i’m back bitches !!! i fucken missed y’all ladiessss why am i so emo
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i’m back bitches !!! i fucken missed y’all ladiessss why am i so emo
TO THE THREE BITCHES THAT CARE
WHADDUP IM ALIVE
how do you get over a guy that you're really good friends with but you know you can never date
With a car
Dead Man Walking - Tom Holland
A/N: so this is the first time i’m posting something that i’ve written and to be perfectly candid it scares me but here we go. plz let me know what you think.
Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader
Warnings: alcohol, language, smut
Inspired by the song Dead Man Walking - Jon Bellion.
‘Cause my sister has a best friend
That I’ve known since I was three
And now I’m gon’ get strangled
‘Cause we tangled in the sheets
I’ve known Tom since I was a kid. My older sister, Jamie, invited him over to ride their bikes when she saw him playing in the yard across from our house. I was three at the time and don’t remember much from that day, but my family always retells the story of how we met and how I cried because my sister wouldn’t play with me and my dolls so Tom sat down with me and played. My entire family has loved him ever since.
Years later, after Jamie and Tom had graduated and gone their separate ways, they had stayed in contact. He’d pop in for some family dinners while he still lived at home, but down the line as his career had progressed, the visits became sporadic, seeing him maybe twice a year. I hadn’t really tried to keep in contact with him, mostly because we were never really close friends, I had always been seen as that “annoying little sister” to Jamie and was rarely invited to hang out with him and Jamie because she never wanted to drag me around. I never really minded. I had my own friends and my own life and sure, I felt left out when they went to see my favourite band in concert without me, but for the most part I was content.
When my sister got engaged, I was one of the first to know. Her girlfriend, Sara, actually asked me to help her propose and to catch the whole proposal on video. I, of course, accepted and Jamie, of course, said yes. And that’s how I ended up here, at my sister’s wedding, getting drunk off the open bar, trying to forget how lonely I am. As I was sipping a glass of champagne in the bar at the back of the hotel ballroom, admiring how beautiful and happy my sister looked, I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Hey, Squirt, long time no see.”
Upon hearing the nickname I have loathed since childhood, I turned to see Tom, in a blue suit, tie nowhere to be found, holding a glass of what seemed to be scotch. “Yeah,” I started to reply, “I’ve been a bit busy gallivanting the world and being praised by my millions of adoring fans. Oh wait no, that’s you.”
He rolled his eyes. “Oh piss off. You know you’re quite mean when you’re drunk,” he said pointing to my empty glass.
“Lest I remind you, I am also mean sober.” I slur in response as I turn to walk back up to the bar to return my glass. Tom follows so I ask, “Didn’t quite make it for the reception, Holland?”
He places his glass down on the bar and motions for the bartender who is currently serving someone who must be from Sara’s family, because they don’t look familiar. “Hey, I tried to make it in time, I barely get off these days. At least I made it to the reception.”
I chuckled to myself, my drunken mind twisting the innocent words into an innuendo. “Oh, so the famous Tom Holland can’t get off? That’s shocking.” Tom just glares at me and orders a shot from the bartender. I turn to them and say, “You know what, make that two.” As they pour the two shots I glance over to Tom. He’s already eyeing me and I try to subtly look away, but he’s already noticed the awkward look. He picks up his shot and I pick up mine.
“Cheers, Squirt.” Tom says as he clinks our shot glasses. We take our shots and Tom coughs a little so I decide to pick on him.
“You’ve got at least like three years on me and you still can’t take a shot can you, Holland.”
Tom begins to threaten, “If you don’t shut the hell up, Squirt, I–”
“What’re you gonna do, Holland? Fucking make me? I’d like to see you try.” I turn to walk away from the bar over to the dancefloor, but Tom grabs my wrist and pulls me back towards him. Suddenly, I’m mere millimeters away from his face. I can feel his breath, laced with liquor and smell his fading cologne and I’m too stunned to come up with any decent retort. Luckily, I don’t have to.
“Oh, I’ll make you, Squirt.” I couldn’t help but think of that statement as anything but sexual as I felt myself get turned on by him. He leaned in and kissed me and it felt like fireworks had gone off inside my whole body. It was a needy and passionate kiss. One hand was roaming my body and the other was gripping the back of my neck. We snuck out of the ballroom and ended up in my suite. Tom hastily unzipped my dress and threw off his jacket and shirt and we barely broke the kiss save for a few quick breaths of air. As our hands got tangled in each others hair and our bodies tangled in the crisp, white, hotel sheets neither of us thought about the consequences. It felt too good to be wrong.
I woke to find myself naked, in the strong arms of my sister’s best friend, a man I’ve known since I was three, and I just knew that we would end up dead if Jamie ever found out. I tried to readjust my body to pull the covers over myself, but I ended up waking Tom up from his slumber. He kissed my forehead and mumbled a quiet good morning. I whispered a good morning in response as he continued peppering me with small kisses all the way down to my neck that’s become covered in numerous purple hickeys. My hand is still behind his head and his are wrapped around me slowly tracing out the curves of my body and I laugh to myself and whisper, “I guess you can’t call me Squirt anymore, can you, Holland?”
He just chuckles. “After last night, I may just have to keep calling you Squirt, Darling,” he says as he rubs my bare ass, giving me a wink.
I groan, “Bite me, Holland.”
“Oh don’t worry, Darling, I will.” Tom moves one hand behind my head and kisses me softly and slowly. Deepening the kiss I throw my leg over his bare chest and straddle him. A beat later, I hear a knock at the door and the whirr of the lock unlocking. I quickly break the kiss and turn to the door and see my sister standing in the frame. I push Tom off the bed and try to cover my body with the sheets, but it’s already too late.
As Tom pops his head up from beside the bed, all my sister says is, “What the fuck?”
tagging people that inspire me: @peeterparkr @hazohazahazbro @misformarvel @madmadmilk
skaivjdjsk i cAn’t bReAthE
*Blitzkrieg bop plays as the credits roll*
I’m sending him a friend request LMAO
Now You Know (Source)
NOW I CAN BE A TRUE MERMAID
I actually did a report on this last year! The substance is called perfluorocarbon and because of its unique nature, it can hold enough oxygen inside of it for you to breathe it. You can breathe safely while inside it, but sometimes the transition from breathing in the perfluorocarbon and the air can be painful or uncomfortable as your lungs try to push the liquid out of them. In Dan Brown’s book The Lost Symbol, the process of reverting back to breathing the air can feel like being birthed.
thank you friend
how the fuck do they know what being birthed feels like
FACT:
This liquid is used in modern torture. It is similar to water boarding. A victim is placed in a small completely dark box. The box is then filled with the liquid. The victim thinks they are drowning as they breath the liquid in. Most pass out from fear at this point or they just sit there in the liquid in pitch black, apparently breathing ‘water’. Often it leads to the thought that they are in fact dead. It is completely terrifying. Then the box is opened and they are violently pulled from it. As said before the transition from liquid to air is none too pleasant. You might be told something like, they resuscitated you and to tell them what you know or they will “drown” you again.
You can “drown” someone and be sure that they won’t be harmed
You all needed to know this.
holy shit
That went from cool to horrifying is 0.05 seconds
some memes I made to express my current frustrations with academia feel free to add your own
I got tagged by @gottaletgopete to post a selfie and let your followers compliment you and then tag 10 peeps!
@misformarvel @the-claire-bitch-project @myactualhusband @og-baby-ob14 @stormyparker @hollandroos @underoosstark @rock-n-roll-queens @princeofsassgard @purespidey
LOOK AT MY GORGEOUS BB. I LOVE HER SEND HER ALL THE LOVE SHE’S A GORGEOUS QUEEN 💖💖💖
what she says: no
what she really means: no
imagine not thinking tom holland is the spider-man our generation deserves when homeboy is the only man in the mcu cast who isn’t the epitome of ‘no homo’ and without hesitation stated that he would fuck chris hemsworth
mr chris evans sir i’m sorry for this erasure i know you want to fuck chris hemsworth as well my bad
op acting as if bobert downey junior didnt kiss every man on set of every movie hes ever made
me: compulsively switches between the same 4 apps for 12 hours straight because i’m absolutely incapable of being left alone w my thoughts
Thor Ragnarok: Valkyrie is bi as fuck
Marvel: *through gritted teeth* lowkey
Thor Ragnarok: Yeah, him too
just my luck || chapter two: spilling the salt
collab with @peeterparkr ♡
summary: two different worlds collide, not knowing what the future holds.
word count: 3k
warnings: none
pairings: tom holland x reader
a/n: hey guys, here’s chapter number two. We want to thank every single one of you because the response to just my luck has been amazing. Enjoy it and give us some feedback, we love reading your reactions and predictions. Italics are flashbacks.
Tom and Harrison were sitting in the living room, having some breakfast. They had the day off and decided to chill for a bit before heading out to Times Square, they were going to enjoy the classic touristic experience.
“I was thinking, mate,” Harrison told him “You’re not that lucky, you know?”
“And here we go again with the luck talk,” Tom sighed, pressing his hands to his temples and massaging them. “Just get over it, live with it, let it flow, Haz. It’s ridiculous I’m not even that lucky.”
Keep reading
me: *wakes up in the middle of the night to read this*
also me: why am i tired?
pretty much me: *way too excited but it’s totally warranted bc this is gr8 and i’m gonna die*
The Art of Pretending - Chapter 1 (H.O.)
A/N: What can I say? Here we go again.
Student!Harrison x Reader
Summary: Being more of a part-time student at the University of the Arts London for Film and Television and part-time hype man for his best friend Tom Holland, there usually isn’t a day where Harrison doesn’t show up late and hungover to class. As a role model student you try your best to stay out of trouble - especially if the boy trouble involves Harrison Osterfield and Tom Holland. What happens when both worlds collide nonetheless?
Masterlist
Teaser / Chapter 1
Raising the bottle to his mouth, the boy’s blue eyes scanned the room. He was looking for something, for someone, he just didn’t know who he was looking for yet. A smile graced the boy’s lips when he saw his best friend Tom score the last beer pong cup, high-fiving his brother Harry in celebration of their win as their other brother Sam and his friend groaned in defeat.
“Osterfield, move your ass over here and help me win the next game.” Sam shouted, motioning for Harrison to join him as his new team partner.
“Oh please, Sam, couldn’t you get a better partner at least? We all know Harrison is absolute and utter trash at this game.” Harry grinned as he dodged the beer pong ball that was thrown at his head by the blonde boy.
“Does it look like I have any other choices?” Sam laughed.
“You’re all assholes.” Harrison shook his head as he watched Tom throw the ball, landing it perfectly. Sam smiled at his partner, telling him that the first cup was his to down.
You first caught the boys eye as he tried to concentrate on the cups in front of him. You weren’t one to attend a lot of house parties or go partying that often, but you were dragged by some of your friends and who were you to say no?
Keep reading
me: i need to pass my classes this semester
also me: ignores lecture to read h-osterfield’s new fic
i’m screaming what does this mean