Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings

[robertwadenash]

Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings (Part 7)

It's me again. Today I want to tell you about another friend of mine, Eddie, who has been through a lot in his life.

When I came back from my honeymoon with Athena, he had just started dating a young woman (Marina?). I really thought that after he went to therapy to work through his survivor's guilt and issues with his parents, that this new start would be good for him. And maybe it was. For a while. Christopher loved the woman, but I think Eddie never really allowed himself to commit. That's the kind of distance no partner will put up with forever, so she cut her losses and left.

Christopher is, as I need to remind myself often, no longer the little boy I met so many years ago, but a young man about to start looking at colleges. Back then, when he was in his early teens, he was pretty upset about another woman he loved walking out of his life.

And Eddie took this to heart. He came to my office (it was still mine at the time but not for too much longer) shortly after, and wanted to pick up a conversation we had years ago. About grief and moving on.

He thought, and I shared that belief, that deep down he still hadn't fully processed his wife's death, and this prevented him from having the kind of relationship he wanted to have. He also realized that letting his well-meaning son, aunt, or friends push him into something he wasn't ready for would always end the same way.

When Eddie asked me how I managed to move on, I was honest and told him it was a combination of substance abuse, self-destructive behavior, and starting over from scratch somewhere else that eventually, painfully, set me on a new path. Just for the record, I do not recommend this approach.

Eddie briefly considered moving, but didn't want to uproot Christopher. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't LA that saved me, because it's actually impossible to outrun your demons. 

My healing journey was all about community. Back in Minnesota I had no community left. My family was gone. My team didn't want anything to do with me - and I couldn't blame them for that. My parents had died years before my wife and children did, and my brother, he tried. Despite everything he tried. I just wasn't in a place where I could let him help me.

The first community I found in LA was my church. My priest knew about my plan back then and didn't try to change my mind, but he involved me in church activities to provide some grounding. He was also the one who made me question the wall I thought I needed to keep up to protect my team from my darkness (when actually I was just trying to protect myself).

It was the 118 that ended up being my second community in the city despite my best efforts to the contrary and without me realizing it. Hen challenged me on my bullshit, Chim showed me that I mattered, and Buck's less than brilliant decisions helped distract me from my own mess.

I'll always be grateful for Hen's words when she and Buck dropped me off at the AA meeting that introduced me to Wendall, who would become my sponsor and the center of my AA community. She told me that alcoholism is a disease and being sick is not my fault. But managing the disease to protect myself and others was my responsibility.

My greatest fear after my plane crash relapse was that I'd blown my chance for redemption by losing the faith of my team, but with Hen's reassurance I was open to Wendall's words as well. Maybe not open-open. But open enough. And so, sharing my pain and struggle with other addicts in a safe and judgment-free space allowed me to become part of another community that grounded me.

Ironically, it was Wendall who both encouraged me to try dating again (which led to me asking out Athena) and called me out for being impulsive when I proposed seven months into the relationship. Who knows how long it would have taken me otherwise to find the courage to take the initial leap? But leap I did. Athena and her family were the final piece in my journey to find stability again. That solid ground that will be there no matter what life throws at you.

Eddie's first takeaway from our conversation was that because he already had the 118, he should find a new partner. I had to remind him that a romantic partner won't and can't save you from yourself. Athena didn't save me. She and many others helped me learn to save myself.

His second thought was leaning into faith. Eddie's relationship with religion was a complicated one, all tied up with his relationship with his parents. Having made a tentative peace with his father years ago, he was open to giving church another chance. So I took him along to mess and a couple of community events at my church, and Eddie did enjoy the community aspect of it. But I could tell this was not for him. The rituals and symbolism not only didn't do anything for him, they were actively distracting. And I could tell that the idea of confession was not for him either.

While Eddie luckily never tried to escape his pain and trauma via alcohol or other substances (he reminded me that physical violence was more his - misguided - style), it was still AA that led him to becoming part of another community.

Not long after I retired, I met a young man while leading Wendall’s old AA group. His name was Bryan and he recently left the military with more PTSD than he thought he could handle without the help of alcohol.

While we talked on a regular basis, both at meetings and one-on-one, it soon became clear that my personal experience wasn’t very helpful to him so I reached out to Eddie for help.

The two of them did not hit it off right away, but Eddie persisted as he recognized a lot of the thought patterns he himself held after leaving the army. The young man did open up to Eddie eventually, and this is how the latter became involved in a local organization helping young veterans reintegrate into society and get the help they need in the transition. Through helping others outside the job, Eddie has created the kind of stability he was missing before and I’m so proud of him for that.

About a year into his volunteer work Eddie also met the new woman in his and Christopher's life. And he met her on a call. But hear me out, it's actually not the disaster you’re picturing right now.

The 118 under Captain Wilson was called to assist at one of those inter-departmental calls. (I believe it was an OSHA investigation into unsafe workplace practices where the LAPD was helping out with locating evidence for the investigation. Or something like that.) Long story short, a local K9 unit was brought along to sniff out hidden data storage devices (they can do that, you know!) and one of the managers attacked one of the dogs in his office with a baseball bat (Who has a baseball bat in their office?) severely injuring the poor thing.

The black Labrador got a couple of good bites in before she lost consciousness. Hen, ever the animal lover, had her team attend to all human injuries during the call, but she herself took care of the dog. She stabilized her as well as she could and then sent Eddie off with her to the nearest animal hospital, which was luckily just two blocks away.

When he brought in Chief (that’s her name, and yes, also what one of Eddie’s lost comrades was called, so everyone should have seen coming what would happen next), Eddie stayed at the hospital, until he knew the dog would make it. He also made sure to keep her handler apprised of the situation while the officer got checked out at the hospital. (He had not sat idly by while his canine colleague was attacked and had the bruises to show for it.)

It turned out that while Chief made it, her lasting injuries would prevent her from going back on the job. Unfortunately, her trauma also made it impossible to stay with her handler and his family, as she did not have the capacity to deal with toddlers anymore.

In the end, she did find a loving new home with Eddie and Christopher, who made sure to learn everything they could to accommodate the dog and her trauma. Chris even joked recently, that as they are looking into options for him to go to college, he doesn’t have to worry about leaving Eddie alone. Chief will be there to take care of his dad.

Finding a schedule that worked for the whole Diaz family wasn’t easy at first, but they made it work, especially with the help of a retired friend who loves dogs but can’t have one of his own due to his wife’s allergies. Which is how Chief became a regular companion for Athena and me when we go for hikes.

My wife loves dogs, too, and she can handle them well as long as she’s not in closed spaces with them for too long. (After Hoover moved into his new home, I remembered Archie the murder suspect dog, and how she told me how cute and soft he was. That’s how I found out that interacting with dogs outside of confined spaces is fine for her.)

Athena bonded with Chief immediately over their shared past as law enforcement officers, and the two of them are adorable together, even if my wife needs to keep the petting to a minimum. (Which works out well for Chief who doesn't like too much physical contact.)

Speaking of which, it’s time for me to pick up our canine friend. Athena will be done with her class at the Academy in about an hour and we’ll take Chief for a hike through Elysian Park together afterwards.

That’s it for now, Bobby

[robertwadenash]

Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings (Part 6)

Let me tell you about Buck today.

That kid was such a mess when he joined the 118, but, to be fair, so was I. From the beginning I saw in him the potential for things to go terribly wrong or really well. Unfortunately, I'd seen and lived how things could go terribly wrong myself.

When you look at Buck now, you wouldn't believe how far this man has come. From the reckless punk (his words) with difficulties making deep connections with other people, to a responsible man with deep ties in his community and settled down with a partner considering starting a family.

Remember the bridge collapse a few years back? It wasn't too long before that call, when he felt slighted by not being considered for the position of interim captain, that he started on a path of incredible personal and professional growth. Don't get me wrong, he was already a great firefighter, but there was still quite some way to go for him to develop his leadership skills.

When Hen became captain of the 118, he was as supportive as the rest of the team, but he also took on more responsibility (and not just cooking meals). In retrospect, my leaving may have been exactly what Buck needed at the time. I've always felt honored by him considering me a mentor and father figure, but trying to prove himself to me also limited him in his professional development. (Don't get me wrong, we still talk a lot, about the job and other things.)

Under Captain Hen, Buck learned that responsibility didn't always have to come with recognition and praise. Doing a job well, taking care of the team, is its own reward. And when Chimney decided to transfer to prioritize his family, Buck was ready to become Hen's new right-hand man. Confident, but not cocky. Dedicated, but not with reckless abandon. A real team player focused more on the whole than his own part in it. He is truly on his way to becoming captain of his own firehouse one day and I couldn't be prouder of Buck.

Around the time of the bridge collapse, Buck had started dating a nice young woman who would change his life for the better as well. Her name was Natalia and they had first connected over his near-death experience that year. (God, that's so long ago already, but I still remember the smell of ozone and burned hair vividly.)

They dated for a while and I'd met her a few times as well, but eventually they both realized that they wanted different things in life and made the mutual decision to go their separate ways.

After seeing Buck not really communicate with his partners for years, I was really happy that he was finally in a place where he could connect on meaningful levels, but also express his own needs in a mature way. It was a real turning point for him, as it was the first time he intentionally ended a relationship from his side (as opposed to being left behind or subconscious sabotage).

After the breakup, Buck told me that he finally understood that you don't need to get a new couch when you stop dating someone, which apparently was some big life insight for him. (I still don't get it, but it seemed to be very important to him, and in the end that's all that matters.)

His next relationship came as a surprise to me, but to him as well. (Hen was not surprised at all, of course.) At Chimney's birthday party Buck met a former colleague from the 118 (before his time) and the two of them hit it off. To the point that Buck agreed to go on a date with the man, only realizing halfway through that date that he was, in fact, on a date.

He told me later that he actually had two separate “oh” moments that night. The first was realizing he was on a date, and the second that wanted it to be one. Coming clean to his date about the misunderstanding ended with Buck putting his foot in his mouth several times, but they were both too smitten already to care. (It's a story both of them love to tell and who could blame them? I also lost count of the number of times I've told the Maurice story.)

Hen, apparently, realized what was going on with those two right away. The rest of us found out when Buck asked about a month before I retired if he could bring a friend to family dinner at the firehouse.

While Buck seemed nervous at first, his coming out ended up not being that big of a deal at all. I did tell him after dinner how proud I was of him for coming into his own. When he let me know that he would miss our heart-to-hearts, I had to remind him that I was only retiring and not moving to Mars.

We still text at least a couple of times per week (not just about meal prep and planning for the firehouse) and talk on a regular basis. Once a year we also go to a Lakers game together. At some point Buck found out that the Lakers moved from Minnesota to LA, and, since I have that in common with them, we had to go to a game at least once, which then turned into a tradition. (The Minnesota connection was the argument Buck initially presented, but I didn't really need any convincing, even if basketball is more his game than mine.)

Last year, we also went on a seven-day cycling trip together. It's called the AIDS/LifeCycle and is an annual 545-mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles to raise awareness and funds for HIV and AIDS-related services in both cities.

Athena accompanied us to San Francisco for orientation day (“Day 0”) and sent us off on our way on Day 1. The route was challenging (but breathtakingly beautiful), especially Day 1 and 4. Buck ran into some technical defects on Day 5 and, honestly, the break we took to get his bike fixed was a much needed one.

The biggest surprise though was waiting for us back at camp on Day 5. Athena and Buck's boyfriend had driven out to meet us. Turns out they missed us as much as we did them.

The last leg of the trip was grueling, but seeing our families and friends cheering us on at the finish line was a feeling like no other. We arrived exhausted but happy, and were glad to be back with the people we love. We also immediately started planning to do this right again the following year.

Okay, gotta run now to pick my bike up from the shop.

Until next time, Bobby

[robertwadenash]

Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings (Part 5)

It's me again!

Today I wanted to tell you a little about the Grant-Nash-Hale family.

First, there's May. When she was at USC, she really didn't have an idea what she wanted to do after school. Despite all the things she's been through at dispatch, she still considered going back there one day. At the same time she wondered what else might be out there.

So she took classes all over the place. When she stopped by the house for some peace and quiet to study, she would always carry different books. From marine biology, to art history, English literature, to communications. Later, I would spot text books related to journalism, law, architecture, and medicine as well. She would take any opportunity to do internships and look into different careers but when asked, May didn't have an answer for what exactly it was she was looking for. (It drove Athena and Michael nuts, but they tried their best to be supportive anyway.)

A few days before her graduation, when Harry, Michael, and David were already in town, we had a family dinner together and that's when she told us her plans. Athena and I were touched when she informed us that she wanted to follow in our footsteps and become a first responder. She still wanted to chart her own path, though, and combine some of her favorite subjects from college. Which is why she decided to join the coast guard. (I know!)

We also didn't see that coming, but in hindsight maybe we should have? There were a lot of questions, but May was prepared. Application deadlines, career paths, benefits. She knew it all. So off she went to officer candidate school in Connecticut for four months in late summer.

Athena was still struggling with May's decision then, and when asked she couldn't articulate what was bothering her. It was a conversation with Beatrice that made her realize she had fallen into the same trap as her mother, having strong ideas about the career her daughter would choose and then having that daughter choose a completely different path.

But let me tell you, once Athena admitted this to herself, she became May's fiercest cheerleader. You could definitely pick her out in the crowd during the graduation ceremony.

In a stroke of luck, based more on operational needs than May's listed preference, my stepdaughter's first (and so far only) assignment was in LA.

And not just that, she ended up crossing paths with two former colleagues of mine on a regular basis. May might have grown a bit tired of me telling her to say hi to Lucy and Tommy for me, but I'm so glad to have those two out there keeping an eye on her when they can. (Athena doesn't call me Papa Bear for nothing, I guess. But while I know she’s more than capable of taking care of herself and I couldn’t be prouder of her, I’m still gonna worry about my little girl, you know?)

Right now that's not really necessary though, because May has been on desk duty for a while. My wife keeps telling me that she's too young to be a grandmother, but I know she's just as excited as the rest of us to welcome a new member to the family.

And then there's Harry, who I still can’t believe is a grown man now. When I first met him he was a nine-year old boy, full of enthusiasm and curiosity, who accepted me into his family with open arms and not a trace of hesitation from the first time we met.

It was overwhelming at times but always worth it. We had a special bond right away, which only grew when Harry spent time with me at the firehouse, and I started to teach him to cook.

When May moved out it was an adjustment for Athena and me, but she was still in the city and we saw her quite a bit. But when Harry decided to move back in with Michael and David (with whom he had already lived for a while during the pandemic), which meant moving across the country, Athena and I did have to adjust quite a bit.

Not only were we suddenly empty nesters (which did come with some benefits as well) but only seeing Harry in person a few times a year was a real bummer. He does give the best hugs, you know.

Luckily, despite the three-hour time difference, we managed to stay in contact pretty well. Our family group chat had always been crazy, and Michael and David moving first to Haiti, and later to Florida, only added to the frenzy.

So it’s not like we didn’t text all the time. Athena was the one who insisted on a phone call at least every two days at first. I was happy to join when I could but didn’t really feel like pushing from my side, but one day Harry texted me to ask if we could facetime.

He was trying to bake muffins for his latest crush and things were not going as the recipe said. Until that moment I hadn’t realized how much I missed cooking and baking with my step-son, and we both ended up having so much fun that we decided to make facetime cooking a regular thing.

When Athena and I were still working, any time our shifts aligned with Michael and David’s schedule, we would do a virtual family dinner. Harry and I would cook the same meal via facetime together for the whole family (including two additions on the other side of the country - I’ll get to them later) and we all would eat together in Florida and California at the same time while hanging out virtually.

Sure, Athena, May, and I had the occasional early dinner this way due to the time difference, but we all had a blast.

And Harry has always been interested in how things work, not just in the kitchen. Michael and I have supported him with plenty of school projects over the years, most of them with a focus on science and engineering.

As an architect, Michael could not have been prouder. In high school Harry took all the advanced science classes he could get into, sometimes to the detriment of other classes. The boy would randomly ask me detailed questions about burn rates, load distribution, or types of fire suppression systems that I often had to read up on in LAFD handbooks to make sure I explained everything correctly.

Which is why it should not have come as a surprise to me when he asked me if I thought he had what it takes to become a firefighter. But I was stunned.

Despite all the interest that my step-son had shown in my profession over the years, for some reason I never expected him to follow in my footsteps. And I was concerned what Michael might think about it, considering one of our very early confrontations about my role in Harry’s life.

I told Harry that I would support him in any career path he would choose, and that I was honored that he would consider mine, but maybe he should talk to his parents about this.

Despite my fears, Michael was not concerned about the firefighting idea itself, but he and Athena were adamant that Harry would go to college first.

Athena told me that she thought our retirement meant that she was done worrying about a man she loved running into burning buildings, and that if Harry did become a firefighter I better make sure to teach him everything I know. (After all, she blamed me for being a “big damn hero”, so of course Harry would want to emulate me. I reminded her that she had been a big damn hero in his life since the day he was born, but somehow that did not sway her.)

In the end, Harry could convince his parents that he would go to the LAFD Academy first and take college classes while on the job to pursue his dream of becoming a firefighter engineer.

Athena made sure that Chimney would take good care of her son at the Academy, which meant being extra tough on him to make sure he’d be ready, and she didn’t even have to ask Hen to request for him to be assigned to the 118, as somehow this was a foregone conclusion already.

Over the many years I’ve known Harry, he has said many things to me that made me proud or touched me in ways I never expected to feel again after what happened to my first family. But I cannot express in words how overwhelmed I felt when he told me at his graduation how proud he is to be a fifth generation firefighter…

Okay, that memory really got to me all over again while writing this down, but I promised to fill you in on two other family members who joined us in recent years.

It all started with another one of David’s trips to Haiti for Doctors without Borders. Michael hadn’t accompanied him on this one, because he was about to start a new construction project back home and David was only supposed to be gone for ten days. But that’s not how things turned out.

While treating children from an orphanage close to the hospital David was working at, the surgeon met and fell in love with two Haitian children, Louis, and his little sister, Rose, who were five and four, respectively, at the time.

Both had been injured in a recent conflict and had no family left. Michael and David had discussed adding to their family through adoption at some point, but it had never been a priority, especially with Harry living with them.

Maybe it was the prospect of Harry leaving the nest soon, but when Michael got the call to fly out to Haiti immediately, he knew. On some level he had always known this was gonna happen, because he’d seen David take care of many kids on the island country over the years. It wasn't a surprise when Michael fell in love with those kids immediately too.

The adoption process was grueling. Full of bureaucracy in both countries. But in the end, they went home with their beautiful kids, and Harry instantly became the best big brother in the world to them. May was no less enthusiastic about her new siblings when she, Athena, and I went to Florida to meet them after they had a chance to get settled. And by now, Athena has almost given up on correcting Michael when is referring to me as those kids’ stepdad. 

Enough yapping for today. I just got a text from May asking for pickles and complaining about being a cliche. So until next time!

[robertwadenash]

Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings (Part 4)

Where do I even begin? Maybe when Chim took Jee to Yosemite.

Remember the bridge collapse a while back? Quite a few years actually at this point. Chimney was seriously injured and decided that if he made it out, he’d take Jee to see Yosemite. (I think a victim from that call gave him the idea.) And he did. As soon as he was healthy enough to travel, but before he was fit for active duty again, he, Maddie, and Jee went on a trip to Yosemite National Park. Let me tell you, the pictures they sent were spectacular. (So spectacular in fact that Athena and I went there the following year as well.)

During this trip, when Maddie and Chimney were already planning their wedding and both were pondering the fact that life is short and no one’s tomorrow is guaranteed, Maddie told Chim that she wanted to have another child.

This sent Chimney into a bit of a spiral. Almost losing Maddie after Jee was born was still weighing heavily on his mind, so he tried to avoid the topic to the point that it put a strain on his relationship with his fiancée. No assurance that the next time would be different (because both they and the doctors would know what signs to look out for this time) helped my friend come to grips with the situation.

In the end, it was Buck who reminded Chim how scared his brother-in-law was when Maddie was pregnant the first time and that maybe, just like Buck did at the time, going to therapy could help. And it did. Because Chimney really wanted another kid too. He just really needed to work through his complicated feelings around almost losing Maddie, also - as it turned out - almost losing Albert, too. They did decide to try for another kid, but only after the wedding.

The ceremony itself couldn't have been more beautiful, but the lead-up to the wedding made some of us think that the event might be cursed. (Not me though! I don't believe in that stuff. I don't.) Maybe it was fitting though, as Maddie and Chimney never had the luxury of doing anything the easy way in their relationship. From the Doug of it all, to a pandemic pregnancy, heartbreaking PPD, and the engagement ring going on a little adventure before Chimney could even pop the question, I’m not sure why anyone expected things to go off without a hitch this time.

Between the venue being flooded the day before the wedding, the caterer going bankrupt without warning, the officiant ending up with a family emergency out-of-state, and Maddie and Chim’s porch being damaged in a storm, things looked bleak for a moment.

But there’s nothing the extended 118 family cannot handle. So everyone pitched in for what ended up being an absolutely stunning beach wedding. Dozens of mismatched chairs lined up, Jee as the flower girl walking down the sandy aisle, Chimney looking like the happiest man in the world when he saw Maddie for the first time that day.

Standing next to Chim was Hen as his best man. Walking Maddie down the aisle was Buck, who also took his job as “maid of honor” very seriously. (Despite someone handing him a clipboard early on, he did an excellent job with much of the short-notice logistics. That kid has really grown up over the years. More on that later.) And I had the privilege to officiate!

It could not have been more perfect. When the celebration lasted deep into the night, I got to dance with my beautiful wife and reminisce about our wedding. (Chimney did not fail to remind us once again that he was not invited to our wedding. We will never live this down...) I also got to dance with my step-daughter, who is a former colleague of Maddie’s and the two of them have remained friends. What a magical day!

It was only a few months after the wedding that I told the 118 about my retirement plans and Hen taking over. And there could not have been a more supportive friend than one Howard Han.

Any lingering concerns there may have been about his own ambitions for the captaincy were dispelled immediately. (He did once say "never again" and he meant it.) Not only did Chim become Hen’s biggest cheerleader and supporter, he also immediately became her right hand on the job. Those two have always been the best of friends, so none of this was too surprising. Unfortunately, Chimney eventually deciding to leave the 118 caused some friction between him and Hen later on. (More on that a little later. But not to worry, everything turned out okay!)

Not too long after the wedding Maddie and Chimney found out that they were gonna have a second child. The pregnancy was largely uneventful, but when Albert (who had become a travel vlogger - whatever that is) arrived back in town a few weeks before Maddie’s due date, things became a little hectic in the Buckley-Han household.

Jee loved having her uncle around, and Chim insisted on Albert staying with them. (A little lingering trauma about Albert almost dying the day Jee was born probably played a role here.)

Having a house guest, who doesn’t do chores, in the home stretch of the pregnancy with a toddler running around had tensions running high. So Athena and I (already retired at that point) offered to let Albert stay with us to alleviate the tension, while still giving Chim the peace of mind that someone was keeping an eye on his little brother, allowing him to concentrate on his wife and kids.

For my wife and me, having Albert around proved to be a joy as the young man was more than happy to share stories about his travels with us, and provide us with many recommendations and ideas. Albert also soon learned that his “no chores for me” attitude would not fly in Athena Grant’s home. Henry Han (named for Maddie’s favorite grandfather, but also a nod to Chimney’s best friend) was born a little early, but was perfectly healthy. Handling a new-born, a toddler, and two shift jobs soon proved to be very difficult, despite the Lees, as well as Athena and I, pitching in where we could. Buck was trying his best as well, but he was usually on shift when Chim was, so that did not work out too well either.

Eventually, Chimney and Maddie had to face the harsh reality that they needed to make a change and after looking into their options, Chim showed up on my doorstep wanting to talk. He asked what I thought about him transferring to the academy permanently and becoming an instructor there. I told him that I thought that he would be an excellent instructor and that the academy would be lucky to have him.

Hen, on the other hand, did not take this news well at first. After all, she took the captain’s job assuming that she would have Chimney by her side. Her anger was short lived, of course, because she knew it was the right thing for Chim and his family. Luckily someone else stepped up to be her right hand. (More on that later.)

Working much more regular hours at the academy proved to be a great change for the Buckley-Han family, but also for Chim himself. He more than rose to the occasion and proved to be an incredible leader and teacher, who was tough but fair. Chimney never goes easy on any recruit, knowing that what they learn at the academy is the basis for them staying alive in the field.

It’s also always a joy to have lunch with my friend at the Academy on days when I’m giving guest lectures on firehouse management and personnel development. (A condition the chief had to allow me to retire.) On days Athena has classes at the LAPD academy (on the opposite side of Dodger Stadium from the LAFD academy) she often joins us as well, and the three of us joke about how we were never as young as those cadets and share stories we've heard from the 118 recently.

With Chimney working more regular hours, Maddie could stay at dispatch and would eventually take over Josh’s job, when he decided to move to San Francisco to help his then boyfriend (now husband) Carson take care of the latter’s ailing mother. Last I heard, Maddie and Josh still do “facetime and wine” once a week to share gossip.

And then there’s the girls trip that Maddie, Hen, Karen, and Athena go on once a year, leaving the current and former men of the 118 to wrangle all of the 118 kids for a long weekend. It’s about as chaotic as it sounds. And an absolute blast every time.

That reminds me, with the trip coming up soon, I should really start preparing the house.Until next time, Bobby

[robertwadenash]

Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings (Part 3)

Okay, so where was I?

Oh, remember how I told you about preparing my successor before I retired? Well, it wasn't always an easy path.

First, I needed to convince the Chief that Hen was ready for the promotion and all the additional responsibilities that came with it. His concerns weren't fully unfounded, considering the baby girl she and Karen adopted not too long before.

It was a crazy time in the Wilson household. Two parents working full-time, a teenager, and a baby? Chaos inevitably ensued, especially in the early days. But with the help of Toni and Clive the four eventually found their rhythm. 

Denny has been an amazing big brother to Baby Maya, even though it was an adjustment for him too. Sharing his mothers in a permanent capacity and dealing with a screaming infant took its toll on the boy, once the novelty of having a little sister had worn off.

Support arrived from an unexpected place. Nathaniel, Denny's biological father, offered him a place to get away and vent from time to time, but also shared stories about growing up with his own baby sister, Denny’s biological aunt. I believe that really helped him understand that despite the annoyances, being a big brother is not just a life-long responsibility, but it is also very rewarding.

In the end, the most recent addition to the Wilson family really didn't pose a problem for Hen to take over for me. After all, she had already proven over her many years of service what an incredible and capable firefighter and paramedic she was. When Athena and I went to stay with her parents in Florida after Samuel's stroke years ago, Hen also more than proved herself capable of leading the 118. And this time she didn't even have to do med school at the same time! Her record spoke for itself and with plenty of time for her to get ready until my retirement, the Chief eventually agreed.

With the go-ahead given for the transition and eventual promotion for Hen, we started to work on a handover plan.

At first, this meant Hen would join me for CompStat meetings, which she enjoyed as much as I have over the years. Which is very little. I'm pretty sure she questioned her decision to become captain a lot during those first couple of meetings, but she powered through like she always does.

Later, I involved Hen in the performance evaluation process and the kinds of paperwork she did not encounter when she was only filling in for me on vacation. It was an interesting time for both of us. For me, it meant slowly coming to terms with the reality of letting the job go and even being a little prematurely nostalgic about doing so many things for the last time. For her, gaining some appreciation for the many aspects of the captain's job she didn't really see before.

But maybe the best part of this transition period was the unwavering support from the team. Chimney became a combination of cheerleader and right-hand man, and I'm so glad he did. Buck, Eddie, and Ravi were there all through the process to help out whenever things got a little overwhelming or just to reassure Hen that she was doing great. I really couldn't be prouder of how my former team handled this big change.

We had a combined retirement/promotion party at the firehouse on my last day with the LAFD, and what a day it was. Calls kept us relatively busy until our shift ended in the late afternoon, but Buck and I had used every free minute to prepare the food for the party that evening.

Slowly family and friends trickled in and we had a beautiful and bittersweet ceremony. Lots of mixed feelings, but it felt right. When it was time to officially hand over my command to Hen, I did so by handing her my captain's badge. (Athena took the most embarrassing photo of us hugging and crying with that piece of metal clutched in Hen's hand. She still teases us with it every now and then.)

I have to admit that letting go completely wasn't easy at first. Sure, I had plenty of projects and hobbies, but I still ended up at the firehouse more often than expected.

Hen did call me out on that during her first month in charge and she was right to do so. While I only wanted to help, me being there so often was making it difficult for her to settle in, take charge as the new captain of the 118, and develop her own leadership style. She offered a compromise though. A standing family dinner at the firehouse once a month, cooked by me. More than enough time for me to catch up with the wider team and reminisce about old times, but not so often that it felt like it was still my house. Because it wasn't. I'm a guest in Hen's house now. (Or as Chimney likes to call it: the “Hen House”.)

Captain Wilson did really well in her new position right out of the gate, but that doesn't mean she didn't have doubts sometimes. About calls that didn't turn out the way she wanted. About team members struggling. And about how to best to support everyone.

The first time Hen hit a wall, it was Karen who called me. The astrophysicist told me that her wife was trying to do it all by herself in order to find her own leadership style, but Karen worried that Hen denied herself help and mentorship for no good reason. So what did I do? Baked a pie with blueberries from the garden, secured my precious cargo on my bike and cycled over to the Wilson house, of course!

And that's how a new tradition started. We call it Captain's Pie. Whenever Hen needs a sounding board or an outside opinion about something going on with her team, she'll text me “I sure could use some pie.“

This system also works well for Athena and Karen who had banned Hen and me from shop talk during double dates years ago. We still make sure to have them every now and then, when Toni and Clive have the Wilson kids over. Often game nights. And I'm happy to report that all three of these women still beat me at poker very easily. Apparently, I have no poker face. Never did and never will. But you know what, I'm still having a blast every time.

That's it about the Wilsons for now. Next time I’ll tell you about what the Buckley-Hans are up to.

Until then, Bobby

[robertwadenash]

Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings (Part 2)

It's me again!

So, where was I? Right, retirement. You know, I loved my job but letting go wasn't too difficult for me. I knew my team was in great hands and I still see my former colleagues and friends a lot. For Athena the process had to be different though, because for her being a cop - protecting and serving - was not just her calling, but also such a big part of her identity. 

After we decided on a date to retire, I spoke to Chief Alonzo and she went to see Elaine. Neither were happy to hear the news (The one person who was really happy to hear about Athena retiring was her mother Beatrice, but don’t worry, she’s now unhappy with her grandchildren’s chosen professions so balance has been restored to the universe! More on that later.) but supportive nonetheless, especially since we provided enough lead time for finding replacements and doing proper handovers.

While I was happy to step down from one day to the next and hang up the captain's helmet for good, Athena needed more of a transition process because the prospect of going from 100 to 0 did not sit well with her. I think she was afraid of just not knowing what to do with all of that free time all at once. So instead, she switched to part time work a few months before our retirement date. Slowly decreasing her work hours to test run retirement and get a head start on figuring out what she wanted her life to look like without the job.

And like with everything my incredible wife does, she hit the ground running.

The first thing she did with a couple of free hours per week was join Lou’s archery club. He’s been telling her for years to give it a try and she turned out to be a natural. They go to the range once a week and she always comes home happy but exhausted. Turns out archery requires a lot of strength and endurance, not just focus and coordination. I have to say, watching her practice in the backyard is a sight I will not grow tired of. I won’t make the mistake of distracting her again, though. The one time I did, she shot one of my tomatoes!

Before Athena retired for good, Elaine also talked her into becoming a guest lecturer at the Academy. After the initial shock wore off ("They are so young, Bobby! Babies!"), she really took to sharing her knowledge and experience with a new generation of officers. This was also the reason she eventually started teaching self-defense classes for young girls. She’s a strict teacher, but while the cadets are terrified, the kids love her.

In the weeks before the big retirement day, Athena also started planning what flowers to plant around the house. Our friend Tamara was a big help with that. She still hangs out with May on a regular basis, and joins us for family dinners sometimes. Tamara has also been doing really well working at the flower shop after her ordeal at Winding Path.

So when Athena started her big project, Tamara was all in. Flowers all around the house and along our long driveway. There are California poppies, roses of various colors, geraniums and dahlias. My personal favorite are the sunflowers she planted all around the bird bath I put in the backyard years ago. (When I first moved into the house I didn’t bring many things. Mostly clothes and kitchen stuff. I think Athena worried that I wasn’t really making the house my home after we were just married. So one day I brought home a little stone bird bath still a little unsure about overstepping after officially joining the family. But let me tell you, the smile she gave me when she found out? Bright as the sun!)

Reading mystery books sitting on the old bench next to the bird bath was one of my wife’s favorite pastimes long before she retired. Once she became a full-time retiree, though, she discovered a new passion. I don’t even know how she came up with the idea, but I think realizing that knitting was not for her, (She did not have the patience or interest in math required for that hobby.) made her broaden her search and that’s when she came up with… welding. (I know!)

She first tried glass blowing, which she enjoyed but didn’t love. Then she fell in love with welding, hard. After she completed the first year of classes, we redid the whole shed so she’d have a place to work on her projects at home too. And watching Athena work is hot. Literally and figuratively. And while I might be biased, she is amazing at it too!

My wife started out with small things. Candle holders and picture frames but soon moved on to bigger projects. I now have a large custom made rack in the shed that fits all of my tools perfectly. But the last project she finished was my favorite. A beautiful metal bench and matching table for the backyard. Perfect size and shape for the two of us to sit and read together. (Everything from novels to travel guides.)

So, how else does Athena fill her days? There’s always something going on. Family dinners. BBQs with our friends. Someone always has a birthday party we can help throw.

Right now, though, I need to get ready for date night. You’d think retirement would make scheduling a weekly dinner date easier than when we both worked different shifts, but with everything we’ve got going on it’s still tricky sometimes. But we always make sure it happens.

Until next time, Bobby

[robertwadenash]

Bobby Nash's Retirement Musings (Part 1)

Hi there,

If you had told me ten years ago how much I'd enjoy retirement, I'd have called you nuts. But it really has been an amazing journey.

It all began with the beautiful honeymoon cruise I went on with my even more beautiful wife. The first couple of days we barely left our cabin. We later explored what else the ship had to offer. Athena even let me talk her into the occasional on-board and off-board activity.

Despite her initial apprehension, Athena decided to give snorkeling a chance and ended up loving it. Turns out she was only apprehensive because of the critters in the water. Big bad sergeant, scared of a couple little sea creatures. (Don't tell her I said that! She'll just remind you that she's the one who has to handle all spiders at home…) But once she got comfortable she was so adorable, admiring all the little critters while looking stunning in her fire-red bikini. We had a blast spending two weeks of uninterrupted time together, just the two of us.

During our last night on the ship Athena told me that she almost didn't want to go home. While I knew it was a touchy subject, I still brought up the idea of retirement again, hoping this trip would have made her see that retirement isn't just about what you're retiring from but also what you're retiring towards. And neither of us was getting any younger. Eventually we'd fail our annual physicals and then the decision would be made for us.

My wife made it very clear she wasn't ready to retire just yet but she was open to thinking about it and talking about the timeline. I wasn't ready then either, but we kept talking about it after our return to dry land. Especially when poorly timed shifts kept us from seeing each other for days at a time.

Eventually we did agree on a date far enough in the future for me to make sure my successor as captain of the 118 would be ready. (More on that later.)

Today I'm no less busy than I was when I was still running a firehouse.

Our honeymoon really made Athena and me fall in love with traveling and seeing the world. Now, every year for our anniversary we go on a big trip  to a country we've never been to. I'll never get tired of trying new foods (learning new recipes too!), exploring foreign places, and seeing my wife excited, happy, and relaxed. Up next, cherry blossoms in Japan!

The rest of the year I keep myself busy with teaching Jee's little league team (with assistant coach Chimney, who comes up with a new story about how he got his nickname for the kids every week). It's an absolute joy seeing those kids grow and learn. 

After the doctor told me that running wasn’t great for my knees anymore, I've gotten really into cycling. Athena wasn't a fan at first. She's just seen too many cyclists get injured or worse over the years. And so have I. (The nonnegotiable safety list includes: helmet, high-visibility vest, phone & battery pack, no riding tired.) By now, Athena even joins me on bike rides sometimes. And she always tells me how sexy I look in my biking shorts and how my hair sticking up all over the place after taking my helmet off reminds her of back when we still worked together. (After working up a sweat, getting clean together is our favorite part, though!)

Another joy in my life is gardening. While I naturally became the main caretaker of all outdoor areas of the house after I moved in, I've never really had the time to really do much with the place before I retired.

The first thing I did was bring back the little potted lemon trees Athena used to have on the deck. Not only are they great for cooking and baking, but they also smell really nice.

Next, I planted a couple of trees. The first one was an orange tree. I checked with Samuel to get the right kind for the lemonade they used to make when Athena was a little girl. (Despite the horrible things we uncovered back when we went to Belleville many years ago, my wife still loves those oranges.)

Then soon followed an apple tree, a peach tree, and an avocado tree. I’m still planning on adding figs, pomegranates, and olives, but there’s always so much to do and so little time.

Unlike the trees that are slowly growing and have yet to bear fruit, my vegetable garden has been feeding us for a while now. Today, I grow a wide variety of tomatoes and peppers, but after that first year, I’m no longer allowed to grow zucchinis, though. Apparently there are only so many zucchinis you can gift your family and friends before they plan an intervention… But they never say no to a nice hot sauce. Or homemade pies made with strawberries, blueberries, or raspberries from the garden.

Working in the garden always reminds me of growing up in Minnesota and helping my grandma with her yard work. While the soil and growing seasons are very different here, the satisfaction of seeing the literal fruits of your labor is the same.

And sharing the love for gardening with another woman who means the world to me is something I treasure. Athena wasn’t on board right away, but once she rediscovered and revived her pandemic herb garden, she started planting beautiful flowers all around the house that bloom almost year round.

One thing my better half would not allow me to get for the backyard was chickens. (She still pretends to be annoyed when I tell the story of how we first met due to our matchmaker, Maurice, but I know she secretly loves it.) But that’s okay, because my friend Walter and his wife Doris, who live just down the road, are raising chickens (who I take care of when the two retired teachers go visit their grandkids in Arizona). They even let me name their new rooster Maurice!

Gotta run now! My lovely wife is accompanying me to my quarterly blood donation (I don’t faint anymore, but it’s still nice to hold her hand) and we’re going out for our traditional post-donation lunch afterwards.

Until next time, Bobby