honestly âyou shouldve killed me when you had the chanceâ is probably the funniest thing you can say after minorly inconveniencing someone and i plan to say it always

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@run-y0u-clever-b0y-and-remember
honestly âyou shouldve killed me when you had the chanceâ is probably the funniest thing you can say after minorly inconveniencing someone and i plan to say it always
im listening
TheyâreâŠ. not already all gay?Â
when i was a little kid i got bullied on the playground so my mom asked me âwhat did jesus do when people were mean to him?â and i thought about it for a second and then started crying and screamed âhe DIEDâ
Aw, this is cute.
Honestly I canât believe that Iâm watching this right now. This is This is the sweetest most gentle and loving and pure thing Iâve ever beheld and I feel so blessed to have seen this
âSshh donât cry, my baby.â
when u and ur friends go out to the woods in the night to scream
when u find out ur friends went in the woods to scream without u
never doubt my ability to watch the same episode of something ten thousand times and remain just as interested and entertained every single time
Person: What do you and your friends talk about online
I will never forgive them for cutting out this scene.
Tumblr app doesnât show this gif set but I already know what it is. No need to hesitate to reblog.
And he did this just before a road trip, stuck in the car with his parents asking what he was thinking.
The look of utter defiance Dudley gives Vernon as he steps over the fence thoughÂ
And how he does it really slowly as well as if to say âWhat you gonna do about it huh?â
The phone rings. It was an absurd wedding gift from his father in-law, and one which much to Harryâs surprise, had actually worked when heâd plugged it into the landline. Arthur had taken to phoning him on it, just for the pure novelty of the thingâthough how theyâd managed to get a BT engineer out to the Burrow without causing an incident, Harry doesnât know. Heâs not sure he wants to.
âHello?â
âUhm,, is thisâŠis this the Potter residence?â
Thereâs a beat of silence as Harry adjusts the receiver against his ear, not quite sure heâs heard who he thinks he has. ââŠDudley?â
âYeaâŠuhm, Harry?â
âDudley.â Harry repeats numbly, turning to look at Ginny who is looking at him expectantly, eyebrows raised. âUhâŠChrist, Dudley, hi how didâŠhow did you find this number?â
Thereâs another beat of silence and the crackle of static that might have been a sigh or simply just the line breaking up. âHi, sorry I know you probablyâŠsorry this was stupid. I uh, I put your name in the computer and this was the only thing that came up.â
âOh.â Harry breathes, still trying to recover his equilibrium. Ten minutes ago heâd been using his wand to clear away dinner, heâd been getting ready to sit down and read through some reports before putting the kids to bed, and now somehow, heâs talking to his muggle cousin who he hasnât seen sinceâŠÂ âHow, how are you?â
âGood, yeaâ Dudley replies, seeming to rally, âYou?â
âYea, uh, doing wellâŠâ
The conversation lasts maybe a half hour, faltering and awkward. But theyâre going for a coffee at the end of the week and Harry supposesâŠthatâsâŠthatâs a thing that is happening.
*
âHarryâŠâ
Harry turns and looks up, and looks up some more at the looming figure blocking out the light.Â
âDudley,â he says, standing up and hoping the pang of something awful doesnât show on his face. For a moment he thought heâd been looking at Vernon. âItâs good to see you.â
Dudley gives him a look that says he clearly knows Harry is lying, but is thankful for being humored. âYou too, youâre looking goodâŠâ
They pass the  first few minutes with awkward pleasantries and even more awkward silences. But itâsâŠnice would be too strong a word, but itâs not bad either. He even manages to get a smile out of him when he calls him Big D, the other man shaking his head with a self depreciating eye roll.
âDad died,â Dudley says after a while, and Harry feels an icy hot flash go down his spine, curdling in his gut.
âOh,â he says, not quite sure how heâs supposed to feel about that, âIâm sorry to hear that.â
Dudley snorts into his coffee. âSomehow I doubt it.â and itâs not accusing, but Harry still canât help but feel like he should defend himself. The words they locked me in a cupboard are on the cusp of his tongue but Dudley gets there before him. âThereâs a lot of thingsâŠlooking backâŠlot of thingsâŠâ and itâs not an apology, not really. âTook me a long time to realize certain things werenât rightâŠtoo long.âÂ
Harry nods at that, because yes, it had also taken him a long time too to understand the full of extent of what had gone on in 4 Privet Drive. He still doesnât like tight spaces.
âYou realize things though, when you have kids,â Dudley carries on, shaking his head, âLike theyâre just kids, how can you do that to a kid? They need you for everything.â
And Harry can relate to that too. Lily is three and Ginny is pregnant again and James already has an alarming alacrity for finding trouble and with or without magic Harry doesnât have enough hands to deal with it all. But he loves it, and he loves them, and the thought of anyone ever treating his children the way he remembers his first eleven years of life is enough to make the electric lights over their head flicker.Â
âYouâve got kids?â
âTwo,â Harry says, âthird one on the way. You?â
âNice. Just the one, so far.â He hands over his phone, the image of a bright young girl with dark skin and tight ringlet curls staring back at him from the grasp of Dudleyâs arms. âEffie.â He smiles ruefully at Harryâs obvious surprise. âDad wasnât too happy about that either.â
âSheâs gorgeous.â Harry says, handing the phone back and pulling out his own wallet to reveal the moving pictures inside.Â
Dudley flinches a bit at that, but he guffaws broadly when he spies James. âCor, he donât half look like you. No glasses though.â
âNo,â Harry says, pushing his own glasses back up his nose. âHeâs got his motherâs eyes, thankfully.â
âActually, Harry, there was something I was hoping we couldâŠtalk about.â
And ah, there it is. âWhat about?â
âItâsâŠitâs about EffieâŠâ
And when heâs done talking Harry just wants to lean back and laugh and laugh and laugh, because of course Vernon Dursleyâs granddaughter is a witch, of course she is. But he doesnât, because Dudley is doing the one thing he can think of to try and help his child, and Harry canât fault him for that.
*
They keep in touch after that. Christmas cards, postcardsâgifts for the kids on birthdays. The year Effie turns elevenâthe same as JamesâHarry drops a casually long thought out text into the familial void.
âDiagon A this weekend, if youâre up for it?â
The text comes back quickly, a little too quickly for the way Dudders pecks at his phone whenever Harry has seen him typing. âSnds gd, 1st pint on u ;-) - Big D đșđșđșđđâ
Itâll be painfully awkward, it always is. But itâs something.
OhâŠâŠ.oh no
It got worse
Oh my heart
Oh no
being caught taking selfies is one of lifes most embarrassing moments.Â
omg her peace sign lowering in shame
Excuse me, could I use the bathroom? I need to powder my
listen đđŒ SWEETIE đâ i may be UGLY đđ đœđ€ but at least đđŻ iâm BROKE đ đœđ đœđžâïž
HEY THIS IS THE THIRD FLOOR OF THE BUILDING I WORK IN AND THERES A HORSE HERE
Completely understand
A real one
I SAW HER AT THE APPLE STORE YESTERDAY IN THIS LOOK I AM SCREAMING
here it is, the most relatable onion article