it is, you assume like some sort of complete idiot that it’s something you can get over easily? Because that’s what’s been presented to you. And then you realize it’s a traumatic event that literally changes your entire perception on anything, and seeing pregnant women or children or talking about pregnancy reminds you and it just becomes hard to breathe?

Everyone also assumes it’s something you should just “get over”. It’s “what happens”, you can’t mourn because it’s “weird”. I remember questioning “should I feel this way? Am I allowed to be sad?” Because I didn’t carry my baby full term and then loose it. I remember that and just...no one tells you.

Anyway I’ll never be over it and it’s traumatic and I want everyone to know.

Tonight it’s hard to sleep. Tomorrow I would be giving birth to you. My first baby. My baby I tried three years + for. To some you were nothing. To me you were everything I wanted and your short life was still important. Grief is hard. One minute you think you’re okay, the next it crashes over you with vivid images you wish you could barry away.

When you passed, I wanted to go with you. You were the sweetest surprise, but will forever be the hardest goodbye I had to accept in my life time.

I know I got pregnant again shortly after. And I should be saying how thankful I am . Which I am so thankful and excited for your sister to be earth side with us, but tomorrow I would be giving birth to you. Even with you gone, you’ve impacted my life. I love you, my angel baby. Forever & always ❤️