♛♥♛ @russian--cocaine - Tumblr Blog

So i just saw someone ask "how far do our thumbs scroll?" I have the answer.

2.5cm(ish) per movement x (50 scrolls per minute) = 1.25m per minute 1.25 x 60 = 75m per hour 4 hours a day x 75m = 300m per day That makes 109.5 thumb scrolling kilometres in a year. Madness.

vjjblood-deactivated20170907

reblog if u an emotional crybaby but yr also heartless & have no feelings

coral

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

T.S. Eliot (via feellng)

pandaaamonium14

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

skrillcholas-cage

oh my god these are great

princemetalthunder

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

Happy new year Kids are asleep Boyfriend is on Xbox Just me again ok cool *pops party popper*

inh4le-kushh

Please Donate or Reblog to Spread the Word:

Hey guys! My mom made a gofundme page for her cancer again, things are getting bad now and we really need help.. I don’t even buy weed for myself anymore and I can’t work because I’m on medical leave (not mentally stable enough to work) Christmas presents are not in the picture, we can barely afford gas money for the one person who’s working..

Here is the link if you want to help everyone needs to eat, right?, we would appreciate it more than anything in the world, and I would repay you if I could…

https://www.gofundme.com/5dfqz7ng

“Fighting cancer for over 4 years and now have fracture in hip and back which need surgery. I have a $13,000.00 hydro bill due before Christmas or cutting us off. We have no washer or an oven to cook turkey dinner. Vehicle is not great. So tired from fighting cancer and now fighting hydro. We also have no heating oil. Family of 5 so depressed thinking we have no place to go after Christmas. Could use a little Christmas miricle.” - my mom

I apologize for this being so close to Christmas but it’s getting cold and we need heat up here in Canada….

We’re at $790 now!

$820!! ❤️❤️

$840!

No donations today! :/

inh4le-kushh

$845 ☺️

inh4le-kushh

No donations again today 😕 keep reblogging to spread the word!

oldstevenwrites-deactivated2018

Let’s help these strangers :)

inh4le-kushh

No donations in the past 2 days :(

reallyreallyreallytrying

anyone here ever got their tie caught in the sawmill conveyor belt & been dragged towards giant blade? need advice. time is a factor

benigoat

bey

2015 was my character development year which means 2016 is strictly action and story progression and i don’t know about you but i’m excited

donaldtrumpisbad

donald trump is stupid

dammit-desmond-deactivated20180

You not finding me attractive is not going to stop me from being attractive.

pandaspwnz

I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU KEEP THIS MINDSET YOU WILL GET SOOO MUCH CONFIDENCE

russian--cocaine

Christmas is supposed to be about family and giving but here you are getting fucking angry about the fact that you somehow don’t have enough wages to buy yourself a £55 pound hoodie with all of your money despite the fact that I’ve bought something for all of your fucking family, I’m buying you a £40 hoodie and have already bought shit and the fact that I’ve worked almost every day since 6 weeks after I gave birth to TWINS for fucks sake and have only spent £30 on myself. And I’m selfish. HA. Done with this seriously.

russian--cocaine

OH AND BY WAGES.. DO YOU HAVE A JOB!? NO NO NO NO

ONE OFF MONEY

NONE ON BILLS

CRYING ABOUT HOODIE

"Don't even want anything for Christmas"

Fuck off then.

Christmas spirit my ass

Christmas is supposed to be about family and giving but here you are getting fucking angry about the fact that you somehow don't have enough wages to buy yourself a £55 pound hoodie with all of your money despite the fact that I've bought something for all of your fucking family, I'm buying you a £40 hoodie and have already bought shit and the fact that I've worked almost every day since 6 weeks after I gave birth to TWINS for fucks sake and have only spent £30 on myself. And I'm selfish. HA. Done with this seriously.