Little Yellow Bastards! They arenāt all dandelions, but people read them as such, enough that this image unlocked a deep and ancient well of rage in me.
I have a whole ESSAY inside of me about the unpalatability of dandelions and the Great Crunchy Conspiracy about this. This little fun fact, āyou can eat dandelions šā , repeated without elaboration, has bothered me since I was 9 YEARS OLD. I have only ever read one article brave enough to tackle this conspiracy, which really addresses how dandelions arenāt particularly edible, and the elaborate steps you need to take to make them so. I have THEORIES AND HOMEWORK TO GIVE YOU ABOUT THIS TOPIC. but everyone else, apart from me and this one brave foraging guy in a magazine, just mechanically repeats the idea that dandelions are yummy, and you should absolutely rip them up and eat them right now. Raw, apparently! From the concrete sidewalk! As if that isnāt a deranged thing to encourage even if it was delicious (which it wonāt be.)
Anyway!! Looking at this picture, which includes a strain of plants called āfalse dandelions,ā as well as some toxic plants, it just goes to show how dumb this advice is. It is is absurd how people keep on repeating this āØāØfun dandelion factāØāØ without disclaimers/qualifiers/instructions. Do you think the general public can look at Little Yellow Bastards with serrated leaves and tell which ones taste like lettuce, and which ones have RECENTLY KILLED PEOPLE? Can the average Joe look at these picture and sort with confidence the dandelions from the not-dandelions? Iām not actually that convinced. Iāve met the public. The public are absolutely reading those little instagram posts and sidebars in Natural Parenting magazine, they are absolutely snacking on slightly toxic weeds, and feeling guilty for not liking them, and keeping their true feelings a secret.
GOD so much of crunchy politics is just sentimental SHADOWBOXING with our own REFLECTIONS and nothing to do with actual plants!! I like dandelions but theyāre pissing me off lately !!!
(A hilarious joke, theyāre a diuretic with the English folk name of piss-the-bed.)
(Itās coltsfoot thatās killed people.)
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