the girl with the fire tattoo

[room927]

How do you even begin to say, “It’s been fourteen years. Maybe now you can unblock me and we can be friends?”

[room927]

I first read this short story when I was in college. For months I read it over and over, letting the words wash over me as my young heart dealt with a painful breakup. I read it again today, saved in my files.

[jakeperalta]

I am deeply obsessed with the manuscript as the closing track of the anthology. returning to that first big life altering heartbreak, the one that inspired some of the most acclaimed and beloved work of her career, but it's a distant past now and it's almost as though it happened to someone else. and then, in the wake of all the intense loss and turbulence that the past two hours have documented, she knows what the agony was for. because just like all that now remains of that past relationship is the art that came out of it — including all too well, a song that was changed for her over the years into something beautiful and joyful — one day all that will remain of this period will be this manuscript, this album and all its feelings that eventually won't even be hers anymore but will belong to her past self and to its future listeners.

[room927]

Every few months (or is it once every year?) I allow myself to look back. There’s always a lot of drama in my head when I do this. I fall apart but not completely. Not enough that the people around me notice.

Unless they pay attention and then they’ll see how I’m slightly off kilter. I take longer lunch breaks. I tend to deal with these episodes by walking a lot.

I walked a lot today. I walked for four hours in Megamall and Shangri La Plaza. It’s in the middle of scorching hot summer, so walking inside malls has become my thing.

I had a thought earlier. Maybe I look back because I miss the versions of myself I let go one by one over the years. And these are versions of myself anchored on the people I once loved. Maybe it’s not people I miss — it’s me.

I miss romance. I miss feeling destroyed over a boy. That time is past. And in many ways, that’s perfectly fine.

[room927]

What still matters?

I wake up, run through my to-do list in my head

And every time it is followed by

What the hell for?

The priority is to survive.

I take my multi-vitamin, my Ester-C.

I say my prayers.

Dear God please give us your shield of protection.

Spare me and my family. My loved ones and friends.

It feels like a lottery now, who gets it and who doesn’t.

Who dies, who survives.

Is it weird that the one thing I really pray for lately is luck?

Please make us lucky and allow us to survive.

I drive to work and I pretend to care.

Pretend that work still matters aside from the means to pay the bills.

What still matters?

Covid has pared down our lives to its quintessential form.

We know that health is the most important thing above all. We suspected it before but now we know it with absolute certainty.

I’ve never felt more fragile, more mortal in my life.

We also know that kindness transcends distance.

And kindness matters more than how much money you have or how big your house is.

In this dark world, it’s the kind people that hold the beacons of light guiding the rest of us.

Our small annoyances and grievances forgotten, we put more importance in our relationships.

These days every person I talk to I always think I might lose. And that makes me gentler, more loving, more expressive of what I feel.

My caustic side gone, I have softened in ways I didn’t think possible.

Maybe the message is this: take care of yourself and each other better. This is what matters. Everything else is secondary.

[room927]

I am lucky and it’s the best thing ever.

[haleyincarnate]

Quote by Trista Mateer

[room927]

We said we’d look for each other at the end of the world. Come find me.

[khh-and-kactors-reactions]

Going on a road trip with Ji Chang Wook would include:

Chang Wook would prefer a road trip outside Korea, probably Canada or Europe.

So that the chances of you two being spotted together would be rather slim.

Friends or lovers, he wants to keep you away from the media and protect you as part of his private life.

It would be a rather luxurious trip: top car and sleeping in hotels.

Probably his birthday present for you or any other excuse so you won’t have to pay.

Taking turns in driving every hour.

And buying a lot of snacks at rest stops, like really A LOT.

Him taking pictures of basically anything: you, the scenery, places you visit, etc.

You being annoyed when he asked you to stop driving for the umpteenth time to take a picture.

“Seriously, Chang Wook, we will never arrive in time at our next destination.”

Him putting a blanket over you with one hand when you doze off next to him driving.

Sharing a hotel room together (again friends or lovers).

80% exploring, 20% relaxing.

70% laughing together and teasing each other, 30% having serious talks about life, your dreams and the future.

If no travelling the next day, getting drunk with a bottle of wine on the balcony of your hotel room.

Buying each other a souvenir to remember the trip.

[room927]

Daydream - inducing 🤍

[room927]

I wish I lived in a world where you could be mine.

[tarot-dreams]

Save The Date : 2020

The 13 Full Moons of 2020

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

🐺 Friday, January, 10th

❄️ Sunday, February, 9th

🐛 Monday, March, 9th

💗 Wednesday, April, 8th

🌸 Thursday, May, 7th

🍓 Friday, June, 5th

🌩 Sunday, July, 5th

🐠 Monday, August, 3rd

🌽 Wednesday, September, 2nd

🏹 Friday, October, 2nd

💙 Saturday, October, 31st

🐿 Monday, November, 30th

🥶 Wednesday, December, 30th

Retrograde Planetary Movements

Uranus Retro in ♉️ : Aug, 12 (2019) – Jan, 1st

Mercury Retro in ♊️+♒️ : Feb, 17th – Mar 10th

Pluto Retro in ♑️ : April, 25th – Oct, 4th

Saturn Retro in ♑️+♒️ : May, 11th – Sept, 29th

Venus Retro in ♊️ : May, 13th – June 25th

Jupiter Retro in ♑️ : May, 14th – Sept, 13th

Mercury Retro in ♋️ : June, 18th – July, 12th

Neptune Retro in ♓️ : June, 23rd – Nov, 23rd

Uranus Retro in ♉️ : Aug, 15th – Jan, 1st (2021)

Mars Retro in ♈️ : Sept, 9th – Nov, 14th

Mercury Retro in ♏️+♎️ : Oct, 14th – Nov, 3rd

Celestial Signs

♑️ Capricorn : Dec, 22nd – Jan, 19th

♒️ Aquarius : Jan, 20th – Feb, 18th

♓️ Pisces : Feb, 19th – Mar, 20th

♈️ Aries : Mar, 21st – Apr, 19th

♉️ Taurus : Apr, 20th – May, 20th

♊️ Gemini : May, 21st – Jun, 20th

♋️ Cancer : Jun, 21st – Jul, 22nd

♌️ Leo : Jul, 23rd – Aug, 22nd

♍️ Virgo : Aug, 23rd – Sept, 22nd

♎️ Libra : Sept, 23rd – Oct, 22nd

♏️ Scorpio : Oct, 23rd – Nov, 21st

♐️ Sagittarius : Nov, 22nd – Dec, 21st

Sabbat Festivals (Northern Hemisphere)

🕯 Imbolc – Candlemas : February, 2nd

🌺 Ostara – Vernal Equinox : March, 21st

🔥 Beltane – Mid Spring : May, 1st

☀️ Litha – Summer Solstice : June, 21st

🌾 Lammas – Harvest : August, 1st

🍁 Mabon – Autumnal Equinox : Sept, 23rd

🎃 Samhain – All Hallows’ Eve : Oct, 31st

❄️ Yule – Winter Solstice : December 21st

Sabbat Festivals (Southern Hemisphere)

🌾 Lammas – Harvest : February, 2nd

🍁 Mabon – Autumnal Equinox : Mar, 21st

🎃 Samhain – Witches’ New Year : May, 1st

❄️ Yule – Winter Solstice : June, 21st

🕯 Imbolc – Candlemas : August, 1st

🌺 Ostara – Vernal Equinox : Sept, 23rd

🔥 Beltane – Mid Spring : October, 31st

☀️ Litha – Summer Solstice : Dec, 21st

[soracities]

“We have seen Paradise over & over we have lost it every time.”

— Alice Walker, from A Poem Traveled Down My Arm (via wishbzne)

[itsvnlee]

[room927]

It was one of those days again. My alarm clock went off and I - I just could not make myself get up from bed. Not even the important meeting that I purposely scheduled on this day was enough motivation to go to work.

So I turned off my snooze button and just gave in. I decided to blow off work and stay in. I can’t give it a name. This feeling that has me in its grips maybe 5 times in a month when I could do nothing but succumb to its overwhelming power over my mind and emotions.

When it strikes, I don’t want to deal with people. I don’t want to be around them. I just want to stay glued to my couch and watch tv. That is all the activity it allows me to do. Sometimes I’d try to open a book or paint. But nothing compares to the satisfaction of just staring all day at the hypnotic visuals of the TV screen, getting lost in whatever world of whatever film or series I’m watching.

Of course it’s an escape. These worlds offer a vacation from this mundane life I’m living.

[room927]

When do the odds stop stacking up against us?

[room927]

I want you out of my mind.

I want you OUT OF MY HEART.

I keep imagining slapping your face hard

then kissing your mouth fiercely until it bled

I want to ram my body into you.

Scream into your face.

Rip your clothes off.

Leave bite marks on the most fragile places of your skin.

I HATE THAT I CANNOT EVEN TOUCH YOU.

And that I cannot do anything to remove you

from inside my brain where you poison my ordinary thoughts

with thoughts of rebellion.

from inside my heart where you seem to have overstayed your welcome

by 11 years.

get out, please.

GET OUT NOW.

[room927]

I paint my feelings because it hurts more to write about them.