Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind.

brit. infp. slytherin.

[weird-ecologies]

If this ain't me

[mindblownie]

GONE MISSING, BE BACK LATER

[brotticelli]

list of things hamlet and i have in common:

absolutely no chill

family disappointment

utterly tragic

gay as shit

[hannigraham]

Sexy date ideas

We’ve been married for ten years, i’m in a silk robe and curlers throwing your most prized possessions off the balcony of our mansion overlooking the sea. You look at me, a shell of a man,and know that I have stolen your money, your youth, and your passion for life.

[robobrit]

me @ me: can you find your fucking chill for 10 fucking minutes

[robobrit]

the secret history characters as @wolfpupy tweets

henry winter: if you believe they put a man on the moon you are a god damn fool, wolves would never allow humans to desecrate the moon with their presence

francis abernathy: all we have to do is grab a few shovels, dig a couple of holes and we'll be dead and in the grave in no time

camilla macaulay: give me candy or receive lifelong torment from my candle magic

charles macaulay: remember that time the tiny hamster ate all those burritos. good memories. anyway i'm probably not the right person to give this funeral speech

richard papen: i can only assume bad things keep happening to me because of the large amount of hexes and curses put on me by everyone all the time

bunny corcoran: i'm sorry i spilled my slushee on the declaration of independence, i'm sorry because i wanted to drink it not because it went on the paper

julian morrow: it happens to the best of us, the best of us such as me, out of both of us i'm the best one, probably too great to give you usable advice

[mydeddyalabama]

ok guys i just realized i cant be famous because if i drop a piece of dry food on a familiar floor im probably just gonna blow and eat it out of habit and i might get caught doing it and then next thing u know people are dragging me for it on the internet makin twitter memes like ‘when u rich but u remember bein broke’ wit a lil photoset of me eatin the dirty popeyes chicken thigh(even tho they would do the same thing!!fake asses) so i cant be famous :(( im very disappointed please give me the appropriate time to heal this was my dream i am crushed )):

[daveycameronisapie]

You know skinny jeans are gonna go out of style eventually but we’re gonna keep wearing them. They’re gonna become mum jeans. Parent style. People are gonna be like “oh my god dad your jeans are so tight it’s so embarrassing please put something else on” and you’re gonna be like “oh yes because those flappy impractical things are so much better” and you will feel superior but really you will be Uncool. You will be Uncool and you won’t see it, just like your parents. This is your fate. 

[robobrit]

Durring the pterosaurs attack in Jurassic World

me when they're attacking the guests: haha, get rekt. go dinosaurs!

me when that one baby triceratops at the petting zoo gets lifted up and dropped down a few feet: ...everything with wings must die. I will burn them. I will scour these beasts from the earth.

[crapuccinos]

i am like a hexagon

all my hecks r gone

[adobekenobi]

Halloween: *is almost here* me: 🎃🍫🎃🍫🎃🍫🎃🍫🎃🍫 spooky shit spo౦ky sHit🎃 thats 🍬 some spooky🎃🎃shit right🎃🎃th 🎃 ere🎃🎃🎃 right🍬there 🍬🍬if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 👻 i say so 👻 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ👻 🎃 🎃🎃BO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ🎃 🎃🎃 🎃👻 🎃 🍫 🍫 🍫🎃🎃Spooky shit

[robobrit]

me: i better fake a warm and engaging personality bc i don't want to be actively disliked for being cold

other ppl: *become attached to me as a friend*

me: i fucked up

[lauramercierbodyscrub]

REBLOG IF DICK CHANGED YA LIFE

[jonbutter]

president richard nixon changed all of our lives when he tried to cover up #watergate

[77lllll]

[literallysame]

this is performance art

[sjflkansdfljaslsd-deactivated20]

[tofuimpala]

what is teen wolf even about? wolves?? high schoolers??? demons?? people killing?? people dying?? children hurt you hear them crying??? can you practice what you preach and would you turn the other cheek?? father father father help us…..need some guidance from above……where is the love

[gothic1997]

FAFSA