Dead Boy Walking 💕

why is it when i specifically have work early in the morning, that my brain decides to be captain cunt and say “nah fam” to sleep? like for real?? fell asleep relatively easily during those whole two weeks of vacation and when we got back, and now is when it takes 3 hours to fall asleep? who the fuck do you think you are brain? you fucking useless piece of fat powered by less electricity than what powers a lightbulb. a fucking miracle that makes mankind specifically mankind , but cannot do the primal act of sleep? a bowl of soggy cereal is what you are. expired milk of a brain. pompous by nature yet as useless as a paperweight in a hurricane. how dare you. if i could i would take this brain and sand it to smoothness with a pumice stone out of sheer spite for this betrayal. 2 hours till work? that’s how long i’ll agonizingly spend showing this brain the sharpness of a single staple. thanks for coming to my ted talk gnight folks make sure to tip your waitress (Profile picture by my best friend @bel1zzybub!)

[cowdragons]

having an foggy memory is wonderful actually because i can fall in love with things over and over and over again

[inansabre]

[wherearetheplants]

hey since pride month is coming up remember fuck disney fuck apple fuck google fuck amazon fuck walmart fuck all companies who use our flags and symbols during pride month and do nothing to support us and especially FUCK COPS

[omghotmemes]

shrek was so ahead of its time

[mjalti]

daddy issues make u a people pleaser but mommy issues make u like. a sociopath

[kakyoiin]

[moveslikekeithrichards]

kid: did you ever go to chucky cheese

me: yes, once

kid, accusingly: i didnt see you there

[virgoasf]

[curlsandstems]

I need this.

[poni1kenobi-deactivated20250915]

Reblogged last year, hoping it comes this year

[firebendinglemur]

Me: -so after it became apparent that ‘retarded’ had become a term of abuse, educators and psychiatrists switched to other terms like ‘handicapped’ or ‘special needs’ in an attempt to -

George Orwell, whom I’ve dragged forward in time with my arcane powers because I’m lonely and want someone to talk to: You have a telephone in your pocket?  It listens to you all the time?

Me: Never mind about that, the point is, young people now mock each other by sending the wheelchair emoji - that’s a type of electronic heiroglyph - to suggest mental deficiency and shout SPESHUL!!!! while doing offensive imitations of disabled facial expressions and posture.  So any attempt to lexographically make crimethink impossible is pretty much doomed because the meaning of words in everyday conversation can’t be controlled by a dictionary entry, no matter how many Ministry of Truth employees-

Orwell: It reports your location to the telephone company at all times?

[witharsenicsauce]

[havartia]

[rusting-ragdolls]

tiktok has turned tumble into what Twitter used to be to tumblr

[gertritude-art]

the only two ways i can categorize height is if i see something tall i go 'woah, big boy man' and if i see something short i go 'hah.. baby man' and idk what to blame for this. anyway wanna hear about the times ghosts have touched my ass

[catgirlmoriarty]

sky high but it’s about being gay

[ronwilsonbusdriver]

[dicewithellen]

It’s time to roll the dice… with Ellen!

[fuckersupreme-deactivated201707]

Man, fucking Ellen. Every so often she rings me up or shoots me a text asking if I wanna play dice with her and every so often I start to try to say no, but she fucking picks up on that so fast and her fun quirky demeanor drops. No longer laughing and being bubbly, she starts to remind me of the file she has in her possession that would simply ruin me if it fell into the wrong hands. And so with tears in my eyes is reluctantly agree to play dice with Ellen. It’s always in a back alley behind some strip mall. Gross and rank. Ellen hunched over a damp piece of cardboard she uses to roll her dice on. I always ask Ellen, I say Ellen you’re so rich and famous, can’t we please play dice in like a highrise penthouse or something? Thinking of the nice all you can eat buffet that would surely be there. All highrise penthouses have all you eat buffets. I’m pretty sure it’s like some sort of requirement. If I’m going play fucking dice with Ellen​, let me at least get my fill on some slightly warmer than room temp fries. But she always just grunts a no, and then rolls her dice, not looking at me at all. And holy shit, I’m not a man who believes in luck but… Ellen is turning me into a believer because she has to be the unluckiest person in the world. Every role she does, pure shit. I don’t even really know how to play dice but fuck, I play like some kinda world champ when I play with her. And fuck, her goddamn temper. It doesn’t take much to set her off. Screaming and shouting and huffing and puffing. This fucking back alley we play in has a number of cracks in the walls from her just pounding her fists into them after each of my rolls. Fucking cracks. Brick walls. Fucking cracks. At the end of the game when I inevitably beat her, she pulls out a knife and just slices or stabs me before running off into the shadows to go fucking goofy white lady dance as she interviews Channing Tatum or something, fuck! 

And holy shit, speak of the devil, would you look at this…

So I guess I’m playing dice tonight, and then paying the hospital a visit to attend to my future stab wounds. But I guess it bets the alternative of having people find out I sit on the toilet backwards, god how embarrassing.

[rusting-ragdolls]

why, pray tell

[pocketss]

getting ready with the girrrlllss

part 1

[thebootydiaries]

[marvelsmostwanted]

[dailycinema]

Crazy Rich Asians (2018) dir. Jon M. Chu

[notwiselybuttoowell]

[miathermopolips]