Potential JJ finale confessions, a list by me, somebody who has not slept for Too Many Hours;
She released a small family of woodland squirrels into Reid’s hair when it reached peak messy because they were homeless and needed somewhere to live. This was years ago. Reid has still not noticed. It’s been eating her up inside living the lie.
She’s actually a red head and has been compulsively dying and retouching her roots and brows for the Past. Fourteen. Years.
also photoshopped all pre-blonde pics of her expertly. Took 6 months.
She has an IQ of 193 and thinks Reid’s really not that smart
She’s actually from California and a compulsive liar with no qualifications, she hitched a ride to the east coast, applied to the fbi with fakes of legit everything and somehow got in. Family members??? Paid actors. So were everybody in her ‘supposed’ hometown. She’s all about the long con.
She murdered Mateo Cruz (the section chief) because he Knew Too Much (her lunch order, it was her lunch order).
She also used to off all the reporters who annoyed her a lot back in her Liaison days. Like, i mean, some of them were rlly obnoxious. Mass graves, a few every state, keeps it tidy.
She’s a time traveler stuck in the past. She was born 400 years into the future and was the Captain of the federation star ship Camelot, she somehow got stuck in the past with no way to get home so she figured catching serial killers looked fun??? why not right???
One time Reid pissed her off because he kinda sorta mansplained something to her so she licked his lunch.
Accidentally stole one of emily’s bras one time on a case in a luggage mix up and it got too awkward to return it because she left it so long so it’s just sitting in a drawer somewhere Judging her for the theft.
Knows every single word to all the nickelback songs. Is filled to the brim with self hatred. Can’t decide if it’s worth admitting even under pain of death. Has to weigh Reid’s life against admitting this knowledge.
Had a massive crush on Minnie mouse as a child. Still does. Is super ashamed. Was genuinely pissed when neither of her kids loved her too.
is actually a massive nerd and has understood every single nerd reference reid and garcia have made the whole show but faked it at first as a joke so she could have a super cool ‘wow look i’m a nerd too’ reveal but never got around to it and now it’s just weird
has handed in her resignation with 2 weeks notice because she wants to become a professional duck farmer. Really wishes she’d given no notice to be at one with the quacks.
She got a taste for leadership in the great barnes debacle back in season 13 and since then has been planning a coup to overthrow emily as uncontested leader of the round-table. An entire section of said plan is devoted to the mission impossible theme playing in the background of her most badass moments.
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