Farting out silly headcanons, theories, and shitposts whenever my brain needs booting up before I can continue writing my fics.
ReturnOfTheNightmare on AO3
Female | English
My age identifies as Tomb Raider 1
This blog is purely for fandom/fanfic stuff. No activism, minimal politics. Let's just have fun with the things share a love for.âš
A classic case of a chatterbox catching a severe and all-inclusive form of selective mutism, âgetting over itâ wrong, and becoming stuck between two worlds as a consequence. (What do you mean, thatâs not a classic?)
Translation: communication fun, but hard (and often extremely stressful) â even dropping likes. And wow, does that sound pathetic now that I type it out.
âšđžđŒ First world problems~! đŒđžâš
(Credit to Radley @jacebeleren for accidentally helping me realise wtf was wrong with a completely unrelated comment. Thanks, dude đ«Ą)
TAGS
Generic
Silly
ROTN gets negative (for the rare bitching)
Asks
The Band Ghost related
Cardi | Sister Imperator | Papa Nihil | Papa V Perpetua
Marika Psaltarian | Mr Psaltarian
Primo | Secondo | Terzo
Special Ghoul
Judith
The Clergy of Ghost do XYZ
Tender Fdictator / Tuberculosis Fart Polls
Weird Ghost Imagery
Random Ghost Observations
Shroomy Nihil Thoughts
Ghost Sillies
AUs
Theories | V is Special
Headcanons
Analyses | Cardi-specific
Fluff
Angst
Shitghosting
Fic Status
All fics can be found on my AO3 profile.
OS = One-Shot
MC = Multi-Chapter
LF = Long-Fic
Tomb Raider:
We've Found Her!: [OS 4k] COMPLETE [fic tag]
Familiar Faces: [MC 8k+] WIP? â worked on whenever inspiration strikes with no real completion goal [fic tag]
Birthday Mishap: [OS 2k] COMPLETE [fic tag]
Ghost:
Epicinium: [OS 3k] COMPLETE
He'll See Your Face in Hell: [MC 5k] COMPLETE (sequel available)
Cardi Goes to Hell: [LF 57k+] WIP (ON HIATUS) â current project; updates on Tuesdays when not on hiatus [fic tag] [series tag] [silly tag] [insights tag]
Isolatrine: [OS 3k] COMPLETE
Smash Relay: [OS 2k] COMPLETE [fic tag]
Detroit: Become Human:
Continuance: [LF 79k] ON INDEFINITE HIATUS â burned out, bitter feelings to be had
Because clearly, this isnât a topic thatâs been discussed enough already.
In this post, Iâll mostly be presenting bare-bones facts alongside some observations and the occasional theory. Make of them what you will đ¶
Part 1: The Drop-Off
âŠwas not a secret. Or, if Sister intended it to be a secret, then Marika blew that plan entirely.
Marika greets Sister and the twins by running out, all smiles, and declaring: âTheyâre here! Theyâre here!â If sheâd been addressing Sister and the twins, sheâd say âYouâre here.â Marika is addressing the circus. Sheâs announcing the arrival.
The snake charmer confirms that the entire circus knows about Sister and the babies not long later when she says she heard Marikaâs caravan was where they were hiding the babies.
Speaking of whichâŠ
Part 2: The Snake Charmer
She opens the door to Marikaâs caravan while theyâre discussing the twinsâ heritage: specifically, the fact that Marika strongly suspects the twins are her brotherâs sons.
Which brother? Anyone would assume the one Sister left the circus with: Nihil.
Also, this probably isnât even a thing. But Marika saying âYou see? They are in good hands.â while the snake charmer and/or her snake is visibly startling/spooking Sister could be interpreted as foreshadowing that theyâre not in good hands. AKA something happened to one/both of them that Marika, the snake charmer, or the circus itself could have prevented.
Part 3: The Original Living Situation
âThey will be safe here. Loved. No matter what.â
Marika never says sheâll be looking after the boys personally
This is Marikaâs circus. Sheâs in charge. Itâs written all over the tent. Sister knows this
Itâs entirely possible Sister wasnât giving the twins to Marika to be raised by her personally, but rather to be raised communally among the circus people. Marikaâs circus people.
Twins would be a heavy burden on one woman, as Sister already knows. Would she ask Marika to take that on while also running a circus? Maybe. But also, maybe not.
What we do know is that the boysâ mother was no secret among the circus people. Unless this was an accident of Marikaâs making, then itâs quite likely that Sister never intended to hide that fact from them. The circus people were, after all, safe in her eyes. Theyâd taken her in and showed her the dawn. Whyever would they hurt her boys?
Part 4: The Disappearance
By the time the twins are⊠whatever age is depicted here:
Marika is no longer with the circus
One twin is not with Marika (likely V, as Marika tells us decades later that she raised Cardi)
Sister knows only one boy is with Marika
The (implied) snake charmer is seemingly also no longer with the circus
Thereâs no mention of a âcousinâ living with the snake charmer. Only snakes.
But did something happen to V, or is he still with some other former circus person? Hell, maybe heâs still with the circus â which in turn raises the question of why Marika (and the implied snake charmer) left at all.
What happened with the circus?
Part 5: The Lookalike
Okay, you probably know this part already. The reverend has a Cardi-lookalike calling him âDadâ. V confirmed???
Possibly. Or this boy might just be a red herring. Nothing actually gets confirmed.
This maybe-V boy does seem to have an older brother, however (presumably, just as âadoptedâ as he is). So, judging from what weâve seen, the reverend has expanded from human trafficking and forced prostitution and is now grooming little boys to follow his ways.
Could it be that the reverend knew of Sisterâs sons (perhaps through a spy within the circus, who Marika later learned of, prompting her to flee alongside the snake charmer)? Could it be that he had one kidnapped just so he could raise one to work against her? One final blow against a frustratingly elusive little witch?
Or is the boyâs appearance just a coincidence? Maybe heâs the future Jim DeFroque. All manner of things could be going on here.
An important gap in information is the reverendâs actual motive. We know he seeks power â but why? What for? It canât simply be for himself, or he wouldn't groom himself some heirs. Thereâs something else going on with him. Something heâs working towards. And personally, I feel like thatâs an important key to decoding a lot of the stuff going on in the comics.
Part 6: Decades Later
Cardi reaches adulthood either never learning he had a brother or forgetting/repressing that knowledge with all his might. Amnesia, trauma⊠anything could have happened.
Marika: âTo make matters worse, his successor is his fraternal twin that he didnât even knew about before the switch!â
Judith: âThatâs crazy!â
Marika: âYeah, I know! I know!â
â Chapter 20: Arrival of a Secret Agent
Marika delivers this dialogue like itâs hot gossip. Something she herself didnât know until recently, and is excited to learn of and share with anyone who will listen.
It doesnât sound even remotely like sheâs talking about her own son â be that son V or Cardi. Sheâs like a total stranger. Iâve discussed that some here quite recently, so I wonât regurgitate it again, but still⊠itâs a bit fishy. In my opinion, at least.
Did Cardi really grow up with Marika?
Is Marika mixing up the twins?
Did something happen between Marika and Cardi?
Is Marika even Marika still?
âŠI mean, Iâd hope as much, since Sisterâs ghost seems to recognise her! Unless she doesnât? What if by taking on her younger selfâs appearance, Sister blurred her newer memories? What if she doesnât clearly remember what an older Marika looks like anymore?
And if Cardi himself hadnât seen his adoptive mother very often in recent decades, as could be implied by his behaviour towards her⊠he could potentially be fooled by a lookalike.
Or alternatively, Cardi knows this isnât actually Marika. But he doesnât know who to tell, or what to do about the imposter. And possibly, since his RHRN hallucinations, Cardiâs not sure about anything. Or alternatively, he spent a long time thinking about it, feigned incompetence to keep the imposter off-guard, and then faked his own death to go hunting down the real Marika and take the Ministry back!
(Okay, those last few paragraphs got a bit out there. đ But you never know! And itâs fun to think about! đ)
Part 7: So, Where Was He?
I dunno, mate. Does anyone? Just play with the canon and have fun!
Maybe V was with the Reverend. Maybe he died and got resurrected. Maybe he never left the circus. Maybe he became a shadow and no one remembered he existed until he found his way out. Maybe heâs Special Ghoul. Maybe he turned into a snake. Maybe heâs Randy Giles returned to life all over again. Maybe Romaniaâs child services got to him and there are other former circus folk out there trying to track him down. Go wild. Weâre probably not finding out the truth anytime soon anyway.
I feel like there was something else I wanted to cover here, but I genuinely canât remember what it was right now (or the actual right now which is about a week later), so⊠uh⊠I will leave you with a few other posts I've made adjacent to this topic and then skedaddle. Bye! đ
Many silly reasons why V might not have been with Marika
V turned into a snake and was raised by the snake charmer (as a snake)
V is a robot and the comics lied
So I just watched The Devil's Hands documentary for the first time. Figured I'd share my first impression.
Note: I can't really post the video itself here due to certain elements. I'd like my blog to remain unrestricted. Also, you absolutely cannot find instructions on how to find dangly phallus footage anywhere on my blog, and especially not recently. So don't go looking!
đ€Łđ€ŁYou want to return to Brighton?? Oh my god, I forget sometimes that its reputation wasn't always just "shithole â go somewhere else"!
SIR. WHERE ARE YOUR TROUSERS
"Here we have the very, very end â this is where all the magic happens. It's where the wine is drunk. It's where the jokes are told. This is where the Crinkly Sock Brigade will hang out. So if you stand on anything and it breaks under your foot, it's probably just..." *disgusted face* "...a pair of socks. Just... cracking. Nothing to worry about." đ
Naked man: "Pass me that sock, Dave. Thanks, mate."
OH MY GOD THEY WEREN'T KIDDING ABOUT THE NUDITY
Mr Mic Check not knowing which end of the mic to talk into... or to turn it on... and having to be told what to do by a Casually Naked Man
"George to anyone on radio. Anyone who's seen Papa anywhere? He's AWOL, as per normal" Terzo embodying himself lol
^^ Also, the woman in the backdrop hastily getting up from the floor... she knows something!
OH MY GOD SISTER đ
"Meaning of Life Room. No. 42"
"Cat Petting Room for the lonely moments"
(Excuse me, that is a bug-eyed dog, not a cat!)
"Billy Vanilla, who, um... He keeps rattling off the old stories about the good times in his old band. Um... I've never fucking heard of them." đ
I am genuinely curious what was said prior to making this thing. "Hey, guys! We want to make a backstage documentary. Who'd like to show off their junk to the fans? đ" Something like that? And then some guys actually went for it?! đ€Ł
In conclusion:
1: I really hope 2 Big to Rig is something like this! Obviously, it probably won't have the nudity, but the sense of humour is just so Ghost here and I loved it. (Actually, I assumed this was an Era 2 video until I realised I was listening to Terzo music đ )
2: I wonder who proposed this thing in-universe? I'd say "Sister never would", except she would.
But did she? And was everything in it her decision? Who chose to have naked crew members casually hanging about and implied to be having quick tugs in the tour bus??
...OMG imagine if it was Nihil in charge of organising this thing and Cardi, his right hand man, was helping him. Maybe Nihil wanted the sisters to flash their tits, and Cardi, who was dumped with the actual job, decided to "misinterpret" Nihil's instructions via comedic phallus. And Sister was right there, so he could even double-check his decision with her if he wanted. And we know she would approve of Cardi's choice if Nihil had demanded titties...
3: I now have a video of naked men on my computer. đ«Ł
TFW you get referred to as a Cardi thot in the notes of one of your posts, but all you wanna do is torture him and also make Sister wrap him up in blankets and give him lots of hugs đ„ș
âŠOkay, so maybe I am a Cardi thot sometimes, but not right now. Wrong time of the month.
I've been downloading copies of Ghost's videos for offline viewing (mainly just in case I lose access to social media in the future, but also because YT just gets slower and slower somehow), and I just got to Cardi's introduction.
You know the video. The one where Cardi plays a copy of Ceremony and Devotion and brags about how he's gonna put Terzo to shame. "To pure, pure shame!"
Hope it's okay for me to re-upload it here. You never know when the facebook page might go down, and this is a cute vid.
Anyway:
This man KNEW what was coming. He and Sister were cackling and rubbing their hands together behind everyone's backs. I bet they used to get up to so much mischief together
I love how Cardi's hands are forever jumping back and forth between awkward and confident. You can see it everywhere in the future, but it was there from the very beginning in his awkward fumbling punctuated by practised and sure movements
The HOVERING. I can SEE this man staring down at the player, head twitching oh-so-slightly and lips subtly parted in that adorably Cardi way as he ruthlessly judges the playing of his predecessor and his ghouls
The way he apologises when he realises he left the volume up high the last time he used the player
The way he barely lets Terzo finish the first verse before going "Alright, that's enough, thank you!"
The way he turns the player off and immediately buggers off, leaving the tape exactly where he left it. He's that disgusted
This clearly isn't his bedroom and it looks really lifeless. So I'm just laughing at the idea that Cardi was so grossed out by the prospect of having to listen to Terzo's singing that Sister rented out an unfurnished flat for a day just to film this tiny little video in a place that Cardi didn't mind getting audio-dirty
He's so adorable. Istg. Can I please squeeze him? đ„ș
...Oh yeah. If you've read this far, could you please let me know if you think I've missed any important videos in my download spree? I've currently got the Chapters, The Summoning, Papaganda, The Sermon, and this. Am drawing a blank. I'm sure there's something I'm missing.
If I were to follow you, would that be me sending private investigators to stalk you night and day, peep through your windows while youâre peeing, and send me regular updates on your comings and goings? Or would it be normal?
@atricksterproblem Such a shame, then, that this is your fate... đ
This old man dragged his half-brother along to make him leave the house. You are merely a part of his plan.
Secondo's gonna glare at you both from across the ballroom until you smooch. He has ghouls posted on every exit. If you somehow get through the ball without doing anything, you will have to deal with a Very Disappointed Secondo driving you home; he invited you to the ball specifically to avoid Terzo killing the vibe for whatever date he picked up at the bar, but instead, you've made things even more awkward!
(I don't know. It just popped into my head, and then I decided it was too weird to post. Now Iâm posting it anyway. Enjoy.)
Papa Nihil
In his early life, you would have to carefully craft the turd to look like a bar of chocolate. This is more effort than it's worth, and you'd have to dispose of the chocolate mould afterwards if you don't want to risk one day being fed home-made chocolate coated in a thin sheen of ancient poop debris.
From the end of 1969 onwards, all you would have to do is say it came from Sister's butt. He may not believe you at first, but if you're convincing enough, he will swallow that thing up in the name of getting to taste something of Sister's again.
Likelihood of being into that: 100%, but only if it came from Sister.
Sister Imperator
Sister would need that shit disguised no matter what age she is. And you'd better be disguising it well; unlike Nihil, Sister pays attention to the things she shoves in her mouth. And when she finds out what you've done, she will kill you.
Likelihood of being into that: Only in reverse
Mr Psaltarian
He can smell that shit from across the room. You are not getting that inside him, no matter what you do. You could dry it out, powder it, and mix it into a cake, and Psalty would still know. And he would absolutely turn your little trick back on you.
Enjoy your dung cake, moron!
Likelihood of being into that: Zero (but he would secretly record Nihil getting a fresh serving of Sister and file the tape under "comedy")
Marika Psaltarian
You would need to trick her into thinking itâs chocolate. And you would feel very, very bad afterwards, you evil thing, so you'll hold her hair back while she pukes it back up.
And then, her husband will murder you!
Likelihood of being into that: Low, but not impossible
Judith
If you told her it was traditional and perfectly safe, she would probably do it â grudgingly, painfully, and with her lips stretched into a false grin that showcases the foulness glued to her teeth. Her eyes show nothing but suffering.
Puts on a brave face, but you know she's hating every minute of it. Either Cardi or Marika ends up helping her wash her mouth out and clean her teeth, and she hates every minute of that, too, because they know that someone persuaded her to eat literal shit.
It's not her fault she doesn't know every last Clergy tradition! That wasn't covered in her training!
Cardi and Marika are so nice about it though, and it makes her want to cry. She just about manages not to.
Likelihood of being into that: Only in secret, and only with someone she finds really, really hot.
Primo
Just slap it in front of his face. He'll stick one finger right inside the stinky dollop and lick it clean. "Ah," he'll say. "This one has eaten many a Taco Bell."
He doesn't eat much more after that first lick, though. The fun is in the guessing of the meals and the disturbing of others, not the actual taste.
That being said...
Likelihood of being into that: 100% if he were to ever get laid. Anything is sexy in a sexy context when you're old and look like a corpse someone dug up and beat with the flat end of a spade. Just don't be surprised when he makes comments about your diet.
Secondo
Would try anything if you got him horny enough. Slap a bra on it and you're golden.
Stick a log in front of him at a regular dinner table, though, and he'll throw it back in your face. Real men eat protein, not processed shit!
Likelihood of being into that: Would specifically like to be the poop, not the poop eater. May grow excited thinking of what he might smell like, but he's not into the poop itself and more the idea.
Terzo
It would take a very high dosage, but eventually, you may successfully trick Terzo into believing a turd is one of his special brownies. And by that point, he'll be too far gone to even notice the difference. Watch and laugh as he narrates his thoughts on the texture.
Good luck finding him in order to do any of that, though.
Likelihood of being into that: 50/50. This is a man who would either be really, disgustingly into that, or so repulsed by the idea that he vomits at the mere thought of it.
Cardi
Hide it in his sweets.
No matter his age, no matter his status, just put it in his sweets. He will mindlessly gobble it up â and then gag and spit it out when he realises what happened.
Be warned: If Cardi happens to be Frater, he will have you punished for this. His idea of punishment may be eccentric and not as violent or intimidating as what his mother may have conjured up, but it is punishment nonetheless; nobody wants to be locked up in a small room with "I'm a Banana" playing on loop.
âŠAnd if this is before he became Frater, then it was nice knowing you. Sister Imperator does not take kindly to people poisoning her family.
Likelihood of being into that: If the context is right, then like Terzo, Cardi could go either way. Even Cardi himself isn't sure â and that uncertainty itself kills the mood completely. Best not to try at all.
V
You'll need to be honest with him; if you try and trick V into eating shit, he will find a way to trick you into eating it yourself â all while coming off as wacky and adorable. He will put a silly hat on just to make himself appear all the more harmless and innocent.
It'll take some convincing, but if you give V a good enough reason to do it, then he will eat the turd. And he will either vomit it right up onto a piece of Papa IV memorabilia by accident, or spend the next day holed up in the toilet cracking jokes through the door about how he's giving birth to re-turds (and also apologising for his language... but the apology doesn't really land, because he keeps giggling in between wet farts).
May murder you in a flash of rage once he's recovered.
Likelihood of being into that: Will play along if you want him to, but he finds your interest strange and mildly disturbing. He would much rather be doing something else.
Special Ghoul
Persuade Frater Imperator to make him do it. Sister would never, but Frater? He'd find it hilarious.
Persuading a papa may also work, but you'd best hope Special doesn't go telling on you to Sister.
Likelihood of being into that: "No."
Bonus:
The Reverend
Go back in time, ask Sister for permission, and then join her on her assault on his home. You may then ram as much poop in the man's mouth as you desire. Sister may even help you force him to swallow it.
Likelihood of being into that: Only in secret, and not the way you're doing it.
Tonight be one of those âcannot sleep, must think about Cardiâ nights.
Tonightâs topic: âHow do we even know what was real?â
In RHRN, Cardiâs brain replaced evidence of Sisterâs sickness with innocent things, like a fancy chair and biscuits. But how do we know those were the only things his brain ever replaced? How do we know everything in the chapters actually happened?
Was the loud music really there when Cardi was talking to Psalty on the beach?
Did Psalty really turn and grin evilly at Cardi while pushing Sisterâs coffin?
Did Sister really say âJesus is comingâ?
My gut says that the answer to these three is probably yes; Cardiâs RHRN hallucinations took place during a high stress situation (from his POV a mere few shows away from his possible demise), and surrounded a topic that Cardi didnât want to think about or recognise. Theoretically, neither of these are true of the previous three scenarios.
But that doesnât mean his hallucinations donât have other triggers. Triggers we donât know about yet.
And ainât that just a scary concept? Your mum suddenly dies right in front of you, you realise youâve been hallucinating every time youâve been around her for who knows how long and you have no idea what you really did together in that time, and then youâre suddenly thrust into a position of authority youâd had no idea you should be preparing yourself for. All the while, nothing around you feels trustworthy anymore. Because if your brain could lie about the things around your mother, then what if itâs doing the same elsewhere, and you just havenât realised it yet?
Suddenly, even the bed you sleep in comes into question. Reality blurs at the edges. Imagination runs free, conjuring up horrific secret scenarios taking place behind seemingly solid walls â evil thoughts in the brains of loved ones. Because nothing the eyes can see can be trusted. Maybe none of the senses can be trusted.
Anyway, my theory of the night is that Cardi hallucinated the blood in chapter 25. Heâs actually tucked up in bed at the Ministry right now, having been brought inside from where he was standing there in shock, traumatised by a vivid hallucination of his own death.
How red-faced and ugly to I need to get in order to manifest an ideal world where we not only got the Chapters we do have, but also a continuation of The Summoning in which we got to see: 1) more of the OG Sister being a maniac, and 2) all the other Sisters also being maniacs?
I want to see those ladies screech. I want them to rage and bellow. I want them to mock and belittle the ghouls. I want to see them snippy and vicious. I want to see them let loose and cackle.
And I also want to see her ranting and raving about how great Cardi C is where he can't hear her. She sounded soooo proud of him in that one sermon she did with Nihil. đ„ș I want more of that.
Gimme more of Sister being a total maniac. I hunger for it.
Also: I'd like a Papaganda 3 that ends with Sister emptying a bucket of cold water over Secondo's head and coldly telling him that playtime is over.
Genuinely so sad rn though. My local cinema is showing, but I know I wonât be able to psyche myself up into buying the tickets, let alone going. So Iâm just gonna have to live with the knowledge that I could have seen 2 Big to Rig on day one, but didnât because⊠*check notes* âmuh brain kept freezing up and generally acting like a pussyâ. đ€Šââïž
Cardi and Sister seem like the kind of people whoâd love a good biscuit tin. đȘ
I bet they both snuck into the kitchen at night when they were kids to sneak a few chocolate biscuits out of the tin. Sister grabbed a couple extra for her sisters, especially during the Reverend Years, and she was very stealthy about it. Cardi just grabbed some for himself, because duh. He took great care not to leave crumbs and even came up with some ingenious tactics to minimise crumb generation, but forgot to put the lid back on the tin and got caught anyway.
Nowadays, they both do it. They both sneak into the kitchen for biscuits at night. And when they run into each other, they act bashful, but then inevitably end up sitting at the table chatting for an hour straight, dunking biscuits into hot chocolate.
And during the winter months, they home in on reduced boxes/tins of biscuits like vultures. The Ministry has the best and most cost-efficient selection of treats in the entire town come the big day.
Oh $#Îčă! đ± Having achieved world domination, Tuberculosis Fart has taken possession of The Most Evil Texts! đ𧿠Heâs bringing every papa to lifeâ starting from the very beginning!
Now that a geriatric and eternally-sickly Papa Nihil walks the earth, whatever shall you do?!
Protest; technically, Primo was the first!
Strip. I offer myself to the greatest of papas!
Retreat into my Secret Underground Bunker
Invite Nihil into my Secret Underground Bunker
Attempt to bear his new heir who shall usurp the throne of TF
Ask to paint him while heâs crapping out of a window
Throw a bucket of pink paint out of a window while heâs passing underneath
Lie in bed every night aching for him
He is unnatural. Where are my knives?
Punish him for his ill treatment of his sons and Sister Imperator!
Eternally sick? He shall need a nurse. I will nurse him to his second final day
Nothing. I shall wait patiently for my future husband (and then kidnap him) âșïž
Tonight, it would appear that Nihil is very pink. And also wet.
Hehehehe⊠heâs gonna be scrubbing that stuff out of his hair and grooves for weeks! đ And his robes are RUINED! đ
However, I am genuinely stunned that no one chose to breed or nurse him, and that no one chose to wait and kidnap their fav when he too is eventually brought to life. Iâm used to this fandom being packed with lust. Yet all we have on this blog today is one singular stripper.
(Iâd include the single âachingâ voter in the horny list, but I was interpreting the option more in a Socially Anxious, Too Scared To Meet Him kind of way when I picked it đ )
