To all my little gays and bi's who are mystified by the concept of flirting with girls, imma tell you how...
(This is sorta assuming you know that sheโs confirmed lez or bi, but even if you donโt know for sure, none of the following will be obtrusive or offensive. If sheโs down sheโll realize whatโs happening. If not youโll just come off as nice and โeasy to talk toโ.)
And I know these are all pretty intuitive, but growing up as a girl in a male-/hetero centric world even today girls are socialized from birth to be passive and not make the first move. This makes dating girls hard because no ones willing to put herself out there. We just keep staring at each other hoping one of us will get up the guts to say something.
So hereโs your primer on how to be the one to do that and make something happen with a girl you like
1. The first move: If you just plain donโt know the gal, but you like her look, make some innocuous eye contact. If she responds in any kind of positive way, just go over and introduce yourself. If you already know her just walk up and say hey.
2. Talking: Simple is best for introductions: โHi, Iโm so and so.โ Or โIโm so bad so, we have X class together.โ Hand shaking is a nice touch. Include some brief eye contact, maybe just a beat longer than normal, and a smile. This works best at an event where there is music, sports, a dog park, something to talk about. E.g. โWhatโs your dogโs name?โ or โThis is a great song.โ
3. Eye contact: When talking to this lady, make eye contact while you two are talking. Eye contact says โtrustworthyโ and โgood listener.โ Try not to look away.
If no one is talking for a few seconds, maintain eye contact but only a beat longer than necessary. This is key. It says โIโm interested.โ But donโt let it become a stare or it borders on creepiness.
4. Smile: A smile says friendly, approachable, nice, and it ups the comfort level. Smile when youโre talking and making the above eye contact. You donโt need to smile every second or it might look a little deranged, but make sure you donโt have a resting bitch face or scowl. School your features if necessary.
5. Compliments: These are good conversation starters and/or work them in later. Do not lead with the old โyou have beautiful eyesโ bullshit. A) itโs unoriginal, and B) itโs easy to sound creepy. In fact, at this stage do not make it about her physical appearance at all. Good things to compliment: t-shirt, bag, jewelry, accessories, hat, maybe hair if itโs an extra cool style, etc.
6. Attentiveness: All of the above combined should say โIโm completely presentโ and โIโm here with you.โ But also consciously try to maintain presence of mind and focus on what *sheโs* saying instead of planning a response in your head the whole time. Just respond naturally based on what sheโs saying without overthinking it. You just need to be you, not some extra impressive version of yourself.
7. Innocuous touching: Once the conversation is going, and she says something you like or makes you laugh, very brief, light arm or shoulder touching will further show youโre interested. Keep it brief, 1 second or less. If youโre sitting, and things are comfortable, a light knee touch would be okay too. But nothing above the knee. The touches should be a brush or a light pat. Nothing too grabby. Eye contact while touching is a good idea, but again nothing where itโs like staring.
8. Initiating further contact; aka getting her digits: If this is someone you wouldnโt ordinarily see and donโt know when / if youโll see again, youโll need her phone number (or other contact info for some social media texting/chatting type app). A good way to initiate this is to say something like, โHey do you like to text?โ Or โDo you do whatsapp?โ (Or some other platform). This is a little more suave than going straight to โCan I get your number?โ
9. Initiating texting: A simple โwhatโs up?โ Should suffice.
The great thing about all this simple stuff is that if the girl is straight, it will just come off as friendly, and it wonโt seem creepy. Youโll know if sheโs responsive in a flirtatious way (at the latest) once you start texting.
If she is gay/bi and has half a clue, sheโll respond in kind if interested and you can start upping the flirt game a little by lengthening the eye contact just a little, more innocuous touching, etc and gauge her response.
The key to gauging her responsiveness is being attentive.
Focus on her, not yourself. Women, all women - regardless of orientation - want to be heard, to be listened to, to have someone *there* with them. Someone truly present. Attention not in a clingy fawning-over kinda way but in a real way. This kind of attention builds trust, creates a comfort level.
What you want is for this young lady to feel good in your presence. Thatโs what sheโll remember when sheโs at home: how good, safe, and listened-to she felt.
You donโt have to be perfect, or some arbitrary definition of โhot,โ or anything else other than yourself to make this happen.
And if sheโs not into you, so what? What have you really lost? Nothing. What have you risked? Nothing. Consider it practice for meeting the next lady who interests you.
Good luck, my little friends.
If I get a lot of response/reblog on this Iโll write one about asking girls out.
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