Ruski

main account: @ruski-san

[a-mind-in-ruins]

[ruski-san-eng]

It hurts deeply when someone who felt like a safe haven turns out to be unsafe. You are mourning the loss of the person you thought they were.

[ruski-san-eng]

Learning that someone capable of such empathy can also harbor such intense rigid cruelty feels like whiplash. It makes you question your own judgment which is the worst part of being let down by an adult.

[ruski-san-eng]

"There is no grave to visit, no funeral to attend, and no photo album of the safe, loved child you should have been. You are mourning a concept, a potential, and an alternate reality. You have to accept that the version of your parents who could love you unconditionally only exists in your imagination."

[ruski-san-eng]

"Even if you were the most perfect, successful child on earth, the addiction would still demand to be fed."

[ruski-san-eng]

They don't deserve to know the real you if they can't treat that person with respect.

[oyalivvs]

A reminder that even if u overate yesterday u still need to eat today ♡

Food isn't optional and ur 100% allowed to eat whatever you want without having to "earn" it!

[ruski-san-eng]

"You're hungry? If you don't want to eat this apple, you're not actually hungry"

If I'm hungry, why would I want an apple that I know won't make me full?

Why would I want an apple if there are other foods that will fill me more?

Why would I want an apple if my body demands Protein and fat right now?

If my body demands an apple, I'll eat an apple, if my body demands something different than apple (because it doesn't provide what my body wants right now), I'll eat that.

Sure if my body wants sweets while I already had enough of them that day, I won't eat them, but I'm not going to wait until I'm desperately hungry and willing to eat anything. I'll try to think about the specific things my body wants from these sweets - sugar and fat - and get them from another source - fruits and yogurt for example.

Also let's normalize that there are some things you don't want to eat no matter how hungry you are. For example - I hate fish. No matter how hungry I am I WON'T eat a fish, I'll try to find something different, and that doesn't make my hunger any less real.

If you're hungry? Eat, there's really no need to wait and make yourself suffer until you're desperate enough to eat something you hate.

[dafancyuhinspiration]

[petite7]

how can we judge people for their choices when we knew nothing about their options

[8nin]

what’s meant to be will be. trust the process.

[ruski-san]

[ruski-san-eng]

Cool, I guess

[ruski-san-eng]

All-or-nothing thinking has ruined me once again.

[ruski-san-eng]

I've been on recovery for roughly 550 days

And sometimes I feel very frustrated, to the point where I am almost enraged

"WHY haven't you recovered fully yet?"

Because I wish it was a one time event, not a lifelong process

but when I remember that

I'm like

"Nevermind man, that's not just a process anymore, that's a damn lifestyle"

[ruski-san-eng]

When I'm attracted to someone

That's because of they soul, personality, because they're a kind person, and I love good people

...

But ngl, muscline people, especially men (It's not that muscular women aren't as good as men, I'm just gay ;-;) are extremely hot in my opinion. I mean, yeah, give me that arm big boy.

I'm obsessed with muscline body, I wish I had one. I mean, the only reason why I started recovery is because I wanted to have muscles and I knew that it's not possible when I eat less than a 3 year old.

BUT

At the same time, I really fear muscline people, after all they could crash me if I said something wrong 😭. As I see they're all kinda chill but still, if they wanted, they could do that.

[ruski-san-eng]

When I'm attracted to someone

That's because of they soul, personality, because they're a kind person, and I love good people

...

But ngl, muscline people, especially men (It's not that muscular women aren't as good as men, I'm just gay ;-;) are extremely hot in my opinion. I mean, yeah, give me that arm big boy.

I'm obsessed with muscline body, I wish I had one. I mean, the only reason why I started recovery is because I wanted to have muscles and I knew that it's not possible when I eat less than a 3 year old.

BUT

At the same time, I really fear muscline people, after all they could crash me if I said something wrong 😭. As I see they're all kinda chill but still, if they wanted, they could do that.