🗲 Send 😡 for an angsty starter 🗲 @rurumum
It’s been over a year and he still gets nightmares. He says nothing when they come; gets out of bed, goes for a walk. Sometimes he sits for hours and stares at the sky, until the sun rises and he knows the others will be up soon. Sleeping in the same room as the others helps; it’s like his mind knows that there are others who might notice him so it keeps quiet. Or perhaps it’s his own stubbornness, his own inability to ask for help that shoves down the images.
But now that they’re doing well, now that they have a place to sleep and he has his own room, there’s no buffer to keep him quiet. And so he winds up screaming.
In the dream, everyone’s dead. Sinbad, Hinahoho, Rurumu, the baby; everyone’s dead on the ground. The smell of blood is thick in his nose, dripping from his hands, from his knives. Ja’far looks around, sees nothing but bodies. His parents are there, Vittel and Mahad, everyone.
And Shaka is there.
He stands over him, puts a hand on his shoulder, moves up to pet Ja’far’s hair. And beneath the mask Ja’far knows he’s smiling.
“Good boy, your best work yet. You thought you could escape but this is who you are, this is what you were born to do, created for. I molded the perfect assassin out of you.”
“…I’m not an assassin anymore.”
Shaka laughs, puts his hand back on Ja’far’s shoulder. But this time it’s tight, possessive.
“Is that what they told you? They don’t know anything about you, what you’ve done. You’re a killer, you were created for that purpose. I named you chief because I knew that you would be capable of truly great things. You think these people cared for you? No one could care for you. Just as you can’t care for anyone else. You can only kill.”
( Ja’far, outside of the dream, begins to sweat, begins to toss. He still keeps his knives under his pillow, wires still wrapped around his wrists. And he’s screaming. )
“It’s not true, it’s not true! I’m not an assassin anymore!” Shaka laughs, Ja’far spins around, he points his knife at him. The line between dream and reality blurs and by this time there’s someone else in the room.
Shaka’s voice changes, sounds off and the words don’t match but it’s still his face that Ja’far sees. “Ja’far, what’s wrong? It’s just a dream, you have to wake up.”
“It’s not a dream, it’s real, it’s real! I won’t go back! You can’t make me!” Ja’far has his knives out, he’s standing on the bed, blurry eyed. “Stay away from me! I’ll kill you, I’ll kill all of you.”
⁜Rurumu hadn’t had a nightmare this bad in a long time. Like usual it came suddenly, completely unprompted by the events of the week following it or of her musings. Maybe it was a sort of defense mechanism, broad-siding her before she got too comfortable with herself, with this life that she now had.⁜
⁜The dream was too vivid for her liking, the way she could feel the yelling in her throat as she fought with Hinahoho. She didn’t remember what they were fighting about, probably something from the distant past she’d never forgiven herself for, the same separation that had almost ruined them before. Kikiriku’s wailing sounded so real she’d become even angrier, snapped at the infant as though he had any control over something like that. To anyone else, the thought of her ever yelling at her infant son was laughable but it made sense to her, the feelings felt so real it scared her.⁜
⁜Somehow it got worse. All she felt was anger, anger at her family, anger at the other’s at the company...and most of all anger at herself. Why was she so enraged? What had brought her to this point of wrath? She didn’t know, she hardly cared, and she’d tried to get away, scared of what she was capable of. That’s when Ja’far had appeared. She didn’t remember what he said to her, she didn’t remember why or how it happened but she had no control over herself as she lashed out at him. When he fell to the floor, limp after her striking him, lifeless even, she couldn’t take it anymore. She saw the look behind his eyes just before it happened...it was the same look she’d had as a child and it scared her so much.⁜
⁜She’d woken up then, tears staining her face as she let out a quiet sob. When reality came crashing back in, and she realized she hadn’t hurt anyone, that it was just the fear passed down from a cruel upbringing, she managed to sigh in relief but her tears hadn’t dried yet.⁜
⁜Hinahoho was still asleep, having been completely exhausted from being the one to get up to calm down a woken Kikiriku a few hours before and lull him back to sleep. She was glad he hadn’t woken up; he was a comfort to her, especially when she had these nightmares, but she didn’t want to wake him; she was still so afraid to be a burden on her family. She carefully got out of bed and checked up on Kikiriku, still sleeping soundly in his crib. She smiled at the sight of him, her precious baby boy, before wiping her tears away and making her way out of her room.⁜
⁜Now she walks through the halls quietly, trying to walk off the fear, trying to avoid thinking of the past or of her father. He isn’t here, she isn’t going to become like him. Logically, she knows she can’t really lose control of herself, that she could never lash out at her children like that, not when she’d sooner die than watch them be hurt but logic does her no good in times like this.⁜
⁜She’s just about to pass Ja’far’s room when she hears his scream. Panic fills her then as she turns and rushes into the room, nearly breaking the door of it’s hinge trying to pry it open. She’s already prepared to fight some unknown attacker, be it some intruder or Shaka himself if it comes down to it- whoever she has to to keep her precious first son safe.⁜
⁜Instead she sees him standing on his bed, still asleep and she quickly comes to understand what’s happening. Taking a quick breath she comes and stands just out of striking distance, knowing that those knives are sharp and sometimes he can lash out in his sleep. She speaks to him, tells him it’s just a dream but he evidently can’t hear her, crying out again. Tears fill her eyes to see him like this because Solomon does she know how real it feels to him, how much pain he’s in.⁜
⁌Ja’far! Ja’far, wake up! You’re still asleep!⁍
