hear me out

So I need a outlet. because people sometimes don't get it. I have PTSD and this past year it has been running my life, instead of holding it all in, I'm going to put it all out there maybe it will help, maybe it wont.. who knows

[ronic2010]

You say yes, I say no. You say yes, I say slow down.

Boy your in your own world up there in that head, to think that everything is a yes for everyone just because it's you.

You gotta think about how it's going to work out.

[ronic2010]

I keep having nightmares and there becoming realer every night, i don’t know if I’m asleep or awake

[ronic2010]

I’m starting to remember memories from when I was young.

Some puts a smile on my face, the other brings tears to my eyes.

The emotional roller coaster ride I’ve been on for the past few night is exhausting. Waking up in a cold sweat with my heart racing out of my chest.

Am I alone in this, can anyone see the pain I feel.

Would anyone even believe me if I told them... what’s the point. Just tell myself to get over it.. just take another pill and roll over..

[ronic2010]

[ronic2010]

2017 is almost over and I find myself lost in thought. how would've life turned out if I did half the shit I thought I would or what I had planed on doing but somehow for some reason it didn't happen. I am happy with my life and wouldn't change it.

though I would like to get my camera out more, it's something I miss..

[ronic2010]

I’ve cried many tears over the past year for you. Never knew what I did wrong to deserve this.. but here I am.. I am not a victim of your madness, I am a survivor of you’re war.

[ronic2010]

It was just a dream, I tell myself to try an ease the pain of you’re absence. you didn’t leave.. It’s just a dream..

[ronic2010]

I'm not in love with you

I'm in love with your potential.

[ronic2010]

I want to live but I feel like death.

[ronic2010]

I know you have big dreams for yourself but don't forget to appreciate how far you've come already. Remember the days you prayed for the thing's you have now.

[ronic2010]

He said he loved me, said I was his everything and that he wouldn't ever leave me. I thought I had found Mr. Right for me.. but I was wrong

  DarkMeadow

[ronic2010]

Before she became a woman, she became a secret. Maybe because secrets are silent and women are always told to be. At least secrets are held, and that is more than the lonely get from anyone

I married young, probably younger then I should of.

I was 17 and he was 27.

I thought it was love, I thought I could trust him with my heart.

He was in the military and had a 10 year old son from his first marriage,   I loved his boy like he was my own.  He moved me from Texas to California within a week of marring.

I knew no one...

He kept me in the house and didn’t like when I would go outside or go out to pay bill’s, pick up his son, ect, I felt like he was ashamed by me.

Then one day his friend came over to brow some of my husband’s tools, he had a key to the house and just opened the door and walked in, I was cooking in the kitchen and thought it was my husband so I just blew it off when I heard footsteps walking to the kitchen.

 “And who might you be ma’am? “ A deep unfamiliar voice ask

I quickly turned with the knife I had in my hand from cutting potatoes. To a man in uniform standing 6”2 at my kitchen door.

“I am Lola, I am David’s wife. Who are you and what are you doing in our house?”

He looked taken back by my young baby face and scared eye’s as I held the knife.   

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[ronic2010]

Can we change the world?

Sometimes I think I can change the world, then I look around and see people that say they want to do better but don’t want to change.

so therefore nothing happens and everything stays the same... same shit different day. 

[ronic2010]

Your heart will fix itself. It’s your mind you need to worry about. Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you have kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass. Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again. You need to convince your mind that it has to let go…because your heart already knows how to heal.

[promptsonpaper]

“Close your eyes, please. I know you’re headstrong, and I love that about you, but I love you more to know that I don’t want you to see this monstrosity, so please my love, close those lovely blue eyes and hold onto me tightly.”

[ronic2010]

life

The past two weeks have been more stressful then anything but to every ending is a new beginning 

[ronic2010]

one of the hardest things in life is saying goodbye.. R.I.P