Rocco's Modern Life

19 years old, Seattle, University student and Youtuber There's this guy.. and he drives me completely crazy in the best way possible 489,157 subscribers Youtube Schedule Monday: Rocco's Daily Life Tuesday: Rocco's Daily Life Wednesday: Rocco's Daily Life Thursday: Rocco's Crazy Life (Dare Thursday) Friday: Rocco's Daily Life Saturday: Rocco's Daily Life Sunday: Rocco's Modern Life (sketch comedy)

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

[braysawyer-blog]

Nodding, Bray stood up from he couch and made his way towards Rocco’s bedroom. Wasn’t talking about it supposed to make him feel better? That’s what he was always told to believe - by his friends, his therapists. They told him to open up; but they were wrong. It just made him feel worse. After neatly folding his clothes and crawling into Rocco’s bed, Bray pulled the cover over him, replaying the events of the night over and over in his head. He didn’t want pity, not sympathy. He wanted nothing – just for everything to be over. Was it really so hard for life to throw him a bone once in a while?

[roccobolt-archive]

Rocco stood in the doorway of the bathroom brushing his teeth and watched Bray get into his bed. He was at loss at what to do. Normally he would be extremely nice, but he felt like in these situations it wasn’t what Bray needed. So he stood up to him. Still it backfired in some way. At least he decided to stay and not leave to go somewhere else. Rocco rinsed his mouth and took off his sweatpants and shirt, throwing it in the laundry hamper. He waked into his bedroom and lay down on the other side of the bed. It felt weird, like there was some sort of distance between them. “Come here,“ Rocco said and opened his arms for Bray to snuggle.

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

[braysawyer-blog]

Bray shut his mouth, staying silent for once as the other male continued trying to console him. That was the precise reason he didn’t want to tell Rocco, because being pitied wasn’t exactly something he preferred in trying times. “Yeah,” he said simply, slouching back into the cushions as he practically felt Rocco’s gaze burning a hole in the side of his head, like he was waiting for some kind of response. One which Bray wasnt going to adequately give him. “I’m tired.”

[roccobolt-archive]

Rocco sighed. “Alright then. Let’s get some sleep,“ Rocco said and stood up. He locked the front door and checked everything was turned off and focused on Bray again. “You know where everything is,“ Rocco said as he walked to the bathroom to get ready for the night.

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

[braysawyer-blog]

Now that the confession was out, the flood of emotions didn’t seem to stop and part of Bray wished he hadn’t said anything in the first place. It was easier to plug up the hole rather than let all the water burst out. “I’m unhappy with a lot of things, Roc, but being gay isn’t one of them.” Though things would be different if I weren’t, he thought to himself, shaking his head. “That’s the thing – I didn’t think it was going to be hard. I’ve been open about liking guys since I was barely thirteen. I thought they’d already figured it out by then.” He scoffed. “My dad’s not a bad parent. It’s not like I can’t see where he’s coming from. If it weren’t for me –” Bray paused, realizing how much he was opening up to the other male and instantly becoming uncomfortable. “It’s not a big deal.”

[roccobolt-archive]

Hearing Bray say he was unhappy with a lot of things made Rocco’s heart break a bit. “Oh, okay,“ Rocco said, knowing he shouldn’t ask any further. He played with the string of his sweatpants as he listened to Bray speak. “It’s a big deal though,“ Rocco softly said, “Parents should love you unconditionally. Especially when it’s something like this. It’s like hating someone because they’re black, because they’re a boy or a girl, or anything else you have or are because you’re born with it. There’s nothing you can do and especially nothing they can do about it, except accepting it.“

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

[braysawyer-blog]

Bray clenched his jaw as the other male spoke, feeling the slightest bit of embarrassment when Rocco actually confronted him. That was definitely new – he’d never knew Rocco to be anything but passive, so this sort of tone was completely foreign. “You think I’m ashamed or something? Is that it? Because I’m not.” He said defensively, sitting up on the couch and cradling his head in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees. There weren’t many people he’d told about his family situation – none, actually. It hurt too much.

“It’s not a big deal,” he said, shaking his head. Even he knew that was complete bullshit. “When I was nineteen, I came out to my parents. And…my mom left.” Bray shrugged, averted he other male’s gaze. “Dad and I got in an argument and he blurted out that it was my fault. I knew my dad blamed me but he never said it out loud before. It’s stupid – I know, I shouldn’t be fucking upset. I saw it coming, anyways. It was only a matter of time.”

[roccobolt-archive]

“I don’t know if you are, but it sort of seems like it, or that maybe you’re unhappy with the whole situation, that you’d rather be straight,“ Rocco said, hoping the argument wouldn’t result in some sort of fight. When Bray started speaking about his family there was a big part of him that was really angry, and a small part relieved that Bray finally told Rocco something about himself and his life. “I am so sorry, Bray, I had no idea. I figured you may have had a hard time coming out, but that really is horrible. Sadly not everyone is accepting but you should never blame yourself. It is her fault for leaving and not accepting is and your father’s fault for blaming you and not your mother. You are who you are and if they don’t accept that, then they aren’t good parents, which really saddens me to say.“

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

[braysawyer-blog]

His brother told him that it was normal. Normal? That was the farthest thing from what Bray had heard when he came out to his family. In fact, he didn’t hear much at all – he just observed actions. The uncomfortable states, the hesitance, the resentment. Not to mention his mother’s disappearance. That was surely a reaction far from ‘normal’. “I’m not allowed to ask a simple question?” He narrowed his eyebrows, scoffing. “I was just curious, ‘specially considering your family is liberal as all hell and don’t give a shit.” He shrugged, laying his head back down on Rocco’s chest.

[roccobolt-archive]

When Bray responded he knew he shouldn’t have asked. “You are allowed, I’m just curious what makes you ask the question,“ Rocco explained, “And I’m not sure how I should take the ‘don’t give a shit’ part. If you mean they don’t care that I’m bisexual, then yes, that’s exactly it. Bray, I don’t know what you’ve been told about liking people from the same sex, but it’s not some sort of sin or something that’s wrong. It happens. It’s they way you are born and there’s nothing you can do about it. So why don’t you just tell me what’s going on and then we won’t have to talk about it again, okay?“

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

[braysawyer-blog]

Bray’s eyes flickered closed for a moment as Rocco’s arms wrapped around him, enjoying the feeling and the distraction it was bringing him emotionally. “I know,” he whispered back, his fingers absentmindedly playing with the hem of the other male’s shirt. He really hated imposing like this, and knew it was probably really shitty to just show up with a packed suitcase and no explanation – especially because, well, they weren’t really boyfriends. At least not officially. That was too big of a word for Bray right now.

After some time had passed, Bray straightened himself out and rested his chin on Rocco’s chest, gazing up at him. “When did you realize you were – not straight?” He asked out of the blue. Bray wanted some sort of solace without actually asking for it, so skittering the issue was exactly what he was going to do.

[roccobolt-archive]

They spent some time in silence and Rocco was close to falling asleep. When Bray moved he blinked a few times and focused his eyes on Bray. “Oh, um,“ Rocco said thinking back, “I was fifteen. I had a crush on a team mate from the baseball team. I was... very confused about it, so I talked to brother Gavin about it and he helped me figure it all out. That it was normal, I shouldn’t be scared, etcetera,“ Rocco explained, having a feeling this subject had something to do with the reason Bray was there. He shouldn’t know if he should ask Bray the same or if he should just leave it be, let him talk when he wanted. “Um... why do you ask?“ he then decided on, knowing it was probably a bad idea to ask.

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

[braysawyer-blog]

Nodding slightly, Bray moved past the other male and carefully placed his suitcase in the corner. There were a million things he wanted to say to Rocco, so many emotions and feelings that he in turn just got buried deep inside until they just all rose to the surface at once. However, Bray wasn’t like that. No matter how much he wanted to cry on Rocco’s shoulder, he just couldn’t. He was the type of guy who wanted to pretend nothing bad had happened when it clearly had. That was the only way that he was able to cope with himself, to fool himself and others into thinking he was stronger than it was. 

Kicking off his shoes and neatly placing them besides his suitcase, Bray ran his palm over his right eye lightly before turning around and moving towards the couch which Rocco had laid himself on. One thing he was thankful for at this point in their relationship – or, whatever this thing that they had going was called – was that Rocco had learned not to push. Not to ask question.

While sitting himself down on the couch, Bray sat on the the opposite end from the other male, trying to keep himself grounded and make himself believe he didn’t need to be comforted. However, after a couple of minutes, he decided that it was of no use and moved closer to Rocco, laying his head down on his chest with a heavy sigh. He didn’t want to be isolated – maybe he didn’t want to talk about it, but he needed someone to care. “Thanks,” he mumbled quietly, attempting to relax in the warmth of the other male’s body.

[roccobolt-archive]

It hurt Rocco to see Bray like that. To see that something was clearly wrong, but refusing to talk about it. Rocco knew that eventually he would be asking Bray questions, especially since he arrived with a suitcase and expected to stay for a bit. That was definitely something they needed to discuss.

A small smile appeared on Rocco’s face when Bray moved closer and eventually leaned his head on his chest. Rocco didn’t hesitate and wrapped his arms around Bray, “You’re welcome,“ he whispered softly. “I’m always here for you, Bray.“ He tried to relax as the images on the TV flickered before his eyes, but his thoughts were everywhere, trying to figure out what could have happened.

[braysawyer-blog]

tell me you need me { bray & rocco }

His day wasn’t supposed to end like this. All he’d planned for that evening was to sit down on his faux-leather couch with a nice cup of tea an reread Pride and Prejudice for the one-hundreth time to celebrate taking his last final and the beginning of summer vacation. Everything seemed to be falling into place for him for once – however, Bray being Bray, he couldn’t get through a single day without pissing someone off. And that someone happened to be his father. 

It was a stupid argument about Hugh Sawyer wanting his son to go out and buy some groceries, which Bray heavily objected to. He’d just gotten comfortable, why did he have to go out? The two snapped at each other often, but this turned into something else. It ultimately turned into a full on screaming match which ended up with Hugh saying something along the lines of “Now I see that you being gay wasn’t the only reason your mother left us”. And that was it for the young male.

He’d always blamed himself for his mother’s departure, but never before did he want to hear it from his own father. The one that said he’d never leave, that it wasn’t his fault. It struck him right in the gut – so, impulsively, Bray packed a small suitcase and got the hell out of there, going to the one person he needed most. 

Knocking at Rocco’s door, Bray attempted to wipe all traces of tears just to be left with eyes puffy and red. He didn’t want the other male to see him like that. As soon as the door opened, Bray averted his gaze, his grip on the handle of his suitcase tightening. “Can I stay here for a while?” he asked quietly.

[roccobolt-archive]

Rocco was laying in bed watching TV lazily when he heard a knock on the door. He frowned as he checked the clock. It was a bit on the late side and he wasn’t expecting anyone. People didn’t come to his place often, except Bray. Which made him frown more. Bray rarely stopped by unannounced.

He got out of bed and pulled on a shirt. He opened the door slowly and was faced with the sight of a clearly upset Bray. “Um, yeah, sure, come in,“ Rocco answered, holding the door further open. He wasn’t sure if he should ask if Bray was okay, obviously he was not, and he definitely didn’t know if he should ask what was going no. He knew from experience Bray needed time to tell him things. And pushing Bray to say something only resulted in them arguing, which obviously Bray didn’t need. Rocco closed the door and walked back towards his bed. “I was just watching TV. Come, join me,“ he said laying back down. All Bray needed now was someone to comfort him, so that was what Rocco was going to do. And not ask questions, no matter how badly he wanted.

[roccobolt-archive]

Opposites Attract | Bracco

[braysawyer-blog]

Bray couldn’t help but smile at the comment, his leg bumping Rocco’s lightly under the table. “And I have to share you? That doesn’t seem fair.” he teased, cocking his head to the side. “Don’t blame me when you start getting a little pancake pot belly. I’m not going to be the kind of doctor that can get rid of it for you.” Bray laughed. “I’m not opposed to it. But unless you wanna come to the hospital and fuck in a nearby closet when you’re done with your morning breakfast, it doesn’t sound too realistic.”

[roccobolt-archive]

"That's sadly just how it works," Rocco shrugged and chuckled. He then rolled his eyes at him but couldn't help but smile. "Don't worry, I'm not getting fat anytime soon. I mean, I do work out almost every day. Maybe you can join me one day and we can get some muscle on you. And then you can stop eating salads." Rocco chuckled again, "Yeah, might not be the best thing. Though we can try it once. Sounds kinky." He then added with a wink, "You got one of those white, doctor coats?"

[jacob--grayson-deactivated20160]

So she had been right, even Rocco who she could tell always tried to see the best in people, would view her past as evil. Or rather view her as evil. But that was how it was, and it was why she had to keep her mouth shut on the matter. “That was my point, doing illegal things, well certain ones, it just ends up with people getting hurt. Surely only cruel people would want that?”

[roccobolt-archive]

"I really feel like I can't judge without knowing the full story. Who knows, they might have had reasons, they might be thinking they were doing a good thing. But you're right, there's always someone that will get hurt. They don't have to be cruel for that necessarily. I've hurt people as well and I'm not cruel, right?"

[roccobolt-archive]

Opposites Attract | Bracco

[braysawyer-blog]

Bray smiled. “Why not? Not that I wanted to be in it. Or any video, for that matter.” he crinkled his nose, the image of him being in front of a camera for millions to see almost making his stomach turn. “You can always eat anything. Doesn’t mean it’s good for you, though.” The male chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh yeah? Well, unfortunately, we can’t have sex with every meal. So, eating healthy is the next best option.”

[roccobolt-archive]

"I just didn't want to share you," us "with the world," Rocco smiled and bit his lip. "And I don't think too much of things and if they're good for me. If I enjoy it, I do it. Or eat it, in this case," he shrugged, "Ah, why not though? Seems like a great workout. Eat and then burn it off with sex."

[roccobolt-archive]

Opposites Attract | Bracco

[braysawyer-blog]

Bray shrugged. “Could be worse, I suppose.” he said, leaning on the table as he spoke. “Exactly. Soon, I’ll be doing rectal exams and strep throat tests all on my own. Exciting, right?” The male joked, letting out a smirk. He listened to Rocco describe his schedule for every day, shaking his head a bit as he put it all together. How the hell did he have time for that before he dropped out of college? “Wait — hold up. Did you put me in that one dare video? The one where you asked about my sex life?” Bray raised his eyebrows, smiling at the memory. What followed that encounter was far more fun than taking part in the skit. “I don’t know — it sounds totally unappetizing at two in the afternoon. I like salad! It’s good for you, moron. How else would I retain my amazing physique?” He raised a hand in the air, looking at Rocco knowingly before leaning back in his seat, grinning. “I gotta keep my guy happy, you know.”

[roccobolt-archive]

"The dream life," Rocco chuckled. "Nah, I didn't," he shook his head, "Didn't feel right." That was a good day though, definitely. "And what the hell, you can always eat pancakes. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight snack. It's the best food, okay, for whatever time of the day." He smirked, "I don't know, I can think of other ways to get, as you put it, amazing physique and which would also make me very happy." He tried to make himself not blush at Bray's last remark and also his own words, but it was impossible to not let his body react.

[roccobolt-archive]

Opposites Attract | Bracco

[braysawyer-blog]

"Well, I’m twenty-three now, and I’ll graduate in another three years. So, I’ll be twenty-six. My residency will take a while, too, and I’ll still have to look for a job. So, I’ll probably be thirty when it’s all done." he scrunched his nose impatiently, dreading the thought of another few years with complete boneheads that he’s surely get multiple jobs over. As Rocco described how his channel was to work, Bray narrowed his eyebrows, trying to wrap his head around it. "Jesus christ, that’s insane." he muttered, shaking his head. "Why do your Sunday videos get more views? Do people watch you after church or something?" He asked. When the waitress came over, Bray couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at what the other male had just ordered. "I’ll have the cobb salad — no tomatoes. I’m allergic, and I’m not in the mood to go back to the hospital today. Oh, and seltzer water. Thanks." He forced a small smile at the waitress before looking back at Rocco. "Iced tea and pancakes?”

[roccobolt-archive]

"O my god. That actually sounds horrible," he said, "Sorry you have to deal with that for so long. But at least you'll then be a doctor, right?" He chuckled at Brays question, "My Sunday videos are my sketches. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday are my vlogs and Thursday are my dare videos, which also get a bit more views than my vlogs." Rocco heard Bray's chuckle at his order and rolled his eyes with a smile. "Yes, I love iced tea, I love pancakes. Why not order it for lunch? And what are you, a rabbit? Who the hell eats salad voluntarily?"

[cxnner-ross]

"It happens to all of us trust me. I think that chagnes once you hold him or her for the first time." Conner shurgged, "If there was one, I’d be the first to read it." He nodded, kissing Mia’s head. "Yes that is you’re close to being an old lady." The dad teased only to get his nose grabbed between his daughter’s small fingers, an annoyed gesture she had learned to make since they first met.

[roccobolt-archive]

He nodded, "You seem like a good father," he said, "She really adores you, so it seems like you do a good job without a handbook," he told the man with a smile.

[jacob--grayson-deactivated20160]

Kiyomi was slightly stunned by his answer, most people normally went for the normal thing of both crimes being terribly evil and should never be done. “If only more people saw the world like that. Poor girl though, was she alirght?” She thought for a moment, she didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth but she could at least try and figure out his thoughts, “there’s a group of people back home currently being prosecuted for stealing, everyone just seems to act like they are the ultimate evil” she shrugged as she spoke. 

[roccobolt-archive]

"I think so, yeah," he answered, "There are worst things than stealing," he said, "Though I guess it depends on the situation in which it happened. If it's big group that's been stealing a lot of money, for a long time, from innocent people, then I guess it's a bad thing." He always wanted to see the good side in things, but sometimes it was difficult. Some people simply weren't good people.

[lolarobinsonx]

 ”Eh, too much blood shed involved— turns out I get queasy and faint at the sight of blood.”

[roccobolt-archive]

"Oh really? Too bad. So what did you eventually become then?" he asked.

[roccobolt-archive]

Opposites Attract | Bracco

[braysawyer-blog]

Bray smirked, shaking his head. “Yeah, not really. I had to change so many times today.” he said, sipping his water. At the question Rocco posed, he couldn’t help but let out a snort. It was cute how little the other male knew about the medical field. “Not until I get my MD, complete my residency, and then get my medical license. In my residency I’ll be able to do procedures, but I won’t be able to make my own decisions. If that makes sense.” he shrugged. “That’s great, man. So, what does that mean exactly? You’ll get paid and shit?”

[roccobolt-archive]

"So when do you get your MD?" he asked not really understanding a thing he was saying, "So like, how long does all of that take? Because it doesn't make much sense to me," he chuckled. "Yeah it is! I have a contract that for every 500 views I get one dollar. Since I get about 100,000 views at least per video, and I upload one video every day, I will earn about 6000 a month. Maybe even more, since my Sunday videos get more views than that. And they'll promote me, put me on the front page, which also results in more views, thus more money," he smiled. He then looked up at the waitress to order his food and drinks, "Can I get an iced tea and pancakes?" he asked.