It’s morning and I’ve just woken up, about to start the day and get ready for work and my phone rings. I expect to see a phone call from my mom, but instead its my doctors office. My heart sinks. I dont have an appointment for months but I recenty had a test done. So I answer. And all I hear are the words “abnormal”, “positive for HPV”, and here I am sitting horrified and at a compete loss. See for someone who is my age it has become a pretty common thing, a 79 million people in the US alone thing. But for me, someone who has been with the same person for the past 5 years, until I met my new significant other, moving that number up to 2 just a few months ago, I never expected it could be me. My first thought what “can I be tested for what type or is there anything I can do?” And I was met with the response of “You’re so young that any testing or treatment yet would leave you scarred and possibly unable to conceive children, so we wait and retest you again next year with another Pap smear. Usually a young persons body will fight it off in 2 years.” I felt dirty and ashamed, my first thought was “what about J?” How was I supposed to tell my semi new boyfriend that I had HPV. I hadnt even known, no symptoms, so signs, not even the nearest thought in my mind until now. I didnt even know whether it came from my ex or from J. Yet, now was I about the scare off the best thing in my life at the moment? I called my mom in tears and told her everything, she gave nothing but support and love and concern for me in return as she always has when the going gets tough. But I still had to suffer through work, and J could tell right off from my texting that something was off but was patient enough to wait until I got off work before asking if I wanted to talk about it. He deserved to know, it’s something that concerns him too, and I wasnt going to have another relationship surrounded by lies. So I told him. And I waited for the response of “this is too much” or even “I cant do this” but instead I got “baby I’m here for you and we have to stay positive until you can get the next test done and I think its all going to be okay, I am here for you no matter what” Just like I had hoped, he was the stand up, caring man that has yet to fail me. I am still scared, and part of me is completely ashamed of my own body, it’s betrayal, suddenly the world has shifted on its axis and I’m feeling 14 years old again, afraid to be intimate, to have sex. Even though I know nothing has really changed, I’m still trying to move on past this feeling, like I dont even know my own body anymore. You never think it’ll happen to you, but then it does, and you become that percentage.
