Sometimes my lapsing memory is so cruel. Someone reblogged something that was a back and forth between a mutual and myself and I was like "ohh yeah mutual exists!" And then I saw I had their profile blocked??
Why would I block mutual???
I looked at the last Tumblr convo and it was fine, then looked on discord and saw our chats were deleted out...
Then the whiplash of why I blocked them came back and it just soured all the happy memories all over again.
I was in one of the worst mental health moments of my adult life and had to fulfill a commission for them and I was TAKING SO LONG and I felt awful. I let them know the recent ups and downs and the response was "I don't need your whole life story".
Anyway... Some things are better left blocked and locked away.
Advice I want to offer to writers/creators and folks with mental health worries:
1. Always put your mental health first. Over friends and family that make you feel worse or push your needs down.
2. Mental Health issues are explanations - never excuses. Take accountability for falling short. I did so by refunding my mutual because I realized I could not and would not be be fulfilling their request after they spoke to me that way.
3. Business side- NEVER spend money you haven't fully earned! If you haven't finished the commission but the money is in your pocket, it's still not your money until you deliver what was ordered. Be ready to refund if you can't fulfill an order.
4. Find your people. Talk. Help others if you can.
5. Have empathy. Even if you're going through something be aware that others may be going through hard times as well. Be it physical, financial, emotional or mental - give grace to others as you would hope they do for you.
On that note- I miss writing, but I don't miss the manic mental state I had to be in to crank it out. I miss crafting ears, but I don't like the torment of arthritic flare ups it causes.
I'm still trying to find my creative outlet that doesn't harm me in return.
Miss this fandom and my mutuals. I'm still here even if I'm quiet. ✌️