This is my Dashboard Confessional... @romanticnerdftw - Tumblr Blog

I hope the promises we kept feel heavy around your neck

I hope they drown you in the tears I shed from all the nights that went unslept.

We promised. We promised we’d stay together and fight your demons

But in reality the demon was you all along, I tried and I tried but I guess I just wasn’t that strong

Your love didn’t keep me up, it held me down and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it

Except wait for the fall, to give in to it all

And you left me there as if I had a choice in the matter, colour me stupid, I’ve got a bone to pick with that fucking cupid

He set me up, you strung me out, I was addicted to you. And you knew it, and I blew it, at least that's what your demon would have me believe.

You were my drug, and damn it felt good but the comedown was a killer.

And just like a drug, one day soon I’ll have to get sober if I really want to be happy without the crutch of something I can never have.

Call me selfish but I can’t stand being sad about something I never had.

The times I was there for you, I guess they didn’t count because I have all this shit to deal with that I can’t let out

and I’m spending all my time screaming ‘I just don’t understand’, I feel alone out here, God please just hold my hand.

If you really do drown then what does that make me? The kind of person who’d kill you and still scream at death to take me?

Because living a life lying to myself is living a life trying to be myself with any part of you in me.

I wouldn’t be me without you and I have no fucking idea what to do now I’m free. I guess those chains holding you down were also meant to make me drown.

I can feel your laugh ringing in my ears and your smile, burnt into my chest, I hate you but I still wish you the best.

I hate you,

But I still wish for some rest.

I love you, but I wish I could forget

It’s true what they say, I guess being burnt out and left out in the rain is just where we go when we no longer feel any pain.

Just ashes of you, and me. And ashes of what we used to be.

I wish half of this made sense so

Forgive me,

I couldn’t have you any other way; going out not with a whimper but a fierce blaze, I tried. We flew too soon before we could run but my god wasn't it fun?

We were stuck in this loop and it felt good to me and you, we didn’t even question why that the smallest things I said could make you cry, the damage was done but all this time I wasn’t the one you would run to, no,

I was just someone you kept around to be your crutch, well honey you pushed your luck, I’m done.

You can reduce the number of people you can fool to one. And when you finally wake up from your technicolor daydream,

you can reduce those people to none.

#prose #poetry #creative writing #sadboi #loveless #heartbreak #me #oc #anger

itscyran

REBLOG IF YOU USED TUMBLR IN 2011 - 2013

If so, you knew how turnt Tumblr use to be

romanticnerdftw

Heavily as a diary. Damn I was broken. Don't think I ever fully recovered either. Sadge.

Man. Getting old sucks. I don't know how people are HAPPY to be getting older. I'm around the corner from 40 and I can't stand it. I guess it's down to not feeling like I've accomplished anything at all at this point. Just a load of heartbreaks, failed relationships, a middling career I'm still not sure I'm happy in. I wanted to do so much more and travel so much more. Instead the economy is fucked, my hope of owning my own home slowly dribbling away like a watery dog turd from a spaniels asshole.

I hope there's a version of me out there who didn't fuck up so much and is living somewhere warm, content with a fulfilling career and maybe even married to the love of his life. I'm just on a timeline with the other loser versions of me.

At least I'm not on the worst one where I'm a homeless junky or a criminal.

Eh. Swings and roundabouts I guess.

#getting older #30'sman #30 something

stillyourgfdgirlfriend

A man who cannot tolerate unmet desire without making it your problem is not safe for intimacy.

stillyourgfdgirlfriend

Ding, ding, ding, we have the first male entitlement response here, people.

News flash, no other individual person on this planet owes you fulfilment of those. Your parents owe you care and basic necessities as a child and the state owes you decent living conditions. That’s it.

Apart from maybe regular human decency no one owes you a single fucking thing.

Just because you have needs, it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to others meeting them. No one has to be your friend or partner. You don’t have any right to sex. None. Not even, if you were super nice and friendly, which - let’s face it - you’re clearly not.

You could be the best partner in the entire fucking world, doing all the romantic gestures, emotional support, household labour and be the most fun and even the best in bed, that still wouldn’t entitle you to have sex. You have no right to it. It’s no one’s duty to give it to you. Ever.

It’s called consent; and anyone who doesn’t understand the reality of this has some learning to do or they will eventually traumatise a partner. Might not even be with ill intentions, but making someone feel like they owe you their body leaves marks on them, that run deeper than you can imagine. Because let’s be honest it’s often women, who face these demands and get treated as if it’s their duty to bring their partner sexual fulfilment. It is not.

A right to sex doesn’t exist. No one owes you intimacy. You don’t owe anyone intimacy. If someone doesn’t understand that, they are not safe for intimacy.

P.S.: Ever wonder, if being “shitass” to everyone around you is your coping mechanism because your needs are unmet or if maybe your needs are unmet because you’re “shitass” to everybody and no one wants anything to do with you, because you put no effort into relationships and have nothing to offer and lazily claim that it’s a coping mechanism to excuse any shitty behaviour you’re too cowardly to take real responsibility for? Grow up! Stop expecting others to meet your needs for you and become someone people actually want to be around.

Can someone tell me what it's like to have 'a person'? THAT PERSON. Like that ride or die. The one who's always there for you. Who you're somewhere between best friends and lovers and you're both caught up so badly that you're both just waiting for one of you to take that leap to confessions and swelling hearts and fluttering bellies and for that period of your life for all things to be okay for you both?

I maybe had a person once. And I don't anymore. I'd have forgotten what it feels like to be loved that way, that openly, expressively if I didn't live vicariously through RP audios for the last 6 years. Even the most grounded ones make me ache.

Man. Being a guy in his 30s really is so fucking lonely, I don't think anyone but other guys in their 30s will really get it.

#loneliness #thirties #guys #love #helplessness #my person