Ilya was currently half asleep in bed with a sick Shane tucked into his side. Their relationship was so advanced, yet Ilya couldn't bear to tell Shane about a certain fetish of his. Even now, when the scenario was starting him in the face. Fuck, he was such a pussy. Papa was right.
Shane coughed at his side, reaching out for his phone that was on his bedside. Ilya allowed him the privacy, keeping his eyes on the ceiling as he heard the pads of Shane's thumbs beat against his phone screen.
"Sndff! Sveta's coming. That okay?"
Ilya raised his brows, looking down at the man tucked into his side. "Oh? She texted you?"
Shane nodded, producing another soft sniffle as his eyes stayed on his phone. "Mm. She doesn't want to be alone, she's also sick."
Ilya's heart sped up in his chest as he took a breath. Shane and Svetlana. At the same time. "Ah, okey. I'll take care of you both."
Shane hummed happily, sending a reply back to Svetlana and discarding his phone back on his bedside table. Shane tucked his face back into Ilya's armpit without another word.
Ilya gave Shane's hair a kiss, taking a whiff of the man's shampoo. "She is sleeping over tonight?"
"Think so," Shane stretched a little, drooping a leg over Ilya. "The guest bedroom is all ready, so."
Shane's phone dinged again, which made him peel away from Ilya for a second time to answer the message. Shane sat up from bed, rubbing at his eyes as he sniffled. He sounded so congested.
"Where you going?" Ilya mumbled, giving Shane's back a rub where he could manage to reach.
"I'm going to let her in," Shane responded, getting up from bed in just his boxers with another little stretch before padding out of their room. Ilya wanted to follow, but he was pretty sleepy. 5 more minutes of being horizontal should be enough time to be able to work again.
Shane soon returned with Svetlana, opening their bedroom door for her. Svetlana was wearing a baggy black Adidas sweatshirt with a pair of blue shorts. She looked beautiful, but obviously under the weather. Ilya never saw Svetlana in such clothing whenever she was healthy.
"Привет!" Sveta greeted Ilya, her voice quite stuffy as she waved at Ilya from across the room.
"Sveta," Ilya smiled, sitting up against his and Shane's headboard. Shane padded in behind Svetlana, crawling back into bed in his prior position against Ilya. "You aren't well?"
Svetlana shook her head, leaving her purse on the door handle and walking over to the bed. Ilya raised a brow.
Sveta eyed Shane with a little smile. "May I join? Please?"
"Course," Shane sniffled, rubbing his nose against Ilya's clothed pec. "Bed's nice 'n warm."
Svetlana got into bed on Ilya's right side, mirroring Shane as she curled up to Ilya. Ilya frowned at the warmth surrounding him. "Wait, you both have fevers? I have to get medicine."
"No!" Shane mumbled, grabbing onto Ilya's arm. "Just — stay. We just got comfortable, Ilya."
"Hm," Ilya held Shane and Sveta, lapping his lips. "Fine. Later, then. Before we sleep."
Shane mumbled something under his breath, his body starting to stiffen up. "Hh! Hh'rRSHu!" Shane brought up his fist, pressing it into his nose as he shook with a startling sneeze.
"Bless you!" Sveta was the first to say, sitting up so she could see Shane over Ilya's pecs.
"God bless," Ilya mumbled, using all of his mental strength not to pop a boner. Not even Sveta knew about his fetish. He hoped that not telling anyone would make it disappear. Instead, it only seemed to grow over the years.
"Hh'RSHHOO!" Shane barked out another one, yet again smushing his fist against his nose. Shane couldn't stifle to save his fucking life.
"God damn!" Sveta's voice pitched. "He sneezes so loud, Ilyush! I expected little kitten sneezes."
Ilya breathed out a small scoff, running a thumb over Shane's furrowed brows. "Oh, I know so. Surprised me too."
Shane weakly shoved at Ilya, sitting himself up in bed. "Fuck, can you pass me that box?" Shane pointed to the box of tissues, the ones closest to Svetlana.
Sveta nodded, passing Shane the box without hesitation.
Shane took the box with a little 'thanks', plucking out a couple to swipe at his nose with. Don't get hard. Just don't.
"Eeshiu! He'ieeishu!" Sveta suddenly curled into Ilya's side, spraying her hand as she shook with each sneeze.
"Oh, bless you," Shane frowned, offering the box back over to Sveta.
Don't get hard! Don't. Stop. Think of anything else.
Sveta sniffled miserably, reaching over and taking the box from Shane with a shy smile. "Thank you."
Shane nodded, staying seated on his heel as he reached out for Ilya's hand.
"You aren't going to bless me, Ilyusha?" Svetlana mumbled, voice tainted by the tissues currently bundled to her nose. Fuck.
"Bless.. you. Будьте здоровы," Ilya mumbled, forcing his voice to sound more confident than he felt.
Sveta cocked her head with a sarcastic beaming smile, sniffling up her excess mess as she placed her tissue off to the side. Svetlana placed the box on Ilya's chest for easy access between her and Shane.
Shane coughed into his elbow, turning away from the two. Sveta moved to sit up, patting at Shane's back over Ilya. "Hey, it's okay."
Shane soon calmed, nodding in appreciation. Ilya just stared at the two, his lungs itching for an anxious cigarette.
Sveta groaned a little, prodding at her nose. "All I've been doing today is sneezing! So annoying. Can't sleep."
Shane frowned, his empathetic heart not being able to hear her words. "That sucks. Have you tried.. a neti pot or something? I don't know."
Sveta raised a brow. "A what? Pot? No, I don't smoke that anymore."
Shane smiled a little. "No — nevermind. Sndff. Have you taken some medicine?"
Svetlana nodded, continuing to prod at her nose with the back of her wrist. "Nothing works. American colds are crazy."
Shane hummed in agreement, his expression turning a little hazy. Ilya's brain felt dizzy with the sight. This was like a porno.
Shane ducked down, sneezing into his lap. "Hh'rRShuu! H'eRRsHH! Fuck, excuse me. Those ones got away from me."
Sveta giggled a little, eyeing Ilya. "He's so cute."
Ilya adjusted the quilt over his crotch subtly, nodding his head against the headboard. "Mm. Bless you, Shane."
Shane's brow furrowed, eyeing Ilya as he shifted on their bed. "You've been calling me sweet names all day, now it's Shane?"
Ilya spluttered, his eyes flickering between Shane and Sveta. "I — that is your name. You are my baby, you know this."
Shane scoffed, plucking out some tissues from the box on Ilya's chest so he could wipe his nose. "You're being weird."
Ilya frowned, scratching at the stubble on his chin. "I'm being weird? No. I am fine. You're weird."
Shane sent a look of disbelief over to Sveta, to which she mirrored. "Be nice to your boy, Ilyusha."
Ilya swallowed, feeling his skin start to prickle with an unfamiliar sense of shame. They were ganging up on him! "I didn't even — "
"He didn't even bless you a minute ago, right? You had to ask," Shane interrupted, subconsciously leaning over to Sveta as he spoke to her.
She nodded in disappointment, raising her brows. "Yes. I don't know what's up with him today.."
Shane hummed in agreement, reaching over to pluck out another tissue. His hand came out empty. "Ugh, shit. We're out."
Ilya worried at his lower lip, looking into the box at his chest. It sure was empty.
Sveta whined a little, pulling her sleeves over her knuckles. "But I really need one."
Shane raised his brows at Ilya, as if he was expecting something. "Give her your shirt, Ilya. Don't be rude."
Ilya obeyed, tugging his shirt over his head before anyone else could speak. He felt out of his body with the situation at hand.
Sveta took the grey shirt from Ilya's hands, immediately moving it to her nose. "Eeishhyu! EEISHIU! Shhu!" Sveta used the shirt, wiping herself off with it once she felt she was done.
Ilya squeezed his thighs together underneath the sheets, taking measured breaths. This was not fucking happening right now.
Before Ilya had time to calm himself down, Shane was also frantically grasping for the shirt in Svetlana's hands. She handed it over, keeping a hand on Shane's knee for support. Shane buckled into the shirt, barely cupping it over his face in time. "hHR'sHOugh! Fuck—! HRrshuoo! hHSHhue! SHHue! Sndff!"
Ilya's lips parted at the sight, an unmistakable bulge forming in the sheet that covered his crotch. Oh my fucking god. Oh my god.
"Bless you!" Sveta sniffled, squeezing Shane's thigh with a soft pout on her lips.
Shane snuffled into the shirt, blowing his nose weakly. He nodded, mopping up his nose. "Mm, thank you. You too."
Ilya whined a little, clamping a hand over his own lips as his voice box threatened another one. Both Shane and Sveta's heads whipped to him.
Shane grinned. "Oh, fuck. Are you getting off to this? Seriously?"
Ilya bit at his hand, shaking his head. Please no.
Shane eyed Sveta with his lips parted into a smile, keeping the shirt in his hands. Svetlana scoffed, looking down at Ilya. "What the fuck, Ilyusha? He's so hard, look!"
Shane looked down to the space of which Svetlana pointed at, eyeing the obvious bulge.
Shane's wrist came up to his mouth to hide a smile, his eyes now on Ilya. "Oh, wow. He is."
Ilya moved to close his legs but Shane was faster, grabbing both of his thighs and pulling them back apart. "Ah, ah! We've seen it now. Don't hide."
Ilya grumbled out of pure humiliation, rubbing at his forehead. Had he broke a sweat?
Sveta giggled to herself, her expression soon beginning to crumble as her chest swelled. Ilya clamped his eyes shut, feeling his ears get uncomfortably warm under both of their gazes.
"Ee'eishhiu!"
Ilya's heart skipped a beat. Instead of reaching for the shirt, Sveta must have forgotten about it. He felt specks of spray hit his stomach.
Ilya's eyes snapped open, his stomach swirling with arousal. "Eeishu! Eeyyishu!" Sveta continued, leaning over to wet Ilya's stomach as her lips parted over and over. What the fuck? No, what the fuck? Was he concussed?
Shane rubbed at Sveta's arm. "Bless you, bless you. It's okay, he likes that. Fucking clearly."
Ilya frowned, glaring at Shane as his cheeks matched the same shade as Shane and Sveta's noses.
Svetlana sighed as she was done with her fit, using Ilya's shirt to dab at her nose with. "Mmh, too right. He is weird like that."
"I don't like it!" Ilya mumbled, his voice gruff as he kept his brow furrowed. His balls were definitely blue by now.
Shane gasped in mock offence, triggering his own nose as he froze up again. Shane's head lulled back slightly, his hand coming up to his mouth. Sveta pulled Shane's hand back, not allowing the action.
"IIIRSHho'ou!" Shane ducked with his sneeze, spraying the other side of Ilya's tummy as he fell forward with the force of his sneeze. "HRR'shiiu! SHHuoo! HIH'RRSHoough!"
Ilya heard himself unwillingly moan, his hips rutting up into nothing like some rabid old mutt. He could feel the weight of both of their spray mixing on his tummy and it was driving him fucking insane. This must be a hoax or something. Shane got into his YouTube search history, right?
Shane panted with the aftermath of his fit, glancing over at Sveta. Svetlana was eyeing Ilya with a look of amusement, sitting back on her heels. "Bless you!"
Shane sniffled, pawing at his nose to quench the itch. "Ah — thank you. Ilya? No blessings for us?"
Ilya tried to get his voice to work, but it wouldn't. His throat felt tight, his skin on fire as he just slumped there.
Ilya whined. He audibly whined through closed lips as his eyes fell cloudy. "Sh'ne.."
"Tissues can't talk," Shane repeated, now looking at Ilya. "Well, good ones at least. Only the bad ones talk. We don't use those ones."
Ilya felt close to sobbing. He was good. He was so good.
Sveta sniffled, the familiar sounds of hitching hitting his ears once more. God, not again. He was going to explode out of his dick and potentially die.
Sveta tilted her head forward as she stayed where she was, her hand blindly reaching for Shane's as she curled up with a sneeze accidentally aimed at Shane's lap. "Eeh! Eeishuu! EeiShOou! Oh, fuck! Sorry, Shane! Did I get you?"
Shane held her hand, fixing Svetlana's hair that had fallen out of place. "That's okay. Bless you.. oh, you look so ill," he mumbled, swiping his thumb against Sveta's cheek to catch her now running mascara.
"Stop!" Ilya managed to whine out, his dick pulsing beneath the sheets. "I can't! I will come! I can't, I can't.. oh my god..!"
Shane pursed his lips at the outburst, eyeing the man who was begging so prettily.
"Nobody said you couldn't touch yourself, baby," Shane reassured, his voice ever so soothing.
Ilya bucked up again, his hands unable to move. Wait, why couldn't he move? If he didn't touch his dick in the next minute, they'd have to drive him to the emergency room. "F'ck! Can't.. baby, help. Pl'se.. help me..!"
Shane snickered softly, blinking down at Ilya as he held Svetlana's hand. "Wake up."
Ilya awoke with a desperate gasp, his lungs filling with air as he jolted up from bed. What the f —
"Baby?" Shane mumbled from his side, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was blinking up at Ilya was a concerned expression that made Ilya stop for a second.
Ilya panted, attempting to catch his breath. Shane too sat up, hand on Ilya's chest. "Ilya? Breathe. You're freaking me out.."
Ilya forced himself to breathe like a normal human being, his hand coming up over Shane's on his chest. "Oh my god, oh my god. О, нет."
"What happened?" Shane rubbed at Ilya's chest, the other hand on Ilya's back. "Oh, Ilya. Nightmare?"
Ilya frantically shook his head, opening and closing his mouth. "Fuck. Opposite."
"Opposite?" Shane parroted in a soft mumble. Shane scrunched up his brows in confusion, eyes drifting down. Oh. He was quite literally about to explode in the waking world, too.
"Right.. opposite," Shane let out a breathy laugh as he calmed at the sight. "Want to share with the class what you, uh.. dreamt about?"
Ilya groaned, subtly rubbing up into the quilt. "I am pervert. I need to wash brain. Need to see priest, Shane. Was crazy. Fucking insane. Ебать."
Shane couldn't wipe the smile off his face if he tried as he continued to hold Ilya. "C'mon, I won't judge. Talk to me."
Ilya let a whine slip as he shook his head, covering his face with his hands. "You.. and.. Svetlana."
"Oh?" Shane mumbled, placing a kiss to Ilya's shoulder. "Greedy."
Ilya laughed a little, leaning into Shane. "Fuck. I can't ever look at you two the same now. Fuck. Ugh."
"What happened?" Shane tried again, holding Ilya's wrists in attempt to see his boyfriend's face again. Ilya just sighed, curling into Shane.
"You both.. used me. That's all I'm saying."
Shane whistled lowly, nipping at Ilya's naked shoulder. "Whoa, okay. We used you? What, at the same time?"
Ilya nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. "I know, okey? Am man whore. Am greedy."
Shane hummed, placing his thumb over a mole on Ilya's wrist. "I didn't know you were into that kinda stuff."
Ilya just kept shaking his head, flopping back down into his prior position on their bed. "You both used me as a tissue, okay? There. I said it. Fuck."
Shane stared, raising a brow. "Wait, we wiped our asses on you? What — Ilya — "
"No!" Ilya spat out, almost choking on a laugh. "No no no — no, Shane. The achoo kind. I was used that way. You know?"
Shane wiped at his mouth with his wrist. "We.. sneezed on you?"
"Yes," Ilya hissed, curling up so his back was facing Shane.
Shane cooed a little, coming to spoon Ilya. "That isn't a big deal. Did it turn you on?"
"Obviously!" Ilya whined, turning around so that he was facing Shane on his side. "I am.. freak. You were both sick, and took advantage of me. I liked it."
Shane hummed, turning so Ilya could spoon him instead. "I'm just glad we didn't shit on you. That would have been — "
"Okey," Ilya mumbled, cutting Shane off before he could say any more. Ilya pressed into Shane, accidentally bucking his hips into the slot of Shane's clothed ass.
Shane breathed out, amused to see how worked up Ilya was. "Do tell me more, though. I'm curious."
Ilya sighed, resting a thigh over Shane's hips. "You.. I don't know. You guys laughed at me."
Shane hummed, pressing back into Ilya's bulge. "Poor baby."
B feeling so sick that he skips the gym, something he does every day. A wakes up to see B still next to them and instantly knows they have to be not feeling well.
Sneeze jock S/hane thots: that man would definitely suggest going on a hike for his birthday and because it’s in May, of course it’s like the worst time ever it’s the very peak beginning of spring and he keeps insisting to I/lya that he will be fine! He’s literally sneezing himself stupid, meanwhile, they still have another mile to go. I/lya absolutely finds it so sexy. He cannot stop, blessing him and literally has heart eyes. It takes everything within him not to initiate sex in the middle of the hike. 
i'm salivating at the thought of this ⭐
ofc he'd choose the most inconvenient path ever.. trying not to lose his footing while also fighting against an upcoming snz oh wowww
they're just slipping around because shane's too focused on his nose & ilya is too focused on shane
germ freak shane who needs his daily before bed stimulation but ilya has the nastiest drippest cold in all of canada
he decides to use his toy at the foot of their bed while mr sicko is all tucked in (the same bed may i add) gripping at the sheets with his teeth clenched
"shane plz 💦💦💧💧💧💧🦠🦠🦠🦠 pleas i'm not even that contagious 😰😰😔😔🦠😔🦠😔💦💦💦🦠🦠🦠🦠 let me touch pls 💔💔🦠🦠🤧🤧🤧"
yousharknotpass
gummygunk
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
snowghoul
romaincrisis
