face holding is something that is so precious and personal to me. yes, grab my face or cradle it in your hands. i'll gladly put myself under the mercy of the strength of those hands.
also, a friendly reminder, the world we live in now consists of an active genocide.
of warcrimes being posted on twitter by the official account of israeli government.
of people looking at children, women and men being bombed, killed, starved and butchered and saying it is okay because of a single terrorist group, THAT ISRAEL CREATED.
of westerners saying to look away from the slaughter happening in gaza because your mental health is more important than thousands of lives.
of israeli politicians straight up using propaganda from nazi handbooks to dehumanise palestinians, calling them less than human, less than the rest of us, animals.
and what one palestinian man posted on his social media hit me more than anything: āif we actually were animals, people would care.ā
In his last moments, you know, that moment where your body seems so cold yet so hot, and how you could hear your heart beating in your ears. Your fingertips freezing and losing touch, in those moments where your love ones came through your mind, like a movie strip, playing in front of your eyes.
In Touyaās last moment, he saw you.
āTouyaā. You called, and he could clearly hear your beautiful voice calling his ugly name. The name he tried so hard to abandon but you told him, āIāll love your name, and call you by your name, so if you hate it, remember that youāre hating me as wellā. And at that confession, he learned to love hearing his name fall from your lips. Through his dying eyes, he could see your sleepy eyes, blinking at him while you stroke his scarred face.
āYouāre so beautiful, Touyaā. You whispered, reaching towards him and kissing his forehead gently, the love pouring and spreading through his body. He remembered that heās not really sure what to say when you said that, he simply kisses your lips and lay onto your chest, listening fervently to your heartbeat. How he wishes, to listen to your heartbeat again; in your embrace heās safe and he can be Touya.
Then another scene flashes. The both of you sitting outside, at the balcony. It was summer, and the fireworks were dancing in the night sky. Touya remembered how ethereal you looked that night. In his black shirt, your eyes reflecting the beautiful lights, your mouth slightly open, squeals of excitement but when you turn back to him with the brightest smile on your face, he thought, this is where he belongs. Staring at you and admiring your beauty, holding onto your hand that reached out to him, squeezing it slightly and feeling yours squeezing his back. In that moment, in the silence, he falls in love with you all over again.
Touyaās body laid on the cold ground, the pain was coursing through his body and another scene flashes. It was the first time of the many later where he came back with blood and injuries all over him. You saw him and panicked, quickly going towards him and asking him what happened. āWorkā. He said and you opened your mouth, brows scrunching in anger but your eyes went back to the gash on his cheek, and stopped. Your hands hold onto his wrist so softly, as if Touya was made of glass. You asked him to sit down and he obliged, as you took out the first aid kit and sat on the ground in front of him. You were silent as you tended to the wounds on his arms and chest, and when you looked up at him, when your eyes met his, he couldnāt understand why your eyes were filled with water.
āWhy are you crying?ā. Your eyes shakes as you stare into him, shocked by his words. Somehow at that time, you understood. So, you said, āBecause I love youā. āHowā ā. āBecause I was scared, and worried, because you were bleeding so muchā¦ And I love you too much, Touya, Iāll die if you dieā. Touya could only stare at you, he believes that, that was the first time he understood that you love him. Youāre not just someone who took pity in him and he understood, that youāre his home. So, he hugged your back, caressing your hair as you cried out.
Please donāt die (y/n). Touya thought, his breathing thinning and it was getting too hard to suck in air. Then another scene flashes.
In that scene, you held flowers to your chest, the most dazzling smile on your face. Somehow in that scene, he couldnāt feel any pain from his skin and so he held his hands up. His skin wasā¦ normal. Thereās no stitches and ugly purples, and when he traces his cheeks, it was smooth and suddenly youāre in front of him.
Another scene flashes, and you were walking down the aisle. Another scene flashes, and you were holding onto his face, your own flushed red as he whispers his love to you. Another scene flashes, and you were showing him a positive pregnancy test. Another scene flashes, and he was crying as he held onto his child in his arms. Another scene flashes and the both of you held onto your childās hands, walking down the street. Another scene flashes and youāre so old, and still so beautiful. Youāre still smiling, that dazzling smile and youāre still holding onto his hands so gently.
āI love youā. You whispered. āNow, forever and afterā. No one would ever love Touya as much as you did. And he knew it by heart, and even in his last breath. Even as his eyes stares soulless into the foggy, ugly world. Even in his last moments, your love comforted him, and held onto him, guiding him slowly and gently.
And Todoroki Touya, in his last moments, loved you and dreamt of you.
I really hate doing this, but last week as some of you all may have known my car was stolen along with my bank cards. They had only managed to steal about $100 off my bank cards before I canceled them, but my bank is refusing to reimburse me for it. My car was found last night and was towed to a wreaker yard because I had no way to go collect it. I had to pay $300 out of my own pocket, which was half of my rent money. So I am down $400 dollars now.
I hate asking for help and this is leaving a very bitter taste in my mouth doing this. Any little thing would help me right now. Even if you can't, I am eternally grateful to you.
Below is my Ko-fi and I also opened my commissions if you want to support me that way. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart if you chose to commission me or donate to help me.
Would you ever write for Dainsleif , Dottore, baizhu , pantalone or enjou ?
And may I add you to my genshin writers list ?
OMG OF COURSE!! I will be writing for them soon, it just that I've been busy + I don't have any idea on what to write about because of how busy I am with my studies but yes!!! If you have any requests, you can request for it hehe.
AND I WILL BE HONORED TO BE ADDED INTO YOUR LIST OMGGG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
So if you don't know, today is the day Muslims stops fasting, which means it's Eid. so Happy Eid Mubarak to all my Muslims followers!!! May you slay on such beautiful day!!
AYO I POSTED TWO IMAGINES???? I DEADASS DIDNT REALIZE I WAS WRITING THEM??? I WOKE UP AND I WAS LIKE " why the hell is there so many notifications" AND BOOM SOMEHOW I WROTE ABOUT MIKEY AND GOJO?????
I was so sleepy and tired and MY THOUGHTS WERE MIKEY AND GOJO AND HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM??
absolute simp
Anyways, I hope y'all love it, it's my first time posting something without rechecking many times, I WAS SERIOUSLY SO SLEEPY WHEN I DID. Enjoy my sleepy writing agshagahah
I think Gojo is clumsy when it comes to love. He grew up not really knowing or seeing love as it is. Only superficial flattery and whatnots.
And so when the both of you decided to get together, it was just a fling at first but despite that, there's a gentleness in your ways that Gojo never felt before.
It piqued his interest, made the curious blood in him rushes through his brain and he listens to the softness you hold. Yeah it was a fling at first, but for the first time, in your eyes, he's much more than a piece of meat, much more than his exotic eyes, much more than a person who held the name Gojo.
In your eyes he's Satoru, your Satoru, your beautiful Satoru; and he knew he was handsome, but beautiful? He couldn't see the beauty in a killing machine yet you would tell him over and over again how beautiful he is. And eventually, he accepted it, that he's the most beautiful person when he's with you.
When you held him, there's a certain tenderness that made him crave it so much. Touching you became a need, because in your arms, he felt safe. Yes, THE Gojo Satoru, felt safe in your arms because only in your embrace was he able to unravel all the ugly things he kept inside, both from the people he dealt with and the ugliness of his thoughts.
And he would remember thinking, "Will (y/n) accept this horrifying, disgusting part of me?". And he curse himself for not trusting you. You took his ugliness and kisses his forehead with a smile as you tell him of how there's no such thing as ugly or disgusting when it comes to him and Oh God, Gojo truly felt like he was loved.
Gojo Satoru had also wondered, what is it that made you so special? Then he sees it when he would come home, and the burden chained on his ankles somehow unchained itself and when he would see you laying down on the couch, laughing out loud at the comedy you're watching on the TV, he knew, that this is the mundane, simple life he needed. Because this is the first time Gojo could feel simplicity, the first time ever in his life that he doesn't need to impress or give, or take.
In your presence, he merely needed to live, for you to love him with everything in your being.
And gosh, he would never be able to attest against your love, it was as clear as glass, you love him and it's scary. Gojo Satoru is a clumsy man when it comes to love, yet you held onto his hand and told him it's okay to fall in love. You'll love him as much as he needs.
When Mikey loves you, you wouldn't really hear much words of affirmations.
But you could see it when he would split half of his taiyaki for you, feeding you with his hand and wiping off the remnants on your lips with his soft, gentle thumb.
You would see it when he would ask Draken for a helmet, made for you. So when the both of you go out on your weekly, night ride, he would sit you up on your special seat, while he strap the helmet onto you, making sure your hair looks fine because "I spend so much time making my hair looks good!",you said, and he remembered of course. He didn't ride fast, but enough to have you embracing his chest as he subconsciously held onto your hand, giving it a little squeeze.
You would see his love when he would take out an album of him and his little family. He would then explain what happened in those pictures. Like the time where he tried to cook some Melon Bread but ended up having flour all over him, or pictures of his brother, as his lips smiled, soft with a tinge of sadness. He'll also show you the early pictures of Toman, and he would tell you glorious stories of his mates, and you could see the proud look on his face. Mikey shares his memories when he loves.
You would see it the most when he's at his lowest. Yes, Draken had been the closest to his heart but when you came? There were indeed no words when you heard the engine of his motor at night, but when you would open the door to your house, and the immediate hug from him, that was the rawest he had ever been. The shakiness of his shoulders, the silent sobs as you fell down on your knees with him in yours arms, cradling the broken pieces of him. You would stroke his hair, soothing him and he would tighten his hold, as he slowly speaks of what's bothering him.
Mikey doesn't really show his love through words but you never failed to see his love. It's true, it's pure and it's beautiful. It's intimate and raw and you would never trade it for anything. Mikey loves, and he loves hard, and no one loves more than a person who shows instead of uttering mindless words.
Haaaa this is it y'all. Today is the day my life is changing, hopefully for the better. I'm sure it's for the better. I received a university offer from the university I wanted, in the course I wanted, just this Monday and I am grateful. Today, I'm moving from a small town to a big city, and I'm going to meet new people, and explore new places. Frankly, I'm scared, I'm scared of the unknown, scared of the what ifs, scared of the impending... Whatever.
But I am so excited too!! Because this is a dream come true, and I'm so excited to meet new people, make new friends, new memories, try new things. I was in a stale position for two years and a half and finally, I can tell that part of me, that 'its here, the chance and growth you wanted'.
And it's here. And I'll celebrate it, and mourn the comfort and familiarity of my home, and I'll welcome the new adventures, the what ifs, the challenges.
I also can't wait for the new ideas for the stories I'll write in the future. May my path be blessed and my stories be written. Thank you all for the love you've poured on my writings. Tumblr, my fics, had become one of the 'changes', I so needed in my mundane life and it had become a steady kindle to my passion.
synopsis: And it feels like the end and the start of a movie Iāve seen before
tags: HEAVY ANGST, written in 1st person pov, soft Bakugou, inspired by the song, ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine, descriptive kissing, honestly idk what to tag but this is quite heavy and itās very sad
w.c : 1.2k
a/n: Halu! Oh gosh, thisā¦ this is sad. I was crying when I wrote this because somehow, it feels too close yknow. I hope this writing, though sad, soothes a part of you that loves Bakugou. Katsuki is really special to me and maybe thatās why I chose him for this piece. Anyways, please take care of yourself, if thereās anything going on, make sure you donāt hold it by yourself. I love you.
Eyes blinking at the grainy ceilings as I stretched my hand upwards, trying to reach it. Itās a never-ending reach, itās like the ceiling is too far and I canāt ever seem to reach it. With a sigh, I took my hand back into my chest, and curled myself in. There is a deep emptiness in me, words ghosting on my lips. These things crept through my skin, like goosebumps crawling but instead itās something more inexplicable. In my emptiness, my eyes fluttered, heaviness lay on my bottom lashes as a single tear glide down, staining the sheets beneath me; I closed my eyes.
āMy love why are you crying?ā. I jolted from the voice beside me, as clear and as loud, my head snapped up from my curled position. My eyes met Bakugou Katsuki whoās back was against the head board; his eyes behind those glasses stared at me with a softness. Upon seeing my terrified and confused look, he took off his glasses and places it and the book on his hand on top of my side table.
āBakugou?ā. I whispered, and the blondeās face contorts, somewhat insulted by something as he reaches forward, brushing his hand on my damp cheeks. I steeled from the touch, trying to understand whatās happening. Sadness washes over his face, unsure on what to do as he retracts his hands back.
āDid I do something wrong? Why are you calling me by my goddamn family name?ā.
āWhy are you on my bed? NoāHow could you be on my bed? You donāt exiāā.
āAha! I knew it!ā. Bakugou said, as he approaches me again, his hands held onto my arms. Gently, he pulled me to his body, hugging me tight, my head on his chest.
And maybe thatās the explanation, maybe I did have a bad dream. A dream that was horrible and dark and empty, lonely. It has to be a bad dream because this feels so real. Skin meeting skin, a heartbeat drumming against a hard chest and the subtle caramel scent reaching my nose. He feels too alive.
Yes, that must be it.
So, I chuckled, pushing myself up while I place myself on his lap. I gaze at him; I could see everything. His red eyes, and his thick lashes, I held out my hand, letting it touch the side of his face. The stubbles on his cheek pricks my skin, Katsuki, my Katsuki. I couldnāt help but stare at him shamelessly, stare into my heaven on earth, his being held in my palm.
Katsuki smile at me tenderly, as he places both his hand on my waist. āDonāt look at me like thatā.
āLike what loveā.
āLike thereās an impending somethingā. I shake my head, touching his forehead with mine as my thumb mindlessly caress his cheek. With a fulfilled sigh, I went back to his chest, wanting to hear that heartbeat again. He took a hand, holding up and kissing the palm, his other hand tracing patterns on my waist. Katsuki held me tight into him, his chest vibrates from his humming and I want to savor this moment. The man would never understand how fulfilling his presence is. The emptiness I felt before gone, filled with the love he poured endlessly. I looked up from his chest, and I could clearly see his stubbles and I poke it again, and I could feel it, again. Katsuki looks down and smile softly. I held his face and kisses his chin.
And of course, my lips touched skin. āI love you Katsukiā. He hums again, as I pull myself up and come face to face with him. I trace his eyebrows as his eyes flutter close. His nose, high and strong and his cheeks, though chiseled, thereās a softness to it, as I pinch it and red eyes glared at me. I place a soft kiss on his nose, telling him sorry; a dumb smile on my face. Then I place a thumb on his lips, soft, hot under my finger and real.
āKiss meā. He said hushed, and I obliged. I lean forward as he places a hand on my cheek. And it feels real, it must. His lips met mine, and it feels pillowy, a softness one could only feel through meeting a loverās lips, and with his I could feel softness incomparable, and deep, careful love.
I could feel myself melting into him, as I deepen the kiss, eyes closed. I could feel his tongue parting my lips, and when mine touches his, it was another kind of softness that I think only he holds. My body heating up with our proximity and after what feels like heaven, he unlatches his lips; both of us trying to catch our breath. In this moment, I knew this is where I belong. In the arms of him, melting into him, heart filled with him. An urge burns in me, a love I never thought exist within me, a love concealed by hatred I indulged and this love had saved me. Katsuki saved me from an impending something.
āI love you Katsukiā. He watches me, sorrow evident in his face and I am puzzled.
āI love you tooā¦ but Iām sorryā.
āWhy are you sorry Katsuki?ā. He shook his head, holding me close to his chest once again. His grip was tight, as if I will float away and instinctively, I held on, letting myself hear. Thump, Thump, Thump.
āI am so sorry my loveā.
No, of course not.
I look up again from his chest and he was already looking down at me. His eyes watering as I reach up, wiping away the strayed tear. Thereās a bittersweet smile etched on his face and I knew, but I didnāt want to believe.
Please no.
āPlease Katsukiā¦please, donāt.ā Despair and hopelessness brimming through my eyes, as I fist his shirt. Please, please, God, please let me stay, please. Heās my happiness, a torch, the sun, the life, a reason, everything, my everything.
āYouāreā¦ā. I shook my head, urging him to stop but he continues. āYouāre okayā¦ You will be, and maybeā¦ one dayānevermindā.
āOne day what Katsuki?ā. He could only smile at me, and I opened my eyes wide, making sure Iām seeing this, printing it in my memories because I knew. He left a long and deep kiss on my forehead, wiping the tears of my face; but itās useless. I am already sobbing and the burn on my chest had gone beyond pain. He kissed me again, the softness I knew leaving me and I tried my best to feel it. The smell, the touch, him, Katsuki, Iāll remember him.
And my eyes fluttered open, staring deep into the beige ceiling. My lips tremble, as I slowly glance to my side, please let it not be a dream, and it is. My lover; the only salvation from this life stayed in my dreams, and I woke up to gaze in this wretched world again. A world without him and his softness. Ā A sob left my lips and I quickly clasp my mouth shut, the other clutching, clawing my chest.
AHHHH I FINALLY POST MY FIRST ASK EVER!! I know i've been talking about this since the first time I got it but this is really a huge thing for me!!! This has been my goal ever since I started and finally, I can tick it off my goals!
ALSO!! I'm gonna pump out some angst so get ready heheheheh. ITS TIME TO CRY
synopsis: The story of a green cloaked adventurer, Doctor Baizhu and your disappearance (Based on this ask!)
tags: NOT PROOF READ, ANGST, visionless reader, mentions of wounds but its not explicit, death!, unrequited love (I'm not sure what else to tag but if thereās anything please let me know)
w.c : 2.7k
a/n: Halu!! First of all, I AM SO SORRY FOR POSTING THIS LATE!! I was so busy and Iām only getting busier cause guess what? YOUR GIRL IS PURSUING HER DEGREE OMG ASDHASKDJAHSKASKJ I AM SO HAPPY! I JUST GOT THE NEWS TODAY! Anyways, this is very angsty and my first ask ever!! I tried my best to make it good so I hope my first anon loves it! All in all, enjoy and thank you for all who love my writing, I am nothing with your love.
You are an amazing adventurerā visionless, but amazing nonetheless. Others had said (your people from Sumeru), that being a visionless adventurer is like a knight without its swords, but you have proven them wrong. You cultivated multiple skills, be it in the swords, in using polearms or any weapon it is, you had also cultivated your adventuring skills such as navigation and mapping; the skills under your belt are enough to pick up top tier commissions without any hassle.
Of course, being visionless means youāre more prone to injuries, so you have to always make do with passing doctors or medicine you produce yourself using wild herbs, yet nothing beats Baizhuās medicines. You could still remember the day you first went to his pharmacy; it was raining, you had asked the locals if thereās any place that will tend to injuries and they directed you to Bubu Pharmacy.
Once you reached the Pharmacy, you could see a little kid behind the counter and almost cursed the locals for lying but then a green haired man, with a rare white snake around his neck, emerges from the back.
āI'm sorry but weāre close dear customer, you can come over tomoāā. Baizhu took in your haggard appearance, your green cloak clung to you; the rain drops below your feet mix with red and your alarming paleness were enough to make Baizhu ran over towards you, when your knees caved in.
Next thing you knew, youāre staring at an unfamiliar ceiling and you could feel bandages wrapped around your stomach, directly below your left ribcage where you were stabbed.
āDo you want coconut milk?ā.Ā Your eyes snapped to the pale child beside you, her eyes expressionless. You were going to ask her whatās coconut milk when the man from before came in with a pitcher.
āHow are you feeling?ā. You draped the blanket over you, as you sit up. You shrugged your body, trying to get a feel and as you were doing so, the doctor examines you briefly. When you realize that your body feels much better you gave him your biggest grin and a thumbs up.
āFeels great doc!ā.
Then ever since, you had decided to stay in Liyue. Of course, your reasoning was mostly on how rich, historically and, literally Liyue is but you canāt possibly admit that you stayed because of the quiet and handsome doctor. You made sure to visit Bubu Pharmacy every single time you have any injuries or illnesses and over time, you realized that you had caught feelings over Baizhu. He was gentle and you were obnoxious both in your volume and your incessant flirting, it was obvious that you like the doctor.
āBaizhu? Are you here?ā. You walked into the pharmacy, and there you could see him sitting beside Qiqi, instructing her on how to make the medicine. The dendro vision holder looks up at figure clad in a green cloak he knows very well and gives you a smile, his eyes crescent.
āWelcome backā. Hearing those words, some of the fatigue straining your body were lifted as you approach the counter.
āWhere are you hurt again (y/n)?ā. He asked, standing up and leading you to the room at the back for his patients. You pat Qiqiās head before dragging yourself to the room, where Baizhu sat on a chair by the bed. You sat down, taking off your cloak and show him your wounds, though theyāre not huge and gnarly, you have multiple cuts and slashes on your arms and legs. You let Baizhu tends to you while you tell Ā him stories of your adventures. Every single time, Baizhu would listen, at times he would ask questions or look at you in disbelief because how the hell did you get caught in such situations, but most of the time he would listen quietly.
He enjoys listening to you, your presence brought him joy and serenity but he could never tell you. Not with the illness he has, he canāt let himself like someone to much or even fall in love.
But, you were soā¦ loveable. Your flirtations were constant but you were never scared to show him how much you love him. He was also amazed at the fact that youāre vision less yet youāre so fearless, unlike him. Thatās part of you that he envies so much, because unlike him, shackled by an illness, incurable and unknown, youāre so free and filled with life.
Once heās done with his treatment, you rummage through your bag and took out a white string decorated with various colors of green stones. You hand it to Baizhu and he examined it, trying to understand what is it.
āIts for your hairā. You said, as he stared at it, the stones were beautiful and it glimmers under the light. Itās too beautiful for him but he knew that rejecting your gift would be useless. All the gifts and letters from when you remembered him on your journey were kept safe in a box. He smiled and thank you for your gift, making a mental note to keep the hair tie in the box later.Ā
āCan I tie it for you?ā. You whispered, a blush staining your cheeks as you gaze at him with those eyes filled with adoration. A pang of guilt reaches his heart when his mouth almost utter rejection. Its not that he dislikes your gifts, he was just afraid that the feelings he kept safe in his own box would burst open. He nodded and smile, as you give him a grin, and gently reaches towards his braid.
With a slightly shaky hand, you reach towards the end of his braid, unconsciously rubbing his hair between your fingers. You untie the one on his hair and with skillful hands, you tie the beautiful gems around his hair. Once youāre done, you show it to him and Baizhu took the end of his hair into his hands and inspects your work. His green hair compliments the stones well and he thank you. Feeling the heavy tension in the air, you jokingly asked him out for dinner in which he, time and time again rejects you. Telling you that thereās a policy he has to follow as a doctor, and you only laugh and nodded, though deep in your heart, you understand the āpolicyā were merely sweet words.
Then you were off to your next adventurer.
It was another rainy day, and you were back from your adventure. It has been two weeks since you last seen him and you missed him so much. Once you reach the pharmacy, there was a heaviness in the air, as if telling you to be careful. From the counter you could see, Qiqi, reading on her little book, the notebook you gave her the last time you were there. You smiled as you ask.
āWhereās the doc?ā. The pale child points to the back and you give her a pat as a thank you. You went in and there Baizhu was organising his medicine, you cough, indicating your presence as his head whips towards you. You give him a huge smile, and usually he would give you his but this time, he nodded curtly. Your heart stinged at his cold welcome but shrug the thought off.
āPlease sit down on the bedā. Something is amiss because Baizhu would usually say āwelcome backā but here he is, tending to your wounds silently, a somber look on his face. You tried making jokes but he only nodded while focusing on his work. For the first time, the patientās room were silent and you could only stare at him when you noticed that he was not wearing the hair tie you gave him.
A sharp pain reaches your heart but you shook your head, trying to make excuses. Once he was finish, you thank him as he mutters a no problem. You palm the smooth gem in your pocket, wondering if itās the right timing to give it to him. The thing is, you have to give him because you are going for a very long journey, a journey for him.
āHey Baizhu, are you free after this? Letās go have dinner together yeah?ā. Baizhu stares at your smiling face and shook his head.
āSorry (y/n), I canāt go. I have something to doā.
āAww come on!ā. You approach him, pulling at his forearm. āWe havenāt eaten together for so long! Besides thereās something I wanna giāā.
āJust stopā. Baizhu pulls his arm from you, trying to walk away. It has been a long day, rude customers and his painful illness has been consistently attacking him throughout the day. He canāt afford to flirt and entertain you right now.
āIām sorry Baizhu if I was too forceful, but the thing is I have to gāā.
āStop it! I told you I have something to do!ā Baizhu raises his voice as you step back, shocked by his sudden anger. You were going to apologise when he turns around, face red and filled with anger.
āI am so tired of you! Your incessant flirtings are so distracting and Iā¦ I canāt afford to be distracted!ā. He clutched his chest, hissing as he continues.
āWhy canāt you just stop? I have an illness to cure and youāre justā¦ā. Baizhu sighs, trying to control his emotions and keeping his anger at bay. He knew, that you donāt deserve to be the one receiving his anger but everything is too much.
And you? Your head hung low, lips trembling as your nails dug into your palms. You took in a deep breath and look up, meeting his eyes as you give him a forced smile.
āI understand Baizhu.. Iām sorry againā. You whisper as you walk past him, and out of the room. Baizhu could only see your green robe flutter away as he curse at himself. Baizhuās hand reaches his head, and fisted his hair, frustrated at the turns of event. He needs to apologise, he thought.
So he quickly get out of the room, trying to reach you again but as he passes the counter, he saw a stone. A green stone, he recognizes as aventurine. He knew instantly that itās from you and guilt swarmed him all over. The meaning of the stone sinks into him, along with the relationship he denied ever since.
---
Months had pass since your disappearance, and his remorse had attached to his heart like a lock. On the second month, he knew that something was wrong. You never took this long and even if you do, he would have receive a letter. No letters came, days and night waiting for your letter, for your fluttering green cloak; yet nothing came and after the third month, he decided that this time; heās going to find you, apologise, bring you out for dinner and continue the routine the both of you once had, between a patient and a doctor.
ā(y/n)?...ā. The figure turns around and its not you. āSorry, I thoughtā¦ā
āDoctor Baizhu?ā. Ā Baizhuās face changes into confusion, wondering how someone from Sumeru would know his name. He nodded, when the robed person, a lady in her teenage years smiles and offers him to sit.
āI know you! Master (y/n) talked about you all the time; I thought my ears would fall off. How are you, Doctor Baizhu?ā. Ā
āIā¦I am doing fine. Iām sorry but Master (y/n)? are youā¦ā
āYes, Iām Master (y/n) apprentice! Thank you for always tending to my masterās injuries. Master told me that youāre an amazing doctor andāā.
āI am sorry for interrupting but do you know where (y/n) is? It has been monthsā¦ā. The girls face turns into sadness, the light she had, dimmed when she realize that Baizhu didnāt know. She stood up, confusing Baizhu whoās follows her movement.
āCome.ā Baizhu in his confusion, follows despite his instinct telling him to stop. An instinct that heās going to get hurt.
The girl lead him to a place where vast field of greenery feasts along his eyes, a single tree stood around it and a small house a bit faraway from it.
āGo to that tree, Iāll come with you soon, I need to get somethingā.
Baizhu nods in understanding as he walks towards the tree. He didnāt see it at first; the tombstone was covered by the tree.
May the shade bring serenity and peace for the brave soul beneath it, (y/n)
Baizhu read the etchings on the stone over and over again. Trying to understand what was etched and his brain had accepted it, but his heart canāt seem to fathom the thought that, thatās your name written there. That under this tree is you, that the (y/n), his (y/n) is gone. He had to held onto the tree, sliding down as his trembling hands reaches for your tomb stone.
āMaster left you thisā. The girl said, as she gives Baizhu a brown box and left him to look into the contents of it. Baizhu holds the box, somehow heavy despite the contents only being a piece of letter and an unfinished bracelet, one aventurine missing from it. Baizhu could feel his chest tightening, as he opens the letter.
To my most, dearest Baizhu,
If you received this letter then that must mean that Iām gone. Now, now donāt you cry your handsome face off! Only smiles and laughter should pass those lips. Iām sorry for not coming back to the pharmacy for so long, I was in search for these aventurines. You see, a friend of mine told me that these stones have healing properties and I thought that it would be great for you! Though youāre a doctor, Iāve seen how frail your body is and wellā¦ Iām not a doctor so I canāt create a potion for it but Iām an adventurer! Please wear them and I pray that these stones can ease your pain, albeit a little. Baizhuā¦may I call you my love here? It doesnāt matter anyways; I'm dying so I will. Baizhu, my love, you held my heart in your palms ever since you wrapped those bandages on my body. Iām sorry for all my doings that annoys or disturbs you, it was not my intention love. I am so sorry. Iām sorry I couldnāt tell you all this in person but I am a coward and my body is not strong enough to travel back to Liyue, but please. Please Baizhu, donāt you dare blame yourself, you have been a light, a love though unrequited but a love I received through your soft touches and tender words. So please, live a long, healthy life for me and continue helping others. The letter has gotten too long, Iāll wrap it up here. Thank you Baizhu, I love you. I love you. I love you.
P/s: Pat Qiqiās head for me!
Baizhu held the letter to his chest, his tears had long wash over his face from the beginning of the letter. Youāre gone. Youāre gone and you had loved him, and he knew but youā¦ you never knew the love he held for you. He loves you too and he could only whisper to the tree of his love for you.
ā(y/n), oh my (y/n) ā¦ Iām sorryā¦ā. He wailed into the wind, the pain of your death triumph the pain raging through his fatigued body. In his tears, with a trembling hand he attaches the last aventurine onto the bracelet as he ties it on his left wrist.
And it was instant, the stone glow, and the pain he felt in his body dissipates, and he knew, that it worked, that though he canāt understand, but he knew its more than the stone. This final gift of yours were filled with so much love, it healed. He stares at your tombstone; a small smile grows on his face.
Yet why does the pain in his heart stays? And why is it growing? That will be a question that lingers along with him in life.
