[rottingmachine]

i wish i knew what life was like without mental illness

i’m only a little jealous of people who don’t have problems til they’re a teenager or an adult. must be nice. i’m just like this.

i think the reason i intentionally (or unintentionally) self sabotage any attempt at getting better is that it feels weird. this is my normal

[rottingmachine]

every year around this time i still think about my best friend from junior high tbh. she would turn 23 on the 12th. we haven’t talked since 2015 but i still worry about her when i think of her. i have no way to get in touch with her or find out about her but i just hope shes okay. we were both just stupid and traumatized kids.

[rottingmachine]

she showed up where i work while i was leaving and it shook me so bad idk what im on about

hope she’s okay

[rottingmachine]

biting chewing up my arm I WANT TRAMADOL

[sacred-portal]

[rottingmachine]

if i died i think it would be funny if someone took over this blog and started posting like 6 months later

[rottingmachine]

i keep opening and closing tumblr instead of doing anything productive. i feel so sick i want to be sick

[rottingmachine]

i feel like i’m just alive to wait for th next bad thing to happen to me

[rottingmachine]

i just want to fall asleep and not wake up

two steps forward one million steps back

[rottingmachine]

spiraling in a friends bathroom like i’m a teenager again. if they found out i’d probably have to cut contact im so embarrassed about how upset i am right now

[strangledplanet]

[leofwines-deactivated20250831]

imagine how good it must feel to press a gun to your temple after a bad day and just hold it there with your eyes closed for a few minutes before sighing and putting it away

[lullxbyblue]

How are you supposed to just get up and go to school and go to work and come home and make dinner and fold the laundry and not want to kill yourself the whole fucking time.

[rottingmachine]

kissing this blog on the mouth with tongue

[rottingmachine]

it’s not a crisis if it’s how i feel every day right. i want to stab screwdrivers into my legs so so so so so so so bad i can’t drive without thinking about swerving off i have to focus so hard so i don’t do it that’s why driving is so exhausting lately how am i supposed to keep this up

[rottingmachine]

it would take them days to notice i’m dead and the crazy part is i don’t even live alone

[rottingmachine]

like i’m educated enough to understand WHY my biochemistry is the way it is and i keep making it WORSE im grasping for ANY good feelings as fleeting as they are

[rottingmachine]

DOES IT EVER GET ANY EASIER?