Myers-Briggs Dating Field Guide
INFJ-
Why you want one: Theyâll sit-inside-and-read-Dostoevsky-with-you-on-a-rainy-day, theyâre good curators of interests and theyâll find something interesting to do and plan the whole date out (to the second).
Spoiler Alert: Â Icy-cold exterior.
Where to find one: Any independent or used bookstore in a trendy neighborhood on a Friday night. Typically theyâll be there before heading to a small divey but not too divey bar to have a moderately pretentious microbrew with their one other friend.
Pickup technique: Ask them about Rilke, social justice, chai tea.
ENFJ-
Why you want one: Theyâre warm, friendly, and very concerned about your happiness.Â
Spoiler Alert: Youâll always be surrounded by a lot of people, not really for homebodies.Â
Where to find one: At a party they are hosting for their friends in their home. Theyâre busy making sure everyone is happy, and stressing out about nonexistent riffs between their guests.
Pickup technique: Ask to help, compliment how much fun everyone is having. Tell them some juicy gossip. Try not to feel bad when they have to give attention to all the other plebey party guests.
ESTP-
Why you want one: Â Know Jeremy Piven in Entourage? Sometimes it just feels good to be around an asshole.
Spoiler Alert: Followed to its logical conclusion, this personality type can also be called âsociopathic.'Â
Where to find one: The clubbiest of clubs, near edge of the dancefloor where theyâre looking to shove their tongue down someones throat for awhile and then have some aggressive sex before they leave without saying anything.Â
Pickup technique: Maybe the easiest to pickup, just try to look good and get in their line of vision. Be aggressive.Â
ISTP/ISTJ-
Why you want one: Not really sure you do? Maybe youâre an ISTP or ISTJ yourself. Maybe you have really low self esteem and donât feel like you 'deserveâ someone interesting.
Spoiler Alert: Boring. Probably cares about things like 'bakingâ and 'crafting.â
Where to find one: Jesus, I donât even know, doing something really boring by themselves. Buying tax prep software at Best Buy? On a long solo walk in the woods?
Pickup technique: Is anyone really interested in this?Â
ESTJ-
Why you want one: Might be a more reliable fuck buddy than an ESTP.
Spoiler Alert: Kind of boring, possibly sexually attracted to day planners.
Where to find one: Out with their friends, policing the fun.
Pickup technique: Make a really boring and unnecessary statement about the progress of the night. Show them your day planner + coding system.Â
ENFP-
Why you want one: Passionate, unpredictable, absolutely always interesting.
Spoiler Alert: Not loyal to people or ideologies. One day itâs yoga, the next itâs kickboxing. One day itâs Theravada Buddhism, the next itâs Assemblies of God. This applies to their romantic life.
Where to find one: The clubbiest of clubs, in the middle of the dancefloor, possibly on X.
Pickup technique: Wear some bright colors, talk about how you bathed in the Ganges to get salvation, give them drugs, promise to get tantric. Beware of passionate yet very sloppy kisses.
INFP-
Why you want one: Theyâll read you poetry and rub your back while you fall asleep, they have the most comfortable beds.
Spoiler Alert: May suffocate you with intensity. May cry during a commercial for McDonaldâs.Â
Where to find one: Getting existential at some dive bar with a small but intense looking group of people who all look remotely like someone who used to babysit you.
Pickup technique: Say you think care ethics is an overlooked school of thought or that you 'really resonateâ with Joni Mitchell or anything else deep + nice sounding.Â
ESFP-
Why you want one: Theyâre warm, easy to like, and fun to be around.
Spoiler Alert: They are only ever motivated by what will get them the most amounts of attention possible. This gets old.
Where to find one: Hanging with their bros at a bar, being as loud as possible, telling hilarious jokes, beinâ a bro.
Pickup technique: Challenge them to a game. Preferably fetch, as there is no distinguishable difference between an ESFP and a labrador retriever.Â
ISFP-
Why you want one: Theyâre the perfect person to talk about your work dramz with over a game of tennis. Theyâre smiley and cute and really good at interior decorating.
Spoiler Alert: They donât mature past the age of 15.
Where to find one: Hanging with their one bro at a bar, probably not talking but smiling and and genuinely enjoying themselves.
Pickup technique:Â Talk about animals and/or children. Make a comment about aesthetics in some capacity, except donât use the word 'aestheticsâ because they wonât know what it means.
INTP-
Why you want one: Theyâre really smart and make up for being awkward + not really sexy by having a lot of interesting things to say.
Spoiler Alert: Â Youâll get tired of them making jokes about ninjas and Lord of the Rings. Probable addiction to World of Warcraft.
Where to find one: At their friendâs house drinking whiskey Cokes and watching Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.
Pickup technique: Wear something slutty + talk about science/robots/the singularity.
ENTP-
Why you want one: They have the best circle of smart and interesting friends, theyâre laidback, they give great advice.
Spoiler Alert: Theyâll never put another person ahead of their own interests, self-involved.
Where to find one: Out with their friends at a bar they take issue with for one reason or another (cf: hipster), but enjoying themselves as long as everyone knows theyâre too smart for whatever beneath-them drinking game is going on.
Pickup technique: Intersperse non-sequitor jokes and puns with douchey statements like 'Thomas Pynchon is the only funny postmoderist.'Â
INTJ-
Why you want one: Itâs kind of intoxicating to be around someone this smart and serious. Itâs really sexy for as long as you can go without getting compliments/any affirmation that they like you back.
Spoiler Alert: Oblivious misers.Â
Where to find one: Â Home alone, reading something really interesting, generally not giving a fuck.
Pickup technique: Figure out what theyâre interested in and make insightful comments. Donât expect any affirmation or acknowledgment that they heard you.Â
ENTJ-Â
Why you want one: Theyâll give you great advice and push you to follow through on it.
Spoiler Alert: Loud talkers, stubborn, make black-and-white decisions.
Where to find one: At a weird event with their friends. Like 'Julius and Ethel Rosenberg discussion groupâ type weird. Theyâre the one taking notes or serving a pretentious dish.
Pickup techniques: Make aggressive but smart statements. Talk about why youâre right. Use historical examples but also throw in something about Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
ESFJ-
Why you want one: Literally your standard bro or prototypical 'wife material.â
Spoiler alert: Theyâre not that interesting. Theyâre mega-sensitive but not likely to be able to communicate why. And not in the brooding, artsy way, in the self-righteous way.
Where to find one: Hanging with their bros, theyâre the one with their cell clipped to their belt and their shirt tucked in.
Pickup techniques: Tell them why their sports team of choice 'deservedâ to make the playoffs because they really 'wanted it.'Â